can i still trust my wife???

[Cobra_X30]

... i know for sure i check the phones and the computer

 

Listen,

 

She states that it was a good thing for her to have this affair!

 

Did you catch her... or did she come and confess these feelings to you?

 

Her words are honey, make certain her actions dont drip with venom!

 

I dont care if she cleans the house better! How is that supposed to build trust?

[gkaplan000]

Listen,

 

She states that it was a good thing for her to have this affair!

 

Did you catch her... or did she come and confess these feelings to you?

 

Her words are honey, make certain her actions dont drip with venom!

 

I dont care if she cleans the house better! How is that supposed to build trust?

thats true...no she didn't confess...i found out about it...and i am glad i did. i agree cleaning the house doesn't build trust either.

[Bryanp]

This is good that she did not have a sexual affair but how you can you really know for sure anyway. You would not be writing here unless you have gut feeling that something is not quite right. I wish you luck.

[gkaplan000]

This is good that she did not have a sexual affair but how you can you really know for sure anyway. You would not be writing here unless you have gut feeling that something is not quite right. I wish you luck.

if she wasn't asking to go back there i wouldn't be writing.....i just need some advice before i make a desicion. I will never know for sure if she did or didn't have a sexual affair..i just pray i never find the truth out... i really don't want to know

[reboot]

but i don't want to pry any more than i have already.

i just pray i never find the truth out... i really don't want to know

What!? You don't want to pry!? You don't want to know the truth!?

 

Tell her to go to Florida and stop worrying about it. You don't care what she does to you anyway.

[gkaplan000]

reboot...i don't want to know if they had sex because i am scarred to know the truth if that is what happened...i do care alot of what she does to me..

[Cobra_X30]

if she wasn't asking to go back there i wouldn't be writing.....i just need some advice before i make a desicion. I will never know for sure if she did or didn't have a sexual affair..i just pray i never find the truth out... i really don't want to know

 

Brother... I know where your at. It's hard when you got a little kid with this girl!

 

Dont ask dont tell is not the policy to follow here! Why? Because it is permissive. It's basically saying... honey do what you want, me I dont care enough about you or myself to say no!

 

On some level she will respect you more if you show her that you have a pair! You must do this out out of a feeling of strength... not weakness.

 

I'd say she is immature to even ask you to go! Especially if she doesnt feel remorse for what she did.

 

Maybe you should take some time and look for an new woman! You know.... just to make sure you really love your wife!

 

Her justification is a bucket of horse poo! and deep down you know it! Guess what... bad untrustworthy people do bad untrustworthy things. There is no get out of jail free card for that crap. She has to be willing to spend the rest of her life making that up to you! If she isnt willing, why are you?

[gkaplan000]

she does act remorsfull about the whole thing..but she says to me that if i trust her i would not have problem her going...i told her i do trust her but she is only going down if i go with her.. the whole situation is messed up

[Cobra_X30]

she does act remorsfull about the whole thing..but she says to me that if i trust her i would not have problem her going...i told her i do trust her but she is only going down if i go with her.. the whole situation is messed up

 

I know.

 

You realize that she is testing you right? She wants to know how much you trust her. Why she wants to test you I dont know. Maybe she wants to see if your over it yet... maybe she wants to see if she can take advantage of that trust.

 

Maybe you should tell her that you feel like she is testing you here, and that you want to know in full detail why!

[gkaplan000]

maybe she is testing me... but i don't want to seem like the jealous husband that keeps pushing....most of those relationships end in divorce and I and her do not want to divorce...i think i will tell her it feels like she is testing me and see what happens

[nicki]

In my opinion, she is giving you a load of sh*t saying that you would let her go there if you trusted her...What a joke! After what she did, you DON'T trust her. That's the whole issue -- and she doesn't deserve trust if she hasn't been trustworthy.

 

Don't let her flip the script on you. It's classic for a cheater to do that and it will confuse the heck out of you.

 

Just remember, if you did trust her you would let her go. You don't trust her because of what SHE did.

 

Say you don't trust her. At least start with the truth. I wouldn't trust her either. And don't give her any trust until she EARNS it back by actions, not words. She has to make things up to you and show she is trustworthy...Then, you give her a back some trust.

 

Asking for something for nothing is wrong on her part. Don't you see that?

 

Next time she says crap like she did, call her on it. Tell her "Of course I don't trust you. You blew that. How are you going to show me I should ever trust you again?"

 

Then be somewhat be somewhat distant. Let her come to you. Let her work on things. If she acts b*tchy to you, hand it back. It's your right to be mad, not hers. She should be acting very conciliatory towards you.

 

Be a bit of a b#stard about this. She will respond to it, believe me. Sorry for the rant. I'm done. You sound like a nice guy and deserve better than this.

[gkaplan000]

thank u for ur advice...what do u think she can do to show me i can trust her...and we have not talked about her affair in a while until last night when she asked if she could watch her niece be born...

[bish]

my wife and i have been married for 2 years and have a wonderfull house and child that will be two at the end of this year. In june she went to her friends wedding in florida and met a guy down there whom she had an emotional affair with. The affair lasted for about 3 weeks. Since the beginning of July till now she has had no contact with him at all and he has not contacted her. She is now asking me to let her go back to florida to see her friends new born baby in the beginning of December. ( this is the same friend that got married in June ) The guy my wife had the affair with is a good family friend of the soon to be parents.. I don't know what to do.....should i go with her or let her go by her self.. My wife tells me that she does not think about TR anymore and that she is glad the incident happened because it made her realize how much she loves me and never wants to be without me.

 

You tell her you are going with you. If she pitches a fit about you going, then you'll know she wants to go so she can get boned.

 

And if you go with her and she suggests that she go out without you, then you'll have every right to be suspicious of her.

 

As far as seeing her friend's newborn baby...she can see the baby over the internet. She doesn't need to go all the way to Florida.

Only one reason she wants to go all the way to Florida...HE is there...that and "out of sight, out of mind"

[MrsHellnoFire]

This just happened in June and she expects you to trust her already?

What gives her the right to demand anything of you??

And WHY should you trust her? This was only four months ago and likely she'll fall into the same trap again and is even testing herself by going in the first place. If THESE are her actions, she's not to be trusted. Why don't her friends come down to visit both of you?

See what her reactions are if you decide to go along and even say you are booking reservations (she already seems to know and figure you don't want to or won't go)!

[MrsHellnoFire]

i agree it smells fishy...but since the end of june she has done everything i wanted to do about working on our marriage...she has been much better with my family, keeping the house clean, and her way towards me.

 

since the end of june she has been completely different with me. let me show you the email she sent me in august:::

 

 

 

I know you said that sometimes you feel unhappy and unappreciated, but their are not enough words to describe

how great of a husband and father you are. You bring so much joy, happiness and fulfillment into mine and our sons

life. We love you so much and we never want you to feel that you are unloved, unappreciated or not wanted. The way

our son looks at you when you walk through the door, or the way he jumps on your stomach when you are lying down are

the ways he shows you how much he loves his "dada".

Before the Florida trip I wasn't sure if we would last, or if my feelings for you were real, but after that

trip I realized their is no other man in the world that would treat me the way you do. I am not the easiest person

to get along with, I am not the prettiest, smartest, giving or kindest person either. How you put up with me, I have

no idea, but I do know that I am really lucky to have a great guy like you. I don't regret the Florida tip at all,

in fact I am glad it happened because great things came out of it! I didn't realize how much I loved you until then,

or that their is no other man in the world for me. I am so fortunate to have you in my life. You gave me a beautiful

son, a wonderful home and most of all you!

If their is anything that I can do to make you happy, or loved let me know. You are my baby, my handsome

and most of all my husband! You are the most important man in mine and Gavin's life. We love you more then

anything and we wouldn't change one thing about you! I love you more then words can say, you are my everything,

my one and only, my soul mate.

Love you more,

Sweetcheeks

 

 

OH, WELL IF SHE KEEPS THE HOUSE CLEAN....

I guess that's a whole new ballgame.

 

you've gotta be ****tin me.

 

 

In the letter, it sounds more to me like this guy didn't treat her so well after screwing her and she realized what she had at home. I'm sorry if it took her a good fu#king and bad treatment to figure that out.

 

If she wants an OUNCE of anyone's trust, she first has to come completely clean and I don't think she has! HELL, it took YOU to find out about this affair!!! SHE WOULD HAVE NEVER TOLD YOU! That's trustworthy for you!

[mental_traveller]

Do you have the word "sucker" tattoed on your forehead? If not, then you should forbid your wife from *ever* going within the state lines of Florida. I guarantee she will contact him if she goes there - most likely their affair is not just emotional but physical. And you have no way of knowing if she has been in touch - ever heard of anonymous email accounts?

 

Better wake up fast buddy, you are in danger of being seriously played.

[mental_traveller]

she thinks it's ok....for a few reasons

 

she says there is no chance to run into this guy....

that she never wants to make that same mistake twice because she doesn't want to lose me

that her family done there respects us enough to not let him come around.

she also says that her love for me is much deeper than it was a few months ago.

 

Words...just words.

 

Words mean nothing. Actions are what you judge someone by. So far, her only action down there has been to cheat on you. Are you really going to fall for her obvious lies and reassurances? More fool you if you do.

[jophil28]

my wife and i are trying to have another child right now and she says to me today that she doesn't want to have another child with me if don't 100% trust her. my trust with her is about a 99.99% level..

.

 

She is trying to shift the onus on you to accept accountability for feeling betrayed. THis is a HUGE manipulation,dude. Too bad you marries this shrew .SHe needs to be trying to make up to you for YEARS ,not taking another trip to see "the baby"

yeah right !

I feel for ya ,man. Some women need licking to the curb.

 

I would put my foot down NOW. No trip to FL until she gas PROVED her worth to you again.

[jophil28]

Words...just words.

 

EXACTLY !

Words mean nothing. Actions are what you judge someone by. So far, her only action down there has been to cheat on you. Are you really going to fall for her obvious lies and reassurances? More fool you if you do.

 

Devious manipulators use words to lure and trap their victims. You are in an abusive relationship with a low quality woman.

YOu said in a previous post that you trust her 99.99% - crap man ! If this were true why are you posting your dilemma here .That high level of trust creates absolute faith and confidence. MY take is that your REAL level of trust is about 50% tops !

 

You ever hear that old saying ," Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

Tough break, man you bought a dud.

[whichwayisup]

NO WAY. Tell her that if she goes to Florida, she won't be back in the house with you, that the marriage is over. She's fooling you, as well as herself if she believes that she won't see or talk to the OM while she's down there. I honestly cannot believe that she would even bother thinking that it would be okay for her to go, let alone go without you there. WTF.

 

She needs a serious wake-up call.

[whichwayisup]

Did you two ever go to marriage counselling together? Not talking about the affair is a problem...I mean, does she actually understand what she's done to you? The loss of trust in her, the betrayal and pain she inflicted on you? Does she feel any real remorse and regret of her actions? Or is she trying to sweep it under the rug and play like all is fine now?

[jophil28]

How ,exactly did she have this emotional affair ? Was this HER discription of the connection that she had with the OM.

WTF is an emotonal affair in these circumstances ? Did they sit on the bed in the motel rooom and share their feelings, hug and draw close to each other, spiritually?

 

Sorry man, but this is all so fishy ?