tabitha83 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 How do you tell whether someone is being genuine when they say "lets see how things develop" and that they have some feelings towards you, and when theyre just trying not to hurt your feelings? I made the mistake of admitting to my ex yesterday that i still have feelings for him. I was half hoping he would say the same but he just went quiet, then accused me of taking it out on him by starting arguments just because he doesnt have the same sort of feelings as me. a bit later on i was talking about how in the past id covered up my true feelings and he asked if i thought thats what he was doing. I said no, because im quite good at reading people and can tell he didnt have anything more than platonic feelings for me. He replied "you need to learn to read me a bit better then. I do have feelings towards you". I said yes friendly ones then he sighed and said "i love it when we get on because when we do, we get on great. then we argue and i dont want to be near you." i told him id love to just get on but then its hard because my feelings get in the way. Then my ex said i should just put all that to the back of my mind, then said "lets just see how things develop when we are not arguing. Let nature take its course." That mortifyed me because it seems like the type of thing you say to please someone and get them off your back for a bit. He has been quite changeable with me recently, saying he had feelings and wanted us to move away together a month ago, so whats he playing at? Link to post Share on other sites
birdie Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I think he has feeling for you but he is uncomfortable with your conflicts. You need to work out why you argue, he clearly likes spending time with you and maybe even wants you but it bothers him that you don't always get on Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 If he says he wants to take his time to think about things. Keep in mind you already said what you felt, that there is no way you can interphere with his feelings. I lived something like you recently and it feels horrible. As if you are being rejected kindly, instead I would have liked for him to say I don't want anything to do with you anymore or some kind of closure.For me I believe it to be better. My advice to you is to keep on going out with other guys and just try to avoid thinking about it because if you beg him or whatever he is not going to care about you. Because for him, you are going to be there whenever he wants you to be there. If he notices you are starting to overcome your wounds and stuff while he thinks about it.. You will not only really heel your wounds but maybe you too will think about who you really want and who you really deserve in your life and maybe, just maybe you'll start noticing that you are really worth it and it would be so much better for you to be with someone who really cares about you. Not someone for whom you are the only one who cares about. But it is a matter of not only giving, but giving and taking back some of that love. A couple is about sharing those feelings. And I know it doesn't feel good to hear what I am saying but it is better to open your eyes. Let him go. I know it is a cliche but if he comes back to you is because he really cares about you, if he feels he lost you and didn't care you don't deserve tthat kind of a frog really. there are so many people in this earth. Why become attached to one who's gonna make you suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tabitha83 Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 I do try and get on with him, and when we do get on it's great - but I keep starting petty arguments; I guess it's partly through frustration that he doesn't want to be with me, and partly trying to hide my true feelings. I also get jealous when he recieves text messages, and accuse him of seeing other women (because about a month ago, he kept saying he wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want a relationship; I found out later that at the time he was saying that, he was going out for drinks (and slept with twice) a woman called Dawn. He only went out with her twice then decided (apparently) that it wasnt going to work, but I felt hurt because he'd lied - stupid huh? We're getting on well again now and I'm trying to be 'good' and not start any silly arguments, but it's hard - especially as we have a 9 week old son who my ex is seeing every day at my house. The better he is with the baby, the more my feelings intensify and I don't want it to end up affecting my son. How can I get over my feelings if my ex and I have to be in touch for him to see our son? Link to post Share on other sites
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