Help I feel like I am Dying on the inside

[Egypt]

I'm new here but I came because I don't really have anyone to talk to and I was hoping that someone here could help.

 

I been with my fiance for nearly 5months we got engaged after only about a month and a half.

 

we now live together

 

He is still married but lied and said he was divored. He has been seperated for over a year.

 

Ex wife told me that he was still sleeping with her until recently

 

Looks a porn all the time

 

Checks out girls in public and even though he knows it bothers me still does it

 

Makes me feel inadequate in everyway possable

 

He's 12 years older than me I am 21 he is almost 34

 

He is a compulsive liar

 

He used to spend every spare moment with me and now he doesn't

 

Gets really upset when we see his ex girlfriend out in a bar

 

Expects me to be a certain way at all times

 

I tried to make this a short as possiable. If you need more info just let me now and I will be happy to oblige.

 

PLEASE HELP I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I AM COMPETING WITH A NON EXSISTANT WOMEN IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE

 

I feel like no matter what I say or do or how I act that it will NEVER be good enough. Please give me some better advice then to just leave him because I Love him more than anything in this world I feel like I couldn't breath if he wasn't around. I want to make our relationship work but how. Yes, I have tried talking to him but it doesn't make a damn.

 

Thanks

Egypt

[HokeyReligions]

Either leave him, or accept being an abused girlfriend.

 

Why don't you seek some counseling for yourself - maybe from an area womens center.

 

One-sided love doesn't save relationships. Sorry to be harsh, but from what you described it sounds like you have no sense of self-worth or self-confidence and are simply being a victim. You might not recognize it, but that is what you described.

 

Find someone else, but fix your self-esteem first. You apparently don't know what true love really is and are mistaking dependency for love. It's pretty common, but can be fixed.

[Nikkicita]

Oh Darlin' I know a little of your pain!

 

I'm 22, my beau is 34.

 

We live together (we have been for almost a year) but he was a little adultery/pornographically inclined for about half of that time.

 

I confronted him on it and gave him the ultimatum.

 

He dropped it all for me...but...I still question the trust.

 

The way you describe your beau doesn't sound like he has a lot of respect for you. I say, serve him with an ultimatum... I mean you have feelings too!

 

...but whatever you do, don't marry him unless all doubts are gone! Otherwise, you'll end up unhappy and probably a future divorcee.

[quankanne]

He's married but living with you, still sleeping with his wife, gets upset that his ex-girlfriend is dating other men, checks out other women while you're with him, is into porn AND you're in love with him? Excuse me? sounds like one serious f*cked up relationship that you don't need to be a part of.

 

 

you claim to love this scuzzball more than anything in this world, that you feel couldn't breathe without him ... If the alternative is to spend the rest of your life feeling inadequate around this man, you're better off learning other means of breathing. He's just no good for you.

 

any one of those things you've described is hard enough to deal with on its own, but all of them combined would defeat a saint. Drop his sorry *ss and get to a counselor post-haste. You deserve better than he could ever dream of giving you, and in time, hopefully you'll come to understand this.

 

There are so many men out there -- not perfect, mind you, but who have respect for the women they are with, and that's the kind of man you deserve to be with, not the asswipe you're living with.

[Egypt]

I strongly value each and everyone's opion. However, I like the ultimatium reply the most. I strongly believe that if you whole heartedly love someone you will give it your all even if they are not. You give until you can't anymore. Yes I believe that this will destroy a person if they take it to the extreme. I am by no means a quitter though. I had a talk with him the other night and I think that maybe things are going to be a little different now. Oh, I don't have proff that he was still sleeping with his wife. She just said that they were and she would have every reason to lie. What women of 35 wants to lose a 13 year marriage to a 21 year old. Not trying to offend anyone. However we will be going out tonight just like we always do. This will be a test. I dare him to look at another women for more than fivie seconds becasue if he does I'm gone. This means he valued nothing of what I said. Totally disregared it and my feelings. That will be the giving up point. I will keep you informed to let you know how things went.

 

Love,

Egypt

[snowandwind]

I sympathize with you. Although you know the one who you love is not a very decent man, you feel like you love him so dearly so that you can't leave him. It seems like you volunteered to be the best girl to the guy (thinking you sacrifice yoursef) even when you know he neither deserves it nor treats you the same.

 

What do you want to hear from us? A genuine, considerate advice? Or just a piece of words that will support your relationship such as "You know, there'll be coming a time that this guy will turn to you and love you with respect. So give deaf ears to others who say 'Leave him and move on to your life.' But endure!"

 

I'm pretty sure that you know what you should do to get out of this situation and to revive yourself. Your problem is just you don't want to listen to it because you insist you love him.

 

If you truly love him, however, you should be able to leave him.

You hasn't given him a chance to straighten himself up, for you've been available to him always no matter how badly he treated you.

 

Think a little bit more. Is it the guy that you're scared to leave? Or is it yourself?

 

I might be wrong. But I guess you're so sorry for yourself knowing you're making a mess. You might console yourself thinking, 'It might be better to love this guy than to leave him and be alone myself.' But by this way, you cheat yourself.

 

When you bought a donut, but later you realized that it was not a donut, but refuse. Would you gladly have a bite?

 

You may want to argue that he's not a person that has a possiblity to change. I do hope so. But not so far. He should have changed long time ago if he had had any of such possibilities.

 

If you do want to rescue yourself from this situation, try to think as rationally as you can. Try to erase emotions and feelings toward him. Reflect how he's been treating you vs. how you've been treating him. Try to accept that because he knows you love him, there' more possibility that he is more than willing to use you and leave you any time.

 

Refuse to set your eyes and heart to this guy, but look out there, enjoy some nature around you, think of people that you've known and built a good relationship with you, etc., and then when you feel at home, take some time thinking about yourself and your future seriously.

 

If you take one little step from where you stand now, you may be able to get into a better life with yourself. It seems you're a nice, tender-hearted person. There might not be many, but surely some who (ONE is enough, though) will be able to see what you want others to see in you and love you with full respect and sincerity.

 

Remember you're too young and nice to even feel like dying on the inside for this guy!!!!

 

Good luck!