whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Anybody care to hazard a guess as to why Kchia has stopped posting? I suggest KC use the ignore function and continue posting and getting support. I hope she does come back though. If you want to debate abortion I'm sure we can find plenty of boards. Personally, I don't think terminating unwanted pregnancies is wrong, but I do think affairs are. Then start a thread in the watercooler section about this. Hijacking KC's to debate isn't cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I seriously doubt KC's coming back. KC's hurting back enough and it doesn't help someone is giving her a hard time. IO - Thing is people read your posts clearly, that is why they say what they said! Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Fair enough, I hope I've given kshia a lot to think about, this is the biggest decision she'll make in her life thus far and she needs to consider all the ramifications of her choices, whether it pains her or not. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Here’s the situation Kchia is facing: 1. Given the way she describes her family, it’s iffy (at best) that they would embrace this as a joyous occasion and step up to support her either financially or emotionally. They may out of a sense of parental obligation to her, but it will be difficult for her to accept their begrudged charity if it is fraught with constant ridicule and indignation. Especially at the expense of her child. 2. Kchia would have a simpler time of single parenthood it if the father of her baby were also single. At least, in that event, the other family (grandparents) might be more inclined the embrace this child as one of their own and make an effort to help the baby if not Kchia. However, given the extraordinary circumstances surrounding this situation, I’m not sure Kchia can hold out too much hope for that happening. 3. Child support is a Band-Aid solution. The courts will not take the food out of the other children’s mouths and will consider his wages verses what it costs him to provide for his already existing family. They can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip, and therefore Kchia will have to settle for whatever meager settlement the courts deem as fair and affordable. Depending on this man’s current financial situation, it may not amount to much at all. 4. Child support also provides the paying parent access, visitation rights and often joint custody and equal say when it comes to the care and rearing of the child. In this case, you will have to carefully consider the attitude/s and objective/s of the family sitting on the opposite side of that picket fence rather than the individual man. And if he’s ordered by court to pay support ... there’s no way he’ll be able to continue hiding the situation from his family anymore than you’ll be able to hide it from yours. And believe me, for all our “wishing it were so” ... people don’t always feel obliged to play polite or “nice” in scenarios like this one. It’s reality, and eventually we’re all forced to face it one way or the other. I’m all for “pro choice”, myself. So I’d never try to sway someone to make a hasty decision one way or the other. But making an informed choice requires that we take the time to educate ourselves on ALL the options available and weigh them against the unique situation/circumstances we’re facing. And while I can understand all the reasons for wanting to keep this a secret for as long as you can, there’s already a bun in the oven and you can’t pretend that away for too long. You have to get busy doing your homework! Having access to a computer might prove more valuable in researching your local area for financial help and even a Single Parent support group with other women, like yourself, who can provide you with some insight and helpful information. I apologize if I ruined a perfectly good debate with all my pessimistic realism. Which is why I never get invited to these parties and always have to crash them. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Why is it that you're so wrapped up in your own issues that you can't see that I'm offering kchia advice that is BEST FOR HER? I'm really sorry you're too self-involved to get that. How is it that YOU, a total stranger, know what's best for anyone else? YOU DON'T! The only person who is self-involved here, is you... Link to post Share on other sites
liddie Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 As off-base this thread has truely gotten. I do want to address one thing (although I could go on all day) that IO said regarding the inability to find a nice guy after she has a baby on her own. I am so offended by that remark it is not even funny. I am a single Mom (as I have stated before). There are load of great guys that would love to help raise another mans baby. I am not sure where you get off making an extreme generalization of the entire male gender and at the same time telling all single Mom's that they don't deserve happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
SoxPrincess Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I just now went back and read this and I have to take offense at your incredible misinterpretation of my posts. Why is it that you're so wrapped up in your own issues that you can't see that I'm offering kchia advice that is BEST FOR HER? I'm offering her the same advice I took myself. Not having MM's baby is what's best for kchia, forget about everyone else, yes, it's better for MM, better for his family, his kids, but mostly, it's the best choice for HER. I'm really sorry you're too self-involved to get that. Telling people what they want to hear isn't always the best advice, but you can't see that. You know nothing about my life or my supposed "issues". I'd appreciate it if you would just comment on what I posted (as I focused on what YOU posted and did not make some snide comments about things that I can only assume) instead of taking the low road; it only makes you look worse, although at this point, I'm not even sure that's possible. Feel free to view all of my recent posts and see the advice I've given people and the manner in which I've given it; there are ways to get your point across without being condescending. Yes, I am SO self-involved that I take time out of my life to help others and offer support & advice the best way that I can. If that is viewed as self-involved, then I guess I am! It's unfortunate that this thread went the way of so many here on LS, especially because it was clear that KChia was looking for support and advice. I can't imagine how discouraging it must be to reach out only to find her thread has turned into this..it's quite sad. KChia...I would totally understand if you choose to not post here again and subject yourself to such rude judgment, however, I hope you'll reach out to those of us who have offered you support and advice. I already mentioned you can PM me at any time and if you choose to do so, I'll give you my personal email address and we can converse that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I am so offended by that remark it is not even funny. I am a single Mom (as I have stated before). There are load of great guys that would love to help raise another mans baby. If that's true, then why are you "dating" married men rather than nice single guys who would love to help raise your baby? I don't know many men who want to raise other men's children, but apparently you do. You should date them. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 I don't know many men who want to raise other men's children, but apparently you do. From all your bitter and misguided advice, it seems like you don't get out much, so I wouldn't be surprised that you don't know many men, period... Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Really I'm more about...you're making a choice to spread your legs....understand the possible consequences and don't expect Uncle Sam to foot your bill. Also...if you don't have health insurance, think about that also and get a job which offers it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 You guys should start another thread about this stuff. It's really not fair to have debates, especially ones about abortion and tax payers money on KC's thread... Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Yeah, I admitted my mistake in accidentally posting on this thread, it was norajane who chose to respond to my mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 If it was meant for another thread, why reply to NJ? Looked like it was done deliberately... Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Since I announced my post as an accident meant for another thread about abortion, then why did Nora Jane reply to it? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 As much as I would like to believe that about my mom, sometimes I'm not sure. A woman in my former congregation had a grandson, and she would bring him to religious meetings with her. My mom said, "I don't know why she bothers, since that child is just going to get destroyed at Armageddon along with its wicked parents." Do you see why I worry? haha. your mother sounds a little nuts. you're an adult. your mother is not in the equation. time to think about YOURSELF and YOUR BABY! if your mother can't deal with it, then screw her. She sounds too toxic to be around anyways! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Really I'm more about...you're making a choice to spread your legs....understand the possible consequences and don't expect Uncle Sam to foot your bill. Also...if you don't have health insurance, think about that also and get a job which offers it. nevermind what i call "corporate welfare" etc. i guess you have no idea where our tax dollars actually go so you're ignorant enough to place blame on an INNOCENT woman who would not PURPOSELY try to defraud the gov or the taxpayers in this country like many do. Nevermind the 500 billion going to iraq and its people. get the hell out of here with your ignorant idiotic trash. she can get a job easy, but unfortunately for you, you could never get another brain! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Not lucky Marlene, just introspective. What makes you think I couldn't have been raising a baby as a young, single mom? Maybe I just thought it smarter to wait until I was better prepared, maybe I had to make some tough decisions too.. Never make assumptions about people, I'm speaking from experience... Were you EVER prepared though? Maybe financially, but not mentally (the most important). Afterall, you actually thought of throwing your baby out the window. NOTHING can prepare one for parenthood.. just a fact. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 OH PUHLEEZE...spare me the melodrama, I was a young, single pregnant "girl" once too (albeit NOT with the child of a MM but with my steady boyfriend, now husband), but the difference is, I was smart enough NOT to expect the rest of the world to support me and my child. I didn't want any man to marry me out of obligation, and I didn't expect anyone else to pay for my mistakes. My husband would have married me in a heartbeat, but I would never compromise his future or mine like that. I would never want to feel like someone married me because they had to, I loved and respected him too much for that. I don't think people who aren't responsible and can't take care of children should have them, that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Besides, what about kchia? Doesn't she want her own family some day? Don't you think it's going to be difficult for her to date, or to find a nice single guy when she's struggling to care for a baby on her own? Go ahead, tell her it's all going to be alright, that sleeping with MM and getting pregnant with illiegitimate children is A-OK, and that she's not behaving irresponsibly and selfishly, because she wants a bay-bey, and if she wants a baby, she should have one ..it's her future to ruin. Oh and, let's not forget MM's children, (I know how the OW is concerned for them), I guess they're just collaterol damage of two very selfish people. Uh, just because you CHOSE to abort your child gives no reason to throw wrath at anyone else because they didn't make the decision you made! And the fact that you are so infuriated that someone would actually KEEP an unplanned pregnancy tells a lot about your bitterness over the situation you made in YOUR life. Feminism supports a woman's right to CHOOSE, not a woman's obligation to abort whenever someone else considers the pregnancy inconvenient. Exactly. That's why these women would not be considered feminists as they are NOT FOR womens rights to CHOOSE.. they merely want to dictate other peoples lives on what they feel is appropriate. Thank God we live in a free country. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Forgive me IO, but I find your reasoning totally offensive. Maybe it is because I am only a few weeks along myself. Out of the first trimester yet, but still within the legal timeframe to abort. I would NEVER suggest those options to someone who has already EMPHATICALLY stated that they are KEEPING the baby. I know you don't agree with her choices, but they aren't yours to make or suggest at this point. So, yes, the horse is out of the barn. She has decided to keep it. I hate to say this to you, considering I have so valiantly defended my mother on this very thread. But you guys sound like very similar, as in unable to actually be supportive of your own child whether you agree with her choices or not. I love my mom, but she is the absolute last person on this earth that I would consult for advice. She has always had to work and sees people like me (SAHMs with college degrees) as moochers. All of her advice would sound like yours, ie "do what I did", "I did it this way and you should too", "I'd be ashamed of myself for xxx, and you should be ashamed of yourself too". I don't agree with participating in an A, especially having unprotected sex in one ..... BUT ...... KC and others here are way past that point. I am not going to harp on the A. I am not going to harp on the lack of BC. I am going to stick to the task at hand. She wants to know what she can do now. She is planning on having this child. I am all for free speech, but I also support respecting anothers' choices even when I disagree. Respecting KC's choice is a far cry from condoning her choice. I am pregnant now. If anyone said to me what you are posting on this thread, I would give them far more than just a piece of my mind. Its offensive and insensitive to constantly suggest abortion/adoption to a pregnant woman that has already made her decision. Please drop this issue. Please... as if IO's kids are going to want anything to do with her as they are old enough to make their own choices. That's a given. They'll have to walk on eggshells until they run away from her fury. Wow.. what a beast. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 She'd best prepare herself, because I'm sure she's going to hear far worse from her own family. Are those scare tactics why you aborted? Do you honestly think your children will want anything to do with such a judgmental beast who turns into the devil everytime they make a mistake? They won't come to you for anything in their lives when they need help. Is this what you want? My god, how on earth does your hubby put up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Since you want to dig up other peoples pasts on here.. I can now see why you are so bitter. Oh and having an abortion just to marry the same man five years later who ends up cheating on you in a marriage devoid of any love etc If he needs his ego-stroked again then I can't stop him, I'll be fine. I've got too much going for me to worry about an errant husband, I'm not going to worry about it.... yeah that was worth it. So much for a post a while ago stating "i would never get involved with a cheater". YOU ARE! Now we all know why you are so arrogant and hateful in this thread. Maybe some anger management would help rather than hating on every woman that mm DECIDE and CHOOSE to sleep with and/or impregnate. I can't say that I blame your hubby as it sounds like you lost your soul and humanity ages ago. ALL of your posts on this website are rude and distasteful. Get some CLASS AND TACT and I'm horrified to think a woman like you is RAISING A CHILD!!!! Of course it's an ego boost...you should have seen the BS OW spouted to my H, looking back now, he can't keep a straight face, he's like " What was I thinking listening to her lines?" He's so embarrassed. It sounded like something from a jr. high romance novel, "I could get lost in your eyes", "I want to taste your lips" "I want to soar with you through the night". No, I'm not kidding, she really wrote this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 nevermind what i call "corporate welfare" etc. i guess you have no idea where our tax dollars actually go so you're ignorant enough to place blame on an INNOCENT woman who would not PURPOSELY try to defraud the gov or the taxpayers in this country like many do. Nevermind the 500 billion going to iraq and its people. get the hell out of here with your ignorant idiotic trash. she can get a job easy, but unfortunately for you, you could never get another brain! I'm not placing blame on anyone. My point is that people need to start taking responsibility for their actions. Women know that having sex can cause them to get pregnant. They need to take responsibility for this fact by using birth control. If they get pregnant after having sex, then they are definitely responsible since the action they chose to take was to either have the baby or the abortion. Uncle Sam should have no part of forking out for an abortion or for the childbirth, welfare, etc. The woman made a choice. I teach responsibility to high school students. You don't do homework, there is a consequence. You stay up until 3:30 a.m. playing video games, there is the consequence of you not doing well in school the next day, which could lead to the consequence of lower grades and more difficulty getting into college. I am so sick of the attitude that people are entitled and not responsible for their actions. There is no reason a woman can't take responsibility and have pride and not take handouts from Uncle Sam when they took actions which caused them to get pregnant. Uncle Same isn't responsible for them spreading their legs without birth control, so he should not foot the bill. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 I am so sick of the attitude that people are entitled and not responsible for their actions. There is no reason a woman can't take responsibility and have pride and not take handouts from Uncle Sam when they took actions which caused them to get pregnant. Uncle Same isn't responsible for them spreading their legs without birth control, so he should not foot the bill. And where exactly did the ORIGINAL POSTER exhibit such behavior????? Or are you just generalizing all women to support your BIASED notions. And there are more than TWO choices concerning a pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 And where exactly did the ORIGINAL POSTER exhibit such behavior????? Well, see, I accidentally responded to this thread, meaning to respond to another thread where the poster was saying women should get very cheap and obtainable abortions, courtesy of Uncle Sam. I apologized for the mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Well, see, I accidentally responded to this thread, meaning to respond to another thread where the poster was saying women should get very cheap and obtainable abortions, courtesy of Uncle Sam. I apologized for the mistake. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH well i guess that explains a lot then because i didn't see how your post related to this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts