NC when something good happens SUCKS

[carrotgirl]

Aria, no, I can't block his email. He just recently started consulting for my firm. I not only can't block it. I'm obligated to read it.

 

You may not be proud of me when you hear the rest. Yes. I worked it out for myself. I called the ex. I told him where I stood. I explained that I wanted him to leave me alone. I pretty much let him have it. He pretty much wouldn't have it. The more I told him how uncomfortable and upset I was, the more he got upset.

 

He came over a few hours ago. He just left. We spent whole time talking about lots of things. I pushed him a bit. I needed to. I needed to learn. He pushed me too. We both cried a little. He's not budging on some things. I'm not budging on some things too.

 

We're both so similar. We talked about all of the recent goings on with him trying to get attention. I was right about all of it. None of it was an ego trip for him. He was upset after yesterday afternoon's interaction. My response was along the lines of what I'd already said here which was this is what you can expect when you say what you said.

 

He made a stink about not missing me or needing me. My response was probably the sort that women say that has pissed men off forever. Simply put, I asked, then why are you here? He, ahem, refused to answer. The whole pursing of the lips and everything. I shrugged and said, you know I'm going to draw my own conclusion. You can tell me or live with me drawing my own conclusion.

 

Which will probably be right. He said you know what I want. I said I do. He said just don't give me anything. I said okay. I didn't say I'd missed him. We skirted around the topic of what the word means to each of us. He got defensive, I see you every day. I said I know that. He said when I came to your office I wanted to see you. I wanted to know if you were away because you were busy or if you were avoiding me.

 

I said I know. You had no business talking to me. I knew you were there to see me. He said you were really avoiding me. I said, yes. I really was. I can't stand to be around you like this. It's not what I want.

 

And there was lots more. And we talked about what the next step is. Do we act like we're dead to each other or do we try something else? You can probably guess which one he wanted. I had no answer. He asked me if I wanted a rain check on answering. I said no. I just didn't know.

 

We have a date for Sunday. He's making me dinner. I don't know if I know how to be what he wants this way. I don't know if I know how to not give. He wants me to take. He likes it when I take. It's going to be strange.

 

So go ahead and say it. I shouldn't have let him in. I should have planted a guard outside or something. But I think I have a better understanding of where he is. And he actually has less understanding of where I am than I thought. And nice to see, less understanding of where I am than HE thought he knew.

 

He was surprised and shaken that I was avoiding him. Unbelieveable. Really. What did he expect? You break up with me, you can expect nothing!

 

Carrot

[underpants]

Carrot,

 

Do you want him back (sex) or not?

[carrotgirl]

Undies, are you asking me if I want to have sex with him? Or are you asking something else?

[underpants]

I was just trying to edit my response as it sounded bad.

 

There is a direction that I was thinking of but I would need to know your intent.

 

Enable your pm feature in your options if you want to privately discuss it.

 

I guess the jist of my question is ...do you want him back as a potential boyfriend?

[buckdawg]

carrot,

 

i feel for ya. i'm going through a similar thing myself. we just recently seperated and we used to share everything so it's been quite a shock. we tried the whole being 'friends' thing but that's not working out so well for me. i know i'm third or fourth rung on the ladder. and that's OK. she's the mother of my children and i DO want her to be happy. she tries to talk to me but i keep it short and crisp and it's hard as hell.

 

and don't beat yourself up for having what you perceive as a setback. the last guy God made perfect they hung on a cross. it's one huge learning experience!!

[carrotgirl]

Undies, I'm not a virgin and I look down in the shower! I'm cool with talking out loud here if you are. And that said, I'll enable the whatever feature anyway.

 

Buck, I can't imagine the intensity of emotion you're dealing with. We were just boyfriend and girlfriend and no kids. There's really no comparison. You built a life together! Whatever I can do to help or bring cheer? Let me know. I tell a mean knock knock joke. But just one.

 

Carrot

[buckdawg]

Undies, I'm not a virgin and I look down in the shower! I'm cool with talking out loud here if you are. And that said, I'll enable the whatever feature anyway.

 

Buck, I can't imagine the intensity of emotion you're dealing with. We were just boyfriend and girlfriend and no kids. There's really no comparison. You built a life together! Whatever I can do to help or bring cheer? Let me know. I tell a mean knock knock joke. But just one.

 

Carrot

 

thanks!

 

gratefully we're both handling this as well as can be expected. i'm able to see the kids as often as i or they want so we're trying to make the most out of a bad situation. it could be a lot worse.

[underpants]

Undies, I'm not a virgin and I look down in the shower! I'm cool with talking out loud here if you are. And that said, I'll enable the whatever feature anyway.

Carrot

 

It is the private message option, if you choose to enable it.

 

My question is: Do you want to try to rekindle his romantic interest in you?

[carrotgirl]

Buck, isn't it something? It could always be worse. As rotten as I've felt, I know I'm a lot better off than most of the people in the world. I have good food to eat and dry clothes and shelter and Cat and my friends. I'm wealthy.

 

... And I still complain. And I think it's okay to complain where it's safe. And I hope you'll still complain too. So then I won't be the only one.

 

Undies? Woops. No private message option thingy to check. Talk out loud here?

[buckdawg]

you know. i could complain but no one would listen!

[underpants]

I like reading both of your complaints.

 

Buck, not to discourage you at all from this thread. However, if you want real advice to your specific sitch. A thread of your own might get more honed advice (helpful or not:D)

 

Carrot,

 

Vent away if that is what you are doing. You are a quick and clever carrot. I guess the pm thing might not be available for you yet (take some alloted time/post number that no one seems to have the exact answer to).

 

Anyway, I was just trying to help you prepare for your Sunday dinner with the ex. I did read that right, didn't I?

 

So ...again, do you want to make a play for his heart or not? Either way I am not advising doing him...just an approach.

[carrotgirl]

I looked for a private message option and couldn't find one.

 

In answer to your question. Would I like to rekindle a romance with the ex? I would like best to skip to the part where we're there. But bad humor aside, I would want to build something with him.

 

Even knowing what I know now, which is more than I knew yesterday.

 

I don't think I have that power though. I don't know that anybody does. He's got to want it and the same way I had no power over him walking away, I don't feel like I have power over him walking back.

 

But he walked back tonight. Which I STILL don't quite understand. I do but I don't. So go ahead and lay it on me.

[AriaIncognito]

Carrot,

 

Believe it or not, I'm not going to rip into you as you think. I don't necessarily think having that talk was a bad thing for you. You had things you needed to say, and you said them. However, i'm not sure about the whole dinner thing.

 

It seems he's putting you back on the leash you broke free from. If that's what you want, then go for it, otherwise, i'd really be asking myself what *I* wanted, and not what do i think HE wants. You need to figure out what YOU want out of it, if anything. If you want something then you see if he's on the same page, if so, then make a decision, if not, then walk before you get re-hurt.

 

having been the victim of a yo-yo relationship i know how bad it can get. don't let it get to that....

[carrotgirl]

Carrot quick and clever maybe sometimes is always impossibly dull at the worst times. You're going to have to spell it out for me.

 

Are you suggesting I lure him with sex? That is a non-starter. He's not averse to being in my personal space or me being in his. But he's wary and the sex with us was hot and plentiful. He won't want to go down that path while he's trying to be resolute and apart from me.

 

I think he wants a couple of things. He wants to be a man. He wants to know if I will accept him on his terms. That much I said I would but I'm not a mind reader. Even if the terms change, he has to tell me what the terms are. It's controlling, but it's not an attempt to control me. He needs to control his environment right now and I get that.

 

He craves companionship. Mine or so it would seem. But he's scared of ? I don't know what. He has been insulating himself from the world. I asked him if tonight this was the first time he's left his flat this month. He didn't hesitate before responding. Yes. He told me. No more guessing. He hasn't left his flat in the last month other than for school and work. The only times he's gone out were for food and to see me and get me birthday presents.

 

He said he's enjoying being a hermit. Maybe he is. But then again, if it's so great, then why was he here to see me tonight?

[underpants]

I looked for a private message option and couldn't find one.

 

Maybe you have to wait a month after joining? It is under my profile/account options...and I believe it is a check box that enables it.

 

In answer to your question. Would I like to rekindle a romance with the ex? I would like best to skip to the part where we're there. But bad humor aside, I would want to build something with him.

 

How long did you two date?

 

Even knowing what I know now, which is more than I knew yesterday.

 

I don't think I have that power though. I don't know that anybody does. He's got to want it and the same way I had no power over him walking away, I don't feel like I have power over him walking back.

 

Hellz yes he does. He has got to want you really, really bad....and you do have the power. You have Sunday power.

 

But he walked back tonight. Which I STILL don't quite understand. I do but I don't. So go ahead and lay it on me.

 

I think you need to be a very sexy Carrot on Sunday. You need to discover the aloof sex kitten carrot that his mind cannot concieve of knowing. You make sure you are looking like a super fine Carrot. You eat, (don't finish it...take a few bites...let him doubt his cooking abilities). You drop something and pick it up. You do some very sultry, sexy Carrot things. Hold his stare, even ...(if you can muster it) ...risk a jump your bones passionate kiss, rub down session but leave him high and dry in a panic confusion.

 

Go into the Sunday meeting with a cool collected head and all your sexiness blazing. Leave sooner then expected and with him more confused then ever.

 

Leave his head swirling and wanting more Carrot.

 

(this is why I would have rather pm'ed you)

 

Others may have another pov...and my disclaimer is my singlehood. Although, Monday's post should prove to be rivoting should you follow my advice.

[carrotgirl]

You need to figure out what YOU want out of it, if anything. If you want something then you see if he's on the same page

 

Aria, then you may be proud. The first consideration we discussed was what I want. I already told him up front some of what I want. In no uncertain terms I let him know that this time we're spending together right now is not about him. It's about me understanding where things are so I can decide what I want. He bristled at the it's not about you phrase, but he understood. He's not pushing.

 

And I'm not sure about dinner on Sunday either. I'll have to see how I feel about then. I'm likely to change my mind many, many times before Sunday night.

 

About friendships, I have never, and likely will never be romantically involved with a man who I'm not friends with first. I feel very strongly that true friendship has to be the foundation for long term relationships. The ex is saying the same thing and it's fair. He's saying if I'm valuable enough to you, you'll let us be friends. It's going to be hard to turn that away but I'm not decided either way yet.

 

I'm not indifferent. It's just been a difficult few weeks. I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship so badly just yet.

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

I think you need to be a very sexy Carrot on Sunday. You need to discover the aloof sex kitten carrot that his mind cannot concieve of knowing. You make sure you are looking like a super fine Carrot. You eat, (don't finish it...take a few bites...let him doubt his cooking abilities). You drop something and pick it up. You do some very sultry, sexy Carrot things. Hold his stare, even ...(if you can muster it) ...risk a jump your bones passionate kiss, rub down session but leave him high and dry in a panic confusion.

 

Go into the Sunday meeting with a cool collected head and all your sexiness blazing. Leave sooner then expected and with him more confused then ever.

 

Leave his head swirling and wanting more Carrot.

 

(this is why I would have rather pm'ed you)

 

Others may have another pov...and my disclaimer is my singlehood. Although, Monday's post should prove to be rivoting should you follow my advice.

 

I'm not embarrassed if you're not.

 

I think he'd laugh at me trying to be sexy. Undies, how do I say this without sounding like a giant a$$? I'm just going to have to sound like an a$$. I'm kind of beautiful. The kind where people stare. And I think I've got the sex appeal thing working pretty well.

 

This isn't about sex. For starters, we had plenty of amazing sex and he broke up with me anyway. Secondly, he doesn't want me to give. He can't handle it right now. He knows my giving is not an effort to manipulate him. He knows it's not my expectation he'll reciprocate the same way or at all. He just doesn't feel deserving of it and also, he wants to do it all for himself. So we're not talking masturbation with the do it himself thing. But sex is a ritual of giving and he's in a place right now where that is more than he can handle.

 

I used to be the same way. Still am sometimes. I understand where he's coming from. This has always been where he draws his identity from. Being strong, resourceful, self-reliant. He doesn't want to take anything from me. He wants only to give. And we would have to see if I want what he is giving.

 

I think his head is already swirling around Carrot. That's part of the problem and part of why he is digging in his heels and pushing friendship. He wants relief from the swirling.

 

I can't fault him for that. I've wanted relief too.

[underpants]

Oh then I may have misunderstood.

 

He is a little confusing to me. Perhaps I just don't understand.

 

He does not want you to give...does this mean you should...take?

 

I had some other thoughts and wonderfully funny and delightful things, however...all the beer in England cannot make me post those.

 

You think he is backing off of a relationship because he is afraid of his feelings (swirling)? (this is shyte btw)

 

Just trying to get there with you my sweet carrot....

[Spinderella]

You are right. He wants the relationship that he wants with you, on his terms. I really dont know if its possible for you to know whether those terms are good for you so soon after the split. I think time and space to relax and adjust are neccessary for the transition, but maybe thats just me.

 

It would be a good practise, after all divorcees with children are forced into a similar situation, I doubt though, that even in those situations they arrange to have dinner together at such an early stage, unless it is to discuss practicalities.

The dinner is fine, but only if you know that you are nothing more than friends, and have absolute certainty that there will never be any rekindling of the relationship. EVER.

 

In other words, you go the all or nothing route, or you compromise, just be prepared for either of those decisions to be final.

 

This is when most people attempt the nc as a tactic practise. Because they know the ex is swirling, and they figure they can possibly attain a desirable result from that. I really dont often think thats a good idea anyway. After all, if you broke up, you broke up for a reason.

Sometimes though, the reason is an internal one (internal in self and not in relationship). It sounds as though you are thinking this may be the case with him, some of the time at least.

In that case, it would be tactic time, and not, ok you can have me around without having to give me what I want time.

Of course, compassion understands him, and that is good. But can compassion for him hold out over compassion for yourself?

Because this decision (to be friends) does not suit you, for the moment at least.

 

Sometimes being a hermit is a good and neccessary thing, it is society that percieves it as odd. I really think this is true. It does not mean that it isnt difficult at times though, and that a yearning for interaction is not present at times, but, alongside an underlying realisation that a bit a reflecting in solitude is still the neccessary action.

[sedgwick]

Hi Carrot!

 

First of all I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Sedgwick, goofy tattooed punk chick in NYC. I've been reading your posts and they're always very intelligent and interesting, but I hadn't responded yet because I'm away in Mexico writing a book.

 

But I wanted to comment on the "beautiful" thing. I wouldn't exactly define myself as beautiful (too many years of deeply ingrained thinking-I'm-fat for that), but I know I'm interesting looking and I'm cute and people stare at me a lot. Mostly because I'm so heavily tattooed, no doubt, but I definitely get a lot of people telling me I'm "hot" as well. And I'm well-educated and I have my dream job. I am incredibly lucky.

 

However, I've been really beating myself up lately about not being attractive enough for my ex. It's so easy to go down that path, to think that whenever anyone breaks up with you, it's because you're somehow lacking in the looks department. At least it is for me. So it's really nice to see a woman on here having confidence in her beauty. It is inspiring to me.

 

I think it sounds like you're handling your situation remarkably well, and I totally agree with Underpants about the plan for Sunday night. Leave 'em wanting more! Stay strong and don't let that man into your pants!

[carrotgirl]

Oh I am sick with a terrible cold this morning.

 

Undies! You're making me laugh and smile and that's the best thing. Yes, he wants me to take for a while. Not in a sexual please attack me way though I'm sure he'd like that while it lasted.

 

Without romanticizing anything, these are some things he's said so far and I think they were a lot for anyone to say.

 

1. I want us to be friends.

2. I value you so highly I don't want to lose you.

3. If I have to lose you I will but it isn't what I want.

 

4. I want to spend time with you.

5. Right now I don't have a lot of time to spare and you're the only one, the only person, I'm interested in spending time with.

 

6. I don't want you to give me things. I don't want you to cook for me or bake for me or give me presents or do favors or services for me. I don't want anyone doing things like that for me. It makes me uncomfortable.

7. I don't want anyone helping me.

8. I don't want anyone taking care of me.

9. I don't want anyone trying to change me.

 

10. I want to know you care about me without you doing things for me.

11. I care about you.

12. I want you to know and accept that I'm not trying to get anything from you by showing you I care, I'm simply caring.

13. I want you to trust me.

14. I think that kind of trust, trusting each other the way we trust a friend to just be a friend (not a lover) is one of those things that comes from being that way over time.

 

15. I don't want you to complain about me. When you complain about something I do or don't do, how I am or how I'm not, or how you're not happy with me for some reason, it makes me uncomfortable and upset.

16. I want you to accept who I am as being good enough for you.

17. I think who I am should be good enough.

18. I think I'm being nice and good to you. I want you to see that the way I do and accept that I'm not being mean if I do something that's different than what you want or expect.

 

19. I'm okay with you telling me what you want. I'll listen as long as you understand that just because you want it doesn't mean I'm going to give it.

20. If you want something I don't think I can give or don't want to give I'm going to be uncomfortable and frustrated and pull away from you.

21. Please don't make demands or give ultimatums if you're not prepared for me to say sorry, no can do. In other words. Be sure of what you need and don't try to manipulate me.

 

22. I want you to take what I give and be happy with what I give because I really mean what's behind it. I really wanted to give you the birthday presents because I wanted to give to you.

23. I feel good when you take what I give to you without making me feel like you are disappointed with what I give or are expecting more.

24. I want us to have the understanding that giving isn't a condition of our friendship. I'm not saying that's what you think. I just saying I don't want either of us to feel beholden.

 

25. I'm satisfied with what I'm doing for myself right now. I don't need more.

26. I want you to be satisfied and happy with me the way I am right now.

27. What I want from you is whatever it is that is intrinsic to Carrot being Carrot. Just Carrot is enough for me right now. I want you, just you, without you doing or being anything extra.

 

 

So there it is.

 

One very important thing I got from us talking is that when I thought I was giving unconditional love, support and friendship, he understood that was what I thought I was giving. He really knew my intent was to give those things unconditionally, but even so, the feelings created in him still felt like the exact opposite.

 

I think I am beginning to understand how he could feel completely happy and blissed and secure when we were together in the moment, and then feel very different afterward, on his own when we were apart.

 

I really want to know what everyone else here thinks about any of this.

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

This is when most people attempt the nc as a tactic practise. Because they know the ex is swirling, and they figure they can possibly attain a desirable result from that. I really dont often think thats a good idea anyway. After all, if you broke up, you broke up for a reason.

Sometimes though, the reason is an internal one (internal in self and not in relationship). It sounds as though you are thinking this may be the case with him, some of the time at least.

In that case, it would be tactic time, and not, ok you can have me around without having to give me what I want time.

Of course, compassion understands him, and that is good. But can compassion for him hold out over compassion for yourself?

Because this decision (to be friends) does not suit you, for the moment at least.

 

Sometimes being a hermit is a good and neccessary thing, it is society that percieves it as odd. I really think this is true. It does not mean that it isnt difficult at times though, and that a yearning for interaction is not present at times, but, alongside an underlying realisation that a bit a reflecting in solitude is still the neccessary action.

 

Spind, these were a lot of my take aways too. He is telling me plainly, what I thought I knew at the beginning and then began to doubt, he was choosing to do something difficult for him but he thought it was something he needed to do to take care of himself.

 

He wants me to understand that and continue to take care of myself. He laid out no demands and at the end of the night, the question he asked really was a question, not an ultimatum. He was willing to take a deferred answer. He wants to know where he stands with me given this new change in our relationship.

 

I still don't know the answer to that. I'm going to absolutely take care of myself first.

 

NC may be the option I take. He understands why I would take that option. He understands what the NC means to me. It's a survival tool, not a game warfare tactic. A couple of days ago when he finally got that I wasputting effort into avoiding him, he absolutely understood I was not gaming him. It still upsets him since he thought he was being considerate of my space but he understands that we have a differing point of view.

 

He'll give me NC if that's what it's going to be. His point was heard and well taken by me. It hasn't been easy for him to stay away from me and give me so much space but when I'm upset and complain (his word, not mine) the way I did last night on the phone it gets a lot easier to want to give me NC because he's uncomfortable and wants nothing more than to be away from me.

 

Sound familiar? We're saying the same damn thing. I want you but I'm raw and if you can't go outside yourself and see it from my perspective and be compassionate and kind, or at least neutral, then I don't want you near me.

 

He made himself very vulnerable by coming to see me at all. He did it because he wanted to. I'm glad I was open to it.

 

And I'm understanding more of why he's going the hermit route. A friend suggested that the ex may have felt like he was taking on a different identity being with me than he was used to. My friend explained the ex may have felt being with me was forcing him to be more extroverted than he was prepared for or had resources for in terms of his own personal development and also in terms of actual time, that he had no time and trying to be a boyfriend was stressing him out.

 

In turn, his choices stressed me out to the point of dysfunction. I have to fix that for myself regardless of whether he's part of my life or not.

[carrotgirl]

Hi Carrot!

 

First of all I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Sedgwick, goofy tattooed punk chick in NYC. I've been reading your posts and they're always very intelligent and interesting, but I hadn't responded yet because I'm away in Mexico writing a book.

 

However, I've been really beating myself up lately about not being attractive enough for my ex. It's so easy to go down that path, to think that whenever anyone breaks up with you, it's because you're somehow lacking in the looks department. At least it is for me. So it's really nice to see a woman on here having confidence in her beauty. It is inspiring to me.

 

I think it sounds like you're handling your situation remarkably well, and I totally agree with Underpants about the plan for Sunday night. Leave 'em wanting more! Stay strong and don't let that man into your pants!

 

Sedgwick! Hi!

 

Your posts caught my eye before. I used to be a punk rock girl inside and out. Now it's mostly just inside.

 

Here's something only the ex knows about me. I really miss having purple hair! But it took a lot of time and money I didn't have to maintain purple hair that was attractive to investors. They were okay with purple as long as I looked as good as a rock star in music videos and I was marketable. A girl has to have priorities. I've been my natural color a while now!!

 

I think tattoos can be beautiful. I'd love to see yours. My ex is fully sleeved and one of the irrational, wonderfully amazing pleasures I take from his presence is seeing his boldly tattooed arm draped over and around me.

 

I'd also love to talk shop about writing with you. I'm slowly working on something in my spare time. It'll take about 10 years to finish but that's okay.

 

Beauty. Beauty is like money. It's not what everyone thinks it is.

 

Having it won't make people fall in love with me but not having it makes it easier for people to fall in love with someone else who does and no matter how beautiful or rich I am, someone else has more.

 

I may be beautiful or have money and I still use the toilet, vomit when I'm ill, wake up with bad breath in the morning and make crap decisions for myself. Just because I look a certain way to you doesn't mean I don't feel pain just like anyone else.

 

Sedgwick I love that you're comfortable talking about this. It's one of the reasons I like this board so much.

 

Carrot

[Trialbyfire]

In not accepting anything you give him, he in effect negates any responsibility or commitment to you. I'll use the term "Mr. Standalone":

1. I want you to accept me for what I am and what I have to give to you because then, you are bound to me.
   
2. I won't accept what you have to give because then I would feel obligated and have to give up my personal freedoms of some kind.
   
3. I want you as a friend because I want you in my life, on my own terms and conditions, with none of your needs or desires met.

This boy sounds like a major commitment phobe who has met someone who scares him into running. When you distance yourself, he wants more from you. When you turn to accept the more, he runs.

 

As to friendship, are you ready for this?

[sedgwick]

20. If you want something I don't think I can give or don't want to give I'm going to be uncomfortable and frustrated and pull away from you.

 

Wow. That one really hit home for me. My ex is really exhausted and ragged out from being a constantly-touring musician, and whenever he would come in off the road, I'd cook for him, knit him little surprises, etc. When he went away I put love notes in his suitcase.

 

One of the things he said when he broke up with me was that he couldn't give as much as I was giving and that wasn't fair to me. I, of course, said I loved him exactly as he is. I told him I had always supported his career, and I never, ever complained about him being gone. But it's like he just wasn't able to hear that.

 

He also didn't seem to be able to take the initiative to change things -- like, say, to recognize that spending 8 months out of the year on the road was a bit much. Of course there's part of me that's thinking "if he loved me, he'd have tried harder," but then he's also really, really obsessed with music. I don't know if he *is* able to give anything to anyone right now. It's like...when it came right down to it, I just wasn't a bass.

 

I've never thought about the fact that maybe I was making him uncomfortable with all that I was giving. But how do you not give to someone you love? I mean, it makes you feel GOOD to cook for them or whatever. (The night before he dumped me, I fed him fresh mozzarella and bread, with tomatoes and basil I grew myself, and rubbed his shoulders while he ate it.)

 

I hate to think that the old "we want what we can't have" thing is true, and that I was *too* good to him. How do you hold back from someone you really love? It makes me sad to think about not doing things for him.

 

Of course, right now I have his phone number and email addresses blocked, so I don't know if he's had a change of heart about it or not...I can't handle the knowing. It's 6 wks NC right now...SO hard!!!