oppath Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Yes, he is very much a hypocrite. He is very rude to female posters here. He is allowed to wax poetic about all his troubles with females and problems he has dating and forming relationships with women (and he has a lot of dating problems from how much he posts about this. Yes, his last girlfriend did dump his ass, btw. Still definitely some bitterness there that she came to her senses.) how he uses females for sex only just because he is bored, yet he blasts at people who post about their own romantic issues. He forgets that this is Loveshack, and it is a place to pose questions about relationships. don't hesitate to turn him in for his very rude and uncalled for posts! He needs to be banned. Seriously (as they say on Grey's.) Disagree. I think he was offering a healthy does of subjective yet objective analysis. I agree Shadowplay, that you overanalyze MANY things. I'm not convinced your feeling that something is OFF is grounded in reality. It sounds to me like he has given you MANY signals of interest and if you projec to him the worries you project to us, it will impact the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 So relax a little and concentrate on keeping things fun. Stop obsessing about what everything means. Well said. Shadowplay, you really need to relax and enjoy things for what they are. I thought you said you were gonna do that Discussing this stuff too much on the net is really gonna stop you from enjoying it. You said you have no girlfriends, IMO that's a bigger problem & you should start doing something to help that instead of worrying so much about statements your guy makes via email. I think you should stop worrying so much about 'I love you' type statements and just let things take their course. In the time you don't see your guy do something you enjoy and where you could possibly make female friends, it'll help you not to stress so much on it Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Hi Guys. Thanks for the advice/input. Just a little update. Spent most of the weekend with my bf, and things are going great. The first night we were together he spontaneously said "I love you" (no "I think" this time), and then he said it again a bunch of more times over the course of the weekend. I said it a few times as well...it felt really good. It's like this weight has been lifted off the proverbial shoulders of the relationship once we've said that...I can't explain it, but it's a great feeling. He also said on a few occasions that "this love thing is pretty amazing." I feel really, really close to him. I've never felt this way about anyone I've been in a relationship with. I just hope I don't obsess too much and can relax and enjoy things. I guess I'm kind of shocked to be in such a healthy relationship...it seems like some kind of fantasy. I'm so used to dysfunction that I probably look for problems where there are none. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 That's good news. I'm happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkzen Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I hate to disagree with you, Kamille, but you are not the one in the relationship. When someone has some instinct within them that something is "off," the instinct is almost always right. If shadowplay is not feeling that this guy is 100% into her, and the relationship, chances are she's probably right. When someone is posting insecurities like this, there is a very real subtext to it. While the relationship might sound "great" and "sweet" and "cute" on our side of a messageboard, the fact that shadowplay is getting some 'off' signals somewhere is something that needs to be paid attention to (by her.) When I have been in a completely happy relationship, I didn't have insecurities. However, when the relationship started feeling "off" and I started having "gut instincts" about the guy being "off" and "drifting off" or 'not as into me anymore,' that is when I was right. I am talking about a 4 year relationship here. Since shadowplay is having these insecurities, something is definitely not 100% kosher somewhere with the guy. I'm not saying he DOESN'T love her and ISN'T into her, but Shadowplay IS feeling something is "off" so to speak....he is not 100% as into it. Maybe those "gut feelings" lead you to cause strife in a perfectly fine relationship. To me, it appears Shadowplay is creating these feelings by over-analyzing things. Maybe her BF is doing the same thing also. Either way, it's something to deal with asap. Things will only get more stressful down the road, might as well see what kind of people you and your BF are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 That's good news. I'm happy for you. Thanks, Johan. You're a sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Yes, he is very much a hypocrite. He is very rude to female posters here. He is allowed to wax poetic about all his troubles with females and problems he has dating and forming relationships with women (and he has a lot of dating problems from how much he posts about this. Yes, his last girlfriend did dump his ass, btw. Still definitely some bitterness there that she came to her senses.) how he uses females for sex only just because he is bored, yet he blasts at people who post about their own romantic issues. He forgets that this is Loveshack, and it is a place to pose questions about relationships. don't hesitate to turn him in for his very rude and uncalled for posts! He needs to be banned. Seriously (as they say on Grey's.) You are soooo in love with me. Sorry, I don't date Oregon teachers. Shadow, there just comes a time when a new approach might be helpful. You don't really seem to be responsive to people who give you advice, or you are and then ignore it later. Yet, you come on here and ask more and more and more advice. Yes, my message, in hindsight, was aggressive. Sometimes people respond more when their emotions are engaged. I am not afraid to tackle posts from multiple angles, and I will always do so. However, I never expect you to listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 You are soooo in love with me. Sorry, I don't date Oregon teachers. Shadow, there just comes a time when a new approach might be helpful. You don't really seem to be responsive to people who give you advice, or you are and then ignore it later. Yet, you come on here and ask more and more and more advice. Yes, my message, in hindsight, was aggressive. Sometimes people respond more when their emotions are engaged. I am not afraid to tackle posts from multiple angles, and I will always do so. However, I never expect you to listen. Ummm, no. I'm WAY out of your league, buddy. In other words, Krytie is saying he will continue to be rude no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 You are soooo in love with me. Sorry, I don't date Oregon teachers. Shadow, there just comes a time when a new approach might be helpful. You don't really seem to be responsive to people who give you advice, or you are and then ignore it later. Yet, you come on here and ask more and more and more advice. Yes, my message, in hindsight, was aggressive. Sometimes people respond more when their emotions are engaged. I am not afraid to tackle posts from multiple angles, and I will always do so. However, I never expect you to listen. How do I ignore advice? People have told me to relax and that's something I've been continually trying to do. Maybe I haven't been entirely successful, but I've made an active effort. And it's not like somebody's obligated to follow all the advice they get. People can give misguided advice...ultimately it's up to the receiver whether to follow it or not. For example I remember you telling me that this guy was treating the relationship like a FWB. I appreciated your advice at the time and gave it some serious consideration, but I'm glad I didn't ultimately follow it and drop him because he's proven otherwise in the time since. Writing on here and interacting with others helps me sort out of my own thoughts more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Good to hear things are working out for you I just hope I don't obsess too much and can relax and enjoy things. I guess I'm kind of shocked to be in such a healthy relationship...it seems like some kind of fantasy. I'm so used to dysfunction that I probably look for problems where there are none. Well said, this is the type of mindset that you should have IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 How do I ignore advice? People have told me to relax and that's something I've been continually trying to do. Maybe I haven't been entirely successful, but I've made an active effort. And it's not like somebody's obligated to follow all the advice they get. People can give misguided advice...ultimately it's up to the receiver whether to follow it or not. For example I remember you telling me that this guy was treating the relationship like a FWB. I appreciated your advice at the time and gave it some serious consideration, but I'm glad I didn't ultimately follow it and drop him because he's proven otherwise in the time since. Writing on here and interacting with others helps me sort out of my own thoughts more than anything. Yes, but he was rude. You even called him on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I'm so happy for you Shadow! :) So I guess I wasn't on crack after all! While I agree with you and people on the forum that you have a tendency to overanalyse (a tendency that I share), I think it's really good that you post your fears, your doubts and your sucesses on here. I'm like you, I overanalyse everything, on here and with friends, but it helps me make sense of my own thoughts. It's better you sort out your thoughts then let them eat at you. This is so exciting though! You're in love! And it is so much fun when the words finally come out and both parties are as equally into it! And you sound more relax and confident already! very very happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm so happy for you Shadow! :) So I guess I wasn't on crack after all! While I agree with you and people on the forum that you have a tendency to overanalyse (a tendency that I share), I think it's really good that you post your fears, your doubts and your sucesses on here. I'm like you, I overanalyse everything, on here and with friends, but it helps me make sense of my own thoughts. It's better you sort out your thoughts then let them eat at you. This is so exciting though! You're in love! And it is so much fun when the words finally come out and both parties are as equally into it! And you sound more relax and confident already! very very happy for you. Thanks, Kamille! I always appreciate your insight and warmth. I'm sure any guy would be lucky to have you as his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Yes, but he was rude. You even called him on it. Yes he was, and I wasn't trying to condone it. Thanks for defending me. Link to post Share on other sites
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