Galexia Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Do married persons feel envious of those who choose not to be married? Or do they feel sorry for them? and why do new parents get so lost in everything "baby." I have ad friends drop my the dozens once they got hitched or had kids. I feel like so many people viw me as inferior because I choose not to have kids or get married. I'm not selfish...I just like my life without kids and marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I don't feel envious of single people, or DINK/SINK couples either for that matter. Now that I think about it, I don't think I'm "envious" of anyone really, although I sometimes desire less "drama" in my life relative to others. Just not the cards we've been dealt, however, so no sense crying over it. Envy is typically a sign of insecurity of one form or another. If you are happy with what you have, why bother comparing yourself to someone else. The grass is always greener over the septic tank. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Speaking for myself, I do not feel envious of people not married/without kids nor do I judge them as inferior. I will say most of the people I know and hang out with are either married and/or have kids, but it was not a conscious thing I set out for. Most of my friends are in their thirties like me and have settled down. The few friends I have that are single and without kids have different interests than me. Outside of talking about how the Miami Dolphins suck this year there is very little left to talk about. I'm sure they don't want to hear me gripe about the price of diapers or my worries of putting my children through college. Married people just generally hang with married people and single with single people. Just how it happens to be for me.... Thomas Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 It's not a matter of losing your married/parental friends because they look down on you. You have to realize that people move into different social spheres simply because humans naturally gravitate toward groups with common characteristics. Marital or parental status is a very fundamental aspect of life, and it's only natural that married people seek out other married people, and parents seek out other parents. I waited until fairly late to have kids, and I clearly remember what it was like to interact with parents before I was one. I didn't get it. Why did they go on and on about their kids like that? Why did they give up all their other interests? Well, now I understand because I'm there. And I don't look down on people without kids - but I also know that they can't really relate to where I'm at in my life. I will admit to being envious of them sometimes, though. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Do married persons feel envious of those who choose not to be married? Or do they feel sorry for them? and why do new parents get so lost in everything "baby." I have ad friends drop my the dozens once they got hitched or had kids. I feel like so many people viw me as inferior because I choose not to have kids or get married. I'm not selfish...I just like my life without kids and marriage. Galexia, you need to get out of that small town you're in!! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Do married persons feel envious of those who choose not to be married? Or do they feel sorry for them? and why do new parents get so lost in everything "baby." I have ad friends drop my the dozens once they got hitched or had kids. I feel like so many people viw me as inferior because I choose not to have kids or get married. I'm not selfish...I just like my life without kids and marriage. Nor would I look down on someone for neither being married nor having children. Those are decidedly personal choices. My wife and I love being empty nesters and grandparents and tend to gravitate towards those in the same circumstances. But that's more an issue of age than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
woodsfield Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 My wife and I love being empty nesters and grandparents and tend to gravitate towards those in the same circumstances. But that's more an issue of age than anything else. there's alot to say about that. when i got married, i felt a lot of my friends who were single did not call as much....then we had a kid, and everything in life changes DRAMATICALLY. now that one friend is married, we tend to do things with them. i don't think anything different of singles or married folk. people get "all baby" when they have a kid because it is such a huge deal. nothing else is like it. take getting a new car, house and 5 pets in the same day and multiple by 100,000,000,000. and the child does not come with an owner's manual. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 I am not jealous of my single friends because I can do everything they do except sleep around without drama. My wife is the most drama free woman I have met but if I were married to most of the women the men I know are married to I would be envious of single men with freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
cld24 Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 There is no point in being envious of anyone. Nor do we feel sorry for unmarried people, we don't feel sorry for anyone. And if we were going to feel sorry for anyone it definately wouldn't be over there marital status. I do have friends with babies and of course we ended up not having much in common anymore since they were all about their baby, but thats just how life goes as you get older. I have noticed some people with kids try to tell childless couples that they are not really living until they have a kid and I don't appreciate that but it doesn't bother me much either. Right now we love our life without kids but plan to have them someday. Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 I am not jealous of my single friends, nor do I feel sorry for them. They are my friends and I would support them and still be their friend whether they ever get married or not. The only time I have come across the type of people you mentioned (the ones who feel sorry for their single friends) is in movies.... I tend to not really get along with people if they're going to judge you like that. I don't know about the baby thing, I guess it's just like woodsfield said.... I guess you could only know if you'd been through it.... but I too like my life without kids for now. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleLady Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 eh, most people feel more sorry for parents than anything because of the work involved and the brats they have to deal with. I have a child of my own, but never have known anyone to feel sorry for "single" people unless they were past forty and alone and/or no kids. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Re: losing friends when you remain single and they get married and have kids of their own. I can relate to this as a married guy who lost friends once they had kids years before we did. There are many reasons for this I think and most of them have nothing to do with jealousy or feelings of superiority. Kids, quite frankly, consume your life. They demand enormous amounts of attention. They require you to learn things that you never knew you would have to learn and they can quite frankly fascinate you for hours on end. They can keep you awake for hours on end as well, but that's a different topic. While you used to be able to just jump up and run out to the club or whatever you felt like, now you have to plan ahead. You need to get a sitter, set everything up, be in the mood for it in the first place (particularly if you are sleep deprived) etc. Kids change everything. Everything. For me, they changed it for the better. For some, they can become a real social life killer. But for a lot of parents who have children, you find it easier to gravitate towards relationships with OTHER parents in similar situations. They understand the need for advance planning. Spontaneity is a luxury for them as well as you. You can just simply relate to them better than your single friends. Further, you may feel like you are a "drag" to your single friends, never being able to just be there and hang out with them any more. It's a stage of life like anything else. It doesn't have much to do with the single friend at all. It has everything to do with becoming a parent and all the additional responsibilities that entails. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I am married and I have lost friends after they got married because their wives didn't want them hanging out with me. I make it apoint to still keep in touch with my friends married and I think every married person male or female should. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts