kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I told MM I was pregnant. It went surprisingly well. He told me he would support me no matter what I decided, and that he is concerned, obviously, for the implications this would have for his other children, but we are in this together. He said he's most concerned about my health, and that's the other, most important issue, because I've been having a terrible time. I was in the ER on Sunday, because I started to bleed. I've been having terrible cramps that wake me up in the middle of the night, then they go away. I was convinced I was miscarrying. They keep examining, poking, prodding and saying I have a 50/50 chance. I went to the GYN yesterday and he said it was too early to do an ultrasound, and call him if I start to get dizzy, faint, have increased bleeding or pain, etc. I'm hanging in there, but I still feel alone, it's not like having your partner right there obviously. The nurses were so good to me, because I was sitting there alone (and I think part of it was motivated by the fact that I look a lot younger than I am). I'm hanging in there, today has been the best day for me physically in a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I told MM I was pregnant. It went surprisingly well. He told me he would support me no matter what I decided, and that he is concerned, obviously, for the implications this would have for his other children, but we are in this together. He said he's most concerned about my health, and that's the other, most important issue, because I've been having a terrible time. I was in the ER on Sunday, because I started to bleed. I've been having terrible cramps that wake me up in the middle of the night, then they go away. I was convinced I was miscarrying. They keep examining, poking, prodding and saying I have a 50/50 chance. I went to the GYN yesterday and he said it was too early to do an ultrasound, and call him if I start to get dizzy, faint, have increased bleeding or pain, etc. I'm hanging in there, but I still feel alone, it's not like having your partner right there obviously. The nurses were so good to me, because I was sitting there alone (and I think part of it was motivated by the fact that I look a lot younger than I am). I'm hanging in there, today has been the best day for me physically in a long time. Hi K, I'm glad you have told him and that that side of things went ok (as well as can be expected) for you. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with your health and really think you need to find someone to share this with when mm can't be there. If you go into labour in the middle of the night, you know where he is more likely to be. I really hope this works out for you as it must be an awful situation to be in. x Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Wow!! I hope that things work out and get easier for you doing this pregnancy. I had a scare once or twice during my R with my MM. Is he going to tell his W? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 We haven't talked about it, and I don't care just yet...I'm just trying to feel better! Sunday was so scary, I was at my mom's when I started bleeding, and I can't tell her anything (yet) because of the religious factor. Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You are pregnant with this mans baby for a reason. Just keep your head up and look for someone you can lean on when the MM can't be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 Thank you...hopefully I can find a friend, or someone I can count on...I have friends but this is a unique situation...and I tend to isolate myself in times of stress. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Thank you...hopefully I can find a friend, or someone I can count on...I have friends but this is a unique situation...and I tend to isolate myself in times of stress. I can understand that you are unable to talk to your family but they are going to have to know at some point. It's not something you are going to be able to hide forever. I really hope there is SOMEONE who you know you are able to trust and who isn't going to judge you! We will be there in spirit holding your hand at the birth hun, don't you worry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 I know I have to tell them. I am just scared to right now...I just feel like it's not the right time. I just pictured my first pregnancy differently. I guess everyone does though, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I know you can't tell anyone in your family, but please, let a friend in and help you. Going through this alone isn't a good thing - You need someone to hold your hand and just be there..... Good that you told him and that he is going to support you through this. Let him deal with his wife and how to tell her...He is going to have to tell her eventually, but don't worry about any of that now. Focus on you and the baby. Get rest and don't push yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 What is that old saying "when life gives you lemons you make lemonade" It won't be easy KC but when you do tell your family they will ralley around you...irregardless of how the baby was conveived or who its father is it is a baby and will be there grandchild. It is hard not to love a baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 One of my friends knows, but she has a son of her own...he is 7 months... Incidentally, my due date is June 9th, 2008. When I think about it that way...it's so unbelievable. Edited to say, this is my parents' first grandchild, though I am the youngest and my oldest sister is 24 years older than me! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I'm hanging in there, but I still feel alone, it's not like having your partner right there obviously. Ok! Since you have already made up your mind to go ahead with this pregancy, your uppermost consideration should be to carry this child to full term. Nothing and no one should deter you from this goal. Your child needs to be born and you have to ensure his/her coming into this world. Nothing and no one else should matter. Realize that you are and the unborn child are alone in this and work together towards this goal. Your MM should not matter right now. You need to draw on all your reserves of inner strength and stamina to pull this through. Your unborn child is all that should matter right now...and as alone as you may feel, know that you are not alone...Soon, you will hold this new person in your arms and you will be solely responsible..It was ultimately after all your decision to keep this child despite the fact your knowing that the father is married... Lean only on yourself and expect nothing from MM. If he is there for the both of you, so much the better but realize that he will never wholly be there for the both of you. You have made a choice that will accompany you throughout your life and that bravely you must live up to! I was single (engaged) when I got pregnant. My fiance wanted me to abort. As I was entering the OP I had an epiphany and did a 180 turnabout. I swore that very second I would take on the responsibilty of the child that was growing within my body and heart. I too had problems (bleeding, shots etc)! My so called fiance was miles away. I fought and brought a beautiful little girl into this world. We married but divorced soon after. I went into this fully aware of my responsibilities and expected nothing from her father. Today she is a happy and successful 23 yr old lawyer getting her MA in Madrid. We both worked very hard to achieve this without hardly any help from her father. I never made any demands and stood by my oath to do this by myself. She, her father and I have a great relationship now. I achieved this because I had no demands ...none whatsoever...because I put my daughter above demands, negotiations and petty things. It wasn't easy! And it won't be for you either. Forget MM. Expect nothing and concentrate on the child in your groins who you will soon be resposible for his/her happiness and well- being. NOTHING else should matter! Be strong and rely only on yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 Thank you for the advice.... I am scared about my ability to be able to provide for my child. I'm a hard worker, but I didn't finish college...I'm not well off financially...I've got a lot of love to give and I am responsible...but a baby is such a huge responsibility and I am scared. Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Take this from another single Mom...if love and affection is all you can give your baby, then that baby is the luckiest in the world! Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 What is that old saying "when life gives you lemons you make lemonade" It won't be easy KC but when you do tell your family they will ralley around you...irregardless of how the baby was conveived or who its father is it is a baby and will be there grandchild. It is hard not to love a baby. I totally agree. tell your family. even if they scold you, they love you and they will help you get through this. don't go through this on your own you have enough to worry about many hugs for you from me (((KC))) Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Take this from another single Mom...if love and affection is all you can give your baby, then that baby is the luckiest in the world! That's ALL that should matter! Make it your focus. your raison d' etre!!! Trust me, onew day you will be rewarded manifold!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 I'm so scared to tell them. My mom, especially. I really hope she'll come around...I do need their support. It was hard being alone in the hospital. Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 KC - The love of a family is unconditional and although she will be mad/upset/hurt and perhaps angry (and allow her to be) she will be there for you. This is her first grandbaby. Make sure that she sees that you have really thought this thru and that you are going to be the best Mom this little could have ever have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 You guys have given great advice. I feel like crying. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 yes allow her her feelings but you should get that over with now than later. they are going to find out and if your anything like me the being sick and in pain just got worse, please tell your mom, she's your mom she loves you don't worry Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 As much as I would like to believe that about my mom, sometimes I'm not sure. A woman in my former congregation had a grandson, and she would bring him to religious meetings with her. My mom said, "I don't know why she bothers, since that child is just going to get destroyed at Armageddon along with its wicked parents." Do you see why I worry? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I totally agree. tell your family. even if they scold you, they love you and they will help you get through this. don't go through this on your own you have enough to worry about Lean on any support system you have!!! When I was pregnant, I was very far away from home. No family, no friends and the father of my child was hundreds of miles away. I was living on an island due to my job appointment. However, I made a great friend!!! He was English! God bless Neil!!! He was there with me every night practically, simmering broth, taking me for long walks , watching TV with me and holding my hand and making me laugh to tears every other second!!! He way gay and I loved him to smithereens!!! We have lost touch since then 24 yrs ago but not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish him well. Yes, fall back on your family, your friends or whoever has a heart to understand your predicament!! And if there is no one, there is your baby!!! It's hard to believe, but those fast growing cells inside your body are a human being in the making ..one days those arms will wrap themselves around your neck and you will have the the whole world at your feet... You WILL feel this! Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 As much as I would like to believe that about my mom, sometimes I'm not sure. A woman in my former congregation had a grandson, and she would bring him to religious meetings with her. My mom said, "I don't know why she bothers, since that child is just going to get destroyed at Armageddon along with its wicked parents." Do you see why I worry? Hmmmm.... It is easy to judge and be judgemental when it is not directly affecting you or your loved ones. Surely she would not feel that way about her own family? The fact of the matter is that one day she will find out and the sooner the better. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 As much as I would like to believe that about my mom, sometimes I'm not sure. A woman in my former congregation had a grandson, and she would bring him to religious meetings with her. My mom said, "I don't know why she bothers, since that child is just going to get destroyed at Armageddon along with its wicked parents." Do you see why I worry? I see, but sometimes things like this happen for a reason..as you know that opinion is wrong for her to think. something like this would have to make her think twice about things which she thought before. I know this is apples to oranges but I have a gay brother, my family is catholics and my brother was in horrible fear for my family to know because they think that is totally wrong. however I can tell you 5 years after he came out to the family their views on that completly have done a 180 and they totally love and except him. it was for the best for them and him. they all changed the way they looked at things they once believed to be true and realised how foolish it was. like I said I know the situation is totally different but I'm sure you see my point. you can do this and once it's out it out and she will have to choose for bad or good you know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 God bless you Marlena.... and thank you, Liddie. I certainly hope my mom comes around, but I cannot be too sure. We didn't speak for 2 years because I committed the grave sin of having a boyfriend that was not a JW and leaving the religion. Link to post Share on other sites
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