Ex wants to meet with me.

[Woggle]

As you all know my ex got out of prison this on Oct 9th and she wants to meet with me. A mutual friend relayed a message to me that my ex wants to meet with me because she has a few things she needs to say. I have a restraining order but it will be a public place with plenty of people around so I can be sure of my safety. Am I nuts for even considering this? My wife is usually not one to make a big deal out of things but she asked me if I am out of my mind. She knows it is nothing romantic but she thinks my wife is capable of pulling out a gun and shooting us both in front of everybody.

[allina]

Why are you considering meeting with her? Are you interested with what she has to say? I would say don't do it, it may create further issues. You can have a friend tell her that if she needs to say anything to you she can write a letter and have the friend pass it on to you.

 

Also, you referred to your ex as your "wife" in the last sentence

[Woggle]

Why are you considering meeting with her? Are you interested with what she has to say? I would say don't do it, it may create further issues. You can have a friend tell her that if she needs to say anything to you she can write a letter and have the friend pass it on to you.

 

Also, you referred to your ex as your "wife" in the last sentence

 

I can assure you that is just a typo. Everybody here knows how bad my typing is so please don't read anything into that. I am curious about what she has to say and as long as it is in a public place I don't see the harm.

[allina]

I can assure you that is just a typo. Everybody here knows how bad my typing is so please don't read anything into that. I am curious about what she has to say and as long as it is in a public place I don't see the harm.

 

I wasn't suggesting there was some deep meaning in it, just pointing out the typo.

 

Knowing some of the things in you ex's past with you I agree with your wife, there are no guarantees, even in a public place. Her pulling out a gun in the middle of a crowded cafe is a bit of a stretch but it is possible.

 

I also feel like seeing you may trigger old feelings in her causing further drama for you and your wife.

 

If nothing goes super wrong but the meeting is unpleasant it may bring back your negative feelings about women and marriage, just like the infidelity boards do. Even though these negative interactions are no fault of your wives they often control how you feel about her. I really dont see any positives coming from this.

 

I would strongly suggest giving her permission to write a letter/email to you instead. If there is something she needs to tell you she can do it without a face to face meeting.

[johan]

First of all, what are you thinking? Second of all, what the hell are you thinking?

 

Are you proposing to do it as a favor to your ex? How will this benefit you or your current wife?

 

And not only that, but what are you thinking?

 

And isn't a restraining order something you are responsible for enforcing yourself? If I was a cop or a judge and I found out that you were a party to violating it, then I'd just cancel it altogether and let you face whatever you have coming. Because you can't expect them to take it seriously if you don't.

 

I can't see why you'd do this. Why would you perpetuate a broken relationship? You owe it to yourself and your wife to get this disease out of your life wherever it appears.

 

The fact that you're even considering it makes me question your judgment. It makes me wonder if you don't actually thrive on and encourage the kind of behavior in women that you complain about so much.

[johan]

I've just realized something that wasn't clear to me before.

 

Your problem isn't that women are so bad. Your problem isn't even that some women are so bad. I don't even think your problem is that your mom was so bad. Your problem is that you need women to be so bad. You've created an enemy for yourself. This might have something to do with your mom, but I'm actually doubting that. I just think whatever past-mom did was just providing present-day Woggle with an easy target. If it hadn't been her it would be something else.

 

This meeting with the ex is what made this clear to me. You clearly don't want her gone. I assume she violated the restraining order by even contacting you, and that doesn't seem to bother you at all. It's a restraining order you requested, but now it just amounts to nothing. You value it because it exists, not because it protects you. It's nice to be able to say you have one when you talk about your evil ex. But she's apparently not evil enough for you to actually want her to be restrained.

 

You like to say you want her gone, but what you're about to do is encourage her to stick around. And if all you say about her is true, then the only possible benefit to you would be a future list of litanies, examples you can provide of how you (and all men, the rest of whom you don't seem to care whether they agree with you or not) are being victimized.

 

Dastardly women are something you've created for yourself. Rationally you know better than to believe the things you type here. But the attachment is emotional. You need dastardly women. You seek them out on the internet, in the news, and you create them here. Without them, where would you be?

 

What other explanation could there be for your sudden surge of admiration for Kevin Federline? What would even bring that to your attention? You just needed it to support the idea that you're a victim and that you have an enemy. People rightly treated that as a joke. Are you willing to face the day when they treat everything you say that way?

 

All this hatred you say you feel, the enemy you create, and the excuses you make for it are completely empty. What you really want is for people to recognize you as a victim and feel pity for you. By meeting with your ex, you're proposing to do something that will feed that little "pity me" monster of yours. As a man, who would prefer to respect you as a man, instead of wonder if you're going to only ever be full of sh*t, I feel compelled to kick that little monster in the teeth. But who will protect it? Woggle will protect it.

[lindya]

It's a restraining order you requested, but now it just amounts to nothing. You value it because it exists, not because it protects you. It's nice to be able to say you have one when you talk about your evil ex. But she's apparently not evil enough for you to actually want her to be restrained.

 

Exactly.

 

All this hatred you say you feel, the enemy you create, and the excuses you make for it are completely empty. What you really want is for people to recognize you as a victim and feel pity for you. By meeting with your ex, you're proposing to do something that will feed that little "pity me" monster of yours. As a man, who would prefer to respect you as a man, instead of wonder if you're going to only ever be full of sh*t, I feel compelled to kick that little monster in the teeth. But who will protect it? Woggle will protect it.

 

Well...I for one am going to stop challenging Woggle in his views. From now on, I'm just going to feed him all the "poor yous" "yes the judicial system is so unfair to men who get restraining orders just for the hell of it" and "yes, unbalanced women you have taken out restraining orders against are such bitches when you meet up with them...they should...they should have restraining orders taken out against them."

[Citizen Erased]

I totally agree with johan (but then who wouldn't he's so dreamy ). For you to even consider this after all that she has done to you, just proves you want to stay miserable.

[Woggle]

I don't want to stay miserable but despite what she did we still have a history together and I remember our time before we moved to New Jersey very fondly. I am aware of what she has done but if we can at least have some closure before she moves to Florida it will be for the better. She has gone a year and some change in prison without drinking which was a definite factor in the shooting and from what I hear she has changed for the better so why not meet in a civil matter and say goodbye on a good note?

[Citizen Erased]

I don't want to stay miserable but despite what she did we still have a history together and I remember our time before we moved to New Jersey very fondly. I am aware of what she has done but if we can at least have some closure before she moves to Florida it will be for the better. She has gone a year and some change in prison without drinking which was a definite factor in the shooting and from what I hear she has changed for the better so why not meet in a civil matter and say goodbye on a good note?

 

If that is the case and you go through with this then I hope you get the closure you need. But prepare yourself to be face to face with a woman who hates you even more after a year and whatever in jail.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Dont go, She's your ex for godsakes and your married, plus she got out of jail are you freaking kidding me???

 

Dude if anything let her write a damn letter, read it burn it and keep it moving. What does she have to say to you that's so important?

 

Have you seen fatal attraction?

 

Because I have and it all started so nicely.

[lindya]

I don't want to stay miserable but despite what she did we still have a history together and I remember our time before we moved to New Jersey very fondly. I am aware of what she has done but if we can at least have some closure before she moves to Florida it will be for the better. She has gone a year and some change in prison without drinking which was a definite factor in the shooting and from what I hear she has changed for the better so why not meet in a civil matter and say goodbye on a good note?

 

 

Hell's bell's. The idea of a die-hard misogynist and an attempted man-murderer meeting up and attempting to resolve their differences amicably just makes my head spin.

 

Look Woggle - why don't you ask your local witness support service about victim/offender mediation. If you're really set on meeting up with this woman who, by all accounts, attempted to kill you, then surely that would be the safest environment in which to do so...and that way the restraining order could probably remain in place.

[OldEurope]

Woggle you are going wobbly.

 

This woman must be out of your life forever.

 

And as for nostalgic reminiscence...? My dear, you are married. Looking fondly back to the pre-Jersey days (and pre attempted murder days:p) as your motivation to see this ex of yours says one thing to your current wife: Romantic interest. This is not some kind of detached, routine "curiosity" as you state it to be. You want to see if there is something "there".

 

All nostalgias carry the element of romantic interest. All of them.

 

Plus, the fact that you are even entertaining the thought of wanting to see someone who fired a gun at you does make me think--please pardon me for saying so--that you have been severely emotionally and psychologically damaged somewhere along the way. This is waaaay too over the top. Women have more power over you than I never would have thought. Get real.

 

Also, I have defended you against the chorus screaming "misogynist!" and all the rest of it at you in the past, but I do have to ask: If this were your current wife telling you that she wanted to see her ex con husband out of "curiosity" and because their "pre San Francisco/Detroit/Dallas/London/Whatever days" were mighty fine, you'd be on here having a fit.

[Woggle]

It has nothing to do with romantic interest. I am very happy with my current wife and would never want to go back to my ex. I just need to clear some issues with her before I move on with my life. I honesty don't think she was trying to kill me. She was drinking heavily back then and she managed to get her hands on a gun and fired a few shots at my house before driving off. If she wanted to kill me she would have gotten out of the car and stormed in. She is just a screwed up person in general but I don't think she is a potental murderer.

[stillafool]

I know how you feel Woggle. You are probably thinking you and she both need closure. I say go ahead and talk to her in a public place. Something like meeting for coffee or breakfast. The meeting should definitely take place in the morning and not last longer than 2 hours. I don't know you whole story about your ex but maybe this will bring about some healing for you. You are a good guy and I don't think your beautiful wife has anything to worry about with you.

[Woggle]

I know how you feel Woggle. You are probably thinking you and she both need closure. I say go ahead and talk to her in a public place. Something like meeting for coffee or breakfast. The meeting should definitely take place in the morning and not last longer than 2 hours. I don't know you whole story about your ex but maybe this will bring about some healing for you. You are a good guy and I don't think your beautiful wife has anything to worry about with you.

 

That is the way I feel but I do understand how my wife feels. She asked me if I fell down and hit my head some time during this past weekend. I know she trusts me but she feels that my ex is a lunatic and I should stay as far as I can away from her. This is the first time I have seen her this upset about something I am doing. Maybe I will agree to talk to her over the phone so if she starts acting up I can just hang up on her.

[jmargel]

What would you suggest to your wife if it was her ex who shot into her house, went to prison and just treated her badly all around? Would you want her to see him?

 

Keep this chapter closed. Opening it back up is only going to start problems for you.

[Art_Critic]

No.. you don't go meet her..

 

You have a restraining order..

Depending on the legal wording of the order then you meeting her may in fact invalidate or tear down the order so that one is no longer in place after the meeting.

You have the order.. you cannot just meet her whenever then at another time enforce the order.

 

Why in the world why you want to get her a chance to put a bullet between your eyes..

She might have honest intentions.. but then she might also want to look into your eyes when she snuffs out your life.

 

Listen to your wife and do not meet her

[Kasan]

I am honesty don't think she was trying to kill me. She was drinking heavily back then and she managed to get her hands on a gun and fired a few shots at my house before driving off. If she wanted to kill me she would have gotten out of the car and stormed in. She is just a screwed up person in general but I don't think she is a potental murderer.

 

Semantics here---A jury determined that she was trying to kill you, (that makes her a potential murderer by their standards) a sentence was determined, and you have a restraining order.

 

What could she possibly tell you that would enable you to move on with your life?

 

Don't invite this into your new marriage. Does she know that you have remarried? As you indicated she is a screwed up person. Could she be a threat to your new wife?

[Woggle]

She tried to shoot us when she found I was getting remarried. My wife who was my fiance back then and I ran into my ex at the supermarket where I told her the news and a few days later she tries to shoot up our house. My wife and I were living together at the time so she was there for the whole thing. I am sure she knows that by now I have remarried.

[Kasan]

She tried to shoot us when she found I was getting remarried. My wife who was my fiance back then and I ran into my ex at the supermarket where I told her the news and a few days later she tries to shoot up our house. My wife and I were living together at the time so she was there for the whole thing. I am sure she knows that by now I have remarried.

 

Have you moved since then?

[Woggle]

Have you moved since then?

 

Nope we still live in the same house and it is almost paid off so I am not moving.

[Kasan]

Nope we still live in the same house and it is almost paid off so I am not moving.

 

That would really scare me Woggle--the fact that she knows where you and your wife live.

 

How does your wife feel about staying at the same address?

 

How do you know that your ex wouldn't try to do it again?

[2sunny]

if she has something to say - she can write a letter. do not meet with her!

 

if she doesn't have your address - she can give it to a friend - to give to you.

 

do not reveal any info to her that she doesn't currently have.

[Art_Critic]

That would really scare me Woggle--the fact that she knows where you and your wife live.

 

How does your wife feel about staying at the same address?

 

How do you know that your ex wouldn't try to do it again?

 

Hiding doesn't do any good either.. If he and his wife moved and bought a new house then the public record search would show where they live in only 30 secs..

If that didn't work then a tax assessor search..

 

It shouldn't be about where he lives that matters.. he should use common sense.. Which not meeting her would fall in the common sense area.