Keeping him on his toes?

[EYECANDY000]

So just like the title on this thread, thats the new situation im going through. I have been casually dating this guy for the last month or so now. We seem to be hitting it off pretty well, but there is definately a guard up between the both of us. Now, one day we were speaking about relationships, and why I have been single for so long and him as well. During the course of the conversation he states "that he needs someone who is going to keep him on his toes"

I understand the whole keep me interested , but what is he talking about?

Does he want me to do romantic stuff,spontaneous stuff, abusive things..

hahah well maybe not abusive.

But I asked him what exactly do u mean by keeping u on your toes, and his reply was "of course Im not going to tell u"

What do u guys think? When someone says they need someone who will keep them on their toes , is it the same as saying they need someone who would keep them interested?

[compassion42]

I think he is being a typical guy and saying that he needs a woman who is not a pushover. Someone who will be a challenge and keep him wondering if the relationship is secure. It stinks when guys do this but I think it's very common.

[jophil28]

It means that he knows what he wants and he is giving you a chance at being the LTR in his life IF you keep him interested and stimulated. This guy has good self-regard and sees himself as a prize - that is good.

BUT a guy like this who is not pvssified will press the "EJECT" on you if you play high school mind games.

[lonelybird]

that sounds very 'conditional', to be honest, didn't feel good about this comment, I think this guy is giving pressure and I don't think he is that secure. much like 'if the relationship fails, that because YOU didn't keep me on my toes' sounds he is needy and self-centred Did he think what can HE offer?

[jophil28]

that sounds very 'conditional', to be honest, didn't feel good about this comment, I think this guy is giving pressure and I don't think he is that secure. much like 'if the relationship fails, that because YOU didn't keep me on my toes' sounds he is needy and self-centred Did he think what can HE offer?

 

THis is lame crap.

[Kamille]

I've been fed a variation of this line a number of times. My current response to that statement is now something like: 'I'm sure you realize I've got much better things to worry about then keeping you on your toes'. Which has the effect of 1) keeping me free of the responsability of modifying my behavior to try to please him and, thereby, 2) keeping him on his toes.

 

I think what the comment means is that they don't want to be dating someone who is a pushover and who would put up with stupid crap just to be with them.

 

So focus on keeping your balance, on being yourself, on telling him when he does stuff that bothers you, etc.

[Sean0775]

This guy is making vague comments in an effort to make him seem mysterious so you'll stay interested longer. I'd suggest not putting up with it, because playing games of any sort is BS.

[jcster]

THis is lame crap.

 

You would be the expert on that!!!

[reelwoman]

The guy sounds like an insecure idiot---as people have said, putting all the responsibility on you to keep his interest. I would not feel good about that at all. What about what keeps YOU interested? I would keep your focus on yourself--what makes you feel good and what you like about him, and NOT try to do anything to try to manipulate or please him--you're who you are, if that's not interesting enough for him, forget it. Don't try to play that game of pretending to be someone else. Not worth it! If you do something that's not real to keep him interested and he likes that, what's the point---he's not responding to the real you but to the fake you. To me, someone telling me I have to jump through hoops to keep their interest= total loser, no thanks.

do you really like this guy? If so, i would say that that remark bothered you and you're not interested in playing games. See how he responds.

[Krytie TV]

I disagree with EVERYONE about this, granted, I would have to know the exact context of the statement.

 

I tell women all the time that I like one who can keep me on my toes. This does NOT mean be aloof, a challenge, or keep me constantly interested.

 

It DOES mean that I like a girl who will hold me accountable, be free to argue with me, and to overall keep me honest. In my mind, the "on my toes" portion refers to not letting me get complacent with myself and develop lazy behaviors.

 

Argue if you want, but I think you need to have him elaborate. I know it's impulse to write this comment off how you all have, but there are times when I have to say that you all may be VERY wrong about your interpretations.

[nittygritty]

Maybe he was just nervous and he said something goofy. I don't think you should read too much into it just yet. Its easy to overanalyze every little thing.

 

Just store it in your memory bank and get to know him better. You will know if there was any meaning to his comment as you get more information about him by cautiously keeping an open mind.

[reelwoman]

actually, I have to say that Krytie very well might be right---hadn't thought of it that way but it does make sense and would be a MUCH nicer scenario! -- worth asking him about, for sure.

[compassion42]

I agree-Krytie may be on to something..nice to think about this from a different perspective.

[EYECANDY000]

Thanks everyone to responding to the thread.

A little about our history , well we are still in the process of getting to know one another and I am learning a lot about him, as he is learning a lot about me. How we met?

 

Well I see him almost daily where as he works in the same vicinity as my workplace. We would always just do small talk and that was it. I was definately attracted to him as he was attracted to me.

Then one day I decided to just go ahead and ask for his number, and he gave it to me. So I joked with him and said Ill think about calling you today. So I called him and we hit it off very well, found out that we have a lot in common.

 

Fast Forward! So we speak every day and text each other all day.. Now, I dont mind a challenge and defiantely dont mind the whole playing hard to get role. But once it starts so become annoying and it feels likes like you are doing it purposely , then thats when i just say Im done. It started out him kind of trying to make me jealous by jokingly mentioning other girls names, but he seen that didnt phaze me.

 

Now let me give a little history of my characterstics: I have always been single. dated a few here and there but nothing to serious.

My only relationship was long distance. I have a lot of pride and refuse to let anyone tarnish my ego. Im very non chalant and straight forward.. Im sensative , but not overly sensative.

I have a great personality, and very up-beat.

Ive always let people get away with a lot of things that has hurt me, I guess only because I didnt want to give off the impression that I cared.. Strange huh? Now to resume back to my beau

 

So, other things that he would do is not call for a day or so .. so I wouldnt call either.. I always have figured if your not thinking about me then Im not thinking about you.. ( I told u people I have a lot of pride.!)

So then he would finally call and ask , y havent I called him.. and my response will always be "well u seemed busy when we spoke, so I figured when u werent bust you would call" case closed!

I know he is just seeking attention, but sometimes it gets annoying.

I do feel that he wants me to chase him, but I just refuse to play the games.. and then days later thats when he brung up the whole I need someone to keep me on my toes crap.

 

What do u guys think based on the backround I provided?

[EYECANDY000]

Thanks everyone to responding to the thread.

A little about our history , well we are still in the process of getting to know one another and I am learning a lot about him, as he is learning a lot about me. How we met?

 

Well I see him almost daily where as he works in the same vicinity as my workplace. We would always just do small talk and that was it. I was definately attracted to him as he was attracted to me.

Then one day I decided to just go ahead and ask for his number, and he gave it to me. So I joked with him and said Ill think about calling you today. So I called him and we hit it off very well, found out that we have a lot in common.

 

Fast Forward! So we speak every day and text each other all day.. Now, I dont mind a challenge and defiantely dont mind the whole playing hard to get role. But once it starts so become annoying and it feels likes like you are doing it purposely , then thats when i just say Im done. It started out him kind of trying to make me jealous by jokingly mentioning other girls names, but he seen that didnt phaze me.

 

Now let me give a little history of my characterstics: I have always been single. dated a few here and there but nothing to serious.

My only relationship was long distance. I have a lot of pride and refuse to let anyone tarnish my ego. Im very non chalant and straight forward.. Im sensative , but not overly sensative.

I have a great personality, and very up-beat.

Ive always let people get away with a lot of things that has hurt me, I guess only because I didnt want to give off the impression that I cared.. Strange huh? Now to resume back to my beau

 

So, other things that he would do is not call for a day or so .. so I wouldnt call either.. I always have figured if your not thinking about me then Im not thinking about you.. ( I told u people I have a lot of pride.!)

So then he would finally call and ask , y havent I called him.. and my response will always be "well u seemed busy when we spoke, so I figured when u werent bust you would call" case closed!

I know he is just seeking attention, but sometimes it gets annoying.

I do feel that he wants me to chase him, but I just refuse to play the games.. and then days later thats when he brung up the whole I need someone to keep me on my toes crap.

 

What do u guys think based on the backround I provided?

[Krytie TV]

What do u guys think based on the backround I provided?

 

I see that you appear to have a very unpolished and unimformed view about relationships. If not calling for one day is playing games, that's the kind of game player I want.

 

All I see in your posts are your own seemingly insecure and childish interpretations of his behavior:

 

Used to mention other girls' names? How dare he... you should have warned him that he was supposed to be in a bubble after you met.

 

Not call for one day, are you serious? Did you make it clear to him that you own him? He may not have known. Free will is usually the first thing you need to strip from your partner to make a successful relationship.

 

And yes, please don't ever chase him. Guys like that and giving guys what they want is the first step to a life of misery. It is so much fairer to expect him to do everything and give nothing in return. If he's losing interest in you, this is why... and it looks to be your fault.

 

Do you see that his not calling may be him passively asking you to call him once in a while? He is not a bad guy for wanting your unsolicited attention. Are you too insecure and afraid to accept that guys might just want to feel important too? I'm sorry, but you sound incredibly selfish and self-centered and not ready for a real relationship.

 

One more question, what have you done for him? Besides love him and all the generic answers that require no effort I mean.

[plainoldjared]

Well, if this were me telling someone that I like a girl that "keeps me on my toes" I would mean that I like a girl with self motivation and creativity...

 

In other words, I like a girl that will make me think "what are we going to do today?" and not "oh so and so is coming over, I guess we'll be renting movies and cooking dinner... again" which is fantastic but lacks spontaneity. and this (in my case) only applies to fresh relationships, if i've been with someone for a while they should know what I like, I think...

 

Also, I would say this if I was trying to hint that I would like her to do something special and I didnt want to just come straight out and say it, which would take away from the excitement...

 

yea thats what I think...

[EYECANDY000]

Krytie you are absolutely right as far as me having an unpolished view on relationships..

But when I said that he wouldnt call for a day or so, I wasnt saying it like how dare he! I was saying it more as he would ask me y i havent called, and Ill be like well y havent u called. I have never been the type to be clingy or want all of someones attention. My view has been if a guy calls fine, if not fine too.

 

As far as him mentioning girls names, an example of that would be. Jokingly of course.. since you wont give me a kiss then such and such will, or such and such always cooks me breakfast and never asks questions.

 

I do think that maybe he is passively asking for attention. and I do give him lots of attention. I have helped him when he was sick, send sweet emails, offer my assistance, bought several gifts, and made several gifts .

I just see if being a one -way street though.

I feel like I have to show him that I want to be with him, and until he decides that he wants to open up, I am on the sideline.

I really do like this guy, and honestly he hasnt done anything vindictive to hurt me..

Ive just never had to feel like I have to do the chasing thats all

[jophil28]

I see that you appear to have a very unpolished and unimformed view about relationships. If not calling for one day is playing games, that's the kind of game player I want.

 

All I see in your posts are your own seemingly insecure and childish interpretations of his behavior:

 

Used to mention other girls' names? How dare he... you should have warned him that he was supposed to be in a bubble after you met.

 

Not call for one day, are you serious? Did you make it clear to him that you own him? He may not have known. Free will is usually the first thing you need to strip from your partner to make a successful relationship.

 

And yes, please don't ever chase him. Guys like that and giving guys what they want is the first step to a life of misery. It is so much fairer to expect him to do everything and give nothing in return. If he's losing interest in you, this is why... and it looks to be your fault.

 

Do you see that his not calling may be him passively asking you to call him once in a while? He is not a bad guy for wanting your unsolicited attention. Are you too insecure and afraid to accept that guys might just want to feel important too? I'm sorry, but you sound incredibly selfish and self-centered and not ready for a real relationship.

 

One more question, what have you done for him? Besides love him and all the generic answers that require no effort I mean.

 

HEY EYECANDY ( your moniker says it all ) read this again from Kytie -

Read it over many times until you start to get it.

You are an "entitled " brat with a bloated sense of your market value.

This guy is aware of his needs and his VALUE. You seem to be unable to deal with that. You are not the 'prize' that your delusion has created.

[EYECANDY000]

Thanks jophil,

 

I dont think I am being a brat, or an entitled brat at that.

I am able to deal with his need and his value, but I just dont like feeling like I have to chase thats all. That was my only point that I was getting at.

But I do feel I am a prize as should any other person should feel that they are as well.

[lonelybird]

Thanks jophil,

 

I dont think I am being a brat, or an entitled brat at that.

I am able to deal with his need and his value, but I just dont like feeling like I have to chase thats all. That was my only point that I was getting at.

But I do feel I am a prize as should any other person should feel that they are as well.

totally agree with your attitude, never let a man to define our value. If you don't feel comfortable to chase, then don't. those who put us down are those who are insecure. balance is the key

[EYECANDY000]

Im just interested in knowing how I sound bratty?

[Oregon Blackberry]

that sounds very 'conditional', to be honest, didn't feel good about this comment, I think this guy is giving pressure and I don't think he is that secure. much like 'if the relationship fails, that because YOU didn't keep me on my toes' sounds he is needy and self-centred Did he think what can HE offer?

 

I totally agree with you. He is giving her advice on how to keep him??? That is very self-centered.

If they stay dating, and he finds that he isn't compatible with her, he can always break up, and vice versa should she not feel the "connection," but to state it in this way is totally weird.

That said, "keeping a guy on their toes" means something to the effect of have a life of your own outside of the relationship so that you're not so available and needy for his time and attention. Any woman who has a fulfilling life with activities beyond a man has this quality anyway. Basically, don't make this guy the center of your universe and drive over there at his beck and call. Don't even answer all of his calls because you're busy anyway because you have a fulfilling and active life.

[Oregon Blackberry]

As far as him mentioning girls names, an example of that would be. Jokingly of course.. since you wont give me a kiss then such and such will, or such and such always cooks me breakfast and never asks questions.

 

 

Oh my God, this guy is an ASS. Any guy who would say those things to a woman he is dating is a L O S E R.

Lose him, you can do better.

[Trialbyfire]

An ambiguous challenge...what a game.