I broke the news...updates

[marlena]

I am pro abortion. But obviously she has decided against it. It is her prerogative to do so.

 

 

And this is not about morality...It is about a new human being coming into the world.

[Lyssa]

I do. I know what you mean. I hope she comes around, I really do. I feel like a child, not like a 24 year old, afraid to tell my mom the truth.

 

Hey there Kchiapet95! I read your thread and you have a great support here - well, some of them anyway!

 

I do hope your mother will come around. For the moment, just concentrate on getting yourself feeling better. Take good care of yourself!!

[Impudent Oyster]

I commend you marlena, really, because I have a wonderful husband, a helpful mother-in-law, an extremely helpful and supportive mother, financial security and all the help I needed, and I still could never say that it was easy to raise my children (I'm still doing it, and while it does get easier, the problems are fewer but they are bigger).

 

I remember when they had colic and I was exhausted from rocking them for hours and from the baby screaming constantly, I was at my wits end, I truly wanted to take my baby and throw him out the window, thank god I had my husband to take him from me and help.

[marlena]

IO,

You are one of the lucky ones!! Unfortunately, we can't all be as lucky!

[liddie]

I think that this thread has a taken an unfortunate turn. KChia came to LS looking for advice and maybe even guidance. She is scared and admittedly alone. She has huge religious obstacles ahead of her as well as her family. With that said, I think the last thing she needs are ppl bringing up morals and how she got here to begin with.

 

I was in an abusive M. I left when my D was 11 months old. I am lucky to have a great family and wonderful friends to support me. However, where there is a will there is a way. No matter what KChia has or doesn't have her will and determination will get her thru this.

[Lyssa]

I truly wanted to take my baby and throw him out the window, thank god I had my husband to take him from me and help.

 

My goodness! I wouldn't want to imagine how it would have turned out if your H didn't turn up!!!

[Impudent Oyster]

Oh yeah, and I didn't sleep through the night for nearly 2 years...I almost forgot but this thread is bringing back all those wonderful memories...

[TogetherForever]

I think that this thread has a taken an unfortunate turn. KChia came to LS looking for advice and maybe even guidance. She is scared and admittedly alone. She has huge religious obstacles ahead of her as well as her family. With that said, I think the last thing she needs are ppl bringing up morals and how she got here to begin with.

 

I was in an abusive M. I left when my D was 11 months old. I am lucky to have a great family and wonderful friends to support me. However, where there is a will there is a way. No matter what KChia has or doesn't have her will and determination will get her thru this.

 

 

Amen!!!!!!

TF

[Impudent Oyster]

IO,

You are one of the lucky ones!! Unfortunately, we can't all be as lucky!

 

Not lucky Marlene, just introspective.

 

What makes you think I couldn't have been raising a baby as a young, single mom? Maybe I just thought it smarter to wait until I was better prepared, maybe I had to make some tough decisions too.. Never make assumptions about people, I'm speaking from experience...

[Lyssa]

I think that this thread has a taken an unfortunate turn. KChia came to LS looking for advice and maybe even guidance. She is scared and admittedly alone. She has huge religious obstacles ahead of her as well as her family. With that said, I think the last thing she needs are ppl bringing up morals and how she got here to begin with.

 

I was in an abusive M. I left when my D was 11 months old. I am lucky to have a great family and wonderful friends to support me. However, where there is a will there is a way. No matter what KChia has or doesn't have her will and determination will get her thru this.

 

Liddie, you are so right!

 

Kchiapet95 is going through a rough time right now with no one around her. I hope with that one friend she mentioned, she could find some comfort in her friend.

 

I hope it does not stop you from posting here, Kchiapet95... There are people here who actually want to help you or at least support you in any way they can.

[NoIDidn't]

I understand what both IO and Marlena are trying to say. Marlena is leaving out the hardships that I am sure she endured, but her point is that she endured and came out on the other side. IO is saying, don't tell her the end without the beginning and the middle (the everything is going to be okay).

 

Truth is, regardless of what KC's MM said, he still can disappear and leave her in the lurch. Marielle's sitch sounds very similar. I recall reading that he even made love to her before he left after her revelation, but he still left. Forgive me if I am crossing my stories.

 

The person that is going to bear the brunt of this will be the child. KC as well, but the child won't understand the hows and whys of his/her life circumstances. The child won't understand why daddy isn't always there, especially upon going to daycare and in other situations where other fathers are picking up and interacting with their kids on a fairly consistent basis. This is what KC needs to be focusing on right now.

 

Focusing on the MM being there in any capacity right now is not feasible. Any woman who gets pregnant that is not married to the child's father at the time of conception (and throughout the pregnancy) should promise herself and her child that she is in it for the long haul with or without the man. I am married to the father of my unborn child and still look into the future with the very real possibility that I may have to raise this child on my own.

 

Good luck with your pregnancy, KC. Its an exciting time that you should not spend with the worries of will he be there or not. Focus on taking care of you and the child you are growing inside. Make the changes you will need to make in your life independent of what the MM is doing to accommodate the new person you will be meeting a lot sooner than you think. Even if it is only putting away $10 a month, that's a start. I always buy diapers while I am pregnant after I get through the first trimester. It helps to get used to the expenses sooner than later. Find out if you qualify for any level of government assistance (especially if you are in the states), there is no shame in needing a hand temporarily. Most US plans can help even before the baby is born.

 

Again, congrats, and good luck.

[marlena]

Oh yeah, and I didn't sleep through the night for nearly 2 years...I almost forgot but this thread is bringing back all those wonderful memories...

 

Wow, and you had a kind and supportive husband! Where was he those two years of sleepless nights?

 

And I hate to break the news to you, but none of us did get much sleep! But it was definitely worth it.

[Impudent Oyster]

Wow, and you had a kind and supportive husband! Where was he those two years of sleepless nights?

 

And I hate to break the news to you, but none of us did get much sleep! But it was definitely worth it.

 

He had to get up to go to work to support us, I was nursing. He couldn't very well have taken over that duty, now could he?

[marlena]

Never make assumptions about people, I'm speaking from experience...

 

 

I am not making assumptions... I go by what you post and answer accordingly!

[Impudent Oyster]

I am not making assumptions... I go by what you post and answer accordingly!

 

By the way, H and I made that tough decision together, when we were college students. We got married 5 years later.

[marlena]

I agree with NoIdidn't,

 

KC, never mind MM, never mind your mother...turn your thoughts to yourself and that life growing inside of you! No I didn't gave you some great practical advice as well. Look at your options.

 

Stay well, stay calm

[Impudent Oyster]

Look at your options.

 

 

Yes, please look at ALL of your options. You're young, you can have more children, maybe even with someone who respects you enough to marry you. You can't blame your parents for not supporting your poor choices, I don't know that I would, even though I love my children dearly.

 

Have you given any thought at all as to how your choices will impact MM's children? Not that you care, but it's just food for thought.

[stillhere]

KC, i'm glad you came to LS to look for advice and there are plenty of good people here who will give you what you need.

 

Do not listen to those who push for you to have an abortion if that is not something you want to do. There is an ignore button if you click on their user name, use it if you do not wish to read their posts.

 

Pregnancy is not easy for most. I have a friend who is going through the exact same thing as you are concerning the bleeding and cramping. Make sure you go to the doctor if you feel something isn't right. Better be safe than sorry.

 

I'm a divorced mother of a beautiful little girl. I was not married to her father when i got pregnant. I was the sole provider. He did not work and still does not work. I worked my tail off when i was pregnant, and i work even harder now. Yes, her father is very much in her life, but i do what i have to do to support her. I know you will too.

 

Children are not easy by any means, but when you feel that first kick and eventually hold that little bundle in your arms, you will know that no one else in this world comes first. You will do all you can to make sure that your child is safe and happy. Money doesn't mean everything, but children are not cheap. But if you are determined to make a better life for you and your child, you will find a way.

 

From the looks of things, it may not be a good idea to rely on your mother. My cousins are JW and i am sickened at the behavior of that religion. I can see why you left. There are so many times i would love to grab them and run away with them. I compare them to a cult, and i know you will have a hard time getting your mom to understand that she needs to stand behind you, regardless of what her religion preaches.

 

You will get through this KC, it will not be easy, but you will manage. Don't depend on your MM. It would be nice if he would step up and be there for you, but don't count on it. At least he's not pushing for you to do something that you may some day regret, or something that will make his life easier.

[Impudent Oyster]

. Find out if you qualify for any level of government assistance (especially if you are in the states), there is no shame in needing a hand temporarily. Most US plans can help even before the baby is born.

.

 

This is INFURIATING. Yes, there is shame in having a child when you don't have the means to provide for it. There are hardworking, responsible people in this country who would love to have more children but they don't, because they can't afford them. Should we all go out and have large families and expect everyone else to pay for them?

 

This post is going to tick a lot of people off, but I don't care. It's irresponsible and selfish to have a child when you can't afford one, and to expect everyone else to support that child for you? Because women who aren't able to support a child can't take precautions or prevent pregnancy my tax dollars should foot the bill? Where's the responsibility here?

 

Let her MM support his child, if he wants to play then he can pay.

 

If you can't afford children DON'T HAVE THEM!

[NoIDidn't]

You know, IO, I don't agree with you on a great many things. This post being no exception. I am an American, but I can never agree with this mindset. People the world over see children as a blessing in most instances, but most other countries aren't nearly as generous in the giving of financial assistance to low income families/mothers.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I will give you that. But if the assistance is perfectly legal, who are you to tell her that it is a shame? Maybe YOU would be ashamed. That's on you.

 

It is not up to anyone else as to when others reproduce. I might agree to an extent that some shouldn't have children that they can't support, but its not my place to actually voice that opinion. I don't have to live their life. Hell, I am pushing the limits of affordability of kids with the pregnancy I am carrying right now, but since I am married I am certain that my family's finances will never be put on trial like that of a single woman that's pregnant. Worse yet, the single woman pregnant by a married man.

 

Sure some people might be ticked off by your post, maybe that's your goal? But I am just disturbed whenever someone has that view. Maybe its because my mother was that single woman that is being unfairly judged as to her fitness for being a mother based on finances alone. My mother was that "uneducated" woman who now has a Master's Degree and has had it for over 15 years. I may not be close to her, but I HATE to see her judged when I came out pretty well considering her apparent immorality in having children that she could not afford.

 

 

Oh......but I digress.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know, IO, I don't agree with you on a great many things. This post being no exception. I am an American, but I can never agree with this mindset. People the world over see children as a blessing in most instances, but most other countries aren't nearly as generous in the giving of financial assistance to low income families/mothers.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I will give you that. But if the assistance is perfectly legal, who are you to tell her that it is a shame? Maybe YOU would be ashamed. That's on you.

 

It is not up to anyone else as to when others reproduce. I might agree to an extent that some shouldn't have children that they can't support, but its not my place to actually voice that opinion. I don't have to live their life. Hell, I am pushing the limits of affordability of kids with the pregnancy I am carrying right now, but since I am married I am certain that my family's finances will never be put on trial like that of a single woman that's pregnant. Worse yet, the single woman pregnant by a married man.

 

Sure some people might be ticked off by your post, maybe that's your goal? But I am just disturbed whenever someone has that view. Maybe its because my mother was that single woman that is being unfairly judged as to her fitness for being a mother based on finances alone. My mother was that "uneducated" woman who now has a Master's Degree and has had it for over 15 years. I may not be close to her, but I HATE to see her judged when I came out pretty well considering her apparent immorality in having children that she could not afford.

 

 

Oh......but I digress.

 

You have just shown great compassion and understanding that is not seen often on this board with your posts...

 

Your support shows the truth of your beliefs and your encouragement does not go unnoticed...Your own personal views do not blur your reason or make someone who disagrees with you, your opponent...

 

Thank you...

 

:bunny:

[marlena]

Look I. O.

 

I understand and agree with a lot (OK! some) of what you are saying. It's just the way you say things that at times is rather inflammatory! Certainly being pregnant by an MM and jobless with a JW mother thrown in is not the best thing that can happen to anyone. I, you, another person may heave dealt with the situation differently. The fact is that K has decided for herself where she wants to go with this and there's no denying that each individual is free to make his/her own choices in life. These are the facts, the reality of the situation. All we can do is help her get through this as much as we possibly can here in LS. She came here for support and not a bashing! Just because some may disagree with her choice does not entitle them to tar and feather the poor thing. It is not time for moral judgements.

 

If you can't feel any understanding for her, at least try t feel some compassion for the unborn child she is carrying in her loins!

[OWoman]

If you can't afford children DON'T HAVE THEM!

 

Right, this pushed my buttons too!

 

Firstly, until safe, affordable, acceptable and completely effective contraception is freely available (or available at all!), no one has a right to judge anyone who falls pregnant without planning it. I fell pregnant on the Pill - everyone told me it was impossible, but it happened. It might be 99% effective, but 1 in 100 women still fall pregnant. I was one of them, so I know how easily "impossible" happens. And yes, even the wonderful Pill comes at great cost - it messes with your metabolism, with your libido, with your health. But that's a side issue. Fact remains, there's no completely effective guaranteed contraceptive available. Any woman having sex runs the risk, however small, of falling pregnant whether she wants to or not.

 

Safe, affordable abortion is not available to everyone, and there are many who can't choose that option even were it there for reasons of religion, morality or fear. Feminism supports a woman's right to CHOOSE, not a woman's obligation to abort whenever someone else considers the pregnancy inconvenient. That is a choice the pregnant woman needs to make for herself - only she knows her full story, her full circumstances and resources (inner and other). If KC has made her choice, it's not for any of us to say it's the right or wrong choice - it's HER choice. If we don't agree we shouldn't use the platform of her life for our own moralising or table thumping. She has enough to real issues to deal with.

 

Many people can't afford children. That's the way the capitalist economy works - there are rich people and poor people, and very very very poor people. If only the rich were "morally" entitled to breed, we'd be living through something like Aldous Huxley or George Orwell's worst nightmare. Luckily even governments recognise the lunacy of that kind of view, and so provide some means of social support grants for those who need them. And no, there's no shame in that. You do what you need to do, KC, to feed and provide for your child. That's your duty as a parent.

 

KC I hope the narrow-mindedness and hostility of some of the posters is not adding to your stress. Less stress is better for your foetus - so place those stressful posters on iggy, and draw on the support of those whose posts are helpful. Strength!

[Lyssa]

IO, clearly everyone here does not agree with you and K is already going through a hard time, she doesn't need your 'advice'.

[SoxPrincess]

Well maybe if she got some real, practical advice rather than people blowing smoke up her butt with nonsense like "All you need is love", she might make wiser choices.

 

When that baby has been screaming for 4 hours straight and kchia has no one to turn to and she's sick of eating Mac-n-Cheese, I wonder how hollow those words of "support" will seem?

 

Sure, I don't think she should have this child. Surely anyone who doesn't consider it immoral to sleep with a MM can't consider terminating an unwanted pregnancy to be immoral, that would be beyond hypocritical.

 

There is no such thing as morality of convenience.

 

You know, I've seen a lot of "bashing" and harsh words tossed around these boards lately and although they upset me, I've never been so infuriated as I am right now. IO, where the hell do you get off? This girl is scared & alone right now, she reached out in hopes of some advice and for some friendships and this is what you greet her with? You think affairs are immoral...fine. You think she should abort her child because she/he is a product of infidelity...fine. You don't think she can handle or will have a difficult time being a single parent...fine. You don't think she "deserves" government assistance for whatever reasons..fine. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THEN. I'm the first person to stick up for free speech but in this case, you really should have kept quiet because this poor girl doesn't need to hear all of these things right now. Eventually...perhaps, but she has enough on her plate and scaring her out of her wits and passing judgment on her is the LAST thing she needs. There were a million different ways to word your "advice", yet you chose to do it in the most cold, heartless, spiteful manner you could..how horrible. Get some class would ya?

 

KChia..I'm sorry you have to be subjected to such a close-minded, spiteful, judgmental individual. It's such a sad world nowadays that people choose to hurt others instead of offering help. I hope you'll keep posting here and that you'll open up to those of us WITH a heart because we do care about you.