How long should I wait?!

[Margaret]

I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. I'm in my late 20's, and he is 30. While we have had our ups and downs, overall we have a strong relationship and love each other deeply. We have been talking marriage for at least a year now. He frequently talks about "when we get married, when we build a house, when we have children, etc.." The problem is, that I'm ready to do it, and although he talks about it, he admitted to me last week that while he is "faily certain" he wants to marry me, he's still not "positive", and that I should be patient and everything will work out. Perhaps he's just having cold feet, as my friends say, but I'm concerned that if he's still not positive he wants to marry me after all these years, will he ever be?! We both take marriage very seriously, that when you do it, it's for life, and you should never rush into it. I've never given him an ultimatum, and am not thrilled about that idea, but I'm actually considering it. I've never felt too much in a rush to marry, but I'm feeling like if it's not going to be him, then we both should move on. How long should you wait? Is it time for me to move on, as painful as it would be? Any help you can give me will be appreciated!

[CeCe]

Dear How long:

 

3 1/2 yrs is long enough to figure out if you are the one. I am in a relationship of a 1 1/2 and I have told my boyfriend that when it hits the 2 year mark then we should talk about it, figure out if that is the direction we both want to go and then figure out when. If it is not for us then we both can move on and not waste each other's time. I could never stand it when my friends "begged" for the engagement ring. I could never stand when they would push their boyfriends to get married. I do not believe in that. I think you have the right attitude about it. You are not being pushy, you are unsure too. But I think everyone has those unsure feelings up until the wedding day and even during marriage. I think you should sit down and say that this is not your typical ultimatium(sp?). Tell him that you two need to seriously discuss if this is for you two. Tell him that if you are not "his one" that you do not want to hold him back either. Really, life is too short. You need to go with your gut and taking risks is scary and can hurt but no matter what happens, you will grow from this!!

 

Best Wishes,

 

CeCe

I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. I'm in my late 20's, and he is 30. While we have had our ups and downs, overall we have a strong relationship and love each other deeply. We have been talking marriage for at least a year now. He frequently talks about "when we get married, when we build a house, when we have children, etc.." The problem is, that I'm ready to do it, and although he talks about it, he admitted to me last week that while he is "faily certain" he wants to marry me, he's still not "positive", and that I should be patient and everything will work out. Perhaps he's just having cold feet, as my friends say, but I'm concerned that if he's still not positive he wants to marry me after all these years, will he ever be?! We both take marriage very seriously, that when you do it, it's for life, and you should never rush into it. I've never given him an ultimatum, and am not thrilled about that idea, but I'm actually considering it. I've never felt too much in a rush to marry, but I'm feeling like if it's not going to be him, then we both should move on. How long should you wait? Is it time for me to move on, as painful as it would be? Any help you can give me will be appreciated!