gettingmarried Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I'm getting married in 2 weeks on the beaches of the bahamas. I should be beyond excited but am really afriad. I love my fiance, we've been together since our junior year in high school (we're now 26), but it seems as if I just realized what it will entail for us to get married. Now we have to move in together (we've tried to be good and save money by staying at home so we can buy a house); which also means I have to leave my parents. They are awesome people, I love being with them. They are more than happy to see me getting married (they already have plans for what they are going to turn my bedroom into:lmao: So I feel, emotionally they are ready for this change, but I"m not. I also am having fears that I will not put my husband first and want to take my parent's advise or go on vacation with them, or be at my parents' home all the time. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for this but I'm having a hard time. I feel especially crummy because my fiance knows all this and he thinks that if I feel this badly about the transistion, I should stay at home. I'm sooo old though and need to be seperated from my family--but it's sooo hard!! Any words of encouragement? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I think what you're feeling is very normal because you're going from one secure environment to one that's unknown, even though you love the guy you'll be sharing the new environment with. The big question here is "Does he get along with my folks?" if he's comfortable with your parents and your relatinship with them, he might be a bit more patient when it comes to helping you make the transition because he understands that they're more than "just my parents" – they're also friends/companions. talk to him, see how the two of you can make the transition easier; I imagine your folks will be giving you all the encouragement you'll need because they want your happiness above all else. BTW, congrats on the upcoming wedding ... you'll have to post a picture of the gorgeous seashore as one of your avatars when you get back. Lucky girl! Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Aww...I swear Im going through the same thing..except Im moving to Illinois from PA to be with my soon to be husband. I AM TERRIFIED and I keep crying. ive never lived so far from home..Im used to being with my parents, friends and family. Are you staying around your parents? If you are..it wont be as bad as you think...if you are moving far from there..then..there will be a change. But I am sure you will in the end..be just fine!! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I am concerned about the fact that you cling to your parents so much. I am afraid that you will never find happiness in any relationship, because no relationship will ever be as pure and unconditional as the one you have with them. I have a problem becoming friends with people because my relationship with my parents is very close and everyone else seems so imperfect compared to them. You are probably used to them pampering you and your hsuabnd will not always pamper you. Most of the time he will think that YOU owe him the pampering. The good news is: you have great parents. The bad news is: you have great parents. No man can compare to wonderful parents. Every transition from your warm refuge to another nest will be very painful. On the other hand, he's lived with his parents also so he might have the same problem tomorrow. This is the downside of living with parents until you get married. You need to become independent before that, but independence doesn't necessarily come from living on your own. It comes from experience - bad experience. When we've collected enough bad experiences, we lower our criteria and start expecting less and giving more. When we are used to being held under glass for 26 years, we expect everything, but have very little to give, because we never had to give before. I don't know what advice I can give you except to be prepared to deal with a certain dose of reality in the future. Eventually, you will accept your new life role. I hope your fiance is a good man and worth the pain. If not, you'll be back in your old home in no time. The good thing is that you have your parent's protection and he will have to respect you. That's something I didn't have in my second marriage: husband's family walked all over me, because my family is 5,000 miles away. My mother would have poked their eyes out had she lived here. Link to post Share on other sites
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