to tell or not to tell if you've cheated on someone

[it's me again]

i'm just writing this for someone else because i know she cheated on her boyfriend who is fighting the war in baghdad.

 

she has cheated on him three times now, she says out of lonliness, and has not cheated on him since then.

 

so what is your take on weather or not she should tell him?

just wondering what others think of this situation that is all, and thanks for any replies.

[Tony T]

If she really and truly loves her guy in Bagdad and has no desire to hurt him, she should keep her mouth shut. She also should never have told you or anybody else. The minute you tell one other person, the cat's out of the bag and others will surely find out eventually.

 

I can understand her horniness so the betrayal was of the genitals and not of the heart. She should forgive herself and cease this. (Have her spend a few bucks on an appliance to satisfy her sexually until her guy gets back...if she really loves him.) When she started seeing her guy, she fully knew he would be subject to call up and going to any war that could come up. If she can't keep her dress on during those times, she owes it to her guy and her conscience to break with him once he returns to the states. (It's pretty cruel to send a Dear John to a serviceman in battle.)

 

Bottom line: For now, she should just forget it and move forward. If she doesn't care about being with him any longer, she can tell him about the cheating when he returns at which time the relationship will be O-V-E-R for all time. No man enjoys hearing his girl was screwing guys in the states while he was in the middle of a 105 degree desert sweating bullets and firing them to serve his country.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Bottom line...it won't matter how he finds out. Eventually he will, and it will probably devastate him.

 

It's not just the act of infidelity that causes pain, but rather the lack of respect for your partner as well as the deceit and dishonesty that is necessary to hide such behavior.

 

Without "trust" and mutual respect, there can be no stable relationship.

 

If I were in your situation, I would not be concerned about getting my friend to fess up to her husband. Nor would I be the one to spill the beans. Rather, I would tell her that I did not condone her actions nor do I appreciate being privy to her sorted affairs. I would also try to convince her to do the adult thing and end the marriage if she is that interested in other men. That would be the kindest and most selfless thing she could do at this point in spite of her behavior which proves otherwise. It would show that she at least cared enough about him as a person to allow him to go on with his life absent the burden of living a lie.

 

Your friend obviously trusts you immensely. Otherwise, she would never have confided such things in you. It leaves you in a very precarious position, which is almost unfair to you. But don't follow your friend's example by betraying the trust bestowed upon you. As her friend, you should be able to speak with her honestly, and if her behavior bothers you than by all means tell her so!

 

Sometimes we all need to hear a kind voice of reason.

[Carly]

Sounds like this sleezy chick gets her thrills from boasting about her self-serving tristes just as much as sharing some a**.

 

If I had a friend like yours (telling me about screwing around behind the back of her soldier boyfriend in battle) I would no longer want her as a friend anymore.

 

Maybe a one-time indiscretion woudl leave her with guilt that she just had to unload with you. But THREE TIMES?! Please, this is not a lady who stays up at night feeling wracked with guilt over anything, and she probably never will.

 

Her motives behind this screw-and-tell (and then do it again a couple of times) lie far beyond relieving sexual tension.

 

Sadly, the soldier in Bagdad deserves much better on his return.