jgarrard28 Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 So to make a long story short, my ex and I broke up in early June. Nothing really changed besides the fact that we dropped the label. We were still hanging out every day and still going on dates. Well, we never actually sat down and tried to fix anything, so of course things just gradually got worse and worse. In the middle of July she started seeing someone else, while still being emotionally attached to me. Eventually we stopped contact after both of us were emotional wrecks. We could not even communicate. I think we both knew we weren't going anywhere with what we had, although our foundation was amazing. She immediately jumped into another serious, and very rushed, relationship as I turned my attention towards my relationship with myself. Late August I felt like I needed to get a few things off my chest and some closure. I went to her apartment and basically told her how I REALLY feel. No lovey dovey type stuff. I was being very sincere with her and how much I cared for her as a person. I could tell it really touched her because she was holding back tears. This is the last time I spoke to her in person. I know I'm going to get crap for this, but the next week I wrote her a letter. It was basically an extended version of what I talked to her about the previous week. I didn't really talk about the relationship at all. I just told her how much of an impact she had in my life (she actually inspired me to make a drastic change, eventually bringing me back to God and my beliefs). I felt like I needed to do this for closure more than anything, and to my surprise it worked. Well it's now October, and I've been getting weird signals from her. She seems to be really happy with this new guy, so I've made sure to stay far away. It was the last week of September when she started making contact again. She left a comment on my Myspace right after I put up a picture of me with my shirt off (although I wasn't in terrible shape, I had made very noticeable improvements to my physique). I also stated on my Myspace that I had finished my Ebook that I was writing, which I know was really important to her. Also, I have a IP Address tracker so I can tell when she is on my site. She's been on pretty much every other day for the past few weeks, multiple times a day (I know that sounds creepy, but I have a tracker for a good reason). She's also sent a couple random texts. She did this a lot when we first broke up so she would have an excuse to see me. She'd have me pick up something useless at her house, or she'd come get something at my house. I responded to her Myspace comment which was really short and sweet, but I didn't respond to any of her text messages. I do have a good foundation with this girl. I still have feelings for her. I know she still has feelings for me, whether they be small or strong. I'm pretty sure she's trying to reach out right now, but the fact that she's in a serious relationship at the moment keeps us in minimal contact. If she really wants to talk with me, I don't want her to beat around the bush. I want her to CALL ME, or COME SEE ME. I'm trying to be really careful about things right now. I don't want to get in the way of her relationship with her boyfriend, but at the same time I don't want her to think I'm being cold or playing games by not responding to text messages. I'm trying to be a 21 year old adult here. I'm keeping my distance, but I want to be there when she wants to talk to me. Ladies, or men, what does she want me to do? What is she doing on my Myspace almost every night? Why is she sending these random texts again, even though she seems to be decently happy with her new man? Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 Maybe she's not as happy with the new guy as you think. I think it's awesome that you've used this time, unlike her, to look at yourself and improve yourself. It's really important to grow from these experiences and she won't have that benefit since she's avoiding her own problems, faults. And the fact that you're smart enough to do this so young is impressive. I think you're going to make some lucky girl very happy. Regardless of what's going on in her mind, I don't think you have full closure. You wouldn't be asking what she's thinking or what your course of action should be. She has gravitated towards someone else. You should be moving away. Honestly, she's thinking about you because your complete absence has left a vacuum and it happens a lot. My ex is calling me regularly now. I don't answer. If it didn't work the first time, it usually doesn't work the second. Right now she's just really curious as to how you could be doing ok without her. It's partially an ego thing. Whatever it is, she's with him and I would try to stop seeing if she's checking out your myspace page. You won't find the answers there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgarrard28 Posted October 14, 2007 Author Share Posted October 14, 2007 Hey, thanks for the post! You know, you're right. I haven't gotten complete closure yet. It's funny because I feel like I'm emotionally detached from her, yet I can't quite let go of her deep down in my heart. The type of relationship we had is one that I'm not sure I will have with anyone else. Could I be happy with another girl? Absolutely, without a doubt. It's almost like I'm terrified of moving on with another girl, her finding out and wanting me back, and then me not being able to get back with her because my loyalty will be with someone else. It's a scary scary thought. When I move on to a new relationship, whether it be with her or another girl, I want it to be built the way we did it. When we met I don't think either of us wanted to be in a relationship, yet we were so drawn to each other for things and reasons that were so pure, and so real. She admired the way I helped people and genuinely cared for them. I admired her amazingly good example as a human being and the way she lived her life. It's so so rare to find a girl that hasn't been involved in drugs, hasn't had any kind of sexual past, or anything of that nature. It's not that I wanted to change for her, she actually inspired me to change for me. She made me want to be a better man, a better person. It was THE most amazing feeling I've ever felt. This relationship was based on caring and wanting to help each other more than ourselves. It was so unselfish. Also, we were really close friends before we even started dating 4 months later. Obviously there's no such thing as a fairy tale ending. We both had our issues. She was WAY too clingy and she felt like I wasn't giving her enough attention (which is probably somewhat true). I wasn't being responsible with my work and my individual progress. We were spending way too much time together during the "Honeymoon Phase". Anyways, this is why it's so hard to COMPLETELY let go, especially when she starts reaching out like this. Nothing terrible happened between us. She had her issues, and I had mine. We just kind of left them unresolved and went our separate ways. I'll tell you what, I'd much rather get back with her and break up again than to move on with someone else and wonder if there was some untapped potential in that relationship. I guess I'm pretty picky with women, but I've yet to meet anyone I'd consider over her. It's a really really tough situation for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 Your story sounds alot similar to mine. my relationship with my ex was based on care for each other too. we were always looking out for each other. we adored each other, and were friends for a while first. i feel that i cant let her go deep down too. the love that i have for this person is amazing, its and endless and unconditional love that brings happiness to me when i think about her. i have to say i am curious about your myspace tracker... is it one of those trackers that only works if the person who is looking at your myspace has the same tracker program on theirs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgarrard28 Posted October 14, 2007 Author Share Posted October 14, 2007 Well, the Myspace tracker is like all the other ones. You can only see the person's IP Address. I just happen to know her IP Address. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 j, I know it's got to be tough when you had such a positive experience with someone. Especially if she inspired you to be a better man. I'm sure with your outlook, you inspired her too. It's too bad that you couldn't work out your differences instead of ending it, since it sounds like you had a lot going for you. Regardless, it's not good for you to keep looking back. My best advice is to move forward with your life. Do not hold back if you meet someone else. You don't have to do it any time soon, but don't pass up opportunities while waiting. Because she may never come back. And even if she did, you can't know that it would work out the second time. Just be happy that she came in your life and showed you some of the things you really need in a relationship. Most others are on here because they've been burned pretty badly, lied to, cheated on etc. You'll be ok. Just please don't put your life on hold. It doesn't work in getting them back and actually has the reverse affect. Link to post Share on other sites
Pentula77 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Read all the posts under second chances and breakups and you'll see alot of guys in a similar situation. Bottom line. The best thing to do is move on. If this girl wanted back with you she wouldn't be with another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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