Bestfriend Making a BIG mistake, Need advise ASAP???

[CM]

I have known my best friend for a little over a year. I am very worried that she is about to make a decision that could end up hurting her for a long time. I don't know whether to let her make it or try to stop her. She has been dating a guy in the army for about as long as I've known her. They are eight hours apart, but have managed to see each other every now and then. With both of us in college it is not like she can really drop everything and go to him. The problem is, is that she is a great and caring person. She seems to not be looking at the whole picture. She wants to quit school and go up there and marry him. She loves him, but there is more to the problem. Part of the reason she is going up there is because she asked her parents to transfer schools to another one local to here, not near him, and they told her that they would basically disown her if she did. She looks at him as her way out. The problem is that he is 24 years old in the army for a while yet, been previously married, which ended because he cheated on her, and he then got another girl pregnant, and has a child with her which he says he is attempting to get custody of. He tells my friend that he used to cheat on girls all the time, and he has been good with her. With him being eight hours away, it is hard to tell the truth. He also argues with her a lot. I know that some arguing is good, but he mocks her and calls her names, and implies to her that everything in their relationship is her fault. I guess I feel that she is 21 years old, very pretty, and deserves more for herself. The problem is that she is so head over heels for this guy, I don't think she sees the whole picture, and I think it might be like talking to a brick wall. Plus, I don't think she has ever been in a health relationship, and I know that she has never been around one (her parents relationship is terrible). How can I help her seen the situation. Or should I let her make her choices. The problem is if she marries him, her parents will be out of her life. She doesn't have anyone to turn to if things go bad. I want her to know she has someone. I am just afraid that he will go after her physically when they move away, as well as mentally.

 

Trying to Help Dearest Friend,

 

CM

[Joe]

Be honest with her and tell her your concerns. She's headed for trouble, you need to warn her. She may resent your advice and turn against you, but if you don't try to stop her, you will feel guilt when she does run into trouble. Better to loose a friend you try to help then not help at all.

I have known my best friend for a little over a year. I am very worried that she is about to make a decision that could end up hurting her for a long time. I don't know whether to let her make it or try to stop her. She has been dating a guy in the army for about as long as I've known her. They are eight hours apart, but have managed to see each other every now and then. With both of us in college it is not like she can really drop everything and go to him. The problem is, is that she is a great and caring person. She seems to not be looking at the whole picture. She wants to quit school and go up there and marry him. She loves him, but there is more to the problem. Part of the reason she is going up there is because she asked her parents to transfer schools to another one local to here, not near him, and they told her that they would basically disown her if she did. She looks at him as her way out. The problem is that he is 24 years old in the army for a while yet, been previously married, which ended because he cheated on her, and he then got another girl pregnant, and has a child with her which he says he is attempting to get custody of. He tells my friend that he used to cheat on girls all the time, and he has been good with her. With him being eight hours away, it is hard to tell the truth. He also argues with her a lot. I know that some arguing is good, but he mocks her and calls her names, and implies to her that everything in their relationship is her fault. I guess I feel that she is 21 years old, very pretty, and deserves more for herself. The problem is that she is so head over heels for this guy, I don't think she sees the whole picture, and I think it might be like talking to a brick wall. Plus, I don't think she has ever been in a health relationship, and I know that she has never been around one (her parents relationship is terrible). How can I help her seen the situation. Or should I let her make her choices. The problem is if she marries him, her parents will be out of her life. She doesn't have anyone to turn to if things go bad. I want her to know she has someone. I am just afraid that he will go after her physically when they move away, as well as mentally. Trying to Help Dearest Friend, CM