CallMeCrazy Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Sadly, I'm an OW so I could have told you he was cheating before you walked in on him... and you're lucky you did! I think most every woman who is suspecting a cheater never gets that "concrete" proof they are looking for. You only get signs and those gut feelings which I have learned you have to trust. I would say this, because I saw what my dad did to my mom (he sounds a lot like your ex btw). RUN FOR THE HILLS. I think there are a couple different kinds of cheaters ~ ones who do it and feel guilt, possibly making changes in their situations and those who feel no remorse except for getting caught. Based on everything you said, this guy has a long history of doing whatever the heck he wants. The hiding, the secrets, he probably isn't going to change those things. You're still young, and you have the chance to look for love with someone who will treat you like you deserve. Good luck and I'd say cut your losses. This guy doesn't deserve you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsMartha Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 recover. I got so tired of he pain and the crying. I couldn't take it anymore. He called me crying saying that he wants a change in his life. He's tired of the old ways of his past, he says, I am the best thing that ever happened to him. Now please don't pass judgement, but I went to talk to him and ended up wanting sex. I don't know what happened to me. I was like this cold and calculating woman. I didn't wnt to talk. Just sex. so, we started messing aound and I say let's go in the bedroom. I pass him a rubber to put on (from his hidden stash) and he goes limp. He says, you want me to wear this and I say "yeah". The look in his face was awful. I clearly stuck a knife into him. (don't care). Then I tried to start again. I was determined to have sexual gratification (and I don't know why). So we are st the same moment again we start having sex and I start ballng like a 6 year old child. I couldn't stop crying. And it went on and on and on. Just when I thought Ive reached my lowest I go and do this!!!! I must be un consciously addicted to mental anguish, devastating despair, and tears. What's wrong with me? I KNOW what to do and I can't do it. I'm gonna e like all those women that I never understand who stand by their man. I want revenge!!! But, I know it never helps you only feeds the pain. I left that day feelig like a prostitute (not that I know how they feel) and I didn't even get paid. I wish I could see a therapist. Alas, I will be broker than the joker on he corner for awhile.. Why such anguish and agony? Why? And he's mad at me becausse I don't want to come back and take my keys and wrk this out. I don't believe him. He's just waiting for me to take hm back and "cool off". And then, I bet he'd do it again. Yet there is something in me that wants to try. I want to KILL that thing inside me that wants to try. I would like to succesfully squash it from my heart. So, that I can tell him to piss off and not be worried what he thinks of me..... URRRRRGGGGG. I am always accused of "running away" by many peole in my life. They say sometimes in a R you gotta work for it. I say F him and how can I find a way to let go of my ADDICTION to him. Any words would help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsMartha Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 I did it. I let go!!! What do I do now? I had the courage to tell him it's over. I moved out all of my things and furniture. And now any suggestions on how to stay strong enough not to go back? What is NC? Not calling? Lord, I have to work with him. I feel good NOW that I stood up for ME. Now comes the really hard part. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsMartha Posted November 1, 2007 Author Share Posted November 1, 2007 Day two........... Still alone Link to post Share on other sites
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