cris_e6783 Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Ok here it goes. Im 24 and have 2 kids with my ex husband, we were married for 5 yrs then divorced, Fighting alot and neither one of us were happy, we have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs now. Im currently involved with someone that I really love, we have been living together for 8 months and just recently started having some arguments, Im still friends so to speak with my ex (for the kids) he gets them every other weekend, well he was living with a girl for over 2 yrs after we divorced and they recently split up, so out of the blue he says "I know that you and the current B/F are having problems and I would like to try again, I have always had feelings for him, And kinda wanted this to happen but now that it has I dont know what to do. I dont want to put my kids through this If it isnt going to work again and why now that he isnt with someone but I am, He almost married the last girl, He was my first love I was 16 when we started dating, I just dont know what to do, Im kinda sitting on the fence on wether to break it off with the current one and try again but scared to loose him. Also I have been finally able to go back to school thanks to the current b/f. while my ex and i were together everytime i went to registar for school he would find some reason for me not to go. Some one please give me some advice Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Hi, Do you think you may be wanting to get back with him to rewrite all of those problems you had - sort of like fixing the past? Divorce isn't taken lightly so I'm assuming you must have had some pretty serious problems in the first place to divorce and move on. Its possible to go back and recapture love, I dont doubt it. Yet, I think those that do have had some serious soul-searching whereby they recognise the problems they once have had, have fixed them within themselves and have solutions should the problems arise in the future. Can I ask, who initiated the divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cris_e6783 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 I was the one to initiat the divorce, actually I just wanted to take some time apart to figure things out, but he said that he wanted to take a break for at least 2 years, I wasnt going to wait 2 years while he was dating some other girl, I did wait for 6 months and asked for help with the kids being that I wasnt allowed to work while we were together it was hard for me to find a job that would support us but he said he would bring over bread everycouple weeks, I needed him to step up as a dad and I was willing to go throught the divorce to make him take some responcability for his kids, I guess I just missed how happy I was with him in the begining, but now he is saying he wants to get back together for the kids, to me that isnt a reason to break off a curent relationship, I tend to run alot when things get bad, I try to find a way out to find better and he just happen to come out with this durring one of my b/f and myself worst arguement. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 What has changed about you both in the past 2 years? Review the problems you both had, make sure they have been addressed and if you do start dating again, you need to start from scratch. Slowly, as if he is new to you and you are new to him. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 All I can say is that you should NEVER be with someone who would stand in the way of your education!!! Think about it -- when you REALLY love someone, you want the best for them. You want to be the best possible version of yourself, and you want them to be the best version of themselves. That's just how it goes when you really love someone, and trying to stand in the way of their life goals because you're jealous or threatened will always backfire. Can you really be with someone who would do that to you? If it were me, I'd need MAJOR proof that he'd changed before I'd even consider going back to him. Have you thought about starting school first, and then seeing if you still want to be with him? Seeing how he acts towards you when he knows you're committed to getting an education? If you're 24 and you have 2 kids, the BEST thing you could do for yourself is to get an education that will allow you to provide for them -- and that includes being able to earn enough that you can someday send them to college. And the best thing you could do for them is to let them see the importance of getting an education and becoming the person you truly want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I was the one to initiat the divorce, actually I just wanted to take some time apart to figure things out, but he said that he wanted to take a break for at least 2 years, I wasnt going to wait 2 years while he was dating some other girl, I did wait for 6 months and asked for help with the kids being that I wasnt allowed to work while we were together it was hard for me to find a job that would support us but he said he would bring over bread everycouple weeks. What makes him better than your current boyfriend? Obviously it failed once. Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I was the one to initiat the divorce, actually I just wanted to take some time apart to figure things out, but he said that he wanted to take a break for at least 2 years, I wasnt going to wait 2 years while he was dating some other girl, I did wait for 6 months and asked for help with the kids being that I wasnt allowed to work while we were together it was hard for me to find a job that would support us but he said he would bring over bread everycouple weeks, I needed him to step up as a dad and I was willing to go throught the divorce to make him take some responcability for his kids, I guess I just missed how happy I was with him in the begining, but now he is saying he wants to get back together for the kids, to me that isnt a reason to break off a curent relationship, I tend to run alot when things get bad, I try to find a way out to find better and he just happen to come out with this durring one of my b/f and myself worst arguement. I also agree that getting back together solely for the children is a mistake. Getting back together because you love one another, you want to show your children how to love through the behaviour with your partner and enjoying your life together after figuring out what went wrong in the first place? There's a reason right there. When you say you wanted things to get back to how they used to be before you divorced, do you not think you may be hanging on to that possibility now? I assume you both had a lot of growing up to do, during both your marriage and your time apart and in that sense, great, be apart and figure out who you are. But how do you know who he is now, after being apart from him for so long? Your boyfriend sounds supportive with your education at least. However, if there's problems within your relationship it would be easy to return to the safety of what you already know - your ex-husband. But in the long run, that doesn't necessarily mean it will be right for you, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
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