overanalytical Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 my fiance and i went to a strip club with 3 other friends 2 nights ago. we were having a great time and drinking and cutting up. my fiance was asked by his bud to get a dance with him (the guy had never gotten a dance before) so he asked if it was okay and i said yes. i hated it but i know the girls are skanks and he would never want anything to do with them. fine. so he comes back and i give him an eye like...that sucked but whatever. he takes it the wrong way and storms off. he proceeds to go to the bar with above-said bud and get more drinks. i see him talking to a stripper. next thing i know the bud leaves and he starts playing pool with the stripper. i go over there to see waht is up and then he gets mad at me! wtf he left the group we're hanging out with, AND ME, to go play pool with a stripper. i was hurt, i admit. so he's buzzing and starts getting mad at me because i came over there. i dotn' know what to do. he apologized the next day but i dont' want him going to strip clubs or even both of us going. the girls mean nothing, i know that but when your'e drunk it's a different story. waht do i do? tell him no more? or only if i go? wtf Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 He is upset at what he saw as mixed signals. You gave the go ahead, and then he felt that you punished him for something you gave him permission to do, so he tried to punish you back. That's how he perceived it, anyway. You will have to be straight with him. Do not give him the impression you are ok with something if you aren't. Don't participate in things like this when you are not comfortable with them. So many times, we want to let our guys know that we trust them and we want them to be able to have a certain amount of freedom, but we pay for it in the end when they take us up on it. Level with him. Tell him exactly how you feel about it. Hear him out, and listen to how he feels about it. Then, find some compromise. If none can be made, then one of you has to sacrifice. One sacrifice will be made for the betterment of the relationship in general. Just be sure that you and he are crystal clear on which one of you has to do it, why you have to do it, and whether or not you can stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 so IF our friends invite us again what do we do? i dont' feel comfortable with him getting dances but just looking i don't mind. i have fun. so maybe if we go i tell him no dances or anything...will i look liek a jealous freak? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 You're in a room full of nakid other women, of your own free will, and worried about looking jealous? That's funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 yep, worried about looking jealous. my other friends dont' 'seem' to hvae a problem with it. i talked to him this morning and we're just not going to them anymore. we used to and that was our past and we're going t okeep it that way. no sense in being 28 and going to clubs like that - trying to be like we're 25 - which is how we used to be Link to post Share on other sites
Capricorn Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 So would your man go see male strippers with you and let the strippers shake their packages in your face? I bet he wouldn't like that at all. I don't understand why women would encourage their men to go to strip clubs when most men would never let their gf/wife go see male strippers. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Someone please get my wife to go to stripclubs! Male AND female! Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 well we talked, we're nto going to strip clubs anymore. he even said it. i just hope he sticks to it. it's ridiculous for us to even go, especially since we're getting married. he has always said he hates them but now with a single guy living with us i guess he g ot caught up. hopefully he'll stay true to his word. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 my fiance was asked by his bud to get a dance with him (the guy had never gotten a dance before) so he asked if it was okay and i said yes. i hated it so he comes back and i give him an eye like...that sucked but whatever. he takes it the wrong way and storms off. he proceeds to go to the bar with above-said bud and get more drinks. i see him talking to a stripper. next thing i know the bud leaves and he starts playing pool with the stripper. i go over there to see waht is up and then he gets mad at me! wtf he left the group we're hanging out with, AND ME, to go play pool with a stripper. i was hurt, i admit. so he's buzzing and starts getting mad at me because i came over there. This really has nothing at all to do with a strip club or a stripper. This is a giant bell you're supposed to hear about you being unfair to someone you expect to marry you. You simply had no right to (not only let him believe, but also) tell him that it was OK if he went and got a dance, and then hate it, and give him any outward sign about your hating it. What if this is ten years into the future, and he's buying a new lawnmower, and is appropriate enough to ask you, and hear you agree to the one he asked about before he makes the purchase? Next day you're going to make it clear that you hate the new lawnmower that he bought. You're now getting a clear sign as to how he will react to your being unfair to him. About all this was good for is to afford you better understanding about how he handles disagreements and fights. If you magnify this little charade many times over, then you'll possibly see into the future. Link to post Share on other sites
peace_pipe Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 So would your man go see male strippers with you and let the strippers shake their packages in your face? I bet he wouldn't like that at all. I don't understand why women would encourage their men to go to strip clubs when most men would never let their gf/wife go see male strippers. My wife and/or girlfriend can go see male strippers anyday. Most of them are gay anyway and might make a good "friend" for my SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I see this as a bigger problem than the stripper... He got a dance? (that's what I understood)... you got upset (after you told him it was OK)... he felt it and got mad... It's the way he dealt with it that makes me worried... He left you alone and went to play pool with the stripper knowing very well that you were already upset and that would really hurt you. That, IMO, is a total lack of respect and a HUGE sign of control and immaturity. My philosophy in life has always been... 'what's good for one, is good for the other'... so what if you had done to him exactly what he did to you (turn the situation around).... I doubt very much that he'd still be with you... You both need to grow up... IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
DarlingDoll Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 the WORST thing you could probably do is act like these strippers are a threat to you or that you are even the slightest jealous. When you think and exude the fact that they are absolutely no threat to you and you are absolutely not concerned about them being able to seduce your fiance, he won't see much enticement with them either. Just an opinion. But one thing I do know is that men do not like to be controlled. Men are like dogs. The tighter the leash, the greater they want to roam and be free. Your controlling nature might drive him away. Anyways, if you think he would cheat in these circumstances, why even bother marrying? You really have to give total trust unless his actions prove otherwise... or not trust at all and leave. I'm not saying to close your eyes and remain in denial either.. I mean it is sometimes pretty obvious when men cheat, but you can't FORCE him to go here and FORCE him to not do something else that he wants all the time.. he will resent you for it and NOTHING you can do will be able to stop him from cheating if it is already in his character. Does ANYTHING from his past suggest that he would be unfaithful to you? Why are you so worried? Link to post Share on other sites
MerryMelodie Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I'd make him go to a male strip joint and watch as you get a lap dance from some hot guy and see how your man feels then. Link to post Share on other sites
woodsfield Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 yeah, did that once! that was all that was needed. she wanted to see what it was like. i wasn't nearly drunk enough and she had "enough" reeeeal quick. it was sortof tense, too. never really a good idea, but if you do go, don't go in expecting your man to sit around and not look or do anything else. then don't get mad when he does. why the hell would you pay the high price for booze and admission if there would be no "participation"? Link to post Share on other sites
TryingToHeal3 Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 No more strip clubs sweetie. Weather it's you and him, or himself. No more. He doesn't need it and neither do you. How about you be his stripper. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Speaking as someone who has issues with her h's strip club going (while away on business and then lying about it a few times until he got caught) I really think that sc can screw up relationships. Your boyfriends behavior was totally disrespectful and mean-spirited, and if I were you, I would have been tempted to walk out, if I weren't afraid that he were going to go further than playing pool... I know guys don't like this about women, but sometimes we agree to things that we don't want to, so we don't come across as insecure and controlling. He must have realized on some level that you were going to feel uncomfortable about his getting a dance, so why was he so surprised by you giving him a look. A LOOK! It's not like you made a big loud scene from the get go. My h has promised (whatever that means, because I now realize that he has been more than willing and able to lie to me in the past) not to go anymore. We have also been to sc together in the past, but I'm not into it now. Even watching porn with him (which used to quite a bit of fun) has lost it's appeal. I say, stay away. Hopefully he can do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 My h has promised (whatever that means, because I now realize that he has been more than willing and able to lie to me in the past) not to go anymore. We have also been to sc together in the past, but I'm not into it now. Even watching porn with him (which used to quite a bit of fun) has lost it's appeal. I say, stay away. Hopefully he can do the same. Yeah, well I wouldn't trust a known liar either. It sounds like you are just going to accept this or remain in denial until you find out the facts that he's doing it yet again. But I think you and I already know the answer to that question. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Sadly, I think I am at the point where I accept that people are largely mysteries, not only to others but to themselves as well. And I guess I also realize that I'm not perfect either, I've screwed up (mildly) and I know that being completely and brutally honest all the time is a bit of a struggle. If anything, my h now knows what it might cost him if he gets caught lying to me (my reaction to his previous lies was, to say the least, extreme. He's a little short on shirts, ties and undamaged footwear at the moment. He also knows that his next place of residence will be his brother's basement if he pulls that kind of **** on me again). Live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 my fiance and i went to a strip club with 3 other friends 2 nights ago. we were having a great time and drinking and cutting up. my fiance was asked by his bud to get a dance with him (the guy had never gotten a dance before) so he asked if it was okay and i said yes. i hated it but i know the girls are skanks and he would never want anything to do with them. fine. so he comes back and i give him an eye like...that sucked but whatever. he takes it the wrong way and storms off. he proceeds to go to the bar with above-said bud and get more drinks. i see him talking to a stripper. next thing i know the bud leaves and he starts playing pool with the stripper. i go over there to see waht is up and then he gets mad at me! wtf he left the group we're hanging out with, AND ME, to go play pool with a stripper. i was hurt, i admit. so he's buzzing and starts getting mad at me because i came over there. i dotn' know what to do. he apologized the next day but i dont' want him going to strip clubs or even both of us going. the girls mean nothing, i know that but when your'e drunk it's a different story. waht do i do? tell him no more? or only if i go? wtf See, this is why strip clubs are a no no when having a committed other. If someone feels the need to go to a club where the opposite sex is taking their clothes off...why they hell be in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 He is upset at what he saw as mixed signals. You gave the go ahead, and then he felt that you punished him for something you gave him permission to do, so he tried to punish you back. Sounds like he is an immature jackass. If that happened to me, which it wouldn't because I wouldn't be in a SC to begin with, but lets just say it was a similar situation....if my SO gave me the "eye"...I'd be like, "whats wrong sweetheart".....not get mad and storm off. If its one thing I am its that I care about the feelings of my SO. If something bothers her, I want to make sure I am not giving her any reasons to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 So would your man go see male strippers with you and let the strippers shake their packages in your face? I bet he wouldn't like that at all. Maybe she should suggest that to him. She can tell him..."ok...lets go to the strip club...but then the following weekend...you, me and the same crowd can go to a male strip club out of fairness."....I'd love to see his reaction to that. I bet he wouldn't agree...he may even get mad. And she should get a package shoved in her face from a buff male stripper...then see him get pissed...I almost guarantee it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 He's a little short on shirts, ties and undamaged footwear at the moment. He also knows that his next place of residence will be his brother's basement if he pulls that kind of **** on me again). Live and learn. just as long as he has some clean underwear left maybe he's a changed man. i dont think id want to mess around with you either. you mean business Link to post Share on other sites
MerryMelodie Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Maybe she should suggest that to him. She can tell him..."ok...lets go to the strip club...but then the following weekend...you, me and the same crowd can go to a male strip club out of fairness."....I'd love to see his reaction to that. I bet he wouldn't agree...he may even get mad. And she should get a package shoved in her face from a buff male stripper...then see him get pissed...I almost guarantee it!!! Yeah,it's amazing how many men in relationships think their woman should let them see naked women at the strip club and they even ask their wive/girlfriend to go yet these same men are totally against male strip clubs!! I wonder what he would say or do if she asked him to go see nude males dancing. If she goes she should totally dance with the male strippers. Let him see what it feels like!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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