lexi29 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 been doing a lot of thinking this weekend. Suprisingly friday was the first time I didn't cry over him. On saturday however I had no plans, nothing to do so I stayed home and cleaned the house. Came across a lot of things my ex had given me, I packed those all away in a box in a closest. but I also found pictures of his son. Pictures I'd forgotten I had. I couldnt stop crying for an hour. I don't think I'll ever see either of them again. I think my ex has totally forgotten about me (even though its only been a week since we last saw eachother) He has someone new and isn't allowed any contact with me. He wasn't even home when I went to get my stuff (he did this on purpose). He said I can never see his son again (her orders) Its like one day everything was fine, I was helping his son with his homework, we were making plans to go trick or treating on Halloween. And then now I can't ever talk to either of them again. Its so hard. I don't want to be good friends with my ex, I dont' want him back. I just wish he didn't treat me like I never existed. I know I will probably run into him and his new girl somewhere. And I have to act like I don't know him. How do you do that? I mean this guy knew everything about me! I knew everything about him. I spent 3 years with him and his son. I knew them for the last six years!! How do I handle him snubbing me? Or worse meeting my eyes and looking away? Its hard because he's moved on. He has a replacement for me. He has someone to do all the things we used to do. I can't replace him that quickly. How do you handle the fact that you'll probably never talk to your ex again? After all you shared. I guess it is even harder for me because I am good friends with two of my exes to this day (One I was engaged to and we still hang out if he's in town, we email and talk on the phone a few times a month) another ex (from a long time ago) and I are best friends, see eachother quite often) Any of my other exes that still live near me if I run into them I'll say hello and talk for a few minutes. So i"ve never had anyone completely write me off. What do you do? I'm so afraid to run into him and him act like I'm a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 anyone have any input? Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I guarantee he hasnt forgotten about you. After time passes and the feelings of hurt fade, you end up remembering good times and not so much the bad times. In the weeks/months following a breakup, its not uncommon for both people to do things to help hide their feelings. With him it was probably getting another girl right away to cover up the feelings of loss now that your not together. It sucks to think that they dont think of you, trust me. My ex made almost no attempts to contact me after we broke up. And we had NO conflicting issues between each other. Its like she just turned tail and ran one day. That hurts more than anything. But its a fact of life. As much as it sucks, some people just come and go without looking back at all. Sometimes we get left in the dust while they take off. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanslatete Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 There's always somebody left with all the emotions to deal with while the other hits the ground running. I was one of the former unfortunately and I'm still going through the process of understanding how I could go from being adored to being nothing. It really hurts and I don't understand it myself, maybe I never will. But, as for now, I just have to grit my teeth and do what I can to get by. I would have liked to have thought I meant more, but the evidence shows that I didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Sounds difficult...I know it's hard when things are cut off suddenly, as if it happened over night. But unfortuneatly that's life. "God only gives us what we can handle"...I like that saying. I don't think you can do anything to change the situation. Take it day by day and believe it or not, will get easier with time. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 First of all, he definitely has not forgotten you. And who is this woman that she's telling him whom he can and cannot see? I mean...what the hell? I can guarantee you he'll get tired of being ordered around at some point. Wouldn't you?! Think about it: if you were with someone who said to you, "Here's who you can have in your life, here's who you can't"...wouldn't you get really sick of that really fast? I'm sorry I don't remember your original post. How did he meet her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 First of all, he definitely has not forgotten you. And who is this woman that she's telling him whom he can and cannot see? I mean...what the hell? I can guarantee you he'll get tired of being ordered around at some point. Wouldn't you?! Think about it: if you were with someone who said to you, "Here's who you can have in your life, here's who you can't"...wouldn't you get really sick of that really fast? I'm sorry I don't remember your original post. How did he meet her? Well she is an ex from a long time ago. He met up with her in August (with me) after 12 years of not seeing her. I actually thought of her as a casual friend of mine (big mistake!!) I mean this woman would text me to say hello and would tell me her problems. I thought she was the last person I'd ever have to worry about. Also he claimed he didnt' find her attractive (and I believed this because I saw pics of her when she was younger and she was a knockout and when we met her my bf didn't even recognize her -she's changed so much appearance-wise that its sad. She is telling him he can't have any contact with me for good reason- he cheated on her with me after only two days (I didn't do it on purpose, I had no idea he was seeing someone else so quickly. He started dating not even a week after he broke up with me, so SHE is the exact reason he broke up me.) he told me he just felt tied down and wanted to be single. When I went to his house to get some of my stuff he was all over me begging me to have sex with him. I gave in after awhile. I accidently told his "girlfriend" about what he did because I thought I was confiding in a friend and not my boyfriend's new woman. She was hurt, betrayed furious at him and of course he lied about it said I was making it up. but I got proof and once he knew that he admitted it to her (after she already believed me) She stayed with him but has all these rules for him I'm sure. I know one of the conditions is that he can have no contact with me. Honestly she doesn't need to worry about him cheating on her with me because it will NEVER happen. I have enough respect for myself that I do not go after men who are taken, not even for revenge. He's not worth it. But she should be less worried about me and more concerned about how long it will take him to cheat on her AGAIN with someone else. Cause it will happen again I'm sure. I mean he couldn't even wait a week to date her after he left me but couldn't even go two days without cheating on HER. So all he cares about is himself. While I don't want him back it just seems so sad that I will never be a part of his son's life (or his) again. I can't even say hi if I see them. It hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Your right..she needs to worry more about the fact that she's dumb enough to devote herself to an obviously serial-cheater! This is why she'll spend her life telling him what he can and can't do all the time, which will get to him eventually, causing him to do what he does best - and cheat again! And I've heard guys do that before...say he doesn't even think sew-and-sew is attractive, but then end up marrying her...I KNOW a guy who did this...what, do they just wake up one day and decide she's attractive after all? That's just weird...when I find a guy that unattractive...chances are nothing will change my mind...other than those rare cases where the personality boosts their looks amazingly. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Just as a little thought (and this is only from looking at other relationships, not my experience - for I am a relationship baby) - I think the person that deals with the emotions, the hurt, anger, sadness etc. is the one who will actually learn from the break-up. I think if you bottle it all up and find solace either in someone else or just pretending everything is okay - then you are storing up an explosive future for yourself. I've seen this happen several times with friends when the "dumper" crashes and burns later on and the "dumpee" has rebuilt confidence, a renewed sense of self etc. Just my pennies Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 It sucks to think that they dont think of you, trust me. My ex made almost no attempts to contact me after we broke up. And we had NO conflicting issues between each other. Its like she just turned tail and ran one day. That hurts more than anything. But its a fact of life. As much as it sucks, some people just come and go without looking back at all. Sometimes we get left in the dust while they take off. I am with you there. The sudden coldness. Just a call from her to see if I was at least ok, but nothing. But yeah, you have to face it, that some people are just like that, we are all different. Still so very hard to take. Link to post Share on other sites
Mandy5 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Lexi..i know EXACTLY what you are going through..becuase i am going through the same thing My ex bf did the same thing, and is with another girl already, and he too is not allowed to talk to me. Its been about a month now that i haven't talked to him..and each day is getting better and better, i stll think about him everyday, and hope one day he will eventually talk tome again. So many people are going through the same thing, and i think that is what helps me get through the day, that im not alone. the whole thing just sucks though, feels lke you lost a huge part of your life, and now he is doing the same things we used to do with another girl. but it will get better, and we both will get through this:) hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Honestly, I have stayed in touch and his new girlfriend probably has no idea. We have even gone so far as to sleep together and I KNOW she doesn't have a clue. BUT I know about her.. and it is killing me so it's time to cut it off. I know what she looks like, what she does for a living etc.. It's horrible. I somehow thought being in touch and being intimate meant he didn't really like this girl but unfortunately, I am on the losing end. He's with her, I did something I have never done to another person and feel terrible. I decided yesterday I am not going to be "in touch" anymore. It's time to let it go!! So it may seem nice to have the option but ultimately from my experience it sucks the life out of you and makes you miserable. His contact is hurting me and I am letting it! Here's to getting my self esteem back! AND I am sorry for everyones pain!! Hang in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for sharing your kind words and experiences. It feels good to know you're not alone. And sorry to those who are going through this hell. It hurts to be left behind but you are all probably right- it will get better. And the individuals who left us will be the ones struggling one day. Maybe even missing us and regretting what they did. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 How do you handle it? You go on. You tell yourself over and over in your head that it is his loss. When you do see him you can look him in the eye and think to yourself - loser, look at what you gave up. I'm so much better than you. I feel sorry for his kid - as well as you - he must feel as if the rug got pulled out from under him. Link to post Share on other sites
nemo28 Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Lexi; I completely understand where you are coming from hun. I have been through the exact same thing and am still going through it. Myself and my ex b/f broke up last Christmas, but you know how it is, you keep seeing each other and keep having sex as we did for a few months afterwards... untill i found out that he was actually seeing someone. I told him that we couldn't keep being together like that but he wanted it so bad and I was so upset by losing him that I kept wanting contact with him.. Until one day, he just STOPPED talking to me out of the blue. That was last March and he has not talked to me since... He works for my family business and when i see him in work her looks the other way. This i can tell you hurts me so bad. I was such a big part of his life for almost 6 years, he moved from another country to be with me after i met him abroad, i set him up with a job, we had a home together. When we broke up i thought it was just a passing phase, we had been together so long i thought we would get back together for sure.. that was until this other girl got her claws into him and it looks like as in your situation she won't allow him to have any contact with me. I don't understand how someone who said they loved me so much one day could be so cold the next. he always promised i would be part of his life even if it was just as a friend. It hurts so much. I am with you on this one Lexi. Hugs x.x.x. Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 How do you handle it? You go on. You tell yourself over and over in your head that it is his loss. When you do see him you can look him in the eye and think to yourself - loser, look at what you gave up. I'm so much better than you. quote] Damn right. In my better days, thats exactly what I think, my goal. Link to post Share on other sites
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