Healthy Drama

[underpants]

Healthy Drama.

 

Since another thread compared me to Greta Garbo I thought I would pull out my drama queen card and play it.

 

I will concede that I do enjoy some drama. However, I can make putting on a jacket dramatic. I find that I get real turned OFF when the drama moves into an unhealthy area.

 

I have read a few posts from some men who use the DiAngelo pick up methods to get chicks. While this can work on some (probably young or insecure women). If the interest is not genuine then eventually these guys (from what I see) have to juggle or start over often and often have a pit of regret (later). I guess if it makes them happy. This I would consider ...bad drama. Bad drama attracts and keeps bad drama queens, and vice versa. I also think it pushes away your more genuine types, that you may later regret hurting.

 

Also, I see some threads where some interests have worn off and bad drama ensues.

 

Life does not have to be Vanilla. You can mix it up and inject healthy drama into your life and it should not come at the expense of other peoples' (or your own) self worth.

 

Now darlings and gents. What are your thoughts.

 

*dramatically blinks eyes, turns head and takes a sip from her martini, pinky out*

[johan]

I have read a few posts from some men who use the DiAngelo pick up methods to get chicks. While this can work on some (probably young or insecure women).

 

I don't know what this means. Can you provide an example?

[directx]

I am totally confused on this thread too. And I thought I was king of confusing threads.

 

Do you mean some people pick up mates by being dramatic?

[underpants]

I don't know what this means. Can you provide an example?

 

*cocks eyebrow*

 

Let me simplify my question for you darling.

 

I am curious of others' thoughts. On what they would consider healthy drama and what they would consider unhealthy drama.

[directx]

When I see the word drama, I think of something I don't want to deal with.

Look a 'good' skin rash or a 'bad' skin rash

[johan]

*cocks eyebrow*

 

I like it when you do that.

 

I've recently been a party to more drama than I typically sign up for. I'm not sure I could say that it was healthy to go through it. But it was better than avoiding it, because how things were before that was even more unhealthy. I don't like carrying around bad feelings or knowing others are have them for me. It was a healthy outcome (I think), and it at least opened up pathways to better communication.

 

How was that?

[underpants]

Okay,

 

Maybe I am being confusing. I thought about this as I was taking off my diamonds and unfurling my long gloves.

 

I guess drama for this thread's purpose would be a heightening of the emotions.

 

Of course this can be used to whoo. Of course it can also be used to manipulate.

 

My query was the line or examples of which this ability enhances and when it becomes destructive.

[underpants]

I like it when you do that.

 

I've recently been a party to more drama than I typically sign up for. I'm not sure I could say that it was healthy to go through it. But it was better than avoiding it, because how things were before that was even more unhealthy. I don't like carrying around bad feelings or knowing others are have them for me. It was a healthy outcome (I think), and it at least opened up pathways to better communication.

 

How was that?

 

Ohh *cocks eyebrow again and adds a subtle smile with the eyes only*

 

Did you combat the drama with frankness? Or did you serve up some of your own?

 

The two reactions I have seen in general. Are that genuine people will also be able to deal with frankness in a productive way, however, drama seeking (at the core) individuals would rather seek denial and avoidance and seek more drama (cycling and repeating patterns).

[johan]

I went the frankness route, and so did my counterparts. But a bit of drama ensued as the hard feelings were brought to the surface.

 

Let's hear your story, Mrs. Greenbriefs. What motivated you to start exploring this particular topic? Was it because I offered to give Tanbark a hug yesterday? You know that was a joke, right?

 

Ohh *cocks eyebrow again and adds a subtle smile with the eyes only*

 

Did you combat the drama with frankness? Or did you serve up some of your own?

 

The two reactions I have seen in general. Are that genuine people will also be able to deal with frankness in a productive way, however, drama seeking (at the core) individuals would rather seek denial and avoidance and seek more drama (cycling and repeating patterns).

[underpants]

I went the frankness route, and so did my counterparts. But a bit of drama ensued as the hard feelings were brought to the surface.

 

Let's hear your story, Mrs. Greenbriefs. What motivated you to start exploring this particular topic? Was it because I offered to give Tanbark a hug yesterday? You know that was a joke, right?

 

No silly,

 

I missed the hug out. Awe.

 

It is just a cumulative trend I have noticed (here and also in my own real life experiences) and so I questioned it.

 

I also prefer frankness when things become over the top (in a bad way). However, some people can't handle it. I find the discussion and the general topic facinating.

 

Maybe there are just too many layers to get to the core of it.

 

I dunno.

[johan]

It looks like we're the only ones who have anything to say about drama.

[EricOnTheWeb]

It looks like we're the only ones who have anything to say about drama.

 

Yeah, I know what you're gettin at.

[underpants]

Yeah, I know what you're gettin at.

 

I don't.

 

Although, I did have a thought that perhaps people get really afraid to face their own drama...so project it onto others' sometimes. Then you see patterns of drama recycle themselves.

 

I also mused that if there was no bad drama there would be no Loveshack so ...I guess there is that idea.

 

I just thought there might be some ideas of fun drama versus bad drama.

 

Maybe it is just a crazy idea.

[Trialbyfire]

My perspective is that there's no such thing as healthy drama. Healthy interaction is discussion/negotiation/compromise/resolution.

 

Drama is unhealthy interaction, where there's no resolution, thus cycles and progressively deteriorates to the point of no return.

[underpants]

My perspective is that there's no such thing as healthy drama. Healthy interaction is discussion/negotiation/compromise/resolution.

 

Drama is unhealthy interaction, where there's no resolution, thus cycles and progressively deteriorates to the point of no return.

 

laughing darling.

 

I agree with you on your two points.

 

I will just add that the heightening of emotions play out amongst both.

 

I would even go as far as to say that very generally you have hit the nail on the head of what I would consider it the jist of 'good versus bad drama'.

 

You replaced the word drama with interaction which is applicable from my standpoint. It is just that once emotionally involved with another it can quickly turn from interaction to drama with the toss of a word or action.

 

However, overall. I think once you attempt confrontation, negotiation and compromise and are met with the magical thinking (or obvious patterned defences) then you are clear to leave the drama for 'yo momma'.

[underpants]

Just to lighten the heighten.

 

There are irritating things that grate you in a good way. Right? Those things that eventually endear you to someone, yet you will never fully understand.

 

Maybe that is what I mean by healthy drama. Feeding off each other in a recripocial yet challenging way...while not damaging each other or others'.

[Trialbyfire]

laughing darling.

 

I agree with you on your two points.

 

I will just add that the heightening of emotions play out amongst both.

 

I would even go as far as to say that very generally you have hit the nail on the head of what I would consider it the jist of 'good versus bad drama'.

 

You replaced the word drama with interaction which is applicable from my standpoint. It is just that once emotionally involved with another it can quickly turn from interaction to drama with the toss of a word or action.

 

However, overall. I think once you attempt confrontation, negotiation and compromise and are met with the magical thinking (or obvious patterned defences) then you are clear to leave the drama for 'yo momma'.

It's dawling unders, dawling...

 

I hope that if you smoke, you're using an extra long plastic filter, to get that oh, so, elegant look, where you wave it around with a gloved hand and squint delicately.

 

Negotiation is a funny thing. Sometimes you walk away feeling good about it and other times you realize you've been had. It's always best to negotiate only with people you trust.

[underpants]

It's dawling unders, dawling...

 

I hope that if you smoke, you're using an extra long plastic filter, to get that oh, so, elegant look, where you wave it around with a gloved hand and squint delicately.

 

Negotiation is a funny thing. Sometimes you walk away feeling good about it and other times you realize you've been had. It's always best to negotiate only with people you trust.

 

Oh Dawling

 

You are going to bring that nasty little 'trust' word into the discussion.

 

Good point and I raise my fully gloved martini glass laden hand to you in a toast. Trust may be that fine line between the good, the bad and the ugly.

[Trialbyfire]

Oh Dawling

 

You are going to bring that nasty little 'trust' word into the discussion.

 

Good point and I raise my fully gloved martini glass laden hand to you in a toast. Trust may be that fine line between the good, the bad and the ugly.

As long as you realize what you're negotiating with, sometimes even the bad and the ugly are manageable.

[oppath]

There have been a lot of PUA people joining recently. I've actually participate in that community though I haven't been a part of a "lair" and I choose not to associate with them so much, but I did tag along on a "bootcamp" briefly. Some of the psychology and behaviors do work on almost any woman, but it is designed mostly for night game and girls at the club. Day game is more subtle, and you need to tone down the cocky/funny a LOT. Being cock and funny with a girl at a book store does not work. Confident and humorous will, but there is a big difference.

 

Guys with poor social skills typically fork out lots of $$ to purchase more products, buying the latest ebook, etc. It's quite common for them to enjoy the rush of gaming women for a year or so, then feel empty.

 

Neil Straus' book, The Game, which focused on the PUA lifestyle, revealed many of the "masters" felt depressed and empty and they did hang out with many, dramatic women. The participants didn't seem too satisfied in their lives and their relationships. There was a LOT OF DRAMA. It was not healthy.

 

There is something to be said for escalating an interaction with a woman. PUA's have that psychology well theorized. What they teach is not without merit. However, they will admit: picking up women is not the same thing as developing and sustaining a relationship. Their strategies are geared towards meeting and dating a lot of women, and possibly sleeping around with a lot of women. Their strategies do not work in keeping a healthy, non-dramatic women. To do that requires personality. It requires common interests. Canned pick up routines, physical kino escalation, etc, do not help one sustain a relationship. They only allow you to meet a lot of women right away and interact with many people. For men who have always been restrained, this is a good thing. It blows their minds to interact with so many attractive women and learn "they are just people" and that it is ok to touch a girl, to be sexual, etc.

 

But if you try to apply PUA psychology to a potential relationship with an intelligent woman, you will crash and burn. At some point you need to shift and be yourself. Being a little cocky is good. Being funny is definitely good. But backhanded compliments don't make a guy a challenge outside of a club situation. They put people off. If you rely on phony stories and routines to meet women, they might have sex with you, but you can't develop a healthy relationship with that as the basis. All you will do is attract drama.

[underpants]

But if you try to apply PUA psychology to a potential relationship with an intelligent woman, you will crash and burn. At some point you need to shift and be yourself. Being a little cocky is good. Being funny is definitely good. But backhanded compliments don't make a guy a challenge outside of a club situation. They put people off. If you rely on phony stories and routines to meet women, they might have sex with you, but you can't develop a healthy relationship with that as the basis. All you will do is attract drama.

 

I agree with alot of what you said. Thanks for your insight.

 

This last paragraph sums it up pretty good. I see some guys who are now older actually so lost in 'the game' that I don't even think they know themselves anymore. Also, yes, there is hole of depression for many of them.

 

Also I see some who have gone on to marry their drama attracted partner and they are ...not happy.

 

Perhaps those books should have some sort of chapter on what to do when you get them. However, the focus seems to be pump and dump, then win them back through more manipulation. Not really the best game plan IMHO.

[oppath]

However, the focus seems to be pump and dump, then win them back through more manipulation. Not really the best game plan IMHO.

 

I've done my share of pump and dump; it wasn't a game, I just would realize after sex "whoah. I'm not ready for this intimacy." I then decided to hold off on sex unless it was clear it was all the girl wanted, or there was a potential relationship. I learned. Sex would make me realize "I don't really like this girl." I had to learn to identify that before sex so it wouldn't be pump and dump. Of course, I've had girls do it to me too .