things have stalled

[31swf]

so I've been dating this guy for about a month now. We really seem to hit it off, have lots to talk about, laugh a lot, etc.

It seemed like things were going well, we had several pretty steamy make out sessions, and a couple times he really wanted me to spend the night but I said no. (I'm looking for a relationship, and didn't want to rush into sex w/him). but since I told him "not tonight" a couple times last week, things seem to have stalled. He's not being as agressive as he was before. Once he was exhausted which I can understand, and over the weekend when I saw him I did stay the night (we fell asleep on the couch) but a friend of his was there.

 

So now I'm concerned that he doesn't want me like he did before. I could be paranoid and reading into things, but I'm getting a different vibe now. He hasn't done or said anything negative, but before I had such a good feeling about things with him, and now I'm not so sure. It could just be the circumstances. Should I invite him over for dinner and just jump him? or just wait it out??

[Tony T]

The initial rejections (when you said no to the overnights) may have made him a little more shy about making such approaches. And, yes, that could have taken a little wind out of his sails. So it will be up to you to put out the welcome signs and show more interest in that area.

 

I'd stay calm and not do anything for a bit more time....then, if nothing's happened, invite him to your place. All of this is a matter of timing. The fact that he's still seeing you is a good sign. But now you're going to have to seem more receptive than before.

 

Many men are sensitive and easily discouraged, especially after two "no's)...so you may have to bring up the subject yourself and say "Hey, you haven't invited me to stay over lately." See how he reponds. I'm sure he'd like to hear that.

 

When you tell a decent guy "not tonight" without asking for a raincheck or "I think we need to wait just a bit longer for that", the message he clearly gets is "back off buddy!" The jerks don't hear anything at all.

[Leikela]

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I wouldn't recommend "jumping him" just because the dynamics between the two of you aren't the same. I think your problem lies with lack of communication. Maybe explaining to him WHY you don't want to sleep with him right away will put his mind at ease. Your constant "no's" might be giving him the wrong impression. He might think you don't find him attractive or want him. Let him know what's on your mind.

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[31swf]

I haven't seen the guy since Sunday morning, but we chatted Monday night, Tuesday he sent me an email just to say hi, and last night he left a message when I wasn't home.

 

So it appears that he's still interested, since he's still in contact with me. I just don't know what he's waiting for.

We both have busy schedules during the week, so it's hard to get together sometimes, but I feel like things might fizzle out the more time that goes by with no advances in our physical relationship.

 

I think I'll call him tonight and mention getting together, and then try to say somethingwhen I do see him in person, like "I enjoy spending time with you, but I didn't want to rush into things because I want it to last". how's that?

 

Basically I want him to know that I AM interested and didn't mean to scare him off or make him hesitant about advancing things with me.

[Leikela]

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I wouldn't start off by telling him you don't want to rush things because you want things long term. That might scare him off. Simply say that the reason why you haven't let things progress further physically is because you really like him and don't want to rush into anything yet. You just want to get to know him better and see where things go. Leaving things open ended like that gives things room to go either way. It doesn't put undue pressure upon the guy when he hears that you want things to be more serious. Play it safe. Good luck!

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