should i call?

[oakstar]

i'm sorry if i made this too long.. i have a tendency to do that sometimes..

me and a few friends went out to a club.. at the entrance we met up with another friend of ours who came with her friend.. which i've seen once before but we never really talked... she was really attractive yet pretty intimidating i guess..

well i got pretty drunk i guess, and all night i was hitting on girls and getting rejected..

near the end, i started dancing with the friend of my friend (the girl) and she was kinda drunk.. so things flowed well..

then we sat down to rest a bit and talked..

she mentioned that she noticed me hitting on girls all night..

so i said: yeah, i'm single and just having fun..

she said she was too..

a bit later our mutual friend approached us and was pressuring her to leave and go home.. so she said to me, give her your phone number already! so i took her number and she told our friend ok, give us a few minutes.. and we started deep kissing for a while, which wasnt what i was expecting.. then i walked her out to the car and she asked me: "so was i your 'settlement' for tonight or what?" i started to answer, but she said.. "you know what, you don't owe me an answer"

i'm in a bit of a bind right now.. cause i have a feeling she was just using me.. but we did talk and she seemed like a nice, intelligent girl... i want to call her.. but i'm afraid to get a lack of enthusiasm since she'll be sober... i know it was just a fling and she was drunk but i still want to get to know her..

 

any thoughts/advice ?

[Tony T]

Yes, you should call...and do so very soon.

 

You are correct in that she may not even remember you in a sober state but that doesn't really make any difference. Fact is, you have her number and your tongue was in her mouth. I think that's enough in common for at least a phone call.

 

I'm very sure she'll talk to you once you mention your common friends and where you met her. Then it will be up to you to convince her to meet up with you again. If she's interested, she will. If she gives you the runaround...just tell her how happy you were to have met her and you wish her a good day and bye bye.

 

Don't keep the conversation going in the event she expresses no interest. Just be friendly and end the deal. She will talk to her friend later and her curiosity will be peaked.

 

Chances are excellent, however, that she will want to see you again. But you have to take the risk. Do it soon before somebody else moves in ahead of you. This girl gets around.

[oakstar]

thanks for your advice tony, you always know how to make me feel better..

 

there is one thing though that i didnt make clear before..

she might be considering the incident as a one-night thing.. so when i call her and that's her attitude, it could be quite embarrassing since chances are very high that i will see her again whether she likes it or not.. since we both go out often to the same club and share the same friend...

 

but still, as you said, it's worh taking the risk...

[clia]

Even if she did think of it as a one night thing, she will still be pleased and think you are a gentleman if you call. I think most of us have done some crazy stuff under the influence of alcohol, so maybe she felt embarrassed the next day. Or maybe she is sitting there hoping you call her. If you don't try, you'll never know.

 

But the bottom line is that you took her number, so you should call. End of story. If you didn't intend to call, you should not have taken her number.

 

If she seems cold or weird on the phone, just end the conversation immediately.

[oakstar]

update..

so i did call.. after two days.. she did seem kinda happy to hear me.. she said she was busy and get back to me.. so i gave her my home phone.. she called half an hour later.. i was kinda tired after a long day, and you could hear it in my voice, she also mentioned this... so we had this meaningless small talk for around half an hour.. we didn't even say anything about what happened between us.. just normal chit chat.. she mentioned that she went to another club the next night (now i'm trying to imagine what could've happened then and there)..

a little more talk and she says she has things to do.. and says stay in touch.. and hangs up..

ok, so i didnt give this much thought.. the next day i didn't call.. since i was busy in the evening (and she only comes home in the evening)...

and today (the next day) i called again.. the phone rings like 9 times and i get her voice mail.. which has a really ironic message: "hi, at the moment, i'm looking at the screen of my phone, seeing your number, and deciding not to answer. don't be offended. leave a message." which is really funny since that's exactly what i've been thinking at about the 6th ring or so..

this message could be a complete coincidence though...

well i didn't leave a message and hung up..

 

up until now i couldn't get this girl out of my head.. since she's really beautiful.. i'm not like this with all new girls i meet..

now, i'm thinking i should just give up on her.. i was probably right about her from the beginning.. if she really wants to talk to me.. she has my number..

 

i can't believe how i get sucked into these things so easily.. i'm a rather optimistic person.. so maybe that isn't a very good thing...

i guess i'm the problematic type.. i just can't ever get a relationship started.. i have little to no sense of humor.. some people say i tend to be impassive/indifferent.. i let my emotions run through my brain without letting them out.. i wish to have a more strong and confident voice..

 

i can go on and on with this... blaming myself for that matter..

although i might be physically attractive (which is not my self-ego talking), i feel i'm not socially or emotionally attractive..

i'm easy to get along with, since i'm not very aggressive

 

i should've probably opened up a new thread on this..

please give me your opinions...

[Ally Boo]

I think it's a joke. Haven't you heard quirky phone messages like that. I've had one that goes "Hey...what am I doin? Not YOU obviously...leave a message." That doesnt mean I'm sending a hidden message....nothing directed TOWARDS anyone in particular. Probably just something to generate a smile and play with people. It's FUNNY.

 

Dont be so serious about things like that. Be careful with reading so much into things, you're gonna scare her off bc you aren't very secure with yourself...girls HATE that.

[Carly]

You were drunk on first meeting, and it felt good to be with her.

 

So you check it out with her while you were both "real" but it didn't work out. You're lucky you only invested a phone call.

 

I can't see anything that you did wrong here. The vibes that you originally felt with her were dependent on alcolohic lubrication.

 

This less-than-happy ending to your bar story happens often enough. It's really not all about you, or what you did wrong, or what you didn't do, or whatever.

 

But if you still want a romantic, Hollywood ending to a bar encounter, check out About Last Night, an old movie with Rob Lowe and (?! some cute chicky-pooh).