TellHer? Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 OK, here's my story... I've been with my girlfriend for three years and we've been living together for one year, but things are not working out. In fact, it's to the point now where a break-up is imminent, probably within the next month—I (or she, for that matter) just need to work-up the courage to do it (that’s a whole other story.) My situation with my girlfriend has made me more open to other possibilities. I recently met this really nice girl at work ("Jennifer") that I’m quite attracted to, and I know she’s interested in me, too. In fact, she’s dropped some hints that she’d like me to ask her out. We’ve only spoken in rather brief, "small-talk" type discussions maybe three or four times over the last month, none of which have exceeded 15 minutes. I have not told her that I’m currently with someone else or the status of that relationship. My friends have given me conflicting advice as to whether I should mention my current relationship and its status to Jennifer. Should I say anything to her about it? -- If so, should I tell her exactly what’s going on? Or should I just say something like, "I would really like to go out with you, but I have a personal situation right now that I’m taking care of and I can’t go out with you until that’s resolved"? -- If not, what should I do if she asks me out or asks why I haven’t asked her out? Or should I just avoid her entirely? Since I can’t say for sure when I’ll be breaking-up with my girlfriend, I don’t want to keep Jennifer hanging-on, yet I don’t want to scare her away, either, and I don’t want her to get miffed that I haven’t asked her out even though I’ve shown obvious signs of being interested. And, most of all, if/when I do finally ask Jennifer out, I don’t want to start things on the wrong foot. I know this is a situation where I'm trying to have my cake and eat it, too, but I really do want to do what's right. Can anyone help point me in that direction? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 [color=indigo] If you really want to do what's right, then leave your current girlfriend already! Why stay in something that you know isn't going to last much longer and prolong the inevitable?? As for this new girl, if you really are going to go that route then I would be honest with her from the get go. Explain to her your whole situation. Misleading her would not get things off on the right foot. It is only fair to her to know the score so that she can decide whether or not she wants to get involved with you. In my opinion, you should break up with your girlfriend right away and take some time to get over it. While you know it's been over for some time, once all is said and done there are always residual feelings of sadness. I would wait before getting involved with someone else. Good luck! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 If things are friendly with Jennifer why not just leave it at that until you get things sorted out with your gf? And why delay having the conversation with your gf? If you're already moving on to think about who you want to date next, you owe it to your gf to have the talk sooner rather than later. I think it would be rather gauche to say anything to Jennifer right now. You may well be completely right that she'd like to go out on a date with you, but until you are in a position to ask her out, letting her know that you're aware of her interest in her will put her in an awkward position. She would then have to deal with this guy at work who knows that she likes him (a bit embarrassing), and seems to like her too (he even said he did) but who's actually with someone else at the moment. So there she is, her interest made known, but still not going out on a date. Just enjoy the flirting with Jennifer until you get your life sorted out. The longer you delay the much-needed conversation with your gf, the greater the likelihood that someone else will ask Jennifer out, or her feelings for you will cool. But you have no business putting her on "hold" until you are able to ask her out. Lastly, since you do seem to be a bit up in the air about how things are going to go with your current gf, what if you end up working things out with her? Just entertain the possibility for argument's sake. If you'd told Jennifer that you wanted to ask her out but needed to break up with your gf first, and then didn't break up with your gf, you would a) look like a massive flake in J.'s eyes, and b) hurt her feelings and make things awkward between you and a coworker. First things first. Your girlfriend is, at the moment, first. Link to post Share on other sites
Carly Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 I think that your strategy of hanging onto girlfriend-in-transition in case new girlfriend doesn't work out is kinda cool -- reminds me of those investment brokers who want to diversify their investments, yet they keep some booty in the original portfolios just in case something goes wrong witht their new investments. It's think it's called hedging your bets. If you think that getting girlfriends is nothing more than a game of minimizing your losses and maximizing your winnings, then you have a long, long way to go before you understand the delicate nature of human relationships. If you are a better person that that, then you will heed the advice that has been posted by Leikela and Midora. Link to post Share on other sites
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