youlater123 Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 Being a man, I know that we can be pigs. The first thing we notice about women is their looks. The size of certain body parts, the face, the hair, etc. We don't necessarily go after girls we aren't attracted to physically, although most of us don't require "perfect" women either. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I recently lost a lot of weight and have been trying to engage girls. I still haven’t achieved the type of body I prefer (I’m about 50 lbs away), yet I do feel a lot more attractive than what I used to be. However, I still have lingering confidence problems that held me back from dating before. My question is this: Are women the same exact way? Do looks dominantly determine the future of a relationship the way they do for guys? Whenever I am talking to a woman, the only thing running through my mind is “Does she find me attractive enough to further engage.” I then think “Why would she date me when other guys are much more attractive than me.” Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 YOU ASK: "Whenever I am talking to a woman, the only thing running through my mind is “Does she find me attractive enough to further engage.” I then think “Why would she date me when other guys are much more attractive than me.” I know you'll get lots of replies from ladies so I won't go into your main concerns. However, I will say that all the weight loss you could experience will not shed the tons of crap that will remain in your head. Until you get some self esteem, you don't have a chance. Your mind creates your reality. If you don't see yourself as attractive or if you compare yourself to others, you'll never score. Remember, you have the greatest advantage of any other youlater123...that is, you are the ONLY one of you on the planet. You have NO competition at all. Simply change the way you think and your reality will shift as well. You'll have more admiring ladies you can imagine...if only you will believe you can. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 Sure, gals also like cute guys. Sure, you should lose all the extra weight, so that you're healthy. But, no woman is attracted to a man with no confidence. Attraction is all about personal charm & personality. The guys I've been most attracted to - they're not that good-looking. So listen to Tony, and good luck =) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author youlater123 Posted April 29, 2003 Author Share Posted April 29, 2003 A little easier said than done, but you are right. I still am asking this question, do women hold the same priority of looks in attraction that men do? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 As far as I know, smart men don't hold looks as a priority - they don't date duck-butts, but the main value of the woman lies beyond her looks. Of course, there's the other type who only look at looks. It's exactly some with women - some only look for looks, some only for money, and the smarter ones look beyond the surface. I know it's easier said than done, by the way. I'm not very confident, myself. But if you ask anybody who knows me, they'll tell you I make a very confident impression. So you gotta be a bit of an actor. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 To answer your question, I do know a lot of girls that think looks are most important. I think what a woman is looking for is tied in to her age, as well as what stage of life she is in. Those in the 16-21 category seem to hold looks as being most important, followed by the 21-26 year old category. I would say once a woman reached her late 20's, it becomes less and less important (maybe because girls realize at this point that they are no longer spring chickens, or because they get wiser with age). But can I let you in on a little secret...these girls are usually not happy with the guys they find. Can it be that they were looking at looks as being most important? Can it be that their whole realm of happiness lies in what is on the surface. Do you really want a girl who is interested in looks first, before getting to know a person. There are definately girls out their who look beyond the surface like "yes" said in a previous post. It's just a matter of finding them. Let me ask you something...would you date a girl who is not what society considered attractive? Would you look beyond the skin to see what beauty lies beneath? If you say no, then you are just as bad as the girls who only go for the "hunky" guys! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 About the young girls, i'd like to say that while looks do matter, but like jessicak.b. said - if the gal isn't happy with him, she'll move on. I think for young girls, a lot of it is the ego thing - it's not that they care about looks, it's that they want to be able to show off a hot boyfriend. Once people are past the show-off stage, they look further. But I want to stress that charm goes a LONG way. Chemistry is what can fire up any person, and that has not much to do with looks. good luck again, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 I think that a good personality and self-confidence is most important. YES, it really is! It will outlast the outer beauty by a longshot. Link to post Share on other sites
the_panda Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 i'm sorry to hear that you value looks so much. you miss out on a lot of chances to meet some really great people, that you could probably connect with on a higher level than just, oh, she's hot, if given the chance. i go for a little more than just the superficially pleasing things about guys. most of the people i've ever had a crush on, i've liked because of their personalities. i've gotten to know them, and then thought, wow, this guy is really great. the positive, would outweigh the negative, and i would form a want for the person. maybe instead of focusing on the negative, improve what's already positive about yourself. you shouldn't feel the need to look different, just to get the girl, but rather, learn that confidence can be build from other, more learned things. conversation is a deadly weapon. you should keep that in mind at all times. and personally, i would never date a guy that wanted to change his appearance to please other people. you must first love yourself, in order to love others. you can't just feel you're innadequate. confidence comes from within, not just what you look like on the outside. a twinky is just a golden brown sponge cake... but once you get to the middle, you realize it's so much more. be the twinky. show there's so much more to bite into. and leave people desiring for more. i hope you fully achieve your desired "look" however, because i do actually understand the feeling it can bring you... be it solacing, or just briefly gratifying. best of luck with the ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 Did you ever hear the old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" ? Well, it's true. You can get as many different answers to you question as there are people on the planet and no one can really speak for the whole population. Age, experience, background, culture, ethnicity all play a part in how an individual perceives another individual. Just know that women and girls have doubts about the same things that you do, and go ahead and ask someone that you like to go out with you. If they say no, ask someone else. Just enjoy dating and don't look for an instant relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 I consider myself to be an attractive girl, and I have dated many different types of guys. I've dated my Ricky Martin guy, a short and stubby 300 lbs guy, an old guy, a guy with long hair, and my current guy, who is just like...wow. Anyway, what I'm getting at is...it's not about looks as much as it is about who the person is inside. I find lots of personality qualities attractive, and depending on how great those qualities are, makes them more or less attractive. And the outside package is just bonus. But I will say this...looks do matter, but I don't think it matters as much to girls as it does to guys. I mean, guys wont date a girl if her butt is too big, but girls aren't gonna NOT date a guy just bc he has a bad haircut, or doesn't have washboard abs. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 [color=indigo] There have been some very good points made already here about this thread. My addition to this is that once the looks go, all you have left is what is inside. That's why it is so important to connect with a person beyond their looks. Me personally, I tend to find guys MORE attractive after I get to know them. Sure, there are the ones that are hot right off the bat, but they usually have a dull personality. With my current boyfriend, he's handsome, but I find him so much more appealing after falling in love with him for who he is inside. The attraction between us is mind blowing and it doesn't come from looks. As long as there is somewhat of an initial physical attraction, it can grow from there. Beef up your self confidence and the girls will start coming out of the woodwork! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
alwayswondering Posted May 1, 2003 Share Posted May 1, 2003 I am a 26 year old single female. I am a little overweight but have had many boyfriends since everyone says I have a "beautiful face." My taste in men differs greatly from other women I know. A lot of my friends do only tend to look at very attractive men, but have ended up marrying the most unnatractive ones they have ever dated. I guess looks is a big part of a relationship to me since I only like to date men that are bigger than myself. I am 5'9" and it is hard to find a guy taller than me. I only date men who are very big and tall. SOmetimes I think that they are harder to find than very attractive men. I have also found that they uglier the man, the more of an ass they are? I guess it is a ego thing???? But, I don't think women are as closed minded as men on this issue. At this point in my life, I have been treated badly so many times, I would date any guy, no matter how unnatractive, that will treat me right and respect me. Physical attractiveness comes from within. It takes time, maturity and experience to see this. Anyone who does not is not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolGuy222 Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 Originally posted by youlater123 Whenever I am talking to a woman, the only thing running through my mind is “Does she find me attractive enough to further engage.” I then think “Why would she date me when other guys are much more attractive than me.” This is exactly what you shouldn't be thinking. Think- "Should I date her? Is she good enough to go out with me." This will boost up your confidence and women will notice making you more attractive to them. Link to post Share on other sites
blue_eyed_girl Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 The men that I have found most attractive in my life are ones who are charming and intelligent. The ones that I have found LEAST attractive are the ones who aren't. In fact, I remember thinking Joe Millionaire was incredibly hot...until I heard him open his mouth. You couldn't pay me to spend time with him. I have a huge thing for Eric Lindros that has become a fantasy I strive to protect at all costs!! I consciously avoid any possibility of hearing him open his mouth and destroying my idealized version of him. Men who have "sex appeal" are men who are confident in who they are, comfortable in their skin. Once you accept yourself and who you are, you are going to make others feel that you accept them, too. Women need to feel that acceptance, because we all know that we fall hopelessly short of the perfection that airbrushed and cosmeticized image in the media make us think we should aspire to. Once you stop being so judgmental with yourself and others, women will flock to you! Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 I don't find the bulking gym guys or skinny guys attractive at all. In fact, a guy with a few pounds, i.e. Vince Gill type for me is more attractive. Those guys in the rap videos with the washboard chests, are nothing more than interesting to look at. Congrats on losing weight for yourself though. A nice smile and warm personality are the deal. And look a girl in the eyes, please.... Link to post Share on other sites
christin_123 Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 Yes, ever since I found that the man I once loved very very very much never love me. I have chanded my values when looking for a guy. What I am looing for is a life', with whom I can share my happiness and thoughts with, actually, I think acceptance and care are the real meaning of love. So if only, I don't think one is not my type, or I think one is not ugly, then I think it is possible for me to build a relationship with him. Also, I look at many real life things such as personality and kindness. Actually, I can love anyone who is kind to me. I think personality and kindness is the most important thing for me when I look at a guy. Sincerely, I love you Link to post Share on other sites
Dee Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 I'm 51 ... and I would definately say that the way a man treats me is FAR more important than he looks!! I would look for kindness, commitment, a man who respected me, and stood up for me ..... those are SO attractive to me, that even if he was plain (in the world's eyes), to me, he would be the most handsome man in the world! You see, as some have said ... as a woman gets older and more mature, she does realize that what's 'inside' of her man, and how he loves her ..... is the MOST attractive thing about him. I conclude through my experience with women I know ... that we do NOT consider looks as important as men. Just my two cents. Hugs, Dee Link to post Share on other sites
rain Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 I do agree with those that commented about the age thing. When I was younger, looks were more important. Once I hit my mid-20's, personality, the way a man treats me, his goals in life, etc were FAR more important than the way he looked. And then different people find different types attractive. I like them with a little meat on their bones, but not all muscular. Some like skinny men, some like body-builders. If everyone was attracted to the same type of person, some of us would never get dates. But in the end it is personality that will KEEP someone attracted to you, not the fact that you have a nice body. Link to post Share on other sites
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