lucyray Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 i need some help i've been seeing this guy for 6 months and i am 3 months pregnant with his baby. he has a girlfriend and been togther 15 years they have to children age 14 and 9. he says he cant leave because of his children but isn't in love with his girlfriend, and that when he gets caught again he will get dumped then we can be together. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 So, you want a man for a partner and a father to your child who lies, cheats and will only be with you if his girlfriend catches him and decides she doesn't want him in the house anymore? What if she decides that your affair isn't worth losing him, and decides that she wants to reconcile instead of kicking him out? Most people in long term relationships with established family bonds tend to do that. Have you decided how you are going to support and raise this child alone, and with no support from him outside of a check in the mail? Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Lucy, I'm sorry for your situation. Firstly, it may be a question of semantics but you're not carrying HIS baby, you're carrying YOUR baby. Its important to think this way faced with the situation you are in. He can't leave because of his children is sometimes a reason...yet sometimes an excuse. He will soon have another child with you but that hasn't meant he has wanted to be with this child, so I would disregard his argument regarding "staying for the kids". Staying until he is found out is a cowards trick. It means HE doesn't have to make any defining decisions in his life. He gets those around him to make painful decisions so he can remain the "good guy". I dont mean to be cruel about your MM, but he has a responsibility to your child to at least give you a definite plan of whether he will be involved in the childs life or whether he will not. Its very cruel of him to make you second-guess him and worry about the future. I speak from experience, as I was once pregnant and I had an abortion. But throughout, MM was very supportive and focussed on the possibility of the child being in the world instead of the problems he would face in his own life. Lastly, I think its important to think of the worst case scenarios - if MM walked out of your life and you were left holding the baby - literally - could you cope? Financially, emotionally, physically, could you cope raising the child alone and giving it all of the love it requires whilst playing fair about the childs father. The child is the most important factor in this situation, in any situation. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 when he gets caught again he will get dumped then we can be together. This sounds pretty typical of many WHs. Sometimes it's not that they don't want to leave but that they just don't have the balls to go through with it because they are afraid of the repercussions and of being thought badly of. Of course, for some this is just a line to keep you dangling. LucyRay, I don't know which of the above categories your MM falls into. I am surprised that he has actually told you he will leave 'if he gets caught'. I am not sure if that's a bit harsh of him or if he should be commended for at least being honest with YOU. Whatever the reason, Lucy, you have to concentrate on your unborn child. You are never going to know whether he will leave or not until he actually does it, and even then, it doesn't meanhe won't go back (although being that you will have his child the chances of him staying with you may be SLIGHTLY higher I guess). In the meantime, make sure you stay chilled out and focus on having a happy and healthy baby, with or without your MM. Lots of luck x Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucyray Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Thank you for replying to me, im just so confused over the situation, as he seems a really nice guy and always wants to help me. I know deep down its an excuse about his children but i also know he loves his children. i couldn't ask him to leave the family home. he admitts he doesnt know how long it will be, im also moving into a new house soon and my head is everywhere. I also have another child who is 7 years old and very excited about the baby.. Am i silly or wrong to sit and wait.? i really do love him and it hurts to think i wont spend time with him, if i forget about, oh and one big problem is that he works with me. but only for a few hours a week. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 lucyray, His gf found out about his affair? With you? Now he's waiting to get caught again w/the hope of her kicking him out? Are you ok with that? Really? TF Link to post Share on other sites
Duck n' Bunnies Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 This guy doesn't sound like he wants to REALLY be with you. He's only known you for 6 months, and has been refusing to leave his girlfriend. He sounds lazy and not worth your time. How old is he by the way? Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 You know Lucy, with all due respect, don't you think you should aim a whole lot higher when you're trying to pick role models for your children? You already have a 7 year old whose the product of a single parent home, and now you're bringing yet another child into the same situation. And the 7 year old is WATCHING all this. He or she is watching his mom carry on with a sneaky liar, this 7 year old now sees his (or her?) mom pregnant with this sneaky liar's illegitimate child, and this 7 year old sees the lying and sneaking and chaos this so-called relationship is bringing into your home. I think you seriously need to stop this dysfunctional pattern of behavior, and start being a better role model for your children. What are you teaching your 7 year old? What will you tell this baby when he's old enough to ask who his daddy is? These poor children. You really need to start putting their welfare FIRST and not last. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 i need some help i've been seeing this guy for 6 months and i am 3 months pregnant with his baby. he has a girlfriend and been togther 15 years they have to children age 14 and 9. he says he cant leave because of his children but isn't in love with his girlfriend, and that when he gets caught again he will get dumped then we can be together. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this position... What are you wanting from him and out of life in general? Link to post Share on other sites
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