I have a chance to make some life changes, what are your thoughts ?

[melodymatters]

Hello Ls'ers

 

I am proud to be a member of this community, some smart people here who i consider actual friends !

 

 

 

Now for the advice portion : Four years ago I moved to Fl alone, with my then 10 yr old, bought a condo, got a real estate license and I was off. While the market was good, I supported us and..well, just lived life. ( no child support, my ex, her dad is dead, and never a supportive partner in my time here)

 

Now, I have been looking for "real jobs" in a notoriously low wage state and not finding anything remotely challanging or well paying. Plus my daughter is 14 and I am having a hard time dealing with the "teen challanges" all alone.

 

I have an opportunity to move back to my hometown and live for free in my own apt and go back to school. As an added attraction I have an amazing family and friends and even a childrens theatre business I still own there.

 

I feel like it is the right thing to do for me and my daughter right now, but I also have a sense of " giving up", "not making it" "being a loser" etc...

 

 

Thoughts and advice ?

[reboot]

If you do what makes you and your daughter happy, how can that possibly make you a "loser"? Peace of mind and not having to struggle so much should far outweigh "pride" (which is what you're describing). Be happy, life is short.

[melodymatters]

You're right reboot, I guess the term pride WOULD cover it, and you know what they say about it coming before a fall !

 

Thanks !

[Trialbyfire]

How could you possibly think you're a loser mm? I don't see this as giving up at all. Instead, it's a golden opportunity to go back to school for a future that you want to have. Your daughter will be leaving the nest within the next 5 - 7 years so you might as well have a career that you love.

[melodymatters]

good point, thanks to you too TBF ! It's a mental thing that I am trying to get over, thus the post. I just feel like i will run into people who will be like :

 

" Ooooh, what happened to FLORIDA ?"

 

But I suppose any one who wants to make me feel badly about taking a new course in life is not really somone who's opinion I should give much credence too huh ?

 

Writing things out here always helps.

 

With you guys behind me, I'm sure I'll be fine

 

Thanks

[Art_Critic]

I feel like it is the right thing to do for me and my daughter right now, but I also have a sense of " giving up", "not making it" "being a loser" etc...

 

 

You go girl.. you are no loser..

 

The FLA real estate market is in the tank.. worst in the country if I'm not mistaken and it looks like it will takes at least 2 if not more years to rebound..

 

I say change is always good..

You will always have to change and morph.. If you don't you will be left behind..

 

By the way.. nothing wrong with being a responsible Mom looking out for her kid.. Cool...

[underpants]

I don't see anything negative about moving. Especially, if the move can benefit your future.

 

I will just add with a slight smile that Florida can be a difficult place to live. (I almost typed love ).

 

A friend of mine moved away from a large city in Fla. She did not like having to struggle. While she does miss being feet away from the ocean she is more comfortable now and does what she loves.

 

I am curious as to where you are contemplating to move to. However, I understand if you don't want to post it.

 

Another thing that read kind of cool to me was. The opportunity for you and your daughter to be 'in school' at the same time. Both have the same kind of first day/new school jitters, making new friends. I am not sure what it is that you wish to persue but if it was timed you would both be branching off to new careers/courses of further study in a few more years.

 

Have you talked with her about a possible move? What are her thoughts and feelings?

[melodymatters]

You go girl.. you are no loser..

 

The FLA real estate market is in the tank.. worst in the country if I'm not mistaken and it looks like it will takes at least 2 if not more years to rebound..

 

I say change is always good..

You will always have to change and morph.. If you don't you will be left behind..

 

By the way.. nothing wrong with being a responsible Mom looking out for her kid.. Cool...

 

Thanks art ! Yeah, I accepted that the RE run was going to be over, but having worked for myself, first in my own Biz, then RE, it was a total shocker at what "living wages" were considered here !

 

I think they call it the sunshine wage or something where people will work for pennies for the weather.

 

I would have to work TWO jobs to live at a decent level, and like I mentioned, I think my 14 yr old needs me around more than that would allow.

 

I think I'm going through some sort of "high school reuinion" feelings of wanting to present myself in the best light when i return.

 

But as reboot pointed out, thats pride, and life is too short.

 

...and i haven't seen snow in over 4 yrs, I think i have forgotten how to drive in it !!!

[melodymatters]

Hey unders !

 

My daughter spent every summer with my parents up there during these 4 yrs, so she still has many friends and doesn't mind a bit.

 

We are an italian, close family and her being the only grandchild with no contact from the other side ( dead dads family doesn't even care that she's alive) she gets spoiled rotten up there.

 

It's my hometown, by a major university, and like i said, i still even own a childrens theatre i started up there 12 yrs ago, I made my mom a partner when I moved, and I will still be the "executive producer" when I go !

 

I was waffling, but when a friend offered the free apt above his office he wasnt using, INCLUDING heat, I feel like it's meant to be.

 

I know, why ask advice then, well, like i said, it feels like a "giving up, can't make it here alone" move...

 

But I can always move back when I'm done with school and dear brat flies the coop right ?

[Sweetcheripie]

Aww I'm pretty new here but a Realtor as well so just wanted to chime in.

 

I had to get a job in Pharmaceutical Sales which I absolutely can't stand because of the driving and not being around as much for my kids but everyone I know in Real Estate that doesn't have a spouse with a good income has had to get supplemental income. This is a really hard market. So you are definitely not alone!!!!

 

Your opportunity to live near family sounds wonderful for both you and your daughter. What a fantastic example you are setting for your daughter! You are taking charge, facing the situation head on, and finding a great solution.

[underpants]

I know, why ask advice then, well, like i said, it feels like a "giving up, can't make it here alone" move...

 

But I can always move back when I'm done with school and dear brat flies the coop right ?

 

Not giving up at all. Using your resources to better yourself. I depend on my family a great deal. We are a teeny tiny corporation and insist that all parts are doing okay all the time. Family is great.

 

That is cool then if your daughter is on board.

 

Go for it.

 

Also, what you stated is true. Once you attain your degree in your chosen field, possibly coinciding with your daughter's graduation. Then the world with be both of your oysters.

 

I have a good feeling about it.

 

To any naysayers that inquire as to your return. Don't let it feed a negative in you. At least you took a chance and lived someplace warm a beautiful for a time. Anyone who wanted to cast doubt on that are probably just a little jealous that you were brave enough to try and do.

 

You are being brave in the smart attempt to return to a safe haven to re-arm yourself with the tools and support neccessary to go and try and do again. Or you might find that you like that home town and want to stay.

 

I wish you the best.

[melodymatters]

Sweet cherie ;

I can tell you're a Realtor by the way you capitalize our title !!! Funny huh ! I have a friend that was a top producer at R*/M*x who is close to bankruptcy. I had a great ride for 4 yrs, never had to take a side job and was frugal, but supporting a "family" alone in this economy is NOT easy, and I wan't to make a move before I go broke !

 

And Unders :

 

You are SO spot on re: the jealousy factor ! So many people told me it was stupid, I couldn't do it, etc, and you are right : they were people who didn't have the balls to take a chance themselves !

 

I had a good, informative, warm 4 yrs, and now I'm just moving on to different challenges ! Any one who makes me feel bad about that, is obviously not a very nice person !

 

( PS, you live in Fl don't you unders ? not asking where exactly but which " section" ? SE, NW etc ?)

[quankanne]

MM, I say go for it: You've got a great network of emotional support with family and your child with fam/friends, and you're not going in "cold" ... you're familiar with the city and what it has to offer. Frankly, it's a smart move at the right time, should you decide to take it, and the big bonus is that your daughter will see you concentrating on school & she'll see just how important it is to get as much education under your belt when the opportunity arises.

 

I'm not saying there won't be some folks wanting to rub your nose in it for deciding to move back, but chances are, they're not important to start with – your friends will be behind you 1000 percent. So next time pride rears it's ugly head, remind it that you've got an incredible opportunity at hand, and that's more important than self-doubt.

 

good luck, and kick some butt, girl!

[Lizzie60]

Hello Ls'ers

 

I am proud to be a member of this community, some smart people here who i consider actual friends !

 

 

 

Now for the advice portion : Four years ago I moved to Fl alone, with my then 10 yr old, bought a condo, got a real estate license and I was off. While the market was good, I supported us and..well, just lived life. ( no child support, my ex, her dad is dead, and never a supportive partner in my time here)

 

Now, I have been looking for "real jobs" in a notoriously low wage state and not finding anything remotely challanging or well paying. Plus my daughter is 14 and I am having a hard time dealing with the "teen challanges" all alone.

 

I have an opportunity to move back to my hometown and live for free in my own apt and go back to school. As an added attraction I have an amazing family and friends and even a childrens theatre business I still own there.

 

I feel like it is the right thing to do for me and my daughter right now, but I also have a sense of " giving up", "not making it" "being a loser" etc...

 

 

Thoughts and advice ?

 

From what I read, you seem to be a strong, independant woman... you know what's good for you and your daughter... go for it...

 

YOU WILL succeed...because you have a goal and you can do it.... you go girl !

[underpants]

( PS, you live in Fl don't you unders ? not asking where exactly but which " section" ? SE, NW etc ?)

 

Hee hee hee,

 

No.

 

I have a map and I know where it is though.

[melodymatters]

Hee hee hee,

 

No.

 

I have a map and I know where it is though.

 

 

Sorry, I thought you had " the dirty south" under your avi at one time, but maybe i PRESUMED FL ?

 

Thanks Lizzie and Quake! like i said, knowing that as long as i have the laptop and an internet connection, I have friends to help me through is a great gift !

 

On the bright side I haven't celebrated christmas in 4 yrs, so this year I'll do the tree, carrolling, stockings, santa, ALL OF IT !!!

[norajane]

I just feel like i will run into people who will be like :

 

" Ooooh, what happened to FLORIDA ?"

I moved away from the Midwest, where I'd lived all my life, to California because I needed a change and fell in love with San Francisco when I'd gone out there on business and to visit friends. I loved it there, and lived there for 7 years, and it was really hard to leave. I'm still not completely acclimated to being back, and parts of me are in denial.

 

But when I came back, none of my friends asked 'what happened to California' in that semi-snide tone that I'm inferring from the quote above. They asked how I liked it, and how I felt to be back. I don't know if they quite understood my mixed feelings about being back...

 

But, the one thing everyone understood was that family is family, and home is where your family and close friends (the friends that feel like family) are...be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.

 

And, frankly, people who like living where they do and wouldn't consider moving - like those in your home city - don't really understand why you would want to live anywhere else...you can count on THEIR pride to assume Florida wasn't all that!

 

Don't worry about anyone else's questions or reactions as long as you feel right about the move. Your family will love having you and your daughter back home, and your daughter will be lucky to live near her grandmother and other family. That's all you really need to care about.

[Sweetcheripie]

Hey can you get your RE licencse in your new state? You never know when you might be able to use it. Also, to be successful even in a really HOT market when you are new to the area - deserves some MAJOR kudos lady!!! You did it for four years - most people take that long just to get established - you should be very very proud of yourself for your success in Florida! Now it is time to move on!

 

Again, congratulations! I bet when you get back to your hometown you will be surprised by the warm welcome! You will be overwhelmed by the people that missed you (like the apt situation) and I doubt anyone will say anything snide. Like under said, if so....it will be jealous people!

 

And I work for the R max and I'm in California - I know one top producer that has 5 houses in foreclosure right now - yikes!

[melodymatters]

Nora,

 

Thank you so much. You know how much i respect you , so your reminders of family importance, and sharing your experience in relocating was the sisterly hug I needed

 

Sweet cherie,

 

So glad you picked now to join because you TOTALLY understand what I've experienced !!!(and thanks, because I did do ok, out of the gate.... sometimes were too busy beating ourselves up, to pat ourselves on the back )

 

Welcome to Love shack ! Stay long and prosper !

 

 

It's cinderella time, but I will reread this thread tomorrow for my dose of ecouragement with my coffee !

 

Thanks all y'all ! ( I can still use my faux southernisms, dammitt !)

 

 

 

:bunny:

[dropdeadlegs]

melody,

 

I knew I should have went to Florida this summer to meet you! I won't allow my selfishness to keep you there, though.

 

If it were my life, and I had the opportunity to live rent-free and return to school, I would do it. Especially if my child was not kicking and screaming all the way. I just couldn't go back home, because I'm already here.

 

I cannot imagine seeing someone come home again and being anything but happy to see them, especially when that someone is you. I wasn't born or raised in Louisiana, but I have seen many who were, leave and come back in a few years. We don't have the best economy, the schools mostly stink, and our politics are notoriously corrupt, but the people are some of the best I have encountered. Most have a sense of family that I somehow missed out on while growing up. Not to mention that cajun cuisine is one of a kind! For many reasons, this IS my home, even though my parents and only sibling left here nearly 20 years ago. It would be hard for me to leave after 24 years. This is where I really grew up, and where I've raised my children, two of which are firmly planted here.

 

I think you will go, and I can't wait to hear about the next reinvention of melodymatters. You have nothing to be ashamed of in going back, and you will never be a loser of any kind.

 

Just to add to our commonalities, my children's father is deceased, too. (My second husband.) I hope you are collecting social security benefits in lieu of child support! You're like my kindred sister of sorts, and I am both gracious and proud to consider you my friend!

 

You know, I have family in what I believe to be your new neck of the woods as well. My sister lives you know where, and somehow I feel our paths are destined to cross at some point. It's just feeling fateful to me! :love:

[Bobby NoBrains]

I think you've got some great advice from everyone. Sometimes in life we tend to look at change with fear and distrust, but, sometimes change can be the best thing that could possibly happen to us. Don't let fear and ego get in the way of future happiness. Remember some small discomfort is worth nothing when compared to having friends and family near you when you want and need them around and having a better quality of life for yourself and your daughter. Good luck to you.

 

Just my two bits ..

 

Bobby

[BeAlive]

Hi Melody,

I don't know you as well as some others who have responded, but when I read your note, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

 

Someone once asked me "Whose life are you leading?" It made me think. Whatever decision I make, I am the one who has to live with it. While everything goes well, people are with you, but where are these people when we need help.

 

You have a situation where I have seen that you have all the pluses listed in your posts and the only negative seems to be what people will say about you returning to where you came from.

 

But what you are doing is evaluating the situation currently and making a decision to make the next major move in your life that will be better.

 

Giving up? Being a loser? Don't waste a moment on anyone who thinks like this.

 

Whose life are you leading? Think about it!

 

Be Alive

Be Alive With Self Help

http://www.squidoo.com/getthescienceofgettingrichforfree/

[nashua]

Hello Ls'ers

 

I am proud to be a member of this community, some smart people here who i consider actual friends !

 

 

 

Now for the advice portion : Four years ago I moved to Fl alone, with my then 10 yr old, bought a condo, got a real estate license and I was off. While the market was good, I supported us and..well, just lived life. ( no child support, my ex, her dad is dead, and never a supportive partner in my time here)

 

Now, I have been looking for "real jobs" in a notoriously low wage state and not finding anything remotely challanging or well paying. Plus my daughter is 14 and I am having a hard time dealing with the "teen challanges" all alone.

 

I have an opportunity to move back to my hometown and live for free in my own apt and go back to school. As an added attraction I have an amazing family and friends and even a childrens theatre business I still own there.

 

I feel like it is the right thing to do for me and my daughter right now, but I also have a sense of " giving up", "not making it" "being a loser" etc...

 

 

Thoughts and advice ?

 

 

OMG! I'm totally in the same boat as you! And I'm having the same fears! I've been looking at going for my Master's Degree and feel intimidated about it. When i contact schools, it seems like such a hassle just to get information...and the application procedure....my god...so much work. But as my man tells me, "it might seem overwhelming now, but just think...in 2-3 years, you'll have finished it and it will all be behind you AND you'll have what it takes to go out there, make a difference, and love your job." I love his support. It helps. Too bad we're in different states otherwise maybe we could've done it together

 

Anyway, my advice is....think about it, get into it and go for it! I just spoke with a woman who just finished her masters and she's 62! Good luck to you!

[melodymatters]

Hey Cairo and bealive, Thanks !

 

 

I wrote this about a week ago when the subject first came up, and after hearing from some of my old LS buds, I was feeling pretty good !

 

Thanks for joining in and your encouragement !

 

Be alive, Yeah, It's so funny, I never give a f*ck what anyone thinks OUTSIDE my hometown, but going back, it's generations of family, people you went to kindergarden with, It's got that "high school reuinion" feeling to it !

 

But, at the end of the day, true words, It's MY life and even if I run into old "friends" who SEEM to have their lives completely together, who knows what their reality is, right ?

 

And Cairo, YES ! I had thought about this before, but i was actually a victiim of my own luck ! Started theatres, they worked ! Want to be a Florida Realtor, It's a GREAT market ! So I need to look at it as I had a great ride, and got to do things I always wanted and now it's a NEW chapter, and who knows what " luck" I may stumble into this time !

 

Thanks again, and good luck on YOUR journeys !!!