When the Ex tries to get him back

[MarieAntionette]

I will post the history below, but my question is, what do you do when the ex is trying to "get him back"...

 

I first will say that I do not believe that my husband is interested in her, from what I have heard from his friends and from him, he is not interested in more than occasional (like maybe once every few years) conversation with her. He's stated to me "I don't miss her, she's still the same person, and I don't miss that", which to me, defines that he isn't interested.

 

When we started dating he didn't mention her much, other than to tell the horrid story of his divorce, how she had multiple affairs, eventually left him to have a child with someone else. He seemed very "over it", and I felt like it WAS over. At least on his end.

 

THEN, suddenly she's popping into the picture. She's doing everything she can to contact his friends under convenient pretenses making sure to let him know that she still loves him and that she wants him back and how miserable and unhappy she is in her current relationship, how she wants to leave her SO, etc. At first I was shocked, and semi offended, but it didn't strike me odd considering her history of chasing men around, grass is always greener sort of thing.

 

I tried to let it all go, we got pregnant, and my husband took it upon himself to play the "game" and when he ran into one of her friends, let the friend know, knowing that it would get back to the ex. No less than an hour later she's calling him on the phone demanding to know HOW it happened. What business is it of hers? Wouldn't a simple "congratulations" sufficed? I let it go, again.

 

Then a while later he had contacted a family member of hers, and she wound up on the phone with him. Again, I let it go. I was trying VERY hard to NOT let on that this was upsetting me. I had heard her comments to other people about me, and him, and her desire to "get him back" and I kept telling myself it was childish and it would pass, I was sure she was looking to upset me and I wasn't going to let her "win" so to speak.

 

A year or so passes, and I had made a comment to the husband about her behavior and her history and without going into the the whole conversation he made the point to the contrary that I shouldn't be so harsh to judge. I was pretty shocked and his out and out defending this person and felt that I had more than enough right to feel the way I did.

 

After that I was ticked. I knew that he didn't want me to talk to her, so me being me, I went out and OPENLY talked to her. I am not sure WHY he didn't want me to talk to her, but I took it that she also knew that he didn't want me to talk to her. In some bizarre way, I was glad he was mad. Here was this woman openly chasing my husband, he's going back and forth on the "I hate her but you shouldn't" fence, so I thought "fine, you don't want me to hate her, then I'll be nice".

 

And nice I have been. I have listened to her tell me what a ... exemplary lover my husband is, how her husband is jealous of "her ex", what a wonderful and perfect person my husband is only in other conversations how I shouldn't trust him and how I should be careful what I say around him or do around him... I KNOW my husband as a person, he is exactly what he is, and he simply wouldn't stand to gain anything from being anyone or anyway else. I have never found evidence that he is leading any sort of double life or dual loyalty to anyone. I have felt for several years now that his woman has several goals .. not that she has stated them to me personally, these are simply my estimations based on her comments and behaviors.

1. undermine my marriage with false pretenses about my husband (planting ideas)

2. conducting herself in a fraudulent way to myself, him, and his friends

3. undermining her own marriage through her behaviors

4. attempting to slander and libel myself and my husband

5. get back on my husbands "good side"

6. make me appear as the "angry, neurotic wife"

And I'd go on, but I just won't.... in a nutshell, she wants nothing more than to see my marriage fail and to have him back, in some way, be it emotionally or physically. She seeks control over him, me and my family. I find this beyond offensive.

 

Where is her husband in all this? Is he completely unaware of her actions?

 

I will NOT say that I have been completely upfront and honest with her. I have been suspect of her intentions for a long time and I don't deny that (at least not to her).

 

So what gave it all away?

 

I had a blog, and in it I had posted (it was an old post) that she had commented to me (although I never mentioned her as a her or name etc) that she was seeking employment where my husband worked and how funny that would be if they worked together. In my blog I had posted that I felt that I knew something about someone and when is a person obligated to say something about his persons behavior, i.e. "outing her" to others like her husband, my husband, etc. The day after she read my blog (which I thought I had under "diary" but apparently I had not posted it as such), she quit talking to me for almost 5 months. I could tell she was really angry. Up until that point I was still trying to "ignore" much of what had been said to me and others, and trying VERY hard to chalk it up to me being childish and jealous. I kept telling myself "this is a woman who is married (happily she states) with children, she has stated to myself and my husband how HAPPY she is for us as a couple"... yet in the back of my mind I kept seeing red flags... her calling up his friends (or going to see them) to go "off" on them about how "sad and lonely she was" and how "she missed him" and "wanted to be friends with him again"... simply, I didn't trust her, and beginning to really question the entire thing. I had spent a very long time trying to NOT judge this person, regardless the comments made by others to me (what a fool I was to befriend her etc)... that she was a fraud, etc...

 

During the 5 months of silence, (which she made quite a point) on her blog in her headlines and comments that were pointed at me such as eluding that her and my husband (without mentioning him) were meant to be together... now some people could say "that is a stretch"... but considering I had seen a lot in the last few years, I was putting the pieces together and she was simply adding insult after insult on there.

 

Then one day, she simply decided that she liked me again. To this day I have NO idea what prompted it, other than I believe a comment had been made to her about some current news that concerned the husband and I, and I guess she felt like she'd "won" in some way. She made lots of excuses about her behavior... and I had caught her red handed in several lies, and she knew it. I didn't say anything up front but did make a point to tell my husband what had been going on about things she had said and things that were very very to the contrary. I asked him if he knew of some (mental) disability she had as to explain her behavior. He said he wasn't aware of any.

 

Suddenly she was being "so nice"... inviting me to events (which I turned down), sharing things that honestly, were between her and her SO and I wouldn't of repeated such intimacies. It was embarrassing... and it put me in an awkward position in conversation... I mean what do you say when someone's going on about what her husband "likes"... do you say "yeah well how about that weather today..."(much of this took place over email so it was not like I could of interrupted her). I don't know if it was some attempt at gaining my trust by being terribly open with me... but I didn't fall for it. She was asking questions about people her and my husband knew, of course I didn't know anything about these people, so I couldn't answer her questions, but was that some attempt at saying "I share things with him that you don't"... again, more insult.

 

Now it's come down to that I won't "pass notes in class" for her. She's stated to me that she wants "to be friends" with him, I don't think he wants to be friends with her, but she and I both know that he's such a "nice" person that she could email him 50 x a day and he might not read them but he also wouldn't want to be so rude as to tell her to fly a kite. I also believe that he would NOT tell me she was emailing him ONLY because he knows my previous reactions to things she has done and said. As I said, she was emailing me and asking questions and wanting me to ask him things and so forth and honestly, I feel that if you can't ask someone a question outright (for whatever reason, guilt I think in this case) then you shouldn't be asking the question. So, since I wouldn't "pass it on", she called him, at work. I didn't get into the conversation in too deep with the husband, only to say that she told him basically that she'd seen me publicly and that I didn't give her the time of day yet "I emailed her all the time".... hmm...The ex had called under some convenient pretense, and from there decided she should just be ever so chatty, going on about how we talk "all the time"... and yet she feels that I'm being a snob because I won't publicly acknowledge her... I explained to the husband that I was busy taking care of my young toddler at the time, I wasn't going to allow my child to get hurt just because his ex wanted me to wander off and get into a BS session with her. My older child, thankfully, was there at the event, and backed me up on that one, stating exactly what had happened. I was pretty appalled that she was openly trying to make me look bad in front of him. I was pretty sure when I had run into her that she was more or less wanting me to tell her WHERE he was at because he wasn't standing with me, because he was not there at the time.

 

 

Hmm... maybe we should publicly acknowledge the comments she's made to me and others about my husband, I bet that would look really pretty, eh? Maybe on a billboard, would that do it?

 

I didn't say much. I let it slide. I laughed it off and told him that I had tried to be nice all this time but I felt that her interests in me were more about getting his attention than being a friend. He agreed and said that it was typical of her, and that "she hasn't changed much". So if that's an indication, he (hopefully) has called her bluff on this one.

 

My problem, is now... how do I get her to stop this? I've tried to hand her a shovel and let her dig her own hole, but there are other issues that need to be dealt with in my marriage, and I don't feel like being angry and being a fraud myself towards her knowing that my husband and I both believe her to be "after him"... do you confront a person like this? I am sure the denial would go on for ages... and I really believe that she "knows I know" considering she read the blog and for no other reason suddenly dropped off the planet for 5 months up until she felt "okay about it" again...

 

How do I do this without making it ugly?

[Kazan]

why does it not have to be ugly?

 

tell her to **** off and stop trying to tempt your man away, something it sounds like she is going to fail at anyway

[Mz. Pixie]

Why are you talking to this woman??? Stop all contact with her and insist your H does as well. If he won't- then he is putting this woman before your marriage and that should give you your answer- that he is not over her.

[Mz. Pixie]

Also, she cannot get him back against his will.

 

I cannot imagine living like this- and my H has an ex wife as well. No way would I tolerate it.

[MarieAntionette]

adding to my post,

 

she emailed me today (she sent me a lot today, which was out of the ordinary), stating that she was mad at me because I did not deliver a message to my husband that she had "Told me to" a while ago. (Yes she actually said "I told you to tell him but I had a feeling he didn't know"... what because he didn't call her right off the get go?)... and really her pretense of the message and the call was something the had occurred nearly 10 years ago, and later my husband actually laughed at her using that as a reason for contacting him... (burying my head in my hands here, maybe I should of never ever made this bed and wishing that I had simply stuck to my judgemental attitude a LONG time ago).

 

Do I have Fed (up) Ex on my forehead or something?

 

Believe me, I have many choice words for her, but held my tongue to keep the peace... again I'm sure she'd like nothing more than to make me sound like the raving lunatic, which at this point today, I really feel like. I have stated to my husband that I believe that she "merely tolerates me", alluding to the fact that she's got a whole other agenda.

 

I've done my best, I've been cordial, I've been honest (within degrees which I think some people wouldn't have bothered with), and if I spared my husband some of her comments, then so be it. Much of what she said was simply day to day occurances, trivial or things that I didn't feel bringing to the dinner table discussion were necessary. At this point, I think she thinks he SHOULD still love her, reguardless that we are married, have been for many years, have children together and have not given any public indication that we are separating, divorcing, or living unhappily.

 

I don't think her behavior is acceptable, but she's in serious denial about what she's been doing. I'm tired of having to be neutral and "nice"... IF it were up to me, I'd of sent all the emails she sent me that were inappropriate to her husband and said "Hi, you might want to read these"... however I'm one to believe that what is between 2 people is between 2 people, and that unless those 2 people want to bring someone else into the conversation, then that's where it stays.... (in my case I'm viewing all of you i.e. the board as a person). I had serious hope that she would of made an out and out blunder and I could of called her on it, and said "I know what you've been doing", unfortunately, she's only made "serious" (I love him, I miss him, etc) comments to anyone BUT me. Believe me, I'd love for her to admit what it is, prove my theory so to speak, but that's my "selfish, childish, angry, neurotic" side talking. I'm human, and I'm pretty mad at this point.

 

A good friend of mine suggested letting her know that I was ... (ahh hmm) unhappy with her pretenses to befriend me only in hopes of eventually contacting my husband, that my husband and I were BOTH aware of her actions, and that if she continued, that HER husband would also be made aware of this.

 

That, I could see as getting ugly.

 

--somedays I wish I had an evil twin!!

 

However, on a whole other side of things, my husband did suggest to me that I should apply to work at his employment... which, I just might take up.

 

You are right, her attempts (I believe at this point) are futile. I'm just wondering what she's going to do now that she (as I am guessing) has the guts to call him, will she call him again, and what kind of things is she going to stir up... I mean I would assess that her #1 motive is to wreck our marriage...? I think more than anything, I am hoping that she doesn't actually manage to establish some form of intimacy with my husband on the pretense that "we're all good friends"... I don't think he believes her to be anything but what he knew of her... but then again, he's a "nice guy" and would probably do the "nice thing"... i.e. not confront her and try to read between the lines (my husband doesn't read between lines, he's the kind of person that you have to tell him what you mean or he just won't see it)... my guess is that she's betting on that to make me look like I'm reaching for reasons to sound jealous of her.

 

So, Question #2, how much of this situation do I tell my husband.... he is NOT aware of all the inappropriate comments she had made to me over the past years... will I come across as the "bickering jealous wife"... or would it be justifiable damage control ... I have a pretty big gut feeling she's going to go out of her way to get in the middle of things now that's she broken down the barrier (by calling him, going past me, etc, using my "inability" to pass messages and her distrust of getting him valuable information as a pretense etc)... I really believe that once you get past a boundary, there isn't a "going back", you know?

[andersks]

If i were you, I would definately confront this woman. do not approach her as a friend at all. simply call her or meet her and tell her that you are asking her to leave your husband alone. do not play anymore mind games with her because it sounds like manipulation is how she "wins". do not let her try to talk about all the things of the past. Just simply ask her to leave the two of you alone. don't let her manipulate you into an argument.

 

Also, tell your husband that you have made up your mind to do this and talk to him about how much you need him to end contact with her. Let him know that it is effecting your marriage and if he loves and cares about you he will end the "friendship".

 

I hope this helps!

[andersks]

P.s. this is not being rude. you have no obligation to be polite to her. society raises us to think that we must put a smile on our face and fake it. in this case, you have every right to ask her to get out of the picture. You deserve it.

[Zapbasket]

It's your HUSBAND who needs to tell her to get lost! You should NEVER have had to be put in the middle! Boundaries are being crossed, smashed, dissolved, all over the place! And yes, once that happens you can step up and announce that while you may have put up with it before, you are not putting up with it anymore! And mean it!

 

Tell your husband that this bothers you. Tell him you need him please to step in and put an end to this. This isn't about being a "nice" guy. It's about him sticking to his guns. He needn't tell her off, but he must be firm, and tell her that he wishes her the very best and always did, but that he does not want her contacting you or him and he doesn't have to give ANY reasons why.

[MarieAntionette]

Thank you, everyone for your advice. I agree on many points... being as

 

1. She needs to be confronted, firmly... perhaps my behavior wasn't beyond reproach, but at least I wasn't chasing someones husband around, and perhaps just confronting her and letting her know that my husband and I, BOTH are aware of her feelings for him (which I'm sure she'll deny and spread to his friends that she can't imagine WHY I accused her of such a thing). If anything, it might put her back under the rock she crawled from.

 

2. I need to let husband know that she's said some unsavory things, that I was a fool to try to look beyond them, but that at this point I can't, that what she is doing is wrong, and I'm assisting her in this by continuing to talk to her.

 

3. That I need to know from husband (because of my own insecurities from battle wounds, previous marriage and relationships) that we are TOGETHER on this decision, and that he isn't going to see this as "my wife is being silly" or that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill because of this. I need to know that he understands that I am NOT ok with her attempts to be "buddy buddy" with him because I am aware of an underlying agenda, and he needs to be aware of it too. Now, I would hope that he would take my word over hers (considering), and stand with me on this.

 

4. Not jump the gun, keep my cool, and know that she probably is suffering in her own way (self inflicted or not), and that her approaches have gone unnoted for many years, and there is no reason to indicate that he would by any means suddenly "take up with her".

 

5. There is nothing to gain for anyone to continue this behavior. I have been nice because I felt it was "the right thing to do", however it's gone beyond nice, and now only makes me (and thus my husband and family) look foolish to continue. She is not gaining anything by wrecking (or whatever she thinks) my marriage and hers in the process, only creating much ugliness for everyone involved (which I think was her purpose in much of this anyway... I'm simply guilty of aiding and abetting).

 

6. I admit that I was nice to her for my own agenda, that I was angry at my husband for what he said to me, that I was also doing right in my own book for certain things, but that when it came down it to, I should of called her on it a long time ago.

 

Craps still crap, no matter how you season it.

 

I'll let my husband know that I'm upset, that I'm not trying to drag him into "the middle of it", but that I really feel she has another agenda going on, that she's said things to me over the past that are really inappropriate, and that I don't think she's got anyones best interests in this...

 

I just HOPE that husband doesn't do the "nice guy" and when (not an if, I'm sure it's inevitable on this one) she calls that he lets her know that he isn't interested in being friends with her, and that she should save herself the time and energy.

 

Thank you for letting me vent that one, I don't often get to talk about "things" like that!

[MarieAntionette]

So, I called my husband. I hated to do it at work, but I knew when he comes home it wasn't a good conversation to have in front of the kids.

 

I told him "your ex is pissed at me now" and he said "why"... I told him that I wasn't passing messages to him, that she had "told me" and that she had a feeling that I hadn't told him, so she had to call him. He laughed, but more like that "gee didn't I see this coming laugh".

 

I told him that I was sorry that I didn't pass on the message, but some days I can't recall if I ate breakfast, so really, the idea of passing the information on and me not doing it, didn't surprise either of us, and really, the information wasn't pertinent to him.

 

I told him that I was sorry for being so nice to her for so long, and that I felt she had another agenda, that I was tired of the things being said from other people, then hearing the contrary from her, not being entirely sure who to believe, not wanting to wholly believe that she would actually be doing what I was surmising she was doing... he laughed and said "what are you having a secret relationship with her or something?"... I said "NO" and explained that I just felt that I had been nice and her motive was to get me to pass things onto him because she was trying very hard to get his attention, and it wasn't working. He said it was very typical of her (and her mother)... I told him the comments I had heard, some he had also heard, the comments she had told me that I didn't tell him (the sex parties and adventures she'd had), that she had invited me to improper events (which of course I said no to) (which he laughed really hard when I told him about her wanting me to buy sex toys from her.... man whatever happened to selling tupperware and candles?... but then again, I have my own issues there). I told him that if she contacted me again I was going to tell her to take a flying leap, and I told him "You can do what you want, but I feel that you should tell her to take one also"... and that I was pretty sure her entire befriending me was simply to get to him, which I was hurt and disgusted by it. He said (overall) that this was typical behavior of her, that she has done this all her life... that he agreed that things that she did and said weren't right, but he wasn't shocked. I'm sure we'll have further discussion at some point, but I did make the point to let him know that she took it upon herself (giving him various examples) to make sure that I knew she felt he was "still after her", that she and he shared things that he and I did not (history), and that she felt that she was entitled to him in some way.

 

He said "she must be fighting with her husband again"...

 

sigh. I feel better about "coming clean" about my feelings and my "involvement", it's probably better said now than later where as he's aware of things before she does or says anything further.

[tinke]

you had posted "where is HER husband in all of this, is he completely unaware of her actions?" she is the intruder...i would wonder why the same question is not directed at YOUR husband. where is he in all of this?

 

she keeps contacting him, most likely, because he has not made it clear for her to stop!

[Mz. Pixie]

My husband's ex wife? She cheated on him too, and was pregnant by the OM before their divorce was final.

 

He never talks to her- I'm telling you there is more to this than meets the eye. Trust your instincts.

[MarieAntionette]

Tinke-- you have a good point in that "where is her husband"... absolutely. Given her track history (she had open affairs when she was married to my husband, including room mates of his living in THEIR home at the time), I would imagine this is not the ONLY time she's gone outside her marriage with him either, she seems to be a serial home wrecker. My instincts on this are dead on, I'd bet money on it.

 

As for my husband, he's always been open and upfront about what he's heard, I let him know years ago that I didn't approve of him having "long conversations" and that we both agreed that then was then and now was now and she was an ex for (many) good reason/s. We've had a standing agreement for a long time, we don't pursue "history", chase ghosts, etc. Also the fact that we are in small town america and everyone knows someone's business before they do it helps. Had he chosen to pursue her or give her indication that he was interested, knowing my experience with his ex, I am sure she'd more than gladly rub it in my face, openly, and to all his friends and everyone else that would listen. I think ultimately she's trying to play the bait so if ever confronted she can always say that he approached her. He's never contacted (phone, email, in person) HER... he contacted a family member (over a death of a mutual friend), and she got on the phone because she was at the house at the time (coincidence I am sure there)... but like he said.... he knows her number, he knows where she works, he has every opportunity if he wanted it, he's simply not interested, and that I truly believe. HER on the other hand, has emailed him, called him, told his friends to tell him things.... I was simply the fool to allow it to go on as long as I did in the hopes that I was being overly anxious about my gut feelings.

 

Which, Mz. Pixie, you are absolutely right, and it's exactly what happened with my husband and his ex, she was fooling around, and had to end the marriage because of the child, knowing that my husband would never stand for the situation. I am not so sure that she was in love with the man she was involved with, however it was what it was, and no one held a gun to her head when she signed the divorce papers or remarried.

 

She has a very long history of being self destructive and hurting a lot of people along the way. It's sad, but as my husband said last night "we are a team", which made me feel better about a lot of it. I don't think I have to worry much on his side, I just hope that when she does contact him again, that he makes it clear that he's fully aware of her sorted intentions.

 

I just need to keep my temper in check in the meantime Maybe I'll take up kick boxing!

[andersks]

Did your husband agree to tell her to "take a flying leap"?

I hope so. I don't know if you directly asked him to or not, but trust me, it is your place. He should tell her to back off for your sake, even if he's not bothered by her contacting him.

[Mz. Pixie]

My main issue with this is why would he want to be in contact with her, if he's over her?? There is no reason to be, no children.

 

She cheated?? Why would he want to talk to her unless it's benefitting him in some way??

[MarieAntionette]

(Oh and for those of you wondering, the information I didn't impart to my husband was over a pet he and the ex had attained when they were married, that was ill and terminal, apparently I wasn't aware of the "obvious" importance this loss should of impacted my husband. ummm ha ha ha sorry thats pretty funny.... I didn't feel, after looking back on it, that the loss of HER pet should of involved my husband, regardless of the history, he hadn't shown interest in the animal since before their divorce, and she (as to my knowledge) had not given him any updates... yet became rather upset that I didn't share the current news, and took it upon herself to call him at work to be sure he knew all about this animal he hadn't seen in nearly 10 years). To me, it was a lame excuse to cry on his shoulder and push herself into the picture.

 

I'm not sure who to feel more sorry for on this one. My husband for having to put up with her for so long, or me for having to put up with her for so long.

 

Andersks-- that we will have to wait and see. From the conversation yesterday, I would say that he's in agreement that no contact is the only thing acceptable, period. I think at this point I've (hopefully) made myself clear enough to him that I've HAD it with this woman, and that she doesn't deserve the time of day from either of us. Again, being as the contact has ONLY been initiated by her, although only several times over the past 8 years (give or take on the years), he's never sought her out, so any further contact that she initiates I would HOPE that he rebuffs and tells her to take a long walk off a short plank!

 

I don't see what he would be benefiting from as far as any contact with her (initiated by either party)... they share no common interests (children, property, debts, etc), and that would explain her calls and such asking for "do you still have the blender that we got at the wedding" or "I can't find the what-not, do you have it".... at the beginning of the marriage, we went through the "historical" stuff, and got rid of it, either giving it away, throwing it away, or returning it to her, including photos, objects, things of value, etc. At this point any "reason" she can cook up to contact him is strictly BS if you as me.... i.e. the sudden loss of a pet he has no interest in. He'd told me (previous to our marriage) that she (who had been divorced and with someone else for several years prior to when I met my husband) would often devise some sort of excuse or reason to contact him... THAT was why (in the beginning) I took it upon myself to kindly return anything of value or that she requested (limiting her excuses) from the house... I gave the wedding album to his mom because I felt that was part of his history and she appreciated having it (he wanted me to get rid of it), and anything else that wasn't of value we donated or eliminated. There isn't anything in the house that she can lay claim to.

[tinke]

i see you are placing alot of focus on her and her actions(still). but again, where is your husband in this? it seems ridiculous for HIM to allow her to intrude, particularly knowing your feelings...unless...there is a motive.

 

men and women alike, know how to diffuse a situation as this. why would he even talk when she calls?

 

it may be easier to place blame on her, but, why isn't he speaking up? i would guess since he is NOT discouraging the calls, and requesting they stop...why would she stop on her own accord? it has to come from HIM!

[tinke]

printed reply before your last post! congrats on stepping up and sharing your discomfort to him about her. yes,.....women know about women!!!!

[MarieAntionette]

Tinke,

 

Thank you

 

I'm really angry... it's an anger thats been around for many years... but that's my issue

 

It's easy for me to focus on her, I admit that. I'm still sort of spinning around and around trying to wrap my head around the fact that she IS trying to ... meddle in my marriage... it's hard to feel vindicated when you're still hurting!

 

But thank you. I'll try to keep perspective

[tinke]

sorry if it seems harsh...but, i do believe unless he, himself, requests that she stop contact.....it appears to be a go.....

 

since your relationship is with HIM, he is allowing her to meddle with his silence.

 

hopefully, since your talk, things will change.

hang in there!

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm not sure who to feel more sorry for on this one. My husband for having to put up with her for so long, or me for having to put up with her for so long.

 

 

This is a choice that he's made- to stay in contact with her. She isn't inflicting herself upon him- he lets her.

 

You also have let her and not put your foot down about this. It's ridiculous really. They have no reason to talk to each other and you certainly don't have a reason to talk to her. That's just creepy and wierd to me.

 

My husband and his ex wife have a child. I've spoken to her once on the phone- when she called while he was asleep- in two years. I don't feel the need to ever speak to her unless it's an emergency- and if I did speak with her- I certainly wouldn't tolerate the BS you've tolerated.