Should I quit the job that I like because My wife wants me to do something else?

[buu]

First off I want to tell you this and I will be as honest as possible when I tell the story because I would like an unbiased opinion.

 

Six weeks ago I lost my job. I dint want to sit on my butt for months on end crying that I got canned and found job as a subcontractor about 2 weeks later. Training for this position took about a week. When I told my wife about the sub contractor position her reaction was not what I expected. “Why did you say yes to that?” or “If I were you I would have not chose that position..” was one of her many comments that got to me. For a few days I tried to avoid the subject yet she kept asking me why I stopped looking for a “real “job. I blew up at her with a lot of frustration and anger and I told her how she made me feel with the negative responses. I avoided her the rest of the week. Later she tells me that she found a job for me VIA my sister in law’s BF. Another week or so passed and my sister in law asked my why I did not call her BF about the job my wife found for me (keep in mind I have already started working yet she did not tell her that).

 

We got into some pretty heated arguments it about but to be honest she wanted to talk, I did not. So I gave in because I did not want to hear her excuses for not supporting me and in my opinion, being so DAMN controlling. We came to an agreement that she would not impose as much on my career choices. However nothing really has changed except that I ignore what she says to me about looking for another job, or what she is telling my in-laws. However some of the things she has done did get to me.

 

When we were at bible study, she put in a prayer request that was announced that ask if the church could pray for me in finding a job and to not just accept anything that comes along. People came up to me saying that they might have some leads. I told them that I was late to bible study because I came in from work.(That was embarrassing. )

 

When she calls me in the middle of the day and asks me if I have started looking again.

I could go on and on.. but I wont

 

I like what I do. However, my wife does not. It’s not illegal, and it is not immoral. But it is a sub-contract position. With the way that we have been with this job thing, I am wondering should I be feeling like this (a little pissed because she don’t like what I do, and she wants me to do something I really don’t want to do) or should I just quit this position and find something else to keep the peace in my home.[/

[Saxis]

With the way that we have been with this job thing, I am wondering should I be feeling like this (a little pissed because she don’t like what I do, and she wants me to do something I really don’t want to do) or should I just quit this position and find something else to keep the peace in my home.

 

Your feelings are YOUR feelings. The questions you need to ask yourself, is if you are happy with your new job and does it pay well enough to support your family? If you are happy, then she should be supportive. And, I'm not talking about "is it enough money to keep the wife happy", and I certainly HOPE that's not what she's griping about! If it is, then yes, you need to quit your position..... as her husband! If you aren't happy in the new job, and it's not quite paying the bills, then maybe you should be looking into other opportunities.

[norajane]

Have you actually TALKED with her about this, because I didn't read that you did. I saw that you argued with her, I saw that she hurt your feelings with her comments, I saw that you think she's controlling, but I didn't see that you sat down and tried to explain your thoughts about WHY you took this job, why you like it, why you don't want to look for a different job, whether it is temporary and you will look for a different job later, or whether this is permanent and why. Perhaps if you answered her questions without getting angry with her for asking them, she would understand what you are doing.

 

You're both in this marriage and this life partnership - it makes sense that you need to understand each other's point of view. You also need to take her concerns into consideration - is she worried about the money? about health insurance? about this being a career-limiting move and if you stay out of your field too long it will be hard to get back in?

 

There's a reason for her concerns. There's a reason for your choice. Discuss them with her, hear her out, and explain your views and come to some understanding. Blowing up and avoiding the subject is obviously not going to help.

[Saxis]

Yeah, I just assumed you had calmly talked to your wife as norajane suggests, without arguing.

 

I'll also add, that while my first post kinda suggested divorce, that's obviously only a LAST RESORT! But if she doesn't understand that you are happy in the new position and it works for you, then I'd say she does need to learn to be supportive at least.

[buu]

Your feelings are YOUR feelings. The questions you need to ask yourself, is if you are happy with your new job and does it pay well enough to support your family?

1. yes

2. at $650-$900 a week, it does enough to support us.

[norajane]

1. yes

2. at $650-$900 a week, it does enough to support us.

 

Does it offer health insurance? life insurance? dental coverage? 401(k)?

[Sweetcheripie]

Sounds like a complicated situation. Is "sub-contracting" like part time, or are you sub-contracting other people? I'm not sure I really understand.

 

What is it that your wife doesn't like? Is it because it is construction and she feels it is beneath you, or is it dangerous and she is worried about you? Or like others have mentioned, does it have any benefits?

 

Why do you like it? If it is part time, is it something you can grow more proficient at and make more profitable? I'm thinking like a tile guy. I think that would be a sub contracting position. You found you really like the artistic part of tile. It isn't the greatest pay at first and there are no benes but the more you learn and build a reputation you can open your own business and become very profitable in the future.

 

Kinda getting off track here - sorry! The most important thing is that you two talk about it. Sounds like you both are arguing based out of some sort of fear. Try to not be angry with her and really sit her down and find out why she doesn't accept that you are happy.

 

Also, does she work? Do you have kids?

[buu]

Sounds like a complicated situation. Is "sub-contracting" like part time, or are you sub-contracting other people? I'm not sure I really understand.

 

What is it that your wife doesn't like? Is it because it is construction and she feels it is beneath you, or is it dangerous and she is worried about you? Or like others have mentioned, does it have any benefits?

 

Why do you like it? If it is part time, is it something you can grow more proficient at and make more profitable? I'm thinking like a tile guy. I think that would be a sub contracting position. You found you really like the artistic part of tile. It isn't the greatest pay at first and there are no benes but the more you learn and build a reputation you can open your own business and become very profitable in the future.

 

Kinda getting off track here - sorry! The most important thing is that you two talk about it. Sounds like you both are arguing based out of some sort of fear. Try to not be angry with her and really sit her down and find out why she doesn't accept that you are happy.

 

Also, does she work? Do you have kids?

 

To be honest there are no benefits. (Thats one of her gripes)(you cannot have benefits and be a sub-contractor) It is in a field that allows for growth (computer related) and it is full time (however I set my own hours). She has a job. And no kids as of yet.

[serial muse]

buu, when I first read the title of your post my immediate reaction was "no!" I don't think anyone should give up a job they love because their spouse feels embarrassed or doesn't respect it.

 

But as I read your post and your responses, I got a different feeling. One, NJ's absolutely right - it doesn't sound like you two have really sat down to discuss why you want to keep this job so much, and why she doesn't want you to so much. That seems like step one - have an honest discussion about it, on both sides.

 

And two - I think the reason you haven't done that yet is because it isn't really about the job, is it? This reads like a power struggle, and I suspect that while you like it fine, it's not your calling or anything. You just feel like she's bullying you, and you're digging in your heels.

 

Don't do that. That doesn't mean you have to do what she says, but not being willing to talk about it and hear her point of view - and also express yours!! - isn't healthy for a relationship.

 

I'm getting the sense that maybe these power struggles are a common thing between you two, and that somehow this was the final straw for you and you decided to draw a line in the sand here. But wouldn't it ultimately be more productive to talk about what's really going on, and try to address that? Contrary to my first impression, I think maybe the job struggle is secondary, just a symptom of a bigger issue.

[Sweetcheripie]

If she has a job and you don't have kids and this is something you really enjoy and as you say has lots of potential then I don't really understand why she is upset.

 

If she has insurance, can't she add you on?

 

But as others have said this is most likely a big problem with communication.

 

There is nothing better than being in a career you love! Even Donald Trump says to do what you love!

 

I hope you two can sit down and talk things out soon!