Celtic Man Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Hello LS members, My story is unique as is everyones on this site, but lemme tell ya, it's mighty weird! My brother and I are very close. We met a lot of our gfs while hanging out together (our wives included) and had some really crazy times growing up. We usually have all of our recreational activities with our ladies on the weekends and do a little skinny dipping, some truth or dare, nothing too much. Well about a month ago, things took a turn for the worst. We brought up the subject of wife swapping while on a beach trip and one drink led to another and the next thing you know the deed was done. We didnt talk about it much the next day and things resumed back to normal. Until two weeks ago. My brother tells me that his wife is pregnant and that I was the only sexual partner she had had since the "hookup." He said their sex life had been weird, (Im guessing that is due to the pregnancy taking effect and the negative repurcussions of the swapping.) I told my wife and she was furious, seeing as how her and my brother used condoms and I didnt. She wont talk to me and has been spending time with my brother this past week. I want to comfort his wife and talk about options (abortion, adoption, keeping the child etc.) but I am just too weirded out and mindblown to do anything. I will accept any responsibility I have to with this child, but I want my marriage back! What steps should I take to repair these events? I know I was being reckless, but I dont think Im the only one to blame. I wouldnt call us swingers, but I didnt think things like this happened with some casual fun. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Wow. That is a strange situation. I had similar incident some years ago but without the pregnancy so it just blew over eventually (never to be repeated, it was definitely a mistake). It seems as though each of the four of you should have some sort of vote here, but ultimately it is his wife's decision. And in the end you will all have to live with it. What surprises me though is the certainty of your being the father. Do you really think it is not possible that he is the father??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celtic Man Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 b/c we didnt use condoms (drunken mistake) and I remember thinking I didnt pull out in enough time. it may be that memory that fuels my certainty, also my brothers livid reaction! the vote sounds good. im frankly worried my wife and brother are still hooking up out of spite with the situation. they have been incognito for a few days. this is sooooo weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 You just a straight dumbass you know that! Tell ber to get an abortion. All that wife swapping is some sick shhhht! And now you fear she's banging your brother? I'm sorry my friend but you opened pandora's box on this one. Can you close it? I dont think so. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 I'm sorry my friend but you opened pandora's box on this one. Can you close it? I dont think so. That about sums it up. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 b/c we didnt use condoms (drunken mistake) and I remember thinking I didnt pull out in enough time. it may be that memory that fuels my certainty, also my brothers livid reaction! Presumably your brother had sex with his wife that night, or the previous night, or the next night. Are you certain they used birth control? Are they certain their birth control worked...maybe their condom slipped or he didn't pull out in time or whatever. Have you at least ASKED them that question? And how does your brother's wife feel about her husband hanging around your wife so much these days? I don't have any advice except that all four of you need to sit down together and talk about this, since this is affecting all four of you even without the undetermined pregnancy issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Presumably your brother had sex with his wife that night, or the previous night, or the next night. Are you certain they used birth control? Are they certain their birth control worked...maybe their condom slipped or he didn't pull out in time or whatever. Have you at least ASKED them that question? And how does your brother's wife feel about her husband hanging around your wife so much these days? I don't have any advice except that all four of you need to sit down together and talk about this, since this is affecting all four of you even without the undetermined pregnancy issue. Amen across the board. I'm calling BS on the fact that they are sure that you're the Father. Is there a chance? Yes, but certainty, no way. Also, everyone that is mad at you - especially your wife - needs to look at their own role in this deal. From your description, all participated willingly. So all share in the outcome. Assuming no abortion (a personal choice for all involved), my recommendation is for your Brother and SIL to raise the baby as theirs (which it probably is), and everyone just keep their mouths (and zippers, from here on ) shut. No need to burden a child with this mess... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Sorry if you mentioned this somewhere else on the board, but are you and your brother twins? If you are, then a DNA test won't help much if the choice of father is either you or him, but it will help rule out a third dude, if there is one. If you are not twins, then a DNA test will help determine between the two of you, which is the father - or neither if neither of you are. Whatever the case, there is no sense in you supporting a child that you are not the bio father of. Your brother can make that decision himself, since he is married to the mother. You and your brother need to sit down with your wives and restake the boundaries, and work amongst the four of you some way to establish a new 'normal' that does not include continued 'swapping' of any sort - emotional or otherwise. Can you guys afford family counseling for the four of you? An objective party might be able to keep things on track, and put emphasis on the importance of stopping any 'pairing off'. An objective third (fifth?) party might also be helpful in helping you figure out how to form family bonds with your child from within the family tangle this child was created in. There has to be some way of preserving your family, even in all of this mess: including creating a family environment for this new child, should there be a decision to carry the child to term and paternity is established. One thing is certain. You need to find out if you are the bio father of this child. If you are, any and all interactions between you and your brothers wife should be handled through third party interaction, and your relationship with your child should not include her except as her function as the child's mother. Your wife needs to stop seeing your brother, period. Your wife may be able to handle being this child's stepmother - and she may be more able to do this if she is certain that you are simply a father to this child, and not in any way a partner with the child's mother outside of parenting duties. Man, what a multi-layered mess this is! Paternity first, stopping the swapping next, sorting out family after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 If you are not twins, then a DNA test will help determine between the two of you, which is the father - or neither if neither of you are. Can a paternity test be done in utero? I would think that it would have to wait until birth and I'd hate to think that you would leave things hanging until then. Do you also want to saddle this child with the identity of "my Dad is Mom's Husband's Brother"? Should just be a well-kept family secret... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Faith4u Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 The harm is done. All 4 parties are responsible and you should not feel ashamed to sit down and talk you all participated and agreed on this. I think when the baby is born you can do a DNA test to be sure and see your responsability part on this. Condom or no condom it is a dangerous field you played there! What if the sex is so much better with your brother? Why go there for one night of fun when you know that you want your marriage and you do nothave maretal issues??? If you call it adventure than you are still living in it! You have to assume the good and the bad. That is what I think of this weird story. Stay strong. Hello LS members, My story is unique as is everyones on this site, but lemme tell ya, it's mighty weird! My brother and I are very close. We met a lot of our gfs while hanging out together (our wives included) and had some really crazy times growing up. We usually have all of our recreational activities with our ladies on the weekends and do a little skinny dipping, some truth or dare, nothing too much. Well about a month ago, things took a turn for the worst. We brought up the subject of wife swapping while on a beach trip and one drink led to another and the next thing you know the deed was done. We didnt talk about it much the next day and things resumed back to normal. Until two weeks ago. My brother tells me that his wife is pregnant and that I was the only sexual partner she had had since the "hookup." He said their sex life had been weird, (Im guessing that is due to the pregnancy taking effect and the negative repurcussions of the swapping.) I told my wife and she was furious, seeing as how her and my brother used condoms and I didnt. She wont talk to me and has been spending time with my brother this past week. I want to comfort his wife and talk about options (abortion, adoption, keeping the child etc.) but I am just too weirded out and mindblown to do anything. I will accept any responsibility I have to with this child, but I want my marriage back! What steps should I take to repair these events? I know I was being reckless, but I dont think Im the only one to blame. I wouldnt call us swingers, but I didnt think things like this happened with some casual fun. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
woodsfield Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 What steps should I take to repair these events? I know I was being reckless, but I dont think Im the only one to blame. I wouldnt call us swingers, but I didnt think things like this happened with some casual fun. dude....you (and others) screwed up bad. you are right...you are not the only one to blame....there were three other participants...three other people had to say "yes" as well, but that is no excuse. it's all fun and games 'til someone gets their eye poked out or your brother's wife gets pregnant by you. you cannot "repair" this. four people fu-ked up and four people will have to make it right, if possible. no one here can really help. ya'll need to decide what is best for the baby FIRST and go from there. good luck....ALL ya'll will need it. Link to post Share on other sites
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