My husband is divorcing me

[RecordProducer]

I just got my LSAT score. I am in the 60th percentile.

OK, I understand that I just moved into the US and I've NEVER ever taken any standardized tests before, plus English is my second language. I only had three months to prepare, but still, I feel like such a loser. It really screwed up my mood. I just hope I get into any law school. The score is not a problem, but it's not a competitive one either.

 

And H is talking to his father on the hpine, discussing buying a house. It makes me sick that he needs to discuss it with his father. Everything has to be discussed with his father. Papa's boy! :sick:

[Gunny376]

The question isn't getting into law school, or even a law school? The question is what "tier" law school you get into or if your get into an ABA accredited law school.

 

There's a law school here in Alabama ~ Jone Law School ~ and many an attorney has attended it and graduated from it ~ and its been around since the 1930's ~ but it has only recently become accredited by the ABA.

 

You could always become a terrorist? Seriously? Yale just admitted to its undergraduate program a former convicted terrorist, that barely speaks the language, has a grade school education, and a GED?

 

Its hard to do all that you're trying to do why going through all the problems of your marriage plus two young lad to raise day to day.

 

And while I realize that your a strong-willed, intellegent, ambitious woman ~ but.............................

 

In a lot of ways you're like I was when I retired from the Marines? I was 18 when I intially enlisted, and thirty eight when I retired.

 

I moved back home ~ but it was as though I was moving to an un-familiar part of the country. Few people that I had known prior to the Marine Corps where still around ~ and what ones there were I hadn't maintain contact with.

 

The fact of the matter is? We all need a network of friends and family ~ and you yourself have stated that your contacts has been limited your H's family? That's the first thing that you need to work on ~ when you get the opportunity ~ building a network. And one of the best places to do that? Church.

 

Mind you? I'm not the church going type, but I live in the "Bible Belt" and that a hugh networking opportunity.

 

Another thing that comes to mind? You need to come up with a Plan A, B, and C, and perhaps even a Plan D, E, and F for buiilt in reducndancy.

 

There's no question in my military mind ~ that you will eventuall land on your feet, and that you will be successful in whatever you set out to accomplish ~ be that law school or something else.

 

Thing is RP? Its very possible you want get into law school this year, nor the next? And that's a fact. I've no doubt that it will happen? But its a question of "when" more than "if"

 

But there are people that go to law school and decided to drop out. Hell! I know people that have graduated law school and are working jobs that don't require a law degree. Some by choice, others not so?

 

Don't go into law thinking that you're going to make a "killing" As a retired Marine and working in my current job in a lab ~ I make more money than your average lawyer in Alabama ~ according to the Alabama Bar Association.

 

The only reason to go into law ~ is because you love the job ~ and like any job? It has it upside and downside.

The first five to ten years can be extremely boring, monotonus, and low paying.

 

As for Mom? I guessing your Catholic?

 

Some people belive there's no reason for divorce ~ for any reason? I had a friend from HS that is "in the church" and is very religious. She divorced her third husband, because he tried to sexually molest her daughter from her second marriage. Her so-called preacher told her that she should go back to him, because they were married and he was her husband, and the fact that he had on repeated occasions attempt to sexually molest her pre-teen, teenage daughter wasn't grounds for divorce?!!!!

 

Idiots! You can't control them you can only hope to contain them!

 

To close? I'm not saying "Don't stay the course" that you've choosen ~ I'm saying you need to come up with some back-up plans to your back up plans to the point of being absurd about it!

 

BTW, I've got a book around here about taking "standarized test" such as the ACT, SAT, LSAT, GMAT. It provides a strategity for taking them. It really works, in that it provides you a method for answering questinons when your stumped. I took the SAT twice and was able to raise my score 206 points using the method.

 

Give me a couple of days to find it, (I've got a lot of books)

[marlena]

Rp!

 

Hi! Hope things are a bit better for you! Not to worry about your LSAT's. You can take them again. As for your English! It is impecable! Better than native - language level! Amazing!

 

Just further proof of your intelligence!

[Touche]

Why take the LSAT again? I don't get it. I think you did mighty well. I mean English isn't your first language and you still did better than most who took it. Less than half who took the test did better than you did, right?

 

By the way, not sure if you're aware of this but California is the only state that recognizes distance learning or online learning as far as being eligible to sit for the Bar Exam. I would look into that. There are a couple of accredited California colleges that offer this on line. I believe it costs about $10,000 a year..much less than traditional college.

 

Just something to think about.

[OldEurope]

RP,

 

Dobar Dan!

 

Do not worry about the LSAT, you can take them again and again, as have so many (top) law school students had to do.

 

And like Marlena says, we are pretty much astounded here (I think I can speak for all) how excellent your English is--even your ability to "play" with the language.

 

And with schools....I went to a so called "Ivy League" school in the US but first I was rejected by the one I wanted to really attend (Columbia). So, I enrolled in the so called Extension School of that university and then later re applied to the regular college. Being on campus, doing well, meeting professors obviously, knowing the ropes, all facilitated this. I know many or know of many stories like this...Even at places like Oxford or Cambridge in England have I heard such "back-door" stories. So tutti e possible.

 

NEVER be discouraged by a "test" score or any of that. If law school is really what you want, you will find your way in...(you especially of all people!)

 

xo

 

OE

[RecordProducer]

Thanks guys for the consolation. It's not such a bad score, but I was hoping to go to a decent school, which I still can, but it's not guaranteed. Re-taking the test is not the point unless I know I can do better than this. The problem with the test is time: you only have 35 minutes for complex, tricky, and lengthy 25-27 questions. Complex English slows me down a bit. I think if I had 45 min/section, that would be equal to my abilities if English were my native tongue. In that case, I would have done much better, I would have been in the 80-90th percentile.

 

I am craving a man again. I've been without love and affection for too long, practically since I split with my ex seven years ago. I didn't really date my husband much IRL and since I moved in with him, things went downhill. I really, really need a good kissing session. But not with just anybody... and not with my husband. Not being desired is such a turn-off.

[Curmudgeon]

Not being desired is such a turn-off.

 

I'm so sorry things turned out this way, RP, but not. It can work out for the best in the long run -- your best. You're young, attractive, intelligent, ambitious. What more could a real man ask for?

 

If I was 20 years younger, free, single and unattached I certainly wouldn't discount a possible relationship with you.

 

I'm convinced that you'll be fine, even better than merely fine, in the future. However, will this have any repurcussions on your immigrant status? I certainly hope not.

 

For being 50, your husband seems very immature emotionally and very dependent upon his family for support and decisions, approbation and acceptance. That usually sounds a death knell for a relationship with an "outsider," regardless of where they're from. It could be next door.

 

Hang-in there, RP. Better now than 10-15 years from now!

[marlena]

I am craving a man again. I've been without love and affection for too long, practically since I split with my ex seven years ago. I didn't really date my husband much IRL and since I moved in with him, things went downhill. I really, really need a good kissing session. But not with just anybody... and not with my husband. Not being desired is such a turn-off.

 

 

I can't begin to tell you how deeply I understand your feelings and commiserate with you. That yearning in your loins is natural and it is criminal that the man you married and trusted your happiness to is depriving you of feeling like a woman. It is not fair! I went through the exact same thing in my marriage. I would have to please myself and at that crucial moment, I would cry out, "I want to feel like a woman again!" and my release would be a sad and tearful one.

 

I am strong believer in the importance of physical touch in a relationship. This is a need that MUST be met. Without it, we can never reach fulfillment. There can not be an emotional bonding without a physical union as well. Reaching out, embracing, kissing , caressing are all ways we express our love. They are as vital to our well- being as the oxygen we breathe!

 

RP, You need to ponder deep and hard where your marriage is concerned. You are too young to have to live in a loveless/sexless marraige. It will change you. It will make you bitter and sad. If he can't love you the way you need to be loved, if he can't bring out the passion burning with in, then, well, you might have to consider leaving.

 

To me this is even a bigger problem than his BIL orSIL or PIL or any of these weirdos in his family.

 

Something will give RP sooner or later. This can't go on for long!

[Touche]

I can't begin to tell you how deeply I understand your feelings and commiserate with you. That yearning in your loins is natural and it is criminal that the man you married and trusted your happiness to is depriving you of feeling like a woman. It is not fair! I went through the exact same thing in my marriage. I would have to please myself and at that crucial moment, I would cry out, "I want to feel like a woman again!" and my release would be a sad and tearful one.

 

I am strong believer in the importance of physical touch in a relationship. This is a need that MUST be met. Without it, we can never reach fulfillment. There can not be an emotional bonding without a physical union as well. Reaching out, embracing, kissing , caressing are all ways we express our love. They are as vital to our well- being as the oxygen we breathe!

 

RP, You need to ponder deep and hard where your marriage is concerned. You are too young to have to live in a loveless/sexless marraige. It will change you. It will make you bitter and sad. If he can't love you the way you need to be loved, if he can't bring out the passion burning with in, then, well, you might have to consider leaving.

 

To me this is even a bigger problem than his BIL orSIL or PIL or any of these weirdos in his family.

 

Something will give RP sooner or later. This can't go on for long!

 

Phew, that whole post got me turned on!

 

Anyway, all kidding aside, I agree.

 

Hang in there, RP. One thing at a time for now.

[RecordProducer]

You're young, attractive, intelligent, ambitious. What more could a real man ask for?

If I was 20 years younger, free, single and unattached I certainly wouldn't discount a possible relationship with you.

Aaawwww. You're one of my favorite guys here on LS (and you have a JD ).

 

However, will this have any repurcussions on your immigrant status?

No.

 

For being 50, your husband seems very immature emotionally and very dependent upon his family for support and decisions, approbation and acceptance.

See, he can't understand this. He thinks it's normal and good to have a "close" relationship with them, where they all interfere in each other's lives and hold a concensus for all decisions, including marriages. Hubby drags his father and brother to see houses that he considers buying. He can't make a decision on his own. He asked his father to come to Serbia to meet me and tell him what he thinks. His father refused and then he brought his brother. My father was much closer (300 miles) and it didn't occur to me to ask him for an opinion. And I am REALLY close with my dad.

 

RP, You need to ponder deep and hard where your marriage is concerned. You are too young to have to live in a loveless/sexless marraige. It will change you. It will make you bitter and sad. If he can't love you the way you need to be loved, if he can't bring out the passion burning with in, then, well, you might have to consider leaving.

Thank you, Marlena, for keeping me "on topic." I don't want to feel this way. I told him last night how much I craved his touch and kiss. This morning I told him that I just crave affection and love, not necessarily from HIM.

 

He asked me to take the kids to soccer and I said NO, because BIL and SIL coach them and I don't want to see them. He said "I could have gone flying today, the weather is perfect. But I have to take the kids to soccer."

 

I said "It's not my fault that your brother is an ass and about flying, yes, you could have fun today. What about me? I could have a husband who f*cked me last night, but I didn't because I have you."

 

He got so mad. I don't understand why. Isn't that the truth that HE chose? I am really sorry that his Majesty could've had fun while I took the kids to soccer and watched my in-laws' asses.

[GALT]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GALT

I recall some violent fights. THe incident with the police and the "weapon" and drinking.

 

The fights were NEVER physical. There was NO weapon; the cop just asked me about the working tools in my car and I said there were my husband's. The cops just stopped me to check me and the breathelyzer showed that the alcohol level in my blood was "way below the limit." I can't believe how you twist the truth. Violence, weapons, DUI...

 

A fight needs not be physical to be violent. You have a violent temper if you read some of your past posts. He can as well. I know they were not weapons--did you see the quote (") marks? However, read that thread and the police thought they were weapons and you were stopped for suspicion of DUI. So, how have I twisted the truth?

 

Were you pulled over for suspicion of DUI?

Were you not escorted home?

Did the police not voice a concern about tools in your car being weapons?

Have you not had some knock down drag out violent fights? When he decided to not marry you? When he was conversing with the old girlfriend? When he had the bloody mattress? And all the family issues?

[littlekitty]

Rp - How are you doing, and what's the current situation for you? Are you ok?

[curiousnycgirl]

RP -

 

I have read the majority of this thread from the start, and let me tell you it has been very painful for me. I too come from a strong, jewish, patriarchal, controlling, manipulative, wealthy famiily - just like your husband's.

 

To tell you the truth - it does not sound like you have handled them well at all. I am not saying you should roll over and beg for them, but there are many ways to deal with offensive people without being combative. Your bil and sil do not sound like they are worth the effort to even respond. My response to your bil saying his penis being sensitive for you would have been something like, poor you - must be hard to live with as the only penis coming near me is my husband's. I agree his statement is crass and tasteless, I would not even call it a joke. It is simply disgusting. However responding in an irate fashion is simply not going to win the battle for you.

 

At this point I would suggest you have two options - depending on whether or not you think it is possible and if you want to save this marriage. If you do - then I think I am reading it correctly when I believe your husband is making overtures.

 

For example kissing your face in the morning, and wanting to share a bed with you. Rather than responding with a what do you care - you could just go to bed with him, or say that it is too painful for you to share a bed with him, knowing he wants to divorce you (that will get him thinking).

 

Rather than avoiding his brother and sil, you can attend your sons' soccer game, but stay far away. Do not engage in any heated discussions. By doing so you are forcing your husband to choose between his family and you. You'll never win that battle.

 

You can certainly have a good relationship with your husband's mother, just don't throw it in his father's face - don't speak of it. It's none of his business. If he brings it up, just gloss over it and change the subject.

 

If you feel this marriage is really over - then I suggest you find a job NOW. Don't be fooled for one moment that you will walk out of this marriage with anything more than the $125K he is obligated to give you from the post-nup. Even if your husband's money is all his own - do not think for one minute that his father does not control the purse strings.

 

Personally if you really love this man I would think trying to adjust and temper your reactions is worth the effort. I'm not saying to change who you are - I'm saying bring your intelligence to the fore and take control of the situation by not going down to their level. Say everything with a smile and sweetly. Doesn't matter that the message is basically a smack in their faces.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you to be in this country, without your support system, facing all you have on your plate.

[Elyssa]

I actually read the thread from the beginning and something popped out right away that I wanted to reply to.

 

RP, you sound sound very secure about your permanent resident status, but I actually doubt it's as secure as you think.

 

I married an American citizen and moved to the US from a Western European country almost four years ago and thus became a permanent resident, but since my residency was obtained through marriage, my first Green Card (card which shows your permanent resident status and serves as ID) had a duration of only 2 years. At that point, I had to go back to the immigration offices with my husband and file some more paperwork to confirm that we are still married, at which point they gave me the 10 year permanent residency and this status would not get revoked if I divorced my husband. This is the standard procedure for people who become permanent residents through marriage.

 

If I recall correctly, one cannot file for Citizenship in the US until he or she has been a permanent resident for at least 10 years.

 

Unless you've done things very differently, this would mean that your permanent residency might actually get revoked if you doesn't renew it with your husband before filing for divorce. From one of your previous posts in this thread, I gather that you have been in the US almost 2 years, which means that date is approaching.

 

Definitely something to look into before it's too late. Better safe than sorry.

 

-E

[RecordProducer]

Elyssa, thank you for your concern, that's very kind of you. Fortunately I have followed all the paperwork and my residency is not at stake at this point.

 

CuriousNYCgirl, you are right that I didn't handle the situation well, but I have no regrets, because I never wanted to be in a situation like this. I was silently smiling at every insult (they were mostly behind my back) and even the tastless jokes and ignoring that came from BIL for about a year. Then I started answering back and I am only thinking about the energy I wasted. What impression I left on anyone means nothing to me as the impression they all left on me was awful.

 

On Thanksgiving dinner, SIL asked hubby if he wanted soup and he ignored her. When I asked him if he heard what she asked, he said, "She is no person to me and I will not respond." We were in his father's house. He is in very bad terms with his brother too and they don't speak at all anymore. This proves that this whole ordeal was not about me - it was between them. I am sure SIL's brother and mother heard what hubby said, because they sat across us. This gesture meant that he cut them off; knowing her, she will never let him reconcile with his twin brother after this. And hubby knows it, too. She is very controlling. So basically, he cut them off. For the first time in our marriage, I saw him totally uncomfortable in his own family's surrounding, while I was actually having fun.

 

I don't know what I will do or what he will do about our marriage. It's possible that he was just full of it and never meant to divorce me. I will wait to see any changes on his part, but in the meanwhile I am working on my applications for law school and afterward, I want to look for a job. I just want to get out among people. I am constantly at home. I need a life. Otherwise, everything is the same between us as it used to be minus the big fights.

[Curmudgeon]

Isn't it just wonderful to be stuck somewhere in the middle?

[RecordProducer]

Isn't it just wonderful to be stuck somewhere in the middle?

Yessssssssss! Gives you a lot of time to... ummm... contemplate?