No Sex

[Xanex]

My wife gained about #60 about a year ago and we havnt had sex since. I am just not turned on by her now. I still love her just as much and have not cheated on her(and never will) but until she drops some of the weight i just am not interested in sex. I dont want to hurt her feeling so i blame it on medical problems and the such, but she has a pretty good idea what the problem is. Any advice on how I can motivate her to lose the weight without hurting heer feelings? She wants sex bad but i know i just couldnt perform so i dont even try. The thing is the sex isnt even that important to me(although I do like it), but her happiness means far more. Thanks in advance 4 the help.

[Dani]

My wife gained about #60 about a year ago and we havnt had sex since. I am just not turned on by her now. I still love her just as much and have not cheated on her(and never will) but until she drops some of the weight i just am not interested in sex. I dont want to hurt her feeling so i blame it on medical problems and the such, but she has a pretty good idea what the problem is. Any advice on how I can motivate her to lose the weight without hurting heer feelings? She wants sex bad but i know i just couldnt perform so i dont even try. The thing is the sex isnt even that important to me(although I do like it), but her happiness means far more. Thanks in advance 4 the help.

I give you pate on the back for wanting to fix this and at the same time NOT wanting to hurt your wife! Because if there is one thing that women are highly sensitive about its there weight! Its something that has to be handled very "delicately" and you seem to be doing just that!

 

One thing yah have to know tho is that you can't force or push anyone to loose weight! They will never do it unless they are motivated to do it themselves, or they feel some reason to want to do it for them! Id imagine that your wife wants to but is feeling frusterated with it. Be there for her! Be supportive! Ultimately its the only thing that you can do! Her knwoing that you love her no matter what will be a GREAT motivator for her! But SHE is the one who has to loose the weight! No one else can do it for her! Suggest small things that you can do together, walking, ( lol id suggest rollerblading but after an unfortunate incident with a stop sign...Ive stopped doing that! : ) hell even skinny dip! Good source of exercise and even fun! Just don't like buy her a ab roller or nordic track and plop it in front of her and be expecting her " get at it! " Being able to DO things like that with her is what is going to help more than anything!

 

In regards to your not wanting to have sex with her, thats ok. Thats normal. You love her. That is what I see most out of what you are trying to say. You love her and are willing to be patient. That is a good thing! *Pats yah on the back* Give it time. Thats all you can do! Give it time and be supportive of her. Pushing the other way would just do more harm than good. And you know that! Your doing the right thing!

 

If its starts to get to you to much, maybe see if seeking professional help is something that might help! Its a good source of insight and comfort sometimes talking to someone who isin't emotionally involved in a situation , that you are finding unbearable! Talking about it together ( you and your wife ) might help a lot! Because it seems like it might be something more than just your wifes weight that is bothering you!

 

Best of luck!

 

Dani

[Xanex]

I give you pate on the back for wanting to fix this and at the same time NOT wanting to hurt your wife! Because if there is one thing that women are highly sensitive about its there weight! Its something that has to be handled very "delicately" and you seem to be doing just that!

 

One thing yah have to know tho is that you can't force or push anyone to loose weight! They will never do it unless they are motivated to do it themselves, or they feel some reason to want to do it for them! Id imagine that your wife wants to but is feeling frusterated with it. Be there for her! Be supportive! Ultimately its the only thing that you can do! Her knwoing that you love her no matter what will be a GREAT motivator for her! But SHE is the one who has to loose the weight! No one else can do it for her! Suggest small things that you can do together, walking, ( lol id suggest rollerblading but after an unfortunate incident with a stop sign...Ive stopped doing that! : ) hell even skinny dip! Good source of exercise and even fun! Just don't like buy her a ab roller or nordic track and plop it in front of her and be expecting her " get at it! " Being able to DO things like that with her is what is going to help more than anything! In regards to your not wanting to have sex with her, thats ok. Thats normal. You love her. That is what I see most out of what you are trying to say. You love her and are willing to be patient. That is a good thing! *Pats yah on the back* Give it time. Thats all you can do! Give it time and be supportive of her. Pushing the other way would just do more harm than good. And you know that! Your doing the right thing! If its starts to get to you to much, maybe see if seeking professional help is something that might help! Its a good source of insight and comfort sometimes talking to someone who isin't emotionally involved in a situation , that you are finding unbearable! Talking about it together ( you and your wife ) might help a lot! Because it seems like it might be something more than just your wifes weight that is bothering you! Best of luck! Dani

Thanks Dani, that is a great suggestion. I actually suggested today that we take some walks together and she seemed really psyched.

 

She had wanted to try that damn Phen-Fen(spelling?) before but I told her the only way to lose weight and really keep it off is exersize and proper diet. Thank God cuase that crap was killing people. The problem is she likes cake and stuff like that and I buy it for her because I know it makes her happy. I dont want to see her starve herself and be miserable. I will start exercising with her and try to help her modify her diet some without taking the enjoyment out of eating. To me that is the biggest thing that makes people quit diets. I love her more than anything and will do what it takes. I guess a little (or lot) or exercise wouldn't hurt me either. I appreciate your thoughts and I'll keep ya appraised of how it is going.

 

Best regards

 

Xanex

[Ryan]

This isn't particularly regarding relationships, but more about some angles on handling the health issues here. First, pharmaceutical solutions really aren't good options unless there is a chronic medical condition. Since most people are not in that situation, forget promises in a pill. Achieving and maintaining good health has two parts: diet and exercise. Now don't confuse the word "diet" to mean "starvation," because that's exactly the wrong way. Our nation's problem isn't quantity, but rather quality of food. Start looking at nutrition labels and realize just how much fat is in what you eat. Add more fruit and vegetables to your diet. Try substituting chicken, turkey, or seafood for red meat. Cut down to 1% or skim milk. As for desserts, you simply have to cut those back. Personally I don't have any desserts in my apartment and I don't miss them at all. It's a good time to seriously analyze the calorie and nutritional content of what goes into your body.

 

Now, exercise is the second complement to this equation. Do *NOT* attempt to get into any kind of rigorous exercise routine right from the start. You'll end up with injury which further delays and frustrates the problem. It's good to start slow (walking is one) but not so slow that you aren't putting out some effort. It's not meant to be leisure...you should realize you are moving your body above regular levels. There are two different goals you can aim for: weight loss or fat loss. For weight loss, your best bet is frequent exercise with more emphasis on aerobics/movement and less on resistance. For FAT loss, you need to incorporate some kind of weight or resistance training (not initally, but at some point). The reason for this is quite clear: muscle burns more energy than any other tissue. Every pound of lean muscle burns 30-50 calories JUST by existing. This means if you had 50 pounds of lean muscle, you would cook off 2000 calories a day just by sitting around. It is important to start bringing this into an exercise regiment once you have developed some structure and momentum with it.

 

The underlying foundation to all of this is willpower. You aren't going to get anything done if you "cheat" on yourself. This is probably the biggest problem that people have with losing weight.....it is DIFFICULT to change your life. However, once you can establish and maintain a higher level of health in your lifestyle, it becomes second nature.

 

All of this information is based on research and personal experience I have accumulated over the past 2 years.

[overtani]

i am sorry ryan this is the second time i see your answer . this is my first time in this site but i think you should not give advice at all, the guy is talking about not having sex. he does not .... need a diet. he needs help in overcoming his problem with sex which he is not interested any more because ? ask him... instead of giving silly advice. this person is in the middle of a sort of hurrricane with himself and the other half because he had a sort of enough.. but he does not know what to do. the usual situation. the wife wants sex . i know how it feels when you don't feel like it. i think this is due to a lack of communication and also you're both taking each other for granted or may be you want to still pull!!!

 

well you have to understand that some time you have to give in .

 

i am giving a sort of advice or opinion but i wish poeple give me advice and help. in my opinion the more imagination you have the more exiting your life becomes. that is if you both understand each other. it's a dream of course.

 

overtani

 

straight answer.

[LoveAngel]

this is my first time in this site

but i think you should not give advice at all, the guy is talking about not having sex. he does not .... need a diet. he needs help in overcoming his problem with sex which he is not interested any more because ? ask him... instead of giving silly advice.

Perhaps it would be wise of you to read the entire thread before criticizing others on their advice. We like to keep this an open forum for people to share ideas with each other, but there's no reason to get harsh because someone's viewpoints don't match up with your own. I'm sure if you go back and read all of the prior postings on this topic, you'd understand that Ryan's posting was very valid and straight forward.

 

LoveAngel

[Xanex]

Perhaps it would be wise of you to read the entire thread before criticizing others on their advice. We like to keep this an open forum for people to share ideas with each other, but there's no reason to get harsh because someone's viewpoints don't match up with your own. I'm sure if you go back and read all of the prior postings on this topic, you'd understand that Ryan's posting was very valid and straight forward. LoveAngel

This is the original poster and I would like to thank LoveAngel for responding to that inane post above. Ryan's posting was very valid and appreciated by me, the person who was seeking advice. Not only did overtani not understand the issue at all, but he/she seems completely unable to form a complete thought or sentence. Up until now all the responses and suggestions have been thoughtful and informative, and I have put many of these suggestions to use. Overtani needs to learn what a thread is, and also is in need of a good remedial English class. Thanks again loveangel, as well as Dani and Ryan, you are the best.

 

Your friend

 

Xanex

[Katherine]

Xanex, I am sorry I tried to preview a response and then I tried to spell-check it and now its gone. I was trying to offere some sincere comfort and advice. You seem really sincere.

If anyone knows how to get this post back plese let me know. I might just have to re-type it.. Katherine This is the original poster and I would like to thank LoveAngel for responding to that inane post above. Ryan's posting was very valid and appreciated by me, the person who was seeking advice. Not only did overtani not understand the issue at all, but he/she seems completely unable to form a complete thought or sentence. Up until now all the responses and suggestions have been thoughtful and informative, and I have put many of these suggestions to use. Overtani needs to learn what a thread is, and also is in need of a good remedial English class. Thanks again loveangel, as well as Dani and Ryan, you are the best. Your friend Xanex

[LoveAngel]

Katherine,

 

I'm sorry, but there's no way to retrieve messages once they've been deleted. Unfortunately you'll have to repost your message. It might help to include a password so that you can delete your messages, that way you can post them and then if there's an error, go back and delete it. When you preview messages, it simply shows you what you've already typed. It's only saved in the cache of your computer and temporarily until you push the "Post" button. Hope this helps! Also, my apologies for having to leave in the middle of our conversation online.

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

Xanex, I am sorry I tried to preview a response and then I tried to spell-check it and now its gone. I was trying to offere some sincere comfort and advice. You seem really sincere.