friends tearing up a relationship?

[worried]

have any of you guys ever heard of friends tearing up a relationship?

Heres whats going on- My girlfriend and i have a very good relationship going, we get along great and the only figts we have are over her weekend activities. she has always been really close to her friends and likes to hang out-A LOT! but she tells me i am her best friend and she is mine. lately she ha been hurting me a lot and she doesnt realize this. i know i need to tell her but im not sure how to say it.

 

Today we were supposed to go out but she cancelled it because she hasnt got to be with her friend Ashley in a while and she said it would be better if we went out another time because she didnt want Ashley to feel neglected or left out. so next saturday we made a date to go to a theme park together. today she cut it off because she said that her and a group of friends (including a bunch of guys) were going to go have a friend day. * now this doesnt make sense if its friend day but her best friend isnt invited.*

Now we dont get to see each other a lot because se goes to another school than i and since cant drive yet i cant go over to her house so really the weekend is all we have. Whenever we are on the phone, she always tells me that she misses me and wants to see me. If she misses me so much, why does she cut off her dates to go with her friends? ive told her i dont care to be there when her friends are!

I feel that her friends are tearing ou relationship up, on the weekends, she will stay at a friends house fromfriday night to sunday night, we talk for about 15-30 minutes a day and that really eats me up. how can i tell her that this hurts without making her mad and e getting a lecture on how important it is to spend time with your friends. im happy that she spends time with her friends, but it is interfereing with my relationship now and im geting upset. ive tried to talk to her about it before and i guess it came out wrog because she thinks im controlling, which isnt it at all. Can someone please help me out here so i can stop this and let her know my feelings?

 

-also i have one more question- i feel unwanted because everything we have ever done i had to plan and kinda invite myself. by doing this i feel uneasy and unwanted sometimes. does it seem weird that she never comes up with the ideas to do things and plans them without me involved unless i ask to go? thanks for the help guys!

[Tony T]

1. " ive tried to talk to her about it before and i guess it came out wrog because she thinks im controlling, which isnt it at all. Can someone please help me out here so i can stop this and let her know my feelings?"

 

My first suggestion and probably the best idea would be to talk with her in a kind way, let her know how you feel, and try to strike some sort of compromise. It's rather odd that she would consistently choose to be with her friends on weekends rather than spend time with you. It clearly shows her friends are a higher priority in her life than you if she defies your reasonable wishes to at least spend some weekend time with her exclusively...which is what 99.99999 percent of other couples do. Otherwise, you can either break up with her or you can accept her behavior and live with it.

 

I do have to admire her for not forsaking her friends for a relationship that may or may not stand the test of time, as so many others do. However, I think she's taking it a bit too far. Many people totally write their friends off when they get in a relationship and start spending every minute with their new partner.

 

It's very possible that this odd behavior has something to do with her past experiences. It's your job to find out if that's the case...and then work on it.

 

2. "i feel unwanted because everything we have ever done i had to plan and kinda invite myself. by doing this i feel uneasy and unwanted sometimes. does it seem weird that she never comes up with the ideas to do things and plans them without me involved unless i ask to go?"

 

You simply aren't important to her. For her to consistently plan activities with her friends without any mind of including you is just plain mean, unthoughtful and inconsiderate. I, personally, would immediately terminate a relationship with somebody who did that to me.

 

If you have to have a conversation with your girlfriend about how you wish she would make you important in the relationship, it's just about run it's course.

 

Sorry, dude, I'd write this girl off if she doesn't change real quick. Even if she loves you more than life itself, it doesn't matter if she doesn't do things to help you feel that way. I'd say you're a whole lot better off with a girl who puts you number one and who has more manners and consideration. I wonder if she laughs about you with her girlfriends behind your back. She is playing you like no other girl could and you're letting her.

 

As I think about it now, losing her would be no great loss. Just tell her how it's got to be...and if she says NO, you say GOODBYE!

 

She's treating you like total trash. You don't need to stick around to feel that way.

 

You started your post off by saying you and your girl had a "good relationship going." I don't buy that for a second.

 

Oh, by the way, her friends aren't tearing up your relationship...SHE IS!!! Don't blame her friends. She is the one making the choices of who she wants to be with.

[jessicakicksbut]

I agree totally with Tony, and feel as though your girlfriend is very selfish. I also have to agree with your girlfriend that you may have some control issues by the manner and intonation of your post. For example...

 

"""im happy that she spends time with her friends, but it is interfereing with my relationship now and im geting upset"""

 

Ok...so you are calling it "MY" relationship, not ours?? Right there you are taking ownership of the relationship, isn't it her realtionship too?? By making the statement above, I am interpreting that you are claiming authority over "your" relationships, as well as getting upset with anything that may interfere with "your" realtionship. To tell you the truth, statements and feelings like those are "red flags" of a controller/abuser. Like I said earlier though, I think your girlfriend is very selfish, but in the same respect she may be scared to spend large quanities of time with you because she feels as though she is being controlled by you, but at the same time is too afraid to tell you that is the real reason for the cold treatment.

 

Just my 2 cents!

[scoobs93]

I've experienced it before.....dump her before you get too attached. In the end you will be hurt.