ah those exciting yet totally confusing begginings..

[dazed_n_cnfused]

Ok.. let me set ya up a scenerio here. let me warn you it's kind of lenghty =/

 

About maybe a month and a half ago I started seeing this one guy around a lot at social gatherings and parties. I knew him prevoiusly before from the same type of events but didn't start seeing him around as much as i did more recently. I was instantly attracted and interested for we would talk quite often whenever we did happen to see eachother. He seemed interested in talking to me as i did to him. (others even noticed us talking a lot a specific night)

 

a little over 2 weeks ago a friend and i threw our own party, and one of my inspirations for doing so was to see this guy again. Well the night couldn't have gone better in my view, we hung out all night, had a great time laughing and talking about our views on things and some interests. We even hugged, leaned on eachother, and even slept together (the innocent way), and he also kissed me. We both had done some drinking tonight which made our shyness die down for he seems like the type whose somewhat shy with approaching women, even though the next morning, both sober, he got out of the front seat to go home(his friend dropped us off), waiting for me to get out of the backseat and get into the front so that he could give me a hug wheni got out of the car. Bottom line is with the previous talking at other get togethers + this, i was nearly convinced he was interesting in persuing some sort of dating relationship.

 

Anyways, i hadn't been able to see or talk to him for a few days (he goes to a different school and i couldn't call his cell because it wasn't working at the time). So then i see him the following friday and he acted really shy and stand-offish that night. He wasn't rude to me by any means he just talked to other freinds a little more and seemed not as interested, shy, nervous... whatever (???) He didn't ignore me but i more-so had to do the talking. So i was definatly confused at this point. I also at this point decided to kind of back off because lord knows what he was thinking so many different thigns had happend and i didn't want to scare him.

 

I've been hanging out with him more and it seems like the more i see him the more he warms up to me a little-for example last night it was him, a guy we're both fairly good friends with, and myself and we joked and laughed around a lot and he sat near me a little more (still seemed a bit shy but not so bad), then at the end of the night he took us both home dropping me off last. I thanked him for the ride and he replyed with 'of course' in the kind of you-dont-even-have-to-thank-me-tone of voice followed by him stretching out his arm towards me for a hug. All and all things are improving, but my curiosity hasn't been eased.

 

I am usually good with analyzing people and interpreting their actions but this one has me stuck. I think about it alot and i'm affraid it's leading me more anxious for different reasons. First of all every time i hang out with him i get to know him better and i have a lot of fun with him and it makes me like him more/find him more attractive for we so far appear to be really compatable. This "chase" of confusion may also be an addition to my determination to set up plans for us in the future (dating or serious). I feel like things are un-nerving with his shyness (if that's even the case). But when i can't figure something out to where i have a general idea, i tend to over analyze seeking all possible scenerios and dwelling on the bad cases. i tend to expect the worst though i'm usually not insecure. I just don't like to have high hopes broken.

 

So does anybody know what the deal is? Does he seem interested but shy? Or am i just blind? How does someone think i should handle this? I really would like to see things go somewhere with us but i'm kind of stuck.

 

Although this is a confusing predicament, i've developed some theories of what the deal may be. I don't see how my strong sense of his interest in me could hvae been way off, so i'm suspecting (and hoping) that it's just out of shyness and he wasn't quite sure how to act at the moment in time but it's improving. And he's also maybe getting to know me better since that is important for anything beyond a freindship. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders, but is shy. And if my theory is right im thinking (and once agian hoping) he is liking what hes seeing and that's the reason for him warming up a bit because he does interact with me a lot more. (does any of this make sense or sound right?) i'm truely not trying to analyze this into the way i want but i'm just so confused on the situation i've come up wiht some sort of reasoning matching the current variables.

 

any help appriciated fairly soon please, thanks!

[Carly]

As I am reading your anxiety over this guy, this old song is running through my head.

 

It's by (?!? female singers, sisters I think) and it's about a young gal like you asking her mother the same type of questions. The wise mother answers something like this:

 

"Love, love, don't come easy, girl.

Oh, you can't hurry love.

No, you'll just have to wait.

'Cause it's a game of give and take."

 

The song is WAY, WAY before your time, but that just goes to show how common and universal it is for people to be so anxious about relationships. We have a regular contributer here who was a DJ; maybe she can tell you the song, and if you go to Casa or somewhere perhaps you can download it and play it to yourself, over and over again whenever these crazy thought start rushing around.

 

Bottom line: Slow down, girl. Breath. Ride the normal wave of uncertainty and see how things turn out.

[Tony T]

"You Can't Hurry Love." Phil Collins, 1983

[clia]

Please stop analyzing it so much! You only met him six weeks ago, only had your party two weeks ago. Chill out and relax a little bit.

 

Anyways, i hadn't been able to see or talk to him for a few days (he goes to a different school and i couldn't call his cell because it wasn't working at the time).

 

And why he couldn't call you?

 

This "chase" of confusion may also be an addition to my determination to set up plans for us in the future (dating or serious).

 

Stop trying to "set things up" to see him or force the two of you into a relationship. You will only make yourself even more crazy by trying to do this. Just go with the flow.

 

Please let him chase you a little bit. Even the shy guys tend to go after a girl if she's what they really want. But he can't do this if you are doing it all the time. Please step back and give him a chance to miss you, so he will call you and try to make plans with you. (Doesn't that feel better than you making all the plans and conniving to see him all the time, anyway?)

 

I don't see how my strong sense of his interest in me could hvae been way off, so i'm suspecting (and hoping) that it's just out of shyness and he wasn't quite sure how to act at the moment in time but it's improving.

 

Well, I certainly hope you are right, but please splash some cold water over your head and look at things objectively. Don't make excuses. (I think we women are the masters at this.) He may very well be shy, or he may very well just not be interested. The only way to know this is to see if he steps up to the plate and does something about it. It is in your best interest not to put all of your eggs into this one basket right now.

[Leikela]

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There could be more to this then meets the eye. Usually, if a guy wants a girl, he doesn't kiss her and then not follow through. The fact that you guys kissed means that he definitely has an interest in you. The non following through part means that he either doesn't want to pursue things further or that he isn't ready for anything more serious. There are a lot of guys out there who are just committment phobics or who don't want a serious relationship. Maybe he is just enjoying his college years and doesn't want to get involved? Since your relationship sounds more then just a hook up, that is probably what is freaking him out a little bit.

 

I would definitely just let him be for the time being and let him take the reins. If it was meant to be, it will happen. A little time and patience goes a long way.

 

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[dazed_n_cnfused]

Well i'm not meaning to over analyze that's just the way i am in situations in general, but it's good i know this so i can tell myself to stop thinking so much. And i have decided already that i'm going to kind of back off so i don't appear so willing or whatever. i just wanted a second opinion on things so thanks a lot.