loca Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible. I met my boyfriend here in the US. He had to go to Mexico to be w/ his grandmother who was dying (he was here illegally). You guessed it now he can't back. I have done some research and looked into legal means by fiance visas and such, problem is it takes 9-10 months for this to process, which the embassy can still look at you and say no and cough up $5000 for a hardship waiver which may or may not work. Spoke w/ lawyer here and he says it is possible for me to marry him here and then get the paperwork done. Of course this means him sneaking across the border yet again. I have met another guy in the mean time (my boyfriend has been gone for a year). This other guy makes me smile, is fun says he really cares about me a lot. The problem is he still lives with his children's mother (in two different bedrooms). He is willing to move out because he says things have been bad for quite some time. I have never been married, I am 27 years old, I have my own home and career. I am ready to settle down and MAYBE have a family. I know I can have this with my boyfriend. I do feel bad for cheating, however who can expect a person to go without that affection and attention that a relationship brings? I know with the other guy he has his children already. He would not be a very wise choice because if he is no longer in love w/ his children's mother I will not be any different someday. What do I do continue to be with this other guy for the companionship and for my feelings or take time out and wait for my boyfriend who may be here someday? I am perfectly comfortable by myself and don't like answering to anyone so it is not like I HAVE to have a man in my life. I can't lie, I do enjoy the benefits of having a man in my life. thanks in advance everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 You make no mention of being in love with either of these guys. It's not very practical to pay big bucks to get somebody back to this country unless you really love him. If he really loved you, he would find any one of a thousand ways to get back into this country illegally. I know many Mexicans who have done that successfully...they are pretty good at it. If I've missed something and you really love your boyfriend in Mexico, spring for the money and get him here. If you don't, I think you ought to go find a man who isn't married, who has no children, and start out nice and clean from scratch. I hope you will consider falling in love with a man and caring deeply for him before you decide to get married. That's what keeps a lot of relationships going when things get tough. By the way, exactly how do you know this current guy sleeps in a separate bedroom from his wife? Have you actually been there in the middle of the night...or are you just taking his word for it? This is serious business and you have to be cautious. You're a whole lot better off not buying into a complicated divorce situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loca Posted April 28, 2003 Author Share Posted April 28, 2003 Tony, Yes I am crazy about my boyfriend. Just a little embarsed to say yes I love him and yes I am cheating. I know the other guy is sleeping in two different rooms. I have actually talked to her. I think my boyfriend is going to attempt the illegal way to get here again (even after he spent three months in jail for trying it in last November). Thanks for your advice. I don't know how I have managed to get myself into this. Sometimes us women do silly things for love. Guess I should get rid of the friend and wait for my boyfriend (that is where my heart is). Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 [color=indigo] That decision is totally up to you. You already said that you could be single if you choose to wait for your boyfriend but you also liked the companionship of a man in your life. You have to decide whether you love your boyfriend enough to start being faithful to him. Honestly, if you are cheating on him, I would assume that you cannot cheish him ALL that much. I think your best bet would be to break up with the guy in Mexico and set your sights on someone you know is going to stay in this country. There are many men out there that are single and don't have kids. You just have to find him. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Guess I should get rid of the friend and wait for my boyfriend (that is where my heart is)." I think that's a very wise decision. I'm sorry I'm so outta the loop. I really didn't know women today could call the wife of a guy they were cheating with to confirm her husband was sleeping separately from her. That's a real nice courtesy to be afforded and a new one on me. Don't pay any attention....I'm one of the dumb ones around here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author loca Posted April 28, 2003 Author Share Posted April 28, 2003 I didn't call the wife. The ex-girlfriend called me to see what was going on. Seems my "friend" was not being totally honest with her. Imagine that! Anyway, I am tired of the drama. Thanks for both of your input! Link to post Share on other sites
Author loca Posted April 28, 2003 Author Share Posted April 28, 2003 I feel stupid when I say that I love my boyfriend...when I cheated. I cheated because he has not been with me for a year. We talk about twice a week but it is hard when I come home and I have nobody to talk to about my day, to hug, and to just watch tv if I want. I don't want to simply replace him....I feel as if I can't. I just started spending time with my "friend" and things just got out of hand. My boyfriend was supposedly only going to be gone for one month......a year later and he is still in Mexico. I am not saying it is ok to cheat. I just don't want to look like I don't give a ***t about my boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 28, 2003 Share Posted April 28, 2003 YOU WRITE: "I just don't want to look like I don't give a ***t about my boyfriend." I don't think anybody is making an judgements about you getting a little loving on the side after being alone for so long. The big question I have for you is just how long do you wait for your guy in Mexico to get back to you before you give up on him? And I really hate to put things in your head but I know lots of hot blooded Latina men and very few of them will go a whole year in Mexico without screwing their brains out now and then along the way. There are lots of beautiful women there who are eager to please for the asking. Even when you have to pay for it, it's really inexpensive south of the border. I think you better start thinking of just how much longer you're going to wait on this dude, no matter how much you may love him. He ain't with you! P.S. If he does come back soon, if I were you I'd be just as concerned about the bacteria he brings back on his penis as much as I'd be happy to see him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loca Posted April 30, 2003 Author Share Posted April 30, 2003 You have to worry about that w/ boyfriends who are in the same country also! Link to post Share on other sites
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