So Confused

[lilac]

Hi all. I have posted before and received some great advice...Now I'm back.

 

I will give a brief synopsis before I dive into the latest saga. I was with my ex for 6 years. It was an emotional roller coaster at times. We met when we were both 20. We had broken up twice during our relationship because he met other women. We always found our way back to each other.

 

Labor day 2002...we break up and he hooks up with some HS dropout that is a bartender. They immediately sleep together and she moves in a month later. They are still living together.

 

Late September 2002...he calls me saying he made a mistake, wants me back, professes his love to me. 4 days later, he changes his mind and moves her in.

 

February 2003...He shows up at my doorstep crying the blues about how he made such a mistake, yadda, yadda, yadda. We sleep together and a week later, he decides he was having a bad week and stays with the dropout.

 

Monday, this week...He calls me and asks if he can come over on Tuesday night. I hesitantly agreed as I was finally getting over the break-up. He comes over and we talked for 3 hours and got along great. We laughed and had a good time. He said he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He didn't really ask me to come back but he said he will contact me again. He still lives with her.

 

They went on a cruise last week (he paid for everything) and he said that he wished he was with me. He even tried to call me from the ship. He says that the dropout is crazy about him but he doesn't understand why he still has feelings for me and thinks about me all the time. He cares about 2 people at the same time.

 

He said he is at a crossroads and doesn't know what to do. His family loves me and I am still close with his stepmother. My family doesn't like him at all and would kill me if they even knew I was speaking to him.

 

I don't know what to do. I still love him and I wish it would work, but I am so numb to his wishy-washiness. I don't want to fall for the trap and get screwed over again. If I knew it would work, I would go back in a second, but how can I trust him.

 

I will not contact him because she lives with him...I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. I really don't think he will leave her...why is he doing this to me? Please try to help me understand. What should I do? Please help...have you ever heard of anything like this before?

 

PS. I slept with him on Tuesday and his new gf has no clue.

 

Thanks!!!

[Tony T]

1. "I will not contact him because she lives with him...I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. I really don't think he will leave her...why is he doing this to me?"

 

Because you put out a welcome mat. You hold out hope for something that will never happen. He basically uses you emotionally when he's having problems with his dropout. He's getting something from you that he's not getting from her. Now, what could it be that he's getting from a drop out that's so very great...let's think about it....OK?

 

2. "Please try to help me understand. What should I do?"

 

Help you understand what? That you are getting screwed...not in the good way...you are getting used??? Since this forum doesn't provide for the drawing up pictures, I don't know how I could help you understand it.

 

Tell him to kiss your butt and cease all contact. Let him know you have people in your life who have respect for you and you're not going to take his crap anymore. Don't write him, call him, mail him, or receive his calls. End it for all time.

 

3. "Please help...have you ever heard of anything like this before?"

 

Happens all the time. Some people just don't get it.

[Carly]

Print Tony's reply in multiple copies.

 

Post it beside your bed, in the bathroom mirror, at the kitchen sink, on your computer screen.

 

Read it so many times that you have it committed to memory; read it so many times it is ringing in your head all night long.

 

Heed his advice and never stray from it. Not even for a second.

 

If ever you meet a similar jerk in the future, take out Tony's advice to you once agian.

 

As before, make multiple copies and post it beside your bed, in the bathroom, .....