Author Woggle Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 That would really scare me Woggle--the fact that she knows where you and your wife live. How does your wife feel about staying at the same address? How do you know that your ex wouldn't try to do it again? My wife seems to have no problem living at the same address and my ex is moving to Florida next year so this will be over in a few months. My wife seems really upset about me even entertaining this thought. She just has a bad feeling about it so I think I will respect her wishes and decide not to meet with her. After all my ex shot at her as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 My wife seems to have no problem living at the same address and my ex is moving to Florida next year so this will be over in a few months. My wife seems really upset about me even entertaining this thought. She just has a bad feeling about it so I think I will respect her wishes and decide not to meet with her. After all my ex shot at her as well. I think that is an excellent decision Woggle. Be safe!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 As you all know my ex got out of prison this on Oct 9th and she wants to meet with me. A mutual friend relayed a message to me that my ex wants to meet with me because she has a few things she needs to say. I have a restraining order but it will be a public place with plenty of people around so I can be sure of my safety. Am I nuts for even considering this? My wife is usually not one to make a big deal out of things but she asked me if I am out of my mind. She knows it is nothing romantic but she thinks my wife is capable of pulling out a gun and shooting us both in front of everybody. I'm wondering the same thing...Are you out of your mind? After everything that has happened, seeing and talking to your ex is a dangerous situation to put yourself in. And, OFCOURSE your wife isn't thinking you wanting to see your ex is for romantic reasons, that's not possible...Your wife is terrified for your own safety around your ex! And your wife has every right to worry and be concerned that the worst case senario 'could' happen. You do not really know the frame of mind of your ex anymore...And, please, don't rely on the 'mutual friend' on this one. The mutual friend shouldn't be telling you anything anymore about your ex. Ever! I don't want to stay miserable but despite what she did we still have a history together and I remember our time before we moved to New Jersey very fondly. I am aware of what she has done but if we can at least have some closure before she moves to Florida it will be for the better. She has gone a year and some change in prison without drinking which was a definite factor in the shooting and from what I hear she has changed for the better so why not meet in a civil matter and say goodbye on a good note? Did she do any sort of therapy in jail? People like that just don't change after quitting drinking. Did she go to AA, and have counselling? Or did she figure this out all on her own? Either way, I do understand your need for closure, but if you're doing this for your ex, it won't change a thing. Sorry, but seeing the ex will mess things up, in more ways than one. Unless YOU need that closure? If that is the case, do it in a letter and send it to her. Don't see or talk to her. It has nothing to do with romantic interest. I am very happy with my current wife and would never want to go back to my ex. I just need to clear some issues with her before I move on with my life. I honesty don't think she was trying to kill me. She was drinking heavily back then and she managed to get her hands on a gun and fired a few shots at my house before driving off. If she wanted to kill me she would have gotten out of the car and stormed in. She is just a screwed up person in general but I don't think she is a potental murderer. You don't know that Woggle! Your ex is unbalanced, and has some very serious mental issues going on inside her head. You do not know wtf she is really capable of, until it happens. Stay away from her! That is the way I feel but I do understand how my wife feels. She asked me if I fell down and hit my head some time during this past weekend. I know she trusts me but she feels that my ex is a lunatic and I should stay as far as I can away from her. This is the first time I have seen her this upset about something I am doing. Maybe I will agree to talk to her over the phone so if she starts acting up I can just hang up on her. NO. If your ex wants to talk to you, she can send a letter. Talking to her will only open up wounds for you, make you feel bad. Listen to your wife! She is sooo right here... My wife seems to have no problem living at the same address and my ex is moving to Florida next year so this will be over in a few months. My wife seems really upset about me even entertaining this thought. She just has a bad feeling about it so I think I will respect her wishes and decide not to meet with her. After all my ex shot at her as well. Are you 100% sure your wife is okay with the house? Is it possible that she is scared to tell you how she feels, incase you refuse to sell the house? I just say this because she may not 'feel' like it's her house, it will always be 'your' house. Gently discuss this with her Woggle. I'm glad that you're not going to meet your ex. That's putting yourself IN a dangerous situation. You also should tell your mutual friend NOT to tell you anything about your ex anymore. She is your past, she has done so much damage to you, and to your wife, it's best to move on...Anything your ex has to say, can be done in a letter to you. Seeing her face to face is not a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 I just called this friend and told her I would not be meeting my ex and you know what I hear? My ex has some unresolved issues that I have not addressed and she needs to vent to me? So this woman cheated on me, accused me of being an abuser and rapist in court and then tried to shoot but she is the one that needs to vent? I am the one that needs to address the issues? Honestly she can drop dead for all I care at this point. This woman has as much if not more damage to me than my mother and I am washing my hands clean of her and if she comes near me or my wife I am having her ass arrested. The nerve of her saying I am not addressing the issues. I am sorry if I sound angry but this really pisses me off. She tried to murder me and yet I am still to blame. Tonight I might just take my wife out for a nice dinner because the contrast between her and my ex is unbelievable. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I just called this friend and told her I would not be meeting my ex and you know what I hear? My ex has some unresolved issues that I have not addressed and she needs to vent to me? So this woman cheated on me, accused me of being an abuser and rapist in court and then tried to shoot but she is the one that needs to vent? I am the one that needs to address the issues? Honestly she can drop dead for all I care at this point. This woman has as much if not more damage to me than my mother and I am washing my hands clean of her and if she comes near me or my wife I am having her ass arrested. The nerve of her saying I am not addressing the issues. I am sorry if I sound angry but this really pisses me off. She tried to murder me and yet I am still to blame. Tonight I might just take my wife out for a nice dinner because the contrast between her and my ex is unbelievable. This only proves that she is still unstable, and I would really wonder what she is still capable of. I would watch my *ss if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Woggle, tell this 'mutual' friend of yours to STOP talking to you about your ex. You don't need this crap in your life! I agree with kasan, fact that your ex wants to vent to you just means she is STILL unstable and probably capable of doing something else quite dangerous. Get the cops involved if you need to. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I am sorry if I sound angry but this really pisses me off. Don't be sorry. It should piss you off! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Marine Corps Basic Rule 101! Some "Joker's" trying to take your head off? You don't give them a "second" chance! Gunny's Rule 101 "Woman ~ Happy? Gunny's ~ Happy! Go with what you've got ~ forget what you've not! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Tonight I might just take my wife out for a nice dinner because the contrast between her and my ex is unbelievable. Great idea, but just do it because you love her. She is special all on her own, without having to be compared to anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 If your ex has something to say she can always write a letter ... no need to meet. Then you can choose to read it or not. If she doesn't get this opportunity to 'vent' she might not leave you the hell alone. There's always the phone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 I was even considering talking with her on my friends cellphone so she wouldn't be able to trace mine but after hearing that she blames me for everything I want nothing to with her. She can get into a car accident for all I care. I know that sounds harsh but this woman has caused me so much pain and drama. If she even drives on my block I can have her arrested and that is what I plan on doing if I have any problems. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 I was even considering talking with her on my friends cellphone so she wouldn't be able to trace mine but after hearing that she blames me for everything I want nothing to with her. She can get into a car accident for all I care. I know that sounds harsh but this woman has caused me so much pain and drama. If she even drives on my block I can have her arrested and that is what I plan on doing if I have any problems. It confuses me when you have these brash changes of heart so quickly. However I'm glad, you're doing the right thing. I also feel like you owe it to your wife to not take any risks that you don't need to take. Take your lovely wife to a nice dinner instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 It confuses me when you have these brash changes of heart so quickly. However I'm glad, you're doing the right thing. I also feel like you owe it to your wife to not take any risks that you don't need to take. Take your lovely wife to a nice dinner instead. I am starting to think I might be bipolar or something because my mood can change very quickly but maybe I am just confused about things. This was not long ago and I don't know if I have fully processed everything yet. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Woggy, now would be a good time to give that therapist a call and set up an appointment......(Just a little friendly push, I'm not nagging you.) You could be suffering from PTSD, so definately get this checked out. You and your wife have been through alot due to your ex, and especially you because of all that you've endured, with the ex and your mom. I doubt you're BP, but you are suffering inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 I am still seeing the therapist and she agrees that I am still healing and it seems that every time I seem to be getting over it something shows up. I will be so glad when she moves to Florida because then I will have her out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Actually Woggle.. She is out of your life... You have a restraining order. If she is in your life it is because you are allowing her to be in it.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 I will be so glad when she moves to Florida because then I will have her out of my life. Me too! And let's hope she actually DOES make the move to Florida. Now, please! Tell that mutual friend NOT to discuss your ex with you ANYMORE! You don't need that drama in your life. And I hate to say it, but it's almost like your mutual friend kind of enjoys being the go-between and seems abit too involved with this senario...know what I mean? I am still seeing the therapist and she agrees that I am still healing and it seems that every time I seem to be getting over it something shows up Great! I'm sure she's going to help ya with this one, and I bet she'll be happy that you didn't go see your ex! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 Actually Woggle.. She is out of your life... You have a restraining order. If she is in your life it is because you are allowing her to be in it.. As long as she is free and living in the next town over I will worry but you do have a point. My block is always crawling with cops because of the boardwalk so if she tries anything they will be there in 2 seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
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