is my strategy OK?

[yes]

I'm still struggling with my ex-FWB. He wants to be friends, and he keeps calling three times a day. At the same time, it looks like his wife is moving back in with him, so my question is - WTF does he call me all the time for.

 

However, I cannot simply tell him to stop calling, because we're "friends", and i know I'll see him around town, so I wanna keep things nice.

 

So my strategy right now is - whenever he calls, I tell him RIGHT AWAY that I will call him back. And I do call back in the evening, - as a result, we only talk once a day as opposed to 3 or 4.

 

Hopefully this way he'll get the msg and start calling me more rarely. I mean who on earth calls their friends 3-4 times a day.

 

Anyway, I think i'm doing the right thing, just needed to blurt it out to someone =)

 

-yes

[Tony T]

Your ex-FWB is a bit obsessive. If he calls and leaves a message...and then calls two more times, I'd put him in the crazy category.

 

Aside from that, it's pretty clear that he wants to leave some doors open for the future. He wants to preserve some friendship so that if something happens in his marriage again, you'll be availble to him.

 

I don't think this guy is much of a friend. Married men who are separated from their wives don't use female friends for sex during that time. They also don't harass friends or make pests of themselves. They don't become annoyances.

 

Stop playing games. Take his next call and tell him to stop calling you, PERIOD. Remind him he is a married man and that he needs to dedicate himself to his marriage. Tell him you will chat with him every other day or so (if you absolutely MUST talk to him at all).

 

I really don't think it's a cool thing for a married man to be calling a single lady friend so often, especially one he has had a sexual relationship with. However, if there's some reason YOU want to keep this going yourself, by all means govern yourself accordingly. But this guy is a serious potential problem...he has obsessive tendencies which could get out of control given the right circumstances.

 

FWB's are fine but it is best to only consider them with mature, preferably unmarried men who know how to conduct them.

 

As for your current strategy, it seems like a good one and should be part of an overall plan to move this guy completely out of your life. What could you possibly be getting out of this at this point? Would you want your husband talking to an ex lover everyday on the phone...someone who could potentially be his lover again?

[yes]

Tony, true, i'm not getting anything out of it, but i can't make a clean cut (no more calls, period) b/c I want to keep things nice.

 

I always answer the phone because my parents are usually expecting calls, and ask me to take & give msgs for them.

 

he IS obsessive, isn't he ... i don't see why - he's very good-looking, knows how to handle women, so he'd have no trouble finding a lover if he wants one later ...

 

-yes

[yes]

For those of you who've been following my ex-FWB story...:

 

I don't know what the dude wants from me. He told me his wife is moving back in with him. I always ask "how's your family" to stress the obvious fact that he's a family man. Yet he keeps calling me several times a day, every day. He wants me to come over, wants to see me on Fri, tells me all about what he's upto, even though I don't really ask.

 

Now, I don't mind being friends & talking to him now & then. But I'm just really suspicious. Is this going to go on until he tries to sleep w/ me again & sees for himself that I refuse?... Well, I will - before it was only for my own sake, but now it's also b/c he's got a family living with him, - I could never do that to the wife, and especially to the baby.

 

just ranting...

-yes

[yes]

I told him not to call me in the evenings b/c my parents don't like the phone ringing all the time; I said that I'd call him, instead.

 

And I think he got the msg - he said he'd call on Friday, which is 3 days from now. Geez - that's much better.

 

-yes