the_lost_one Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 well to the many of you that read my post i was going to get a divorce from my wife cause of her actions and she said she wasnt "feeling it" anymore. well i feel that we got off on the wrong foot here at LS. I think i have a good question for the forum. we are working on our family but she is 550 miles away we mostly txt or talk on the phone. she is going into the air force soon and she wants me to go with her so we can work on us in our own place. she said that i had to change somethings in my life (which i agree on) if i wanted to be with her and she said that she had to also change things.I want things to work for us but i dont want to be the only one changing and i dont want to keep going after her if its not going to happen so... MY QUESTION is how long should i give her before asking her where are relationship is going? and to ask her to change things also ? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 You both need to be changing at the same time. It's not 'once you do your part, i'll do mine'. The changing works when you both see the positives out of the other's changes. As long as you don't have any huge commitment to where you are at, moving 550 miles is not a huge deal (IMO). I don't know anything about your past, so if you can give us some info we would be able to give better advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_one Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 we married she was 21 i was 20 we have a beautiful little girl together. she started talking to someone which eventually led to other things she says no sex. but we ended up seperating beacuse i would get jealous that she would go out with her friends (but to my defence she would go out i would be fine, but she would sleep the next day all day and spend no time with me we only had 2 days off together) she would txt all day and not give me any thought and not care about what we were doing in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_one Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 i have another question and that is what dose it mean when she says she wants to take it day by day Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 How long have you been married? Being married that young inhibits her from her feeling 'independent'. The way she has treated you is like a teenager treating a parent. She sounds very immature. You have been letting her calling all the shots, I think it might be time for you to take control of the situation. You just following her into the Air Force is not going to get your two closer. What needs to be done is marriage counseling and lessons for her on how to be married. IMO I believe you need to set some ground rules and if she's not willing to follow them, then let her know that you won't be around to be dragged through the mud. The partying, the friends that she keeps secrets, the lies and the emotional detachment from you won't be tolerated anymore. Also if she wants this marriage to work then MC is the way to go. Her statement 'Day by Day' is just that. She plans on putting you on a roller coaster ride. Don't fall for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_lost_one Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 thanks for your posts. im not going to follow her im going to join the army and tell her if she wants to come along then she can (if not in the AF)im going to set some rules here when i go see her and tell her if she wants to be with me then we need to go to marriage counseling also. thank you again yes the day by day thing is pissing me off she told me last night that she just wants to make sure shes "walking in with both feet" not giving me 50% she wants to make sure its 100 % Link to post Share on other sites
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