wife's weight

[hotgurl]

I do agree that the "big fat slob" comment was over the top derogatory. I have three kids and am 48, and when I put on weight it's because I've been eating the wrong foods and laying around on my arse. No mystery there. If I'm watching what I eat (and I still treat myself to whatever I want on the weekends) and workout, I stay very trim, even after three kids and at my age.

 

yes but I bet your boobs aren't the same as they were pre kids and you stomach,

 

I have lost 40 lbs but my breasts sag and I can't get ride of my stubborn pooch. Should I go under the knife because I am not the same as when I met my husband?

 

I was 98 lbs pre -kids should I starve myself becuase after all that's what I looked like when we meet.

 

people change over time period. As long as you take resonable measures to be healthy I don't think 10 lbs over 20 years is a big deal.

 

Plus I would never starve myself again for anyone.

[luvmy2ns]

yes but I bet your boobs aren't the same as they were pre kids and you stomach,

 

Can you please point out the post where the OP talked about his wife's boobs and/or stomach or any other specific portion of her anatomy? Can you also please point out where he has talked about wanting her to have a model's body which would require "the knife?" He has talked only about her lifestyle changes of being sedentary and her habits of eating, which have affected her overall weight and will continue to do so if she doesn't re-embrace her prior habits regarding those areas of life.

[luvmy2ns]

Nice side step. Is there a weight that his wife's continued inactivity might cause her to reach at which you think his concerns would be justified?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

That's awful nice of you, Mr. Lucky, to allow RC to decide how much the weight the OP's wife gets to put on before he's allowed by her to be concerned about the issue. But then again, she's telling him how he's allowed to feel about the whole thing, so I guess that makes sense.

[bish]

What is sarcastic about me stating these indisputable facts - she eats junkfood every night, and she stopped going to the gym? I never used derogatory terms like sloth, but I certainly do notice and wonder why now she has stopped making any of her previous efforts. These are facts not sarcasm.

 

First off...if you could read, I said you talked about her as if she was some sort of sloth...didn't say you called her one.

 

And the sarcasm with regards to your wife are in reply to other people that give you advice, yet you poo poo it as if your wife is some sort of weak human being and your desires for her to be thin are paramount to her.

 

Its obvious by the way you talk about your wife that you didn't take your vows completely seriously.

 

As you mentioned before, you say maybe you should divorce her. That just might be the best thing for her given the attitude you have towards her.

[bish]

yes but I bet your boobs aren't the same as they were pre kids and you stomach,

 

I have lost 40 lbs but my breasts sag and I can't get ride of my stubborn pooch. Should I go under the knife because I am not the same as when I met my husband?

 

I was 98 lbs pre -kids should I starve myself becuase after all that's what I looked like when we meet.

 

people change over time period. As long as you take resonable measures to be healthy I don't think 10 lbs over 20 years is a big deal.

 

Plus I would never starve myself again for anyone.

 

Good point. Even though my exW bore my children and had some hideous stretch marks and gained weight...I still was attracted to her. Actually more so because she was the mother of my children.

 

did I like the stretch marks? not really...but it didn't diminish my desire for her. i could have suggested she go get something done about it, but it wasn't that important to me.

 

some men are superficial like that...some are not.

[luvmy2ns]

So answer the post I made in answer to Hotgurl's about the boob and stomach comment.

[bish]

So answer the post I made in answer to Hotgurl's about the boob and stomach comment.

 

I'll let him do it for me:

 

"Which brings me right back where I started: reduced attraction to a wife who used to be quite thin and active but now seems content with an typical american (overweight) body."

 

He was NOT just simply talking about a lifestyle change. his whole premise was that she is not "thin" anymore, therefore he could not be attracted to her.

 

Only later did he backpeddle and start saying it was concern for lifestyle changes.

 

And I know he didn't say anything about her boobs or stomach...however if she gained weight...its a given he doesn't like how her stomach looks.

[luvmy2ns]

I'll let him do it for me:

 

"Which brings me right back where I started: reduced attraction to a wife who used to be quite thin and active but now seems content with an typical american (overweight) body."

 

He was NOT just simply talking about a lifestyle change. his whole premise was that she is not "thin" anymore, therefore he could not be attracted to her.

 

Only later did he backpeddle and start saying it was concern for lifestyle changes.

 

And I know he didn't say anything about her boobs or stomach...however if she gained weight...its a given he doesn't like how her stomach looks.

 

He did NOT say "because her boobs are saggy and her stomach has stretch marks." Can you read?

[bish]

He did NOT say "because her boobs are saggy and her stomach has stretch marks." Can you read?

 

Saggy boobs and stretch marks are an example of what some would find unattractive...it was a comment on attractiveness with regards to those things.

 

His comment was her diminished attractiveness because she is no longer thin. And I did not say HE SAID anything about boobs or stretch marks...please show me where I did. hotgurl didn't say he did either..she was giving an EXAMPLE.

 

if you are going to accuse people of making stuff up...make sure they said it to begin with. Neither hotgurl or myself said HE SAID any of these things....again...show me where I did. I'll be waiting.

 

My reply was to your comment "Can you also please point out where he has talked about wanting her to have a model's body"

 

And I gave you his own words where he wanted her to have a model's body..he didn't like the fact that she was no longer "thin".

[bish]

He did NOT say "because her boobs are saggy and her stomach has stretch marks." Can you read?

 

I never said he did.

[luvmy2ns]

I never said he did...can YOU read?

 

No, but the other poster did, which is what I responded to, then you chimed in, so the entire issue we were discussing was still related to saggy boobs and stretch marks.

[bish]

No, but the other poster did, which is what I responded to, then you chimed in, so the entire issue we were discussing was still related to saggy boobs and stretch marks.

 

No the other poster did not..if so..please quote where she said he did.

She was making a comparison.

 

And no, I didn't "chime in" on hotgurl's comments...if you remember correctly, you asked me to comment on your response...as if I wasn't giving you enough attention or something...I'll try to notice you more.

[JamesM]

Has anyone noticed that while this "quarreling" is going on, T2BS has not posted here since last week Thursday?

 

T2BS....what has happened since you first posted this?

 

Any change or new developments?

[luvmy2ns]

No the other poster did not..if so..please quote where she said he did.

She was making a comparison.

 

And no, I didn't "chime in" on hotgurl's comments...if you remember correctly, you asked me to comment on your response...as if I wasn't giving you enough attention or something...I'll try to notice you more.

 

No, that was just because you're so busy running your fingers without actually reading the posts.

[luvmy2ns]

yes but I bet your boobs aren't the same as they were pre kids and you stomach,

 

I have lost 40 lbs but my breasts sag and I can't get ride of my stubborn pooch. Should I go under the knife because I am not the same as when I met my husband?

 

I was 98 lbs pre -kids should I starve myself becuase after all that's what I looked like when we meet.

 

people change over time period. As long as you take resonable measures to be healthy I don't think 10 lbs over 20 years is a big deal.

 

Plus I would never starve myself again for anyone.

 

Here 'tis, Bishster. Can you read it now that I've bolded it? If she wasn't talking about the OP's issues, she shouldn't have used this example.

[luvmy2ns]

Has anyone noticed that while this "quarreling" is going on, T2BS has not posted here since last week Thursday?

 

T2BS....what has happened since you first posted this?

 

Any change or new developments?

 

My guess is he and his wife are working on their issues. THEIR issues. It's THEIR marriage. If there is an issue THEY need to work it out. Not him alone. Not her alone. He only came here for advice on HOW to approach her to work on THEIR issues. I think he had enough bashing from certain people here who think they should get to decide how the OP should be allowed to feel.

[bish]

No, that was just because you're so busy running your fingers without actually reading the posts.

 

uh..its obvious you aren't reading the posts...because you are saying hotgurl and I are saying he said things he didn't...we never said anything of the sort. You accused me of doing it...only to come back and say I didn't....but said that hotgurl was making things up.

 

If hotgurl said he said those things...quote her....otherwise........

[bish]

My guess is he and his wife are working on their issues. THEIR issues. It's THEIR marriage. If there is an issue THEY need to work it out. Not him alone. Not her alone. He only came here for advice on HOW to approach her to work on THEIR issues.

 

It became apparant witnessing his lousy attitude towards his wife that it is HIS issue. they will probably be at a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and when she goes to put the fork in her mouth..he'll probably clear his throat.."ahem"....and she will look at him..put the fork down, and have that guilty look on her face.

 

 

I think he had enough bashing from certain people here who think they should get to decide how the OP should be allowed to feel.

 

Nobody is deciding anything for him...get a freakin' clue.

[bish]

Here 'tis, Bishster. Can you read it now that I've bolded it? If she wasn't talking about the OP's issues, she shouldn't have used this example.

 

LOL...you failed to show where she said that HE SAID THIS about his wife.

 

You keep saying that hotgurl said that HE SAID THIS...you failed again. Quit making stuff up.

 

Again...she was giving an example...geez...get relevant will ya!

[JamesM]

Yo, guys! Stop!

 

For the sake of T2BS, please stop. Next thing you know this thread will be closed because certain posters derailed his thread. I am guessing he wants more advice yet.

[bish]

Yo, guys! Stop!

 

For the sake of T2BS, please stop. Next thing you know this thread will be closed because certain posters derailed his thread. I am guessing he wants more advice yet.

 

you are correct james..however I don't believe he wants ANY advice really...set aside my posts for a minute.....there have been people that gave him solid advice...and because it wasn't what he wanted to hear ...he poo pood them and got all sarcastic with them.

 

So really, if he knows what he wants to do, and doesn't want to hear the other side of the coin...why ask anyone here what they think?

[Try2BeSupportive]

I am still around, just ignoring the pointless bish babble.

 

No recent discussions about the weight topic, but some other things.

She has been snacking on the low fat popcorn, so that has been fairly sucessfull (helped by me disposing of the high cal popcorn and some other misc junkfoods).

She did make it to the gym once this week (helped by me asking if she needed me to get home early to watch the kids for her to visit the gym).

I bought a new digital scale for our bathroom.

She did visit weight watched (up 3 pounds).

 

So no "progress" (weight gained!) but still some good "progress" (better snacks, first time to WW and the gym in many months).

The next few weeks will be very interesting. Holidays provide extra eating opportunities and I will not only be watching my own plate but

also (unfortunately) probably watching hers too.

[norajane]

I am still around, just ignoring the pointless bish babble.

 

No recent discussions about the weight topic, but some other things.

She has been snacking on the low fat popcorn, so that has been fairly sucessfull (helped by me disposing of the high cal popcorn and some other misc junkfoods).

She did make it to the gym once this week (helped by me asking if she needed me to get home early to watch the kids for her to visit the gym).

I bought a new digital scale for our bathroom.

She did visit weight watched (up 3 pounds).

 

So no "progress" (weight gained!) but still some good "progress" (better snacks, first time to WW and the gym in many months).

The next few weeks will be very interesting. Holidays provide extra eating opportunities and I will not only be watching my own plate but

also (unfortunately) probably watching hers too.

 

STOP IT!

 

You're her husband, her friend, her confidante, her support - be THAT for her.

 

She did not ask you to be her trainer or her weight watcher.

 

And you should avoid being an eagle-eyed, unrelenting, disapproving monitor of every bite she eats or every step she takes. You're like those overly jealous guys who monitor their wife's every move in and out of the house in case she might ever speak to a guy, who gets pissed off if she's pleasant to the pimply Starbucks barrista, who gets all bent out of shape when she answers the door for the UPS guy!

 

You will kill the joy of being with family over the holidays - your joy as well as hers. Can't you find anything to enjoy about your wife instead of watching her every calorie?

[bish]

STOP IT!

 

You're her husband, her friend, her confidante, her support - be THAT for her.

 

She did not ask you to be her trainer or her weight watcher.

 

And you should avoid being an eagle-eyed, unrelenting, disapproving monitor of every bite she eats or every step she takes. You're like those overly jealous guys who monitor their wife's every move in and out of the house in case she might ever speak to a guy, who gets pissed off if she's pleasant to the pimply Starbucks barrista, who gets all bent out of shape when she answers the door for the UPS guy!

 

You will kill the joy of being with family over the holidays - your joy as well as hers. Can't you find anything to enjoy about your wife instead of watching her every calorie?

 

See...this is what I was talking about. He's obsessed with it...notice how he put the ! after "weight gained" as if he was gritting his teeth when doing it?

 

But nora...he doesn't want to hear this. he wants her to be thin...PERIOD! He doesn't want to hear anything else.

 

It if were my wife, I'd understand if he wanted to help her, but I wouldn't browbeat her over it like he is. If my wife was concerned, I'd tell her I'd help her....but I wouldn't be so damn obsessed with it that I would be so unrelenting in practically forcing her to do things.

 

I feel sorry for her this Thanksgiving...I bet he has her feeling so guilty that she won't enjoy the holidays.

[bish]

Holidays provide extra eating opportunities and I will not only be watching my own plate but

also (unfortunately) probably watching hers too.

 

OMG....this comment says it all about this man.