dropdeadlegs Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Okay, I've never been diagnosed as OCD, but sometimes I see some signs in myself. I am very much this way concerning money. Years of living paycheck to paycheck, where one small subtraction mistake can quickly cost you hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees, can do that to a person. The solution is called monthly checkbook balancing. If she doesn't know how to do that, she shouldn't be handling a checkbook! Not being mean, it's just that it's such a simple process, and if I'm off by as little as a penny, I FIND it! EVERY time. Glad you feel the issue is resolved, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I am wondering why the OP never answered any of my questions about his original postings and then just disappeared. In an earlier thread he stated his wife wasn't able to handle the money. Something is not right here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Things are strange, but better in some ways with my wifes BPD. We are more calm and to the point when it comes to addressing issues. Right now, my wife is so concerned about food issues that it's completely stollen her personallity. She counts calories all day long. Stands in front of the mirror alot and contemplates her flat stomach (thinking its huge). We're separated still but we see eachother every other day. I'm going to school at night and staying in our apt, she's at her grandparents house (by choice). She's worried that if she comes home, she'll have nothing to do all day and resort to drinking and further self destruction. She's seeing a therapist who comes over to her grandparents house twice a week and I don't really know what kind of progress is taking place if any. I don't really try to convice her to eat right and to stop being so inward anymore. She doesn't listen. If you try to give her good advice, she listens and wants to hear what your saying but as soon as the conversation is over, she'll say something like: "Oh my God, I ate like a pig today." Like nothing was said. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Things are strange, but better in some ways with my wifes BPD. We are more calm and to the point when it comes to addressing issues. Right now, my wife is so concerned about food issues that it's completely stollen her personallity. She counts calories all day long. Stands in front of the mirror alot and contemplates her flat stomach (thinking its huge). We're separated still but we see eachother every other day. I'm going to school at night and staying in our apt, she's at her grandparents house (by choice). She's worried that if she comes home, she'll have nothing to do all day and resort to drinking and further self destruction. She's seeing a therapist who comes over to her grandparents house twice a week and I don't really know what kind of progress is taking place if any. I don't really try to convice her to eat right and to stop being so inward anymore. She doesn't listen. If you try to give her good advice, she listens and wants to hear what your saying but as soon as the conversation is over, she'll say something like: "Oh my God, I ate like a pig today." Like nothing was said. I am so sorry to read your update...when you stopped posting, I thought that things were working out for the both of you. Keep your chin up!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 The solution is called monthly checkbook balancing. If she doesn't know how to do that, she shouldn't be handling a checkbook! . She knows how to balance the checkbook. She's just made a number of mistakes that happen to be increasing our balance. I would much rather be saving money. If I had the checkbook with my laxidasial (is that spelled right) attitude the balance would stop growing. It would just stay the same. Frugality and a number of oversights on her part. I don't have a very big problem with this. What I don't like hearing that "We're screwd this month" everytime she balances the checkbook. That bothers me. I am a part of the family finances. I work hard everyday. I check online statements and transfer payments and update my wife as I go along. She balances the checkbook and writes the checks. So.... I am a BIG part of the family finances. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Nvm.....post deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I'm sorry that the two of you are separated. That changes things considerably. Is there kids involved? I hope that you both are able to get the problems resolved. I don't know if she is able to work but it might help the situation if she got a job. Unless, of course, there are young kids at home. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 She's seeing a therapist who comes over to her grandparents house twice a week and I don't really know what kind of progress is taking place if any. Then get involved and find out. If this therapist isn't helping, find another one. Is your wife on meds? This isn't just about the finances, it's so much more. You two do NOT have a healthy relationship. Neither of you communicate and listen to eachother... Have you seen a counsellor? If not, it might be something to consider. Dealing with a spouse who has mental illness is so difficult, and getting help for yourself will only make it easier on you, and also make you understand more what you're dealing with on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 I don't think that the problem is the therapist. My wife doesn't listen to anybody or anything. She use to... but now she's kinda like a zombie, and if I or anyone, doctor or whatnot says anything it does nothing. She doesn't want to change. It's like, this is who she is now. She is all of her issues personified. She doesn't talk, doesn't eat, doesn't listen, never smiles etc... She complains about stomach aches and joint pain, and weight if she talks about anything at all and then doesn't eat dinner. It's unbelievable. I should start a new thread... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Do you want your marriage? She has no motivation to want to get better...Yes, it's her choice, but with that being said, she may not have the right person treating her. Her meds maybe aren't working. Something has to change here, and since you are her husband, you need to do your best to get her the help she needs. She needs love, support, friendship, companionship, just like you do - And I know the BP is preventing her from having all this, that's why she has to get counselling, and a better Pdoc. This one she has isn't working. Start a new thread about this. Link to post Share on other sites
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