Meeting ex to say goodbye, but dont want to say goodbye

[BrianG]

Alright, my ex is moving the rest of her stuff out of our apartment this weekend while i am away on family matters. We have had no contact for a few days now. Before she decided that is best that we dont speak to each other anymore, we decided to meet up next week to transfer some of the bills for the apartment in my name because they were in her name and we have to do it together and to say our goodbyes. If you read my other post you will see that I screwed up badly and I am very, very sorry. I very much would like another chance but i was already given a second chance. I am having a really hard time accepting something that i dont want to accept, which is her moving out and us not being together. We had been together for 5 years. She told me that she will always love me and this is very hard for her too.

 

I am just wondering how to handle the face to face meeting or situation? I know I am going to be upset, I want to be with her, and to be honest i dont know if i could ever handle being "just"friends with her because I will always love her and be physically attracted to her and I dont think that would be fair to either of us. I cannot predict the future but i know myself rather well, and it will probably be the last time we ever see each other, which is making it even harder for me leading up to this meeting

 

I dont want her to leave, but i cannot force her to stay. I just need advice and input on how to handle the situation.

[Bosiell]

Wow man, hard to know what to say. Sorry but its gonna stink, you can be sure of that, and you prob more aware than anyone of that.

 

All you can really do is build yourself to the time and be very strong, be cool as you can and show as much self respect as you can. I feel for you tho. You have no choice but to grin and bear this one as best you can.

 

Soz I cant be any more help to you.

 

Good luck.

[buckdawg]

You can do it. It'll be hard but you can do it. Just handle yourself with dignity and you won't regret it later.

[BrianG]

thanks guys, I feel like begging for her to take me back, but from what i have read on here it seems like a bad idea. Yeah, I know its going to stink big time. I guess there is no hope of us getting back together if we have been together for 5 years and she is moving out of the apartment. I guess that is taking too many steps back after a 5 year relationship

 

What do you guys or gals feel about the "friends" aspect of it. Am I wrong in thinking that?

[Bosiell]

I would say that being friends is initially out of the question. In time maybe, more but important is some "no contact" if at all poss. You are gonna need to start the recovery process. Yep and thats gonna be smelly to .

[BrianG]

I would say that being friends is initially out of the question. In time maybe, more but important is some "no contact" if at all poss. You are gonna need to start the recovery process. Yep and thats gonna be smelly to .

 

i am thinking that i cant be just friends at all, is that selfish for me to think that? I cant imagine acting like our intimate relationship never existed. Also, I know i have to move on as well even though i dont want to, but i would be crushed to hear or see her dating someone else and have to just ignore it.

 

i agree about the no contact, even though its so hard, i just want to call and beg for her to take me back because i love her so much but i guess i have to retain some self respect and dignity

[niceguy27]

I was going through the same thing. My ex left me for a "break" in August and still had yet to get her stuff out until just recently. I planned and planned on what I was going to say to her for a LONG time. Over a month in the making. When it did come this is how I handled it and I will tell you, I feel in my heart that I did the right thing here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132026/6

 

Best of luck to you!

[buckdawg]

i am thinking that i cant be just friends at all, is that selfish for me to think that? I cant imagine acting like our intimate relationship never existed. Also, I know i have to move on as well even though i dont want to, but i would be crushed to hear or see her dating someone else and have to just ignore it.

 

i agree about the no contact, even though its so hard, i just want to call and beg for her to take me back because i love her so much but i guess i have to retain some self respect and dignity

 

you do what you feel is best for you. if having contact with her is going to make it harder on you then you need to tell her that. in fact, if she insists on being friends with you knowing that it hurts you, she's the one being selfish. don't apologize for the way you feel, you cannot control that.

 

as far as imagining the relationship never existed...why would you do that? all these little pieces of life help to make us who we are. don't run away from them. some are good, some are bad but they all contribute to the whole. i think that's very comforting actually. nothing we've done in the past is in vain no matter how stupid or embarrassing it was. life is one big learning experience and I kinda don't want to figure it out.

[BrianG]

you do what you feel is best for you. if having contact with her is going to make it harder on you then you need to tell her that. in fact, if she insists on being friends with you knowing that it hurts you, she's the one being selfish. don't apologize for the way you feel, you cannot control that.

 

as far as imagining the relationship never existed...why would you do that? all these little pieces of life help to make us who we are. don't run away from them. some are good, some are bad but they all contribute to the whole. i think that's very comforting actually. nothing we've done in the past is in vain no matter how stupid or embarrassing it was. life is one big learning experience and I kinda don't want to figure it out.

 

i guess imagining the relationship never existed is a bad choice of words. What i meant to say was pushing those feelings aside in order to be friends, because in one way or another my feelings for her will always be there.

[niceguy27]

If you let her go by thanking her and complimenting your relationship you would be doing something that goes against your logic (us guys think in these terms) but will appeal to her emotions. Be thankful that you had a chance to enjoy a good r/s while it lasted. Let her know that and let her go on those terms. You will be conveying the sense of love that you feel for her and you will feel very good about that because you are expressing you deep feelings for her without sugar coating it.

 

If you read that thread you can see how I beat myself up over what the hell to say to her. After thinking long and hard and looking within myself did I find the right words. By being honest and open with your heart AND combining that with saying goodbye you will feel as though you accomplished something and will know that you opened your heart to her to say goodbye.

[NorCalDave]

thanks guys, I feel like begging for her to take me back, but from what i have read on here it seems like a bad idea. Yeah, I know its going to stink big time. I guess there is no hope of us getting back together if we have been together for 5 years and she is moving out of the apartment. I guess that is taking too many steps back after a 5 year relationship

 

What do you guys or gals feel about the "friends" aspect of it. Am I wrong in thinking that?

 

 

I went through the same thing with my ex. We had already been broken up though when she moved out. I was trying to be her "friend" (HUGE mistake) and I let her rent a room in my house and it drove me crazt because, like you said, I still have the physical attraction and if you are still attracted to your ex and you still love them, it is close to impossible to be friends.

I really do not recommend trying. But if you do, you'll have to learn it on your own, that being friends with an ex after a breakup is pure torture.

All the hugs, kisses, and cuddling (and sex of course) that you are used to getting?

Fuhget about it.

You're not going to get much as the "friend".

I remember just wanting a simple hug from her, and she wouldn't even do that, because she knew it might lead to something, and she didn't want to lead me on.

So, it will turn into a frustrating friendship, and who wants that?

Friendships aren't supposed to be frustrating. They're supposed to be enriching and fulfilling and fun.

With her, I couldn't take it. I wanted her so bad because she was within arm's reach of me, but without any of the affection I was used to getting.

It's not fun. Straight up.

I suggest doing the right thing, and going NC, and letting time go by so both of you can think clearly and focus on yourselves.

At this point we (you and I) only have 1 source of power, and that's hoping that time and space away makes them miss us.

It's really the only way that they will ever come back...if they miss us and start wondering about us again.

Hang in there, it will be rough.

Just come to this board and get your feelings out.

By the way, I've been on 2 months straight of NC with my ex....I still miss her like crazy and just want to hear her voice again, but it won't accomplish anything to call her. I'll be back to square 1. Don't want that.

[BrianG]

thanks, yeah she is moving out the rest of the stuff from our apartment today, i have not contacted her at all and but she keeps contacting me about loose ends for the apartment. boy this sucks, but i know no contact is the best way to go. just difficult right now because we have some loose ends to take care of so we have to speak in the meantime. meeting up this weekend to change over the bills so as soon as that is done, everything should be done.