What do you think?

[Sooshaboo]

Hi guys, need some advice here. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We met when i just started my 1st year in uni 3 years ago and we fell in love straght away, we were inseparable till june that year then i went back home (hes in uk) for 2 months i was home - family business. then i came back and we both lived together at his parents place for a year, at some point i thought he took me for granted i was unhappy with a lot of things and it didnt seem he was taking that onboard, so i moved out for couple of months but still stayed with him 99per cent of the time. anyways that summer i also went home, did my 3 months work there and came back to england. by then he had his house and wanted me to live with him there so i said yes. a week after i settled back in, i got an email saying i was accepted onto a course that i applied for 2 months prior (wanted to go to a better university 120 miles away from where bf lives) and got that place. i was made up although it meant moving away from my bf for another 2 years. he was unhappy but said he didnt want to split up. so we stayed strong through that year i actually think it made us a favour being away from each other we appritiate each other much more now. ok so this isnt the end of the story. now family business back home is very shaky at the mo... and so i decided to stay (totally my decision) for a year (all my collegues at uni are taking a year out in the industry as well so il still graduate with all of them) so, here i am, three years down the line, in ldr, and when i come back that would be 4 years being together, i will finish my bsc and then will go for my masters, my bf is in london now but im not sure whether id be able to get into msc in london as the uni i want to go to in top ten for the subject in the world!! so there is this huge chance that is will be another 3 years till well be together properly. OK now that uve got all the background info, he doesnt want to ask me to marry him till he said hes number one priority, so lets say it will be another 3 years, that would be 6 years beingh together adn what if then he wont want to propose? he doesnt want to stay engaged for too long, weve discussed marriage and kids and all that, weve got the same views on almost everything appart from the fact that he says hes not ready as im away all the time and he needs to be sure hes making the right decision. so what bothers me is that as someone wrote here ages ago - if the man met the right woman, hell marry her straight away. so yeh, im not the right person then? was feeling down all week cant stop thinking about it as i think, do we need to stay in this relationship where well only see each other everyother month and maybe in 3 years time if im lucky i will find out if i was the right woman after all!!! Oh and although im still young(22) my family thinks weve been together for too long without him proposing

Thanks for reading

Soosha

[catrocks]

I have a friend in a similar situation - as in they have been together for 5 years (4 of those LDR), she wants to get engaged but he wants to wait until he's finished his PhD (which won't be another 3 years) because he doesn't want a long engagement, but she wants to know he's committed by getting engaged.... it's a difficult situation if you're not both in the same place now.

 

Anyways you say you've discussed marriage and kids, and that you both want the same things, which is great. I understand why you would want to get engaged now, because if you wait 3 years and then he decides he doesn't want to get married you will have wasted 3 years waiting for him. But on the other hand, I believe it would be very difficult to be engaged for such a long period of time. I was engaged for 14 months and after 6 months I was like.... I just want to get married and be together, enough of this wedding planning and immigration stuff. Perhaps your bf is of similar mind - once you have both agreed officially that you want to get married, he might not want to wait 3 years for that life to start.

 

In the end you have to decide for yourself - do you believe that he will propose in 3 years and that he wants to be with you? Do you love him and do you think he loves you just as much? Is he worth waiting the 3 years for?

 

so what bothers me is that as someone wrote here ages ago - if the man met the right woman, hell marry her straight away. so yeh, im not the right person then?

I'm sure that is true for a few people, but the majority of people I know would like to be in a relationship and get to know the person for at least a year or two before getting married (both men and women). I don't agree with this statement, and I don't believe you can ever know 100%, you just have to trust yourself and your SO and work hard at it. Life is just not that simple. Just because he didn't propose as soon as he'd met you does not mean you're not the right person.