datingmum Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 Relationship length: 2.5 years Status: Broken up/having 'space' Reasons: Ex-fiance wasn't sure he wanted to commit to being a family man (i have two young children); that he could cope with our relationship problems on top of his own issues with stress and anxiety So, we've been up, down and all around the block with this protracted break up. We had many 'mini-breaks' over the years, mostly because the moment he'd try to discuss his fears/concerns, he'd either communicate it in a negative way, or I just could not handle what he was saying. Lately, I've really held my ground not contacting him. He has still been calling/txting however. Sometimes I respond, other times I don't. This weekend, he wanted to spend time together. Him (txt) : Perhaps we could spend the weekend together as a way to resolve some of the questions posed... Me (txt) : Has it really been enough time (1 week and a bit of not physically being around me) for you to have made any real conclusions? Him (txt): Maybe...but I know we would have a great time together Phone call: me annoyed, angry that we won't be able to spend time together because clearly, he has come to no resolutions over the issues that are still hanging inthe air (i want to be a family, get married, etc work together as a team) Yesterday: Him (phone msg) I'm sorry about last night, you don't need this negativity in your life. Please call me if you're feeling kind... Me (txt): Hey, got your message. I love you in the most amazing ways, but I don't feel the vibes are right x Him (txt): Thank you baby. You still amaze me all the time and can do things I can only dream of doing (I'm not really sure what he's referring to hear, other than holding my ground about not slip-sliding back into a sort of relationship with him without resolving issues). I just need to get my head, heart and soul to all walk in a straight line x Since then, we've had no contact. What does it all mean? Is this positive? Is this just more waffling? I'm so lonely at home this weekend without my children (they're at dad's). All my girlfriends are away and I'm sitting here heartbroken. I SO want to just be having fun with him, but I feel that it could just be prolonging my agony and stopping him from coming to any real conclusions about what we are going to do: be together properly or say a final goodbye. Any thoughts would be welcome.... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 What does it all mean? Is this positive? Is this just more waffling? Until his actions match his words, the best thing you can do is to remain in no contact. Mothers are a package deal. It is clear he wants you. It is clear he wants to be with you. It is equally clear that he does not want the package deal. As long as he can get away with having part of the deal, that is what he will continue to take while pushing the rest away. I feel that it could just be prolonging my agony and stopping him from coming to any real conclusions about what we are going to do: be together properly or say a final goodbye. Well, sort of. The problem is that you are giving him the power to decide - and what you don't see is that he has already made his decision. You are thinking that he is going to choose one or the other. You forgot the other choice, the one he is making - he is choosing to find a way to be with you, without having to have the package deal. He doesn't want to be with you 'properly' and he certainly does not want to say 'goodbye'. So, he chose neither - and he knows he can get away with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author datingmum Posted October 14, 2007 Author Share Posted October 14, 2007 What do you reccommend I do? Please give me a step by step!!! I'll be eternally grateful! Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 14, 2007 Share Posted October 14, 2007 Datingmum, I posted on your other thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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