overanalytical Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 so my fiance and i are still dealing with a new roommate in our house, right before our wedding and him still unemployed. we have no time to talk about wedding plans, no alone time EVER....for anything!!! about every other day we get in a fight...i don't know if we are picking them with each other and taking turns or what. i'm starting to get nervous that now we're getting married that we'll continue like that or if it's the fact of the new roommie, no job, no planning being done, etc and it's fights about the stupidest thing....we were rding in the car and i asked a question (and it was kinda out there) nad he looked at me like i was an idiot and then i got mad at that so it started a fight. so stupid. what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
heatherd1201 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 My fiancé and I have been doing the exact same thing lately. Unfortunately we don’t have your excuse of the new roomie and your fiancé being laid off.... We just chalk it up to wedding stress. We’ve lived together for over a year and we never “nit-picked” before. I would recommend asking your fiancé (when the roommate is not around) if the two of you could set aside some time fore each other. I wouldn’t do it at the house either as that is probably where most of the tension is. Go to a park or if you are coffee people, go to Starbucks and sit outside and just BE with each other. My guess is that he is feeling pretty down from being laid off from a job that he probably enjoyed. I also think that being with his friend, the new roommate, makes things easier for him. A frequent argument that mine and I are having is due to the fact that I am under a lot of stress from my family right now. I get mad and frustrated and I leave the house. Usually I just head out to Starbucks with 2 of my girlfriends. That makes me feel better and takes my mind off of things. My fiancé doesn’t understand why, if he is to be my husband, I can’t lean on him like I lean on my girlfriends. I tell him because it’s different. I can’t really explain it, it just feels better. He is right, and I should be leaning on him and spending more time with him. For some reason I am also quite different when my girlfriends are around my fiancé and I then when it’s just he and I. That I also can’t explain! Just giving you some insight that its not just you guys! It’s the same deal with you and your fiance only the roles are reversed! . Like I said, when the roommate isn’t around ask him when will work for him to have some “couple” time, and get away from the environment. Make it a point at first NOT to talk about the wedding or the job or the roommate. Play a game. Like 20 questions or Movie trivia. Just something stupid to get BOTH of your minds off of the stress that is going on around you. Then slowly bring in other topics. Maybe on a different “date”. The more pressing issues that have been bothering you. I would also suggest not saying “You are doing this” or “you haven’t been doing that” because that is going to make him defensive and its like asking for a fight. Ask him how he feels about what’s going on. As long as its on neutral territory, he might just open up and I think it would make you both feel better. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 No job? A roommate? (To offset the rent for not having a job I suppose?) One vehicle? Do you work? AND YOU"RE GETTING MARRIED?????? WHAT??!!! Link to post Share on other sites
heatherd1201 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 No job? A roommate? (To offset the rent for not having a job I suppose?) One vehicle? Do you work? AND YOU"RE GETTING MARRIED?????? WHAT??!!! I think you are taking what she said completely out of context. You should go back and read the post she put up before. The roommate is because the friend got laid off at the same time her fiancé got laid off, and where did she say that they only had one car?? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 we were rding in the carAnd no....I don't think I'm taking what she said out of context..... They aren't planning, he's unemployed, and now I learn the roommate is as unemployed...... The smartest thing to do is postpone the wedding and get their ducks in a row...... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 i'm starting to get nervous that now we're getting married that we'll continue like that The best way to gauge future behavior is past behavior.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1291272#post1291272 You both seem to be in a pattern of fighting.. your fighting and picking fights has been going on for months and has nothing to do with the roommate. Honestly if it were me and the fighting continued I would at the very least postpone the wedding until the the fighting issue was worked out.. If you don't then a divorce will most certainly be in your future.. How about getting both of you to a couples counselor to find out what is behind all the petty fighting ? Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 No job? A roommate? (To offset the rent for not having a job I suppose?) One vehicle? Do you work? AND YOU"RE GETTING MARRIED?????? WHAT??!!! I agree--it doesn't seem like you two are in any position to be getting married right now, neither financially nor emotionally. Are you planning on your roommate still living with you even after you get married? o_O Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 riding in the car, riding in my car, didn't think that was such a big deal. we have 2 cars! gimme a break. we had a good talk last night. we're going to have a lunch date today and talk some more. i feel disconnected from him. we haven't even had sex since the roommie moved in, that right there is huge stress in itself!! about a month, that's a long time! sounds like you can relate, thanks for sharing heather. nice to know i'm not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I apologize for assuming you two only had one car.....we haven't even had sex since the roommie moved in, that right there is huge stress in itself!! about a month, that's a long time!Here's the problem right here. Society is sooooo bent! Forget it....it's BROKE! The proof is all over this forum.... You two live together before marriage, have pre-marital sex.....why get married? Why buy the cow when the milk is already free? You know, if you guys DIDN"T live together, and DIDN"T have sex everytime you turned around maybe he'd have something to look forward to and do EVERYTHING he could to get it??? Just a thought..... I can see it now, you get married, roomie stays (possibly), hubby finds job leaving you and roomie home alone..... See where this is going?? My bet is that if you do go through with the marriage, it'll be over within 3 years..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 thanks for being so positive moose. welcome to 2007...it's smarter to 'test' everything before you buy it - some people see that as living together, or having sex a lot or maybe not both...to each his own Link to post Share on other sites
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