My husband is divorcing me

[michelangelo]

Dear dropdead....,

 

I just wanted to clarify the impression more than one of you had about what was signed and when.

 

I have no idea if such a document is even legal.

 

However, i do think RP wanted to make a statement to her H that she was there for love. It was her way to call his bluff. Remove an impediment to love.

[Gunny376]

Thanks for setting at least me straight! I thought she had signed a pre-nup, and yes there are such a thing as post-nups and they can be a legally binding document in most states.

 

However? If signe through coercion, under duress, theats ~ and that can be proven in an open court, parts or all of it can be declared null and void.

 

What is all the more, parts of are all of a pre-nup have been declared null and void in various jurisdictions ~ even when neither party sought such relief from the courts?

 

The reason ~ as I've stated before an individual cannot sign away their rights under the law.

 

For example? In most jurisdictions? Whatever property each individual own solely at thier disposal prior to the marriage will be their's after the divorce in so long as the first party did not list the second party as a co-owner, (putting their name on the deed to the property that was owned prior to the marriage)

 

However? Whatever was purchased in the last year and a half of the marriage? RP has at least half claim to it.

It would depend upon how the post-nup was worded.

 

There's sufficient case law, judicial review, and legislative law on this you could go around and a round on this.

 

None the less as DDL's has said, you need to at least get an attorney to review, and follow the process to raise any onjections.

 

If your comfortable with the $125K ~ so be it. But you still need legal counsel to ensure that you'll even get the $125K.

[quankanne]

RP, I've read through all these posts, and I think one thing shines through: You're an incredibly strong woman, and everyone is proud of you for standing up to this man and not letting him (or his family) treat you like crap any longer.

 

however, there is a great worry about you trying to be decent about ending your relationship with him: You've got to remember that when you married him, it was about love. Divorces aren't about love, and I wouldn't put it past him to play dirty, simply because he's looking out for his best interests. Oh, he might still care about you in a sense, and he prolly does really love your kids, but divorce is about winning, not playing fair. And with his background (married before and planning for an eventual divorce when he set up a post-nup agreement with you?), I can almost guarantee he's not going to be "nice" about this ... divorce is about revenge for at least one of the parties involved. Get yourself a lawyer, kiddo, and protect your back. Because I wouldn't trust your husband any further than I could throw him ...

[Art_Critic]

I am not an attorney so all this info in this post is not legal advice..

and I'm using it to illustrate that she needs to retain an attorney and have them look at her case/agreement.

 

In most states and I believe PA there are 3 reasons a post marital will not hold up in court

 

1.) if both parties did not have legal representation on the agreement. I believe it may also have to be separate legal representation.

 

2.) if one party is coerced to sign an agreement

 

3.) if one party or the other did not make full disclosure of all assets.

 

It might be possible that if she was not represented by an attorney when she signed the document then it is might not a legally binding contract or it might be deemed invalid by a judge.

[amaysngrace]

Hey RP...I'm sorry to hear of this. I was just thinking of you the other day doing my yardwork. I was hoping that partying was keeping you away. I'm sorry to learn that this was the reason.

 

I have to say this...your H is an ass. He's been an ass for a while and he really doesn't appreciate the good of you. Plus he has no backbone. That's pretty evident.

 

No wonder you don't sleep with him...who wants to sleep with a jellyfish?? Even if he didn't have has penis problems he's still be a jellyfish with no backbone.

 

Be cool, get a lawyer and know that you deserve so much more from life.

 

XO

[Gunny376]

I am not an attorney so all this info in this post is not legal advice..

and I'm using it to illustrate that she needs to retain an attorney and have them look at her case/agreement.

 

In most states and I believe PA there are 3 reasons a post marital will not hold up in court

 

1.) if both parties did not have legal representation on the agreement. I believe it may also have to be separate legal representation.

 

2.) if one party is coerced to sign an agreement

 

3.) if one party or the other did not make full disclosure of all assets.

 

It might be possible that if she was not represented by an attorney when she signed the document then it is might not a legally binding contract or it might be deemed invalid by a judge.

 

That's what intersting about all of this? Not an attorney amongst us? And we're already shredding the post-nup!

[Gunny376]

And while I'm on this thread RP!

 

You're not from the USA, and there's a lot of media about doing this, and doing that. About going to college,getting an education and what.

 

And there's a lot of media about lawyers making good money, a damn good living, if not getting rich.

 

The fact of the matter is that here in Alabama there are over 200,000 lawyers ~ their average income? About $35,000 a year. (Source: The Alabama Bar Association)

 

Now granted? Many of them are rural country lawyers. And are quite content to make what they make and earn what they earn.

 

As a Gunnery Sergeant in the Marine Corps ~ were that I still on active duty ~ I'd be pulling down around $63,000 a year. Bonuses for special ops are going for around $150,000.

 

When I was in the Corps ~ still on active duty? I was very much "tha man" I had my own unit and about 80 guys under me. What I said was law! I was personally signed for and responsbile for millions of dollar worth of property, equipment. And I mean if it came up damaged or lost ~ my azz was personally on the line for it!

 

Fast forward! I retired out of the Marine Corps and I went from being a hero to a zero!

 

I found myself being "over-educated" and "under-skilled" and economically un-viable"!

 

My degree? Business Administration ~ Finance.

 

You would think I could get a job easy enough with a degree like that? Not so!

 

It very much about who you know, and which family you've managed to marry into ~ and trust me! Many of them as you've found out the hardway aren't worth it!

 

The reason people have the jobs and positions that they have? Because of the people they know and the families they were married into and/or married into. My furture boss ~ the furture owner of the mulit-million dollar company I work for isn't even a high school graduate. He's cannot even to begin to understand the job I do! He doesn't understand the chemistry, the science, the math ~ zilich, nothing, nadda! Completely clueless!

 

I know of plenty of college graduates working at convience stores, WalMart, and jobs they could have worked at without having gone to college.

 

I know a guy that has a PhD in computer science working at Circuit City for $8-$9 an hour! Trouble is? He's from India?

 

Finding a good and decent paying job is more about who you know than what you know!

 

You've got to remember? George W. Bush the President of the United States got into Yale because of who is father was? But he still only carried a 2.5 average! That should tell you all you need to know about how this country works!

[melodymatters]

Hey RP,

 

sorry about your recent troubles, and i'm not here to give divorce advice either : I'm a "poor" single mother who has paid for one divorce and another anullment, just to get away from the guys !

 

The REASON, I'm adding to your thread is because when I first joined, I was dating an identical twin in his forties who couldn't forge a life with me because his brother and his family dictated his world to him. Sound familiar ? Thats why you were one of the first posters I started reading religiously !

 

They did everything they could to break us up, to keep him safe from "evil" woman, like they had encountered. At the time, he had nothing, I owned a couple houses and started us a business,took out the loan etc, so there was NO basis in fact in this. I also took him to a DR, and cooked healthily for him and succesfully got his blood pressure down, and those are just 2 quick things that come to mind....

 

 

But I was always the outsider and therefore never to be trusted.

 

So, let the "divorce smart" people council you on that, I am writing to say that I understand how a man picking his nuclear family over you, in such obvious ways, over and over, is a special pain and one I can understand.

 

I am no longer with my "twin", good luck in moving on from yours !!!!

[Gunny376]

Per the reference of my trying to lure you South?

 

YOUR ass couldn't toke the note on me!

[Gunny376]

BTW?

 

That's "take"

[quankanne]

gunny – lake guntersville?

 

the thing art said about three reasons a post-nup can fall through: The one about 'undisclosed finances' hit a nerve ... my guess is that her husband had gotten to the point of finagling a piece of paper for her to sign to protect his assets, chances are, he's not being up and up about those assets. And it wouldn't be below him to complain that he was coerced into signing just because he CAN play dirty. Sorry, RP, I think the guy just gets more and more slimy I read your posts. It's about him and HIS needs, not you or yours.

 

another question I've got for those of y'all outside Texas – isn't alimony automatic in your state?

[GALT]

HE can also say it was signed under duress. I recall some violent fights. THe incident with the police and the "weapon" and drinking. The mattress and so forth. He can claim he was terrified and felt coerced into signing it and as such is NOT responsible to pay you. And furthermore, he can take a restraining order on you removing you and your kids from HIS house and perhaps even going so far as saying you tricked him into marrying you and attempt to have your green card revoked.

 

Depends on who he knows....I know of a legal Muslim that hit his wife in an argument at one point. She was connected and after a call to a hig level office, he was on a plane the following night back to the homeland with an escort.

 

Do not look lightly on being represented!

[Gunny376]

gunny – lake guntersville?

 

 

I prefer Lake Eufala ~ love those eight pound large mouths!

[marlena]

RP,

Are you OK?

[RecordProducer]

Guyz, thank you all for posting. You have helped me tremendously. I love you all.

 

He wants me to pay him rent if I am to stay in his house until the school year ends.

[Ladyjane14]

He wants me to pay him rent if I am to stay in his house until the school year ends.

 

Sweet guy.

 

If that doesn't prove you won't be missing much, I don't know what would. He brought you from your home country... and now he wants rent.

 

Hell, I'd go ahead and pay him. Then, you don't have to feel beholden to him in any way. Feel free to cook delicious meals and offer him nothing. Feel free to walk around in your skimpies, and again... offer him nothing.

 

Hey, if he's got his little bit of blood money, that ought to be sufficiently comforting to him, right? And... if you check with your attorney, I think you'll find that as a renter, you have certain protections under the law.

[Fancee]

Recordproducer, Marlena is telling the truth. I once new a lady who told me her husband had cancer had died. She took of him but he had problems with not performing. I was very young but I remember everything after reading what Marlena said. The friend was 50 and she said she kept telling him it was okay she would assure it was okay but she say he would never

excepted it. But now he couldn't leave her.

 

Maybe your husband just can't deal with it because some how you are just to young and he really is too. If you was 70 and he was 90 maybe it wouldn't bother him.

 

You probably will be married to a rich man who loves you more than you love yourself. You probably will end up getting married on a yacht. God got this whole world in his hands. He know what you need better you.

[GALT]

Rent? Well with him not letting you get a job, paying it might be a problem. Evicting you may not be so hard. And I also suspect that by being a renter while still married, you probably give up your right to the marital home.

 

Most states will award possession of the marital home to the spouse that is the main caregiver to the children while the deal is going down and order the vacating spouse to pay part of the mortgage, utilities, taxes, and so forth. I know it is different with your kids as they are not his, but you also lived as a family unit.

 

RP, the $125K is great, but to be honest for the sacrifices you made, probably not enough. THe guy owns/owned a successful company, an aircraft, and all the little things that go along with it. DO you KNOW his net worth? I mean it seems he ran the life so it would not surprise me that he has a lot of it hidden.

 

If he is worth $500K then the $125K might be extreme given the short time of the marriage, but if he is worth $1M, $2M, $3M $5M? then the $125K to him is a drop in the bucket.

 

I know you want to play nice, but unfortunately, playing nice is NOT what divorce is all about. Try and make it work and play nice....

[Art_Critic]

He wants me to pay him rent if I am to stay in his house until the school year ends.

 

He is just trying to get some of that 125k back..

I think you are about to see what type of guy he really is..

 

Retain an attorney RP...

Even if everything stays Status Quo.. you need someone to keep him and the things he will try at bay.. Like the rent thing.. that is crap in this particular divorce

[Great Gazoo]

He is just trying to get some of that 125k back..

I think you are about to see what type of guy he really is..

 

 

Yes I am afraid you are right and if he truly goes through with making her pay rent the sooner he is out of her life the better because then he really is scum.

[RecordProducer]

Sweet guy.

 

If that doesn't prove you won't be missing much, I don't know what would. He brought you from your home country... and now he wants rent.

 

Hell, I'd go ahead and pay him.

Who else could write with such class and style other than our Ladyjane?

 

I don't think he was serious about the rent. I think he just expected that I would beg for his love, and instead I told him I was glad to divorce him.

 

Well with him not letting you get a job,

Where did you get this nonsense?

Galt, you've said enough, you can stop with the dramatic scenarios now.

[marlena]

I don't think he was serious about the rent. I think he just expected that I would beg for his love, and instead I told him I was glad to divorce him.

 

 

 

Funny, RP! That was my first thought too! He can't be serious! It's just an empty threat! I'm sure that he HATES what's happening but for some reason he can't stop the snowball effect of what he has started. I'll ask once again at the risk of sounding boring or ignorant, sn't this marriage salvageable in some way?

 

You use the words BEG for his love. Interesting choice of words. Does he want you to beg as in he wants you to humilitate yourself to him or as in he really wants your love but is so messed up right now that he doesn't know how to spark it in you again?

 

Most importantly, how do YOU feel about him RP? Set aside the anger and the disappointment for a minute. Do you have any love for him at all?

 

If he were to distance himself from his family's influence and if he were willing to work on better sex, would you still want him as a husband?

[dropdeadlegs]

Will he be staying in the house until the end of the school year, too?

 

I know divorce laws differ widely from state to state, but in mine, you have to live separate and apart for a full six months before a divorce can be filed or granted. Sure, people have been known to lie under oath, but I played by the rules. I wouldn't have wanted anything to nullify my divorce, or to be charged with perjury.

 

I asked earlier, has he initiated any legal action, or is everything to this point verbal? If I missed it earlier, I apologize.

[OldEurope]

Galt, you can stop with the dramatic scenarios now

 

What you are about to face isn't a dramatic scenario?

 

It seems to me Galt's advice has been quite insightful...You are after all new to a country and alone in it save for a man who is/is not/is/is not going to or wanting to dump a brand new marriage (um...number three)

 

RP, I may just be speaking for myself when I say this, but it is not really easy to follow what is going on here and how you personally feel about it. I can understand the swells of emotion--pride and then depression, perhaps--but your audience here doesn't quite have a grip on things, I think, and it is hard to know what advice to give and what advice you are seeking and what the possible scenarios could be or really won't be. One minute you sound very worried in your posts, others, like it's no big deal, the husband is just joking around, "rent" was not meant to be taken seriously...etc etc.

 

You say that he may have been testing you with the rent comment only to see if you would start to cry and beg. And yet...and yet...this man did tell you coldly and apparently calmly that he wanted a divorce because you weren't, in his view, "seeing eye to eye" or some such vague nonsense. You say that he is a wonderful man and that he is the victim of some ruthless relatives, but then he is telling you or joking with you or whatever the heck saying to you that you must go "ASAP". He is vague about his finances apparently, won't pay for the law school of a new wife he is/is not/ is about to let go, and yet you have full confidence that he will treat you well now and in the future.

 

Help.

 

 

Point blank, inquiring minds want to know two answers to two questions:

1) DOES he want you to stay or does he want you to go?

 

2) DO you want to stay or do you want to go?

 

And quickly a third question: Has he initiated any legal action/seen a lawyer, at this point?

 

Love,

Your OE

[RecordProducer]

I'll ask once again at the risk of sounding boring or ignorant, sn't this marriage salvageable in some way?

I doubt it, because I don't have faith in this relationship anymore. I can't deal with the same problems over and over again. I tried hard to save this marriage, but he always talked about divorce.

Does he want you to beg as in he wants you to humilitate yourself to him or as in he really wants your love but is so messed up right now that he doesn't know how to spark it in you again?

I don't know what he wants, but I think he wants me to cry and promise to be a good girl if he doesn't leave me, kiss a few asses, be desperate... In a way, I think he uses divorce threats to corner his women, to see them broken and devastated because of him.

 

Most importantly, how do YOU feel about him RP? Set aside the anger and the disappointment for a minute. Do you have any love for him at all?

I love him very much, but the lack of affection and intimacy has taken its toll.

 

If he were to distance himself from his family's influence and if he were willing to work on better sex, would you still want him as a husband?

Yes, but I don't believe that he could ever distance them from his life. I think the lack of sex has also much to do with his brother - he was trying to be "faithful" to his brother. Everything BIL did had the purpose of throwing me out of hubby's life. It's just too sick and I don't think it can be cured.

 

I asked earlier, has he initiated any legal action, or is everything to this point verbal? If I missed it earlier, I apologize.

Still verbal only.