I broke the news...updates

[Lyssa]

You know, I've seen a lot of "bashing" and harsh words tossed around these boards lately and although they upset me, I've never been so infuriated as I am right now. IO, where the hell do you get off? This girl is scared & alone right now, she reached out in hopes of some advice and for some friendships and this is what you greet her with? You think affairs are immoral...fine. You think she should abort her child because she/he is a product of infidelity...fine. You don't think she can handle or will have a difficult time being a single parent...fine. You don't think she "deserves" government assistance for whatever reasons..fine. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THEN. I'm the first person to stick up for free speech but in this case, you really should have kept quiet because this poor girl doesn't need to hear all of these things right now. Eventually...perhaps, but she has enough on her plate and scaring her out of her wits and passing judgment on her is the LAST thing she needs. There were a million different ways to word your "advice", yet you chose to do it in the most cold, heartless, spiteful manner you could..how horrible. Get some class would ya?

 

KChia..I'm sorry you have to be subjected to such a close-minded, spiteful, judgmental individual. It's such a sad world nowadays that people choose to hurt others instead of offering help. I hope you'll keep posting here and that you'll open up to those of us WITH a heart because we do care about you.

 

You know what, Sox - I agree with you 100%!

 

Well written! I couldn't say it any better!

[Lyssa]

did you say YOUR tax dollars? I thought you said you sat on your ass while your husband worked. that would make it HIS tax dollars honey not YOURS.

 

Exactly what I was thinking...

[Impudent Oyster]

Yu greet her with? You think affairs are immoral...fine. You think she should abort her child because she/he is a product of infidelity...fine. You don't think she can handle or will have a difficult time being a single parent...fine. You don't think she "deserves" government assistance for whatever reasons..fine. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THEN.

 

OH PUHLEEZE...spare me the melodrama, I was a young, single pregnant "girl" once too (albeit NOT with the child of a MM but with my steady boyfriend, now husband), but the difference is, I was smart enough NOT to expect the rest of the world to support me and my child. I didn't want any man to marry me out of obligation, and I didn't expect anyone else to pay for my mistakes.

 

My husband would have married me in a heartbeat, but I would never compromise his future or mine like that. I would never want to feel like someone married me because they had to, I loved and respected him too much for that.

 

I don't think people who aren't responsible and can't take care of children should have them, that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

 

Besides, what about kchia? Doesn't she want her own family some day? Don't you think it's going to be difficult for her to date, or to find a nice single guy when she's struggling to care for a baby on her own?

 

Go ahead, tell her it's all going to be alright, that sleeping with MM and getting pregnant with illiegitimate children is A-OK, and that she's not behaving irresponsibly and selfishly, because she wants a bay-bey, and if she wants a baby, she should have one ..it's her future to ruin. Oh and, let's not forget MM's children, (I know how the OW is concerned for them), I guess they're just collaterol damage of two very selfish people.

[Impudent Oyster]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I will give you that. But if the assistance is perfectly legal, who are you to tell her that it is a shame? Maybe YOU would be ashamed. That's on you.

 

 

I would be ashamed, deeply ashamed, but I would also be ashamed to sleep with a MM, so obviously I have very different standards then a lot of the posters here.

 

I have ZERO issue with people who fall on hard times and need help but to deliberately bring a child into the world KNOWING you can't support it? Sorry, I think it's wrong and it's selfish.

 

I have a master's degree too, it cost me $18,000 paid for out of my own pocket, and yes, I worked for many years and contributed to the tax base.

[PoshPrincess]

This is INFURIATING. Yes, there is shame in having a child when you don't have the means to provide for it. There are hardworking, responsible people in this country who would love to have more children but they don't, because they can't afford them. Should we all go out and have large families and expect everyone else to pay for them?

 

This post is going to tick a lot of people off, but I don't care. It's irresponsible and selfish to have a child when you can't afford one, and to expect everyone else to support that child for you? Because women who aren't able to support a child can't take precautions or prevent pregnancy my tax dollars should foot the bill? Where's the responsibility here?

 

Let her MM support his child, if he wants to play then he can pay.

 

If you can't afford children DON'T HAVE THEM!

 

Oh for God's sake! If everyone in the world waited till they could actually afford a family then procreation would come to a bit of a standstill! Should only lawyers, doctors, Hollywood superstars and other high earners have children? I think not. Anyway, in my experience, many high earners spend so much time working that they have no quality time with their kids. I work in a professional industry and it seems that many of the bosses kids spend more times with their Nannies than they do their parents.

 

I agree that kids need stability and it does annoy me when people have baby after baby whilst living of the state as we are paying for them with our taxes! However, we are possibly only talking about temporary help here, not living off the state until the child is of working age! I don't know what it's like in the US but here in the UK, it is made SO easy for people who don't work at all as they literally get everything paid for, that it's no wonder so many parents feel they are better off financially if they don't bother getting themselves a job. Either that or those who work full-time get tax credits to help with childcare. It is the one's in between (and I suppose I am referring to single parents more here but also any in the middle income bracket) who decide they want a balance between working part-time and looking after their kids who get left out of the equasion and get no help whatsoever! Child care is very expensive here and unless women earn a decent income then it really isn't worth them working.

[Impudent Oyster]

Oh for God's sake! If everyone in the world waited till they could actually afford a family then procreation would come to a bit of a standstill! Should only lawyers, doctors, Hollywood superstars and other high earners have children? I think not. Anyway, in my experience, many high earners spend so much time working that they have no quality time with their kids. I work in a professional industry and it seems that many of the bosses kids spend more times with their Nannies than they do their parents.

 

I agree that kids need stability and it does annoy me when people have baby after baby whilst living of the state as we are paying for them with our taxes! However, we are possibly only talking about temporary help here, not living off the state until the child is of working age! I don't know what it's like in the US but here in the UK, it is made SO easy for people who don't work at all as they literally get everything paid for, that it's no wonder so many parents feel they are better off financially if they don't bother getting themselves a job. Either that or those who work full-time get tax credits to help with childcare. It is the one's in between (and I suppose I am referring to single parents more here but also any in the middle income bracket) who decide they want a balance between working part-time and looking after their kids who get left out of the equasion and get no help whatsoever! Child care is very expensive here and unless women earn a decent income then it really isn't worth them working.

 

PP, this is a very passionate issue and very worthy of discussion, maybe there's a more appropriate board for us to discuss it on, since some people here can't abide non-threatening, intelligent difference of opinion without misinterpreting it as harassment.

 

What do you think? It's a worthy debate.

[Impudent Oyster]

You know, I've seen a lot of "bashing" and harsh words tossed around these boards lately and although they upset me, I've never been so infuriated as I am right now. IO, where the hell do you get off? This girl is scared & alone right now, she reached out in hopes of some advice and for some friendships and this is what you greet her with? You think affairs are immoral...fine. You think she should abort her child because she/he is a product of infidelity...fine. You don't think she can handle or will have a difficult time being a single parent...fine. You don't think she "deserves" government assistance for whatever reasons..fine. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THEN. I'm the first person to stick up for free speech but in this case, you really should have kept quiet because this poor girl doesn't need to hear all of these things right now. Eventually...perhaps, but she has enough on her plate and scaring her out of her wits and passing judgment on her is the LAST thing she needs. There were a million different ways to word your "advice", yet you chose to do it in the most cold, heartless, spiteful manner you could..how horrible.

 

I just now went back and read this and I have to take offense at your incredible misinterpretation of my posts.

 

Why is it that you're so wrapped up in your own issues that you can't see that I'm offering kchia advice that is BEST FOR HER? I'm offering her the same advice I took myself. Not having MM's baby is what's best for kchia, forget about everyone else, yes, it's better for MM, better for his family, his kids, but mostly, it's the best choice for HER.

 

I'm really sorry you're too self-involved to get that. Telling people what they want to hear isn't always the best advice, but you can't see that.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I’d hate to even hazard a guess as to what all the prenatal, postnatal, hospital delivery & monthly pediatric visits would add up to these days. I know what I would have paid if not for our health insurance ... and that was twenty-two years ago!

 

I was lucky that I had a supportive family and a good friend to take care of my baby during the day so that I could return to work and keep my job. I was surprised to discover that most daycare providers won’t accept children under the age of two, and those that do charge a small fortune. Also, a good majority of the pricey baby things; like the crib, car seat, etc. were given to me as shower gifts. We didn’t have a lot of money when we started out ( I was only nineteen ) and I don’t know what I would have done if not for our family and kindness of others.

 

I know there are insurance programs out there to help single mother’s like you, and if you’re not already covered through work, I hope you take the time to look into some of them. There are also programs that will help you with the cost of formula, diapers and baby food. You should take a moment to research some of them and see if you qualify. Believe me .... every little bit will help!

 

If you are insured through work, than I imagine you’ll have to return after maternity leave to maintain your coverage and that of your child. It’s never too soon to start researching and pricing the available daycare providers in your area. Nine months goes by FAST ... and good friends of ours recently discovered they had to be placed on a one-year waiting list and PAY the weekly fee to remain on it even though their infant son was not attending yet. I couldn’t believe it, and wouldn’t have done that myself, but I guess in some areas qualified daycare providers (for infants) are a pricey commodity that some folks are willing to pay anything for. $199.00 a week is what they are charged. And for that kind of money, it’s almost worth killing two birds with one stone and becoming a licensed daycare provider yourself!

 

In any event, it’s IMPARATIVE that you become proactive in making sure that all your bases are covered, and you and your baby are provided for in the event your family and the father does not come through. Even if this man is ordered to pay child support, it may not be enough to barely cover the financial burden on you. And it’s hard to “love” your baby in the way it needs if you have to work three jobs just to feed him/her ... and are barely home long enough for them to recognize you as “mother.”

 

Good luck, and whatever you do, make sure you’re doing all you can to take care of baby and YOU.

[HappyAtLast]

OH PUHLEEZE...spare me the melodrama, I was a young, single pregnant "girl" once too (albeit NOT with the child of a MM but with my steady boyfriend, now husband), but the difference is, I was smart enough NOT to expect the rest of the world to support me and my child. I didn't want any man to marry me out of obligation, and I didn't expect anyone else to pay for my mistakes.

 

With all due respect, how can you be absolutely sure that he did not marry you out of obligation? Not saying he did, but you are kind of teetering on a slippery slope with those words, no?

[NoIDidn't]

I would be ashamed, deeply ashamed, but I would also be ashamed to sleep with a MM, so obviously I have very different standards then a lot of the posters here.

 

I have ZERO issue with people who fall on hard times and need help but to deliberately bring a child into the world KNOWING you can't support it? Sorry, I think it's wrong and it's selfish.

 

I have a master's degree too, it cost me $18,000 paid for out of my own pocket, and yes, I worked for many years and contributed to the tax base.

 

IO

 

Do you have a point in this post besides being ashamed of welfare and of sleeping with a MM? I ask because I don't understand the point of you bringing up your Master's Degree. You said that KC was "uneducated" because she hasn't obtained a college degree I guess. Then you went on to rant about people not having kids that they can't afford. Are you insinuated that my mother didn't pay for her Master's Degree with the "$18000 paid for out of my own pocket" statement?

 

I also don't understand the "deliberate" part. I know that BC woulda/coulda/shoulda been used, but are you saying she is not doing the right thing by deliberately keeping a baby that you don't think should have even been conceived?

 

I didn't pay for my college education. According to you and YOUR tax dollars, you did. I got a full scholarship from the National Science Foundation. A government agency. I suppose that would make me a college welfare queen?

 

Look, the horse is already out of the barn. KC has already slept with a MM. Nothing can or will change that. Attempting to beat her up about it is pointless and a moot point. I do understand your objections to getting pregnant by a MM, but it happens sometimes. Sure no one really likes to read about it. There are many OW here that don't even support that outcome, but I have noticed that they have avoided this thread.

 

I think its sad that you have successfully hijacked this thread. I may not have agreed with what everyone else was saying, but I certainly was not going to distress a pregnant woman. We already have enough on our plates growing a baby and all.

 

I won't say anything else about this matter unless you want to PM me.

[Impudent Oyster]

IO

 

Look, the horse is already out of the barn..

 

No it isn't, it's not too late for kchia to salvage this mess, she's only a few weeks along. She could also consider adoption.

 

It's too bad she doesn't have a mother or sister to help her with advice, because if I were her mother, I know what I'd be suggesting, and it wouldn't be that she jeopardize her future.

[Impudent Oyster]

IO

 

I also don't understand the "deliberate" part. I know that BC woulda/coulda/shoulda been used, but are you saying she is not doing the right thing by deliberately keeping a baby that you don't think should have even been conceived?

 

.

 

Umm, yep, pretty much. If she's morally opposed to abortion (that's a whole other issue, affairs=fine, abortion=wrong), then she can put the child up for adoption and give it a good lease on life.

[Impudent Oyster]

With all due respect, how can you be absolutely sure that he did not marry you out of obligation?

 

 

Easy, because we didn't get married for another FIVE YEARS until after we decided to terminate. He had no obligation. In fact, he proposed shortly afterward as soon as we graduated and it was MY decision to wait for 5 years to get married. We then waited another 5 years before starting our family.

 

To get very personal, he was probably more upset about it than I, I never regretted my decision for a moment, I think there are times that he does, not very often, but we have beautiful, wanted children, so no regrets here.

[NoIDidn't]

No it isn't, it's not too late for kchia to salvage this mess, she's only a few weeks along. She could also consider adoption.

 

It's too bad she doesn't have a mother or sister to help her with advice, because if I were her mother, I know what I'd be suggesting, and it wouldn't be that she jeopardize her future.

 

Forgive me IO, but I find your reasoning totally offensive. Maybe it is because I am only a few weeks along myself. Out of the first trimester yet, but still within the legal timeframe to abort.

 

I would NEVER suggest those options to someone who has already EMPHATICALLY stated that they are KEEPING the baby. I know you don't agree with her choices, but they aren't yours to make or suggest at this point. So, yes, the horse is out of the barn. She has decided to keep it.

 

I hate to say this to you, considering I have so valiantly defended my mother on this very thread. But you guys sound like very similar, as in unable to actually be supportive of your own child whether you agree with her choices or not. I love my mom, but she is the absolute last person on this earth that I would consult for advice. She has always had to work and sees people like me (SAHMs with college degrees) as moochers. All of her advice would sound like yours, ie "do what I did", "I did it this way and you should too", "I'd be ashamed of myself for xxx, and you should be ashamed of yourself too".

 

I don't agree with participating in an A, especially having unprotected sex in one ..... BUT ...... KC and others here are way past that point. I am not going to harp on the A. I am not going to harp on the lack of BC. I am going to stick to the task at hand. She wants to know what she can do now. She is planning on having this child. I am all for free speech, but I also support respecting anothers' choices even when I disagree. Respecting KC's choice is a far cry from condoning her choice.

 

I am pregnant now. If anyone said to me what you are posting on this thread, I would give them far more than just a piece of my mind. Its offensive and insensitive to constantly suggest abortion/adoption to a pregnant woman that has already made her decision. Please drop this issue.

[Impudent Oyster]

Forgive me IO, but I find your reasoning totally offensive. Maybe it is because I am only a few weeks along myself. Out of the first trimester yet, but still within the legal timeframe to abort.

.

 

That's OK, you're entitled to your opinion, abortion is a volatile issue, no surprise there. I saw no posts where she "emphatically" stated she wanted this baby. Maybe I missed it.

 

Like I said, if abortion is out of the question, adoption is a viable alternative. I'm surprised no one else has suggested it.

[Impudent Oyster]

I am pregnant now. If anyone said to me what you are posting on this thread' date=' I would give them far more than just a piece of my mind. Its offensive and insensitive to constantly suggest abortion/adoption to a pregnant woman that has already made her decision. Please drop this issue.[/quote']

 

She'd best prepare herself, because I'm sure she's going to hear far worse from her own family.

[marlena]

I'm surprised no one else has suggested it.

 

As well you should be!! Why don't you wonder about that for a minute!

[TogetherForever]

Maybe I missed it but kchia didn't say/adk : "I'm pregnant, what should I do as far as the pregnancy is concerned". She didn't ask if she should abort or put the baby up for adoption.

Where did everyone get that idea anyway?

TF

[whichwayisup]

I think I should wait to tell her until I've passed the 1st trimester. Maybe even 4-5 months, depending on when I start to show.

 

Re-read her posts and read between the lines. It sounds to me like she's wanting this baby. If she didn't, she would have done something about it already. She's reaching out, needing support, some empathy and some words of calm from everybody. Attacking her, putting her down, making her feel bad is not helping at all.

 

Never say never. Her mom could do a 180, there's always hope. But, if her mom doesn't support her, she does have other family that aren't involved in JW. She has friends who will help. She isn't completely alone here.

[marlena]

affairs=fine, abortion=wrong

 

As in affairs=wrong. killing babies=fine?

[marlena]

Anybody care to hazard a guess as to why Kchia has stopped posting?

[marlena]

She'd best prepare herself, because I'm sure she's going to hear far worse from her own family.

 

Typical of you to rub this in!

[Impudent Oyster]

As in affairs=wrong. killing babies=fine?

 

If you want to debate abortion I'm sure we can find plenty of boards. Personally, I don't think terminating unwanted pregnancies is wrong, but I do think affairs are.

 

If a women is opposed to abortion and is unable to support a child, it's her responsibility not to risk pregnancy.

[whichwayisup]

She'd best prepare herself, because I'm sure she's going to hear far worse from her own family.

 

So, if that is the case, why are you beating up on her? She needs support. If you dont' agree with her choices, fine, stop posting on her thread...Making her feel worse is not helping. Remember, to you it might be words on a screen, but to her and many others, it isn't! Some forget that there are REAL breathing human beings on the other side of the screen.

[Impudent Oyster]

So, if that is the case, why are you beating up on her? She needs support. If you dont' agree with her choices, fine, stop posting on her thread...Making her feel worse is not helping. Remember, to you it might be words on a screen, but to her and many others, it isn't! Some forget that there are REAL breathing human beings on the other side of the screen.

 

Where do you see me "beating up on her"? You need to read better.