buckdawg Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 is it completely inappropriate for me to say that if that's you in your avatar then your husband's a moron? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 You're a strong lady, RP, and a very smart one. I know you will find your way through this and you and your boys will be healthy and happy. Your husband, well, he will always be a difficult man, with a difficult family, and a difficult life. And he will regret not fighting harder for your marriage. Don't feel bad that you are having a hard time holding it together!! Be kinder to yourself than that - you have worked hard in this marriage and you are entitled to fall apart when the sadness overwhelms you. It's ok to be human and have emotions!! I know your family is far, but your mom is just a phone call away, and LS will always be here for you with lots of hugs and bunnies. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 RP! I went back and read your previous posts and was stunned by this! I am from, well, Macedonia, Greece! I hope this doesn't put a damper on things! I know our countries are at odds about the name "MAcedonia" but I could give a damn. I have been to Skopje and Ochrid and I loved both places ..esp. these wonderful goat cheese balls (feta cheese) that I couldn't get enough of!! I am from Macedonia, too - a town near Skopje, though I grew up in the US, so it's ok that you're from that 'other' Macedonia. Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 RP, many men in their 50's turn psycho. I know; I did. The trite expression "mid-life crisis" doesn't begin to capture that time's alienating turbulences where many a loved one turns victim. I feel for you woman, but you're young, beautiful and smart. Don't babysit your husband through his latest life crisis. As hard as it sounds, break free and find men your age, or younger. Many middle-aged men are pathetic. Good luck, girl. Link to post Share on other sites
buckdawg Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 RP, many men in their 50's turn psycho. I know; I did. The trite expression "mid-life crisis" doesn't begin to capture that time's alienating turbulences where many a loved one turns victim. I feel for you woman, but you're young, beautiful and smart. Don't babysit your husband through his latest life crisis. As hard as it sounds, break free and find men your age, or younger. Many middle-aged men are pathetic. Good luck, girl. i guess i'm an early bloomer...i turned psycho in my mid 30's. wife took the hard line and scared me straight. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 RP- allow yourself time to be sad when you feel that way. heck it's been two years for me and i still get overwhelmed with sadness at times. i'm entitled to my own feelings and recognizing what they are. it helps me to move forward at times when i am ready. plus after 23 years of someone telling me what to feel and when to feel it - it gives me back my power and the opportunity to know what's best for me. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I am from Macedonia, too - a town near Skopje, though I grew up in the US, so it's ok that you're from that 'other' Macedonia. Norajane and RP, I am thrilled to smithereens!!! Great news! I needn't feel so marginalized on LS after all! Traditionally , we share much in common from music to tradition to common history and language (the Slavic - Macedonian dialect) not to mention our delectable Balkan cuisine !!!!!!!!!!!!!! But mostly, hey, here we are on LS getting to know one another!! I too grew up in the States (Boston)!! Seems we share a lot in common! From the "other" Macedonia, Big, big hugs to both of you girls ! No wonder your posts ( both of yours) have always held a special appeal for me!!! I Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 RP, I'm at a lost for words. I wish I could help you as much as you helped me when I was going through my divorce. I look up to you and your strength and I know you are strong enough to get through this and to not let it change you. Do be kind and patient to yourself and watch what your internal voice says to you. You are entitled to your feelings, to your grief and sorrow and pain. Do not belittle yourself or think less of yourself because you have feelings. Feel them, express them, and learn from them. That is how you will heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 If you don't want the divorce.... You don't have to.... What do you want??.... If it has to be done for financial reasons... Perhaps yes... And If you want to move on... Is this really what you want???? Is this really what he wants? As you say, he has threatened this more than once.... Could you not seperate for awhile first? Link to post Share on other sites
petuniababy Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Hi, I don't know you, but I can tell you from experience...this too shall pass. May you find the strength, courage and wisdom to get through this ordeal. There will be light at the end of the tunnel for you, because you are beautiful inside and out. I can see that from your post and all the responses. And one day you'll look back at this and realize that your life is better because you made it through this rough time. In the meantime, we're all here for you. Peace, and love, Petuniababy Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 RecordProducer, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I was hoping for the best for you, and I'm surprised that you and AvShiloh weren't able to make it last any longer than a couple years. I have to agree with him regarding the incompatibilities, but it's really a shame you and he weren't able to recognize and resolve these problems before you married. I'm glad to hear you're already looking to the future and to a better life. This will help you move on and put this all behind you faster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2007 Author Share Posted October 13, 2007 Girls, forgive me for being a black sheep, but things like nationality don't impress me. I am an idealist and I seek the universal truths - that's the way I am. At some moments when I felt weak I looked up to Norajena, who always seemed like a strong and partical person to me. I am amazed at Marlena's and other people's urge to help me. At this time it means so much to me, it makes the difference between feeling like dying and feeling OK. In every post I find one or two crucial sentences that help me function. Somebody asked me about my citizenship. I will not get it, but I have the permanent residency in the US, so that's a not a problem. Please, guys, keep posting, your comfort means so much to me. You give me oxygen at these hard times - to survive. I know I am pathetic, I am trying to keep all the pieces together, but it's so hard. I am drunk 24 hrs now. I can't face the reality. Last night I dreamed that he huggeds me and kissed me and told me he loved me. He tells me that he loves me a lot, but why doesn't he want to be with me? I just don't understand. I promised myself that if he dumps me, I will never ever, for no matter what reason, go back to him. In any case, he is a wonderful person and I feel enriched for hiving had him in my life. He is one of the most beautiful things that efer happened to me and I love him to death and I am getting emotional... f*ck! Somebody asked me about financial reasons. I will be getting some money after the divorce and I absolutely trust him that he would help me whith whataver I would need. I don't need money to be happy. I am not into clothes, shoes, and luxury goods, so I don't see that my standard will go down significantly, especially since I will be (God willing) a JD graduate in four years. So that's not a problem and does not need to be discussed here. Thanks everyone. You guys are so, so, so kind and sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 RP, I have been wondering how you have been. I am sad to hear this. I feel bad that you will have to endure this pain alone. (yes, buckdawg....that is RP in her avatar..and yes, her husband is a jerk) Let it be known...we are here for you. And if you need a shoulder to cry on, mine are big. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 I'm really sorry to hear about this RP. I think you were facing difficult odds, given the attitude of the brother + wife - and you were right not to enter into a discussion with the brother. No point in listening to crap about yourself from someone who's always going to be dead set against you whatever you do. How are the boys in amongst all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2007 Author Share Posted October 13, 2007 I'm really sorry to hear about this RP. I think you were facing difficult odds, given the attitude of the brother + wife - and you were right not to enter into a discussion with the brother. No point in listening to crap about yourself from someone who's always going to be dead set against you whatever you do. How are the boys in amongst all of this?Hey, but it felt good to tell him after all this time and a year and a half of mud thrown against me: "You're an ass and your wife is a bitch!" That felt sooooooooooooo goooooooood. The kids... ... they just told me "Don't get divorced, mom" and I said "Sometimes you can't choose what you want in life. It's going to happen and I don't want it either." Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 AWWW, hugs RP. I swear I was just thinking about you this morning and even looked up when you were last on. I just assumed you were getting ready for your tests (actually I inquired and another member told me that a few weeks ago.) I'm so sorry it had to come to this. I was hoping for a better outcome for you and your sweet boys. But you know you are strong. You'll get through this. I never thought he treated you the way he should have to be honest with you. Trust me, you'll still have a good life..and even better life. And RP, please try not to drink so much (if at all). It will just make everything more depressing that it already is and much harder to get through...trust me on that one. You know I speak from experience there. We're all here for you and PM me anytime, ok? Kisses and hugs, T Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2007 Author Share Posted October 13, 2007 Touche, my wonderful big sis. I am drunk and it's been helping me get through the hard times. You can call me anytime you wish. I am thinking of you often, sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Touche, my wonderful big sis. I am drunk and it's been helping me get through the hard times. You can call me anytime you wish. I am thinking of you often, sweetie. Aww, me too. You've actually been on my mind lately. I must have sensed something was up with you. And my email has changed. I need to give you the new one. If you want I can call you tomorrow. It's so funny you call me big sis...I have another buddy who calls me that too. I love having lil sisters! My real one isn't as warm as you guys are. RP, try to not drink anymore...go eat. In the end it will make this all harder. Have you talked to your mom? Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Hey RP I am so very sorry All I can think of is that saying, What does not kill us only makes us stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Ok! Sweetpea! You've had your sympathty party! ONE! And only one per divorce! Lets get down to the basics! Let's get down to the fundamentals? What tha' "fudge" are YOU going to do about it? Laying around in your PJ's crying your ever-loving eyes under tha' satin sheets out isn't going to "get er' done!" Time to get off your dead @ss and get back to the basic and the fundamentals! Time to get to work! I'm re-reading some old material from "back in tha' day" I'm not begging and pleading for some gal to be in and a part of my life ~ so I'm impartial! So? This thread is gong to be first and foremost? About re-building you from the ground up! Making you better than you were! Your happy @ss looking for sympanthy? I don't think so! Look it up in the dicitionary! That's the only place your happy @ss is going to find it! This RP 101 from here on in! First assignment? Get your happy-ass out there and put a smile on your face, rub some sun-shine on your face! And I don't want to hear any "Yea-but's" coming out of your face! Go for a walk! Go meet an old friend! Go have coffee with someone you're happy azz has lost contact with! Go shopping! Go for a jog! Take the dogs for a walk! Take the kids for ice cream in the park! Get your happy azz busy living your life! Maybe its over? Maybe its not! Give us LShackers some time to work on it! Meanwhile? Get out there and put a smile on your face, and rub a little sunshine on your face with the knowledge? Gunny's working on it! And NO! I don't have all the solutions to the problems? Nor all the answers to the questions? But? I'm working on it! Now? Quit your crying! Dry your tears! Smile Damnit! Smile! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 "Pity Party" time is OVER gang! Time for the "collective" to come together and get to figure out how to get to the otherside of the mountain ~ one way or the other! There's years upon years of experience and knowledge here! Collectively ~ we're freaking Eistiens X 100! ~ 1000's fold! Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 RP, as many have noted, I have been wondering about you. Divorce. Always sad. Well, you probably lasted longer than I would have in that family! Your advice has always been good. My advice is to advise yourself from this point on. Think of what you would say to another in your shoes. I don't feel that I could do better than you. Of course I am sorry, but if he is hell-bent on a divorce, give him one and come out smelling like a rose! He pursued you and brought you and your children here from another country, right? Stay here (if you want to, of course) and live that dream. I have to agree that drinking won't really ease your pain, but I understand why you imbibe. Sleeping 12 hours has it's good side, too, but eventually you will have to face this head on, and that is best done with all your faculties intact. You are one of the strongest women I have come across on LS. Give yourself a few moments each day, and be that woman for the rest of it! You go, girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 You won't find any soultions to any problems, nor answers to any questions at the bottom of a bottle of anything! Trust me! I've looked through the bottom of many a bottle! And DDL's is right! You're all DAY strong! With a damned good head on your shoulders! Your better than this! JHC! LJ's not even gotten a hold of you yet! The "Collective" has joined! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 DIVORCE is NOT A foregone decision damnit!! I don't see any "rats' jumping ship "just" yet?! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 RC, Hi! How are you feeling today? Though trying to cope with the situation via a bottle is not at all a good idea I can well understand your need to put a numbness to the pain you are suffering through. I have done it time and again before, especially in the beginning phase when the reality around you is too painful to bear. Soon you will stop doing it when you realize it only exaggerates the negative feelings you are having and of course clouds your judgement. It's Ok now. Gve yourself some slack. A divorce, two children, a new country and an impending divorce (or may be not - it's early days yet) are a lot of sh** to have to deal with. Stop being so hard on yourself. No, you are not pathetic ...Stop saying things like that about yourself. I think it pisses all your friends here in LS. Just look at all the responses you immediately got. You are SO LOVEABLE!!!! The pathetic one is your husband really. How can a fifty year old be so influencd by a brother? Now, if that isn't pathetic I don't know what is. Your children will help you deal with this unbeknowst to themselves. You simply can't fall apart too much when they are constantly there needing your attention. They will sustain you through this and so will We here on LS. Do you have any friends or family that you can turn to for support. When was the last time you and your husband had a talk? Do you really think he wants a divorce? Or is he just reacting to other issues in his life. When you ask him why he wants a divorce, what does he say? Sorry about all the questions. Just tring to understand. You needn't answer if you are not up to it at this point. Hope today you are a little bit stronger than yesterday! Take care of yourself, RP. Steel yourself for what's up ahead. Love yourself and see yourself the way we see you ...an admirable, strong, kind and smart young lady! Big, big hugs. Marlena Link to post Share on other sites
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