sapphire0903 Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 Hello all, Been a while since I have been on, Here is my question I have a FWB, friends with him for 10 years, benefits began about 1 year ago. Neither have "fallen" for each other, but we are really good friends. Here is the thing, I am on a dating site, (he knows this) and am looking for long term. Have not met anyone yet that fits the bill, but what if I do? How would I bring up my male friend.........it is clear between the FWB and me that if he or I ever began anything serious, that the "benefits" would end. In the meantime, however, while I am dating, it feels strange to me .......for instance, I have a date tonight from a guy on the dating site, (3rd date), ,...then Sat. nite, I will be hanging out with FWB...doing a party with friends,.....and later will probably hook up. So,.... How should I handle this? Should I just wait and see if the new guy and I pursue a "relationship"? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 IME, it's less messy if you just stop the FWB now. While you have no real commitment with this new guy, if he ends up being someone you start up something serious with then the situation could backfire on you down the road when he finds out you were f**king some other guy when you two first started dating. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I agree with Tanbark. What's going to happen if you become serious with a guy? When you hang out with your FWB, even if the benefits ceased...how will you explain your history to your boyfriend? Will you lie? In that case, isn't your relationship built on dishonesty? You'd have to lie because otherwise, a guy wouldn't be able to trust you hanging out with him. I'm not saying end the FWB for the guy you just started dating. What often happens in FWB is people aren't really fully available to flirt/date new people because either they spend too much time with their FWB, or they are attached somehow. If you are truly serious about finding a LTR, I think you need to be cautious with your FWB, and you need to be prepared to sever all ties with him when you meet someone new, to be fair to the new guy. Would you have to disclose the truth? Yes. If you want a relationship built on honesty. For example, if you were friends with an ex, but had a new bf, I'd assume you would tell your new bf "I used to date this guy." If you didn't tell him, and you bf found out he was an ex, that is a reason to be upset. Same thing with the FWB. You can lie, but really you need your relationships built on honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I had a FWB relationship for 8 years. The first two years we lived in the same city, then the last six 1,500 miles apart. Once I moved back east, and got settled down I started dating online. It never dawned on me to end the FWB relationship until I met my bf 3 years ago. Approximately a month into dating my bf I realized this one might be special and advised my FWB that I had met someone and would have to end it. Now granted once we lived so far apart we saw each other a lot less often, probably once a month vs. a couple of times aa week - but I still didn't even consider ending that until I knew I was with someone potentially significant. It's been three years and we are still friends. My bf knows all about him, and the three of us had even scheduled dinner together one night, but it didn't work out. My bf isn't happy about him, but it was before I met him - so he needs to get over it (at least that's what I tell him - he appears to listen). I guess it is really up to you and what you fell you can handle. Personally I wouldn't give up the benefits unless I felt there was potential with the new person. Frankly I had to meet ALOT of frogs before I met my bf - so I would have been missing something important to me for a few years!!! Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I think at a minimum, you should give up the fwb if he is someone you want to remain non-sexual friends with after you find a ltr. Would it be difficult for you if you were in a LTR and learned that his female friend and he were having sex when you guys first started dating? I think it might even be harder than being w/ someone who is friends w/ an ex. B/c the ex is an ex for a reason... it didn't work. But fwb- never had to work. You didn't care, just wanted sex with eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sapphire0903 Posted October 14, 2007 Author Share Posted October 14, 2007 Thanks everyone,..........good advice, and what I needed to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
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