chwagssd Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color] So I have begun to ask myself some new and very distressing questions, the first and most bothersome being one about whether this is the right thing to do for the rest of my life. The reason being, .... Well, here is the biography. My fiance and I met in Australia while I was studying abroad. She is from Korea, and with that realize she was raised in a culture completely opposite from that which I know. I am open minded though, and besides, our personalities have meshed so well. I feel how I have always wanted to, my need to be intellectually content with her is met as well since until now I have had no doubts. I kid you not, nothing. Even when her parents were trying to break her and I up, and I had to remind her why we were that perfect match for eachother. Here's the problem: What do I do now that thoughts come to my mind about how other people that I know and have known seam like they may be a better match for me? Is it because I haven't seen her in 4 months and have been only talking on the phone (which has cut out so much of our relationship)? We can't go places together, we can only talk...talk..talk. I didn't know this could happen, and frankly, it scares me. How can I deal with these doubts? Do I need to question whether we should be together or am I just stuck in a long distance rut that happens to all people seperated from their love? It's like what they say happens after years of marriage, when you start to question things. Isn't it too soon to question? We have been toghether about 9 months now, and we are trying to get a fiance visa for her to come to the US so that we can get married and start our lives. I am 21, and she is 26 now. Please tell me I am just nervous or something. Advice much appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 I have no idea what the nature of your doubts are. But if you love her with all your heart and you want to spend the rest of your life with her and she with you and dedicate your lives to the happiness of each other, then you should get married. If you have doubts that this is what either or both of you want or that either of you can be successful at the above, turn off your computer and call off the wedding. It's natural to be a little nervous about getting married. However, if it's not a good, positive nervousness, that's not good. Only YOU can determine the nature of your disease and properly react to it accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 [color=indigo] Being that you haven't seen her in 4 months and are starting to have doubts, I would call off the wedding for now. If you have been dating for 9 months and haven't seen her in 4, I am assuming you spent 5 months actually physically together. After 5 months, you know she is "the one"? You are only 21. You don't need to be making a decision for the rest of your life so soon. I would wait until she is able to come to the US and then date her seriously first. After a reasonable amount of time elapses, THEN make the decision whether you want to marry her or not. It takes more then 5 months to really get to know someone so take it one day at a time. Best of luck! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author chwagssd Posted May 7, 2003 Author Share Posted May 7, 2003 Well, the last few days I have taken the advice given here and from my parents, bros, and friends. They all seam to atleast say "wait," which I have agreed is a good idea. Now though, I am past waiting in my mind, but I don't know if I should make a decision so quickly. Plus, as we are an international couple, I don't want to throw it away without the proper consideration and time for thinking, or else it would be like burning my bridge, don't you think? Man, Coldplay is a good band to listen to when you are contemplating things like this. Ok, so I have noticed things that I think I don't want to live with for the rest of my life, but I know everyone has their flaws. But where did the love go, the optimism about this all that I had when I was with her? Did I get more realistic about this all since I have slowed down and started to think? Ackkkkk! I don't know if I should hold off on making a decision and just leave it at, "I need some time, + some" (I already told her a lot, and all that worried me) or should I make my decision known. Supposing my health is good, this decision will affect 75% of my life. That's scary. Oh, now you can hear my youth coming through. Thank you for the advice before, and I appreciate any new thoughts or encouragement. Sincerely, Chad Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted May 7, 2003 Share Posted May 7, 2003 [color=indigo] Relationships usually go through a time of pure euphoria which lasts about 3 or 4 months. During that time, you don't usually question anything as the person is usually so enamored. Once the intial feelings of bliss wears off, you are left with what the relationship really is. This is the make it or break it point with a lot of relationships. You are right to take it slow and to second guess things. Like I said before, you are young and owe it to yourself to see what else is out there so you can at least have some kind of comparison. Since your girlfriend is all the way across the country, I would recommend just being honest with her and see if she feels the same way you do. After taking it out a little bit, you might find that breaking up is the only viable option. I think you should call it quits for now and think about dating her again if she ever does make it over to this country. In the meantime, see what else is out there. There could be someone you are more compatible with right under your nose! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
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